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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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alex_aw How to approach someone who is afraid of commitment to ask for a second chance
  • replies: 2

Hi all My ex-partner ended our 3 month long relationship three weeks ago. We have 'broken up twice' However the first did not last long and he came back after two days, before breaking up again three weeks later. Part of me suspects that he suffers f... View more

Hi all My ex-partner ended our 3 month long relationship three weeks ago. We have 'broken up twice' However the first did not last long and he came back after two days, before breaking up again three weeks later. Part of me suspects that he suffers from relationship OCD as before the first and second break up, he mulled over the decision for a week and also described feeling paralysed by all his recurring loops of thought. He came back to me after his initial decision to end the relationship saying he would like to give it another try, however because of how he had just left me initially, I felt highly insecure and anxious. After two weeks, I did not know how to release my anxiety or insecurity in a functional way and I was extremely passive aggressive to him, indirectly sending him messages that he did not seem to love me and insinuating that perhaps he did not really want to be with me.I believe he ended up breaking up me the second time only because he was unable to break out of the obsessive thoughts of us eventually hurting each other as he could only focus on the negatives. However, we share a great relationship outside of these issues - we share the same goals in life, we have great sexual chemistry, we care deeply for each other and while this does not mean it's perfect, we do have something good going outside of all of this. I'm wondering if anyone has any experience of advice to offer regarding how I should approach him to reconcile the relationship and give it a second shot? I know where my mistakes were in this relationship (i.e. not managing my own insecurities that were based on my imagination) and I've been taking steps to manage this. I would really appreciate any advice as this is very new to me. I'm happy to provide more information about what he said/what happened in our relationship. Thank you!

SilverLight Tough Pregnancy/ Prenatal Depression
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, Just wondering if anyone else is having issues in early pregnancy. I'm only 6 weeks and 4 days and it's my second baby. I had extreme hypermesis with my son which put me in hospital twice. This time I've got a hematoma next to the bab... View more

Hello everyone, Just wondering if anyone else is having issues in early pregnancy. I'm only 6 weeks and 4 days and it's my second baby. I had extreme hypermesis with my son which put me in hospital twice. This time I've got a hematoma next to the baby that's causing bleeds, I'm recovering from surgery to have my appendix out and now the HG seems to be kicking in all within the last week. I've been having some serious mental health issues as a result of all of this. The baby was 100% planned and wanted. But now I feel like I don't want it and I wish I'd never fallen pregnant and feel like we've made a mistake... I hate myself for feeling like this because I really do want this baby... It's so confusing... I guess it's because we've had an excruciatingly difficult week

Tearsfall Feeling really lost
  • replies: 5

Hello, i live with an alcoholic who has no regard to anything but his own needs. Now his child is here. Who admits to having a drug problem. Since the child was young he has blamed everyone for what the child does. The child has never been made accep... View more

Hello, i live with an alcoholic who has no regard to anything but his own needs. Now his child is here. Who admits to having a drug problem. Since the child was young he has blamed everyone for what the child does. The child has never been made accept responsibility and from this has learned to lie and manipulate knowing that mummy and daddy believe everything that comes out of his mouth. He admits to having a drug problem. When dad is drunk the stuff he says about the child is unreal. I feel his own addiction has had an affect on the child - seeing dad does it so why not. I could be wrong but a childs strongest influence is the parents. I would also like advice on how to go about planning to leave. I just want to be on my own away where no one knows me. Dont want to tell anyone because they will try stop me. But when im here no one acknowledges my existance . I feel its best if im on my own but i also have no funds behind me accept my very small super account . I can withdraw it in a year . Im 57 and doing tough physically and emotionally and feel very alone .

emyaates Coping with parents who are favouring an addicted sibling
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting in any sort of forum so I'm sorry if this is long and rambley. I'm about to turn 22 and I have an older sister turning 24 who for the past 5 or 6 years has been a challenge for my parents and I. To sum it up... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting in any sort of forum so I'm sorry if this is long and rambley. I'm about to turn 22 and I have an older sister turning 24 who for the past 5 or 6 years has been a challenge for my parents and I. To sum it up, she has been taking my belongings from my room since I was around 15 which has always been an issue. She got into drugs heavily and has moved in and out of home due to her disrespectful and angry behavior. A few years ago she was taken by an ambulance to the ICU due to overdosing and has been in and out of psych wards multiple times due to her irrational and dangerous behavior, including her borderline personality disorder. She has been out of home again for about 12 months, paying rent for her own place as my parents refuse to let her move back in after her behavior. She has pretty much stopped using and is trying to get her life back on track (which I am happy she's doing) but my parents are babying her and I feel like I'm the forgotten child. I simply cannot be around her anymore due to the trauma and emotional abuse she has put me through, which I have been to a counsellor about. My parents have always let her come to visit but during the past 6 months she has gradually been staying the night, which has now turned into her staying here 4 or 5 times a week. When I try to explain to my parents how being around her so much and not feeling safe in what is supposed to be my home affects my mental health they tell me I'm being silly and I just have to deal with it. I have tried to understand my feelings better by speaking to a counsellor but it's gotten to the point where tonight my dad brought her home, a fight started (my dad hadn't warned me she was coming and something happened which resulted in me calling her a name) and she ended up hitting me. Instead of my dad having my back he proceeded to tell me it was all my fault and that I deserved it after calling her a name. I got told I had to leave the house for 24 hours as a 'punishment' however my dad just took my sister home as a consequence for hitting me. Although she has her own place to live which she pays for my parents still let her stay here half of the week and I can't understand it. I would move out but I'm a full time uni student so I'm limited on options. We have no other family in Australia so I don't really have anyone else to turn to. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, it's a lot to explain but I would love some advice.

Casso26 My wife has left me
  • replies: 3

Hey all not sure how to start this. But here we go. My wife of 6 years ( together for 8 ) told me 2 weeks ago that she is not happy in the marriage any more and needs time to think. Over the past 2 weeks while apart she has been texting me telling me... View more

Hey all not sure how to start this. But here we go. My wife of 6 years ( together for 8 ) told me 2 weeks ago that she is not happy in the marriage any more and needs time to think. Over the past 2 weeks while apart she has been texting me telling me how much she loves me and misses me but she just needs time. So I have been away from the house to give her space. Today she text me saying she is going to her mum's to stay as its to hard to be in the house with all the memories. 2 hours later she calls me to say we need to chat as she wants a divorce now. This is the 3rd time this has happened in 12 months. I'm so lost on where to go from here and how to even continue on. We have been together since we were 19 and married at 21. All i have know is how to love and care for her. I just dont know how to move forward. Family are a great support but i cant even wrap my head around my next steps in life if i can even make them. Casso

Find_the_way Marriage counselling advice pls.
  • replies: 4

Hi All. My wife and I are in a dark place and she is resistant to outside help but has indicated recently it may be a possibility, I feel I am only going to get one chance at this before she shuts it all down, so it’s critical to me to find the best ... View more

Hi All. My wife and I are in a dark place and she is resistant to outside help but has indicated recently it may be a possibility, I feel I am only going to get one chance at this before she shuts it all down, so it’s critical to me to find the best option. I’m finding a lot of horror stories out there... I’m under the impression that there are no specific referrals on BB for help, specifically marriage counsellors or whoever is deemed more appropriate but I’m in desperate need of some guidance as to where to go for help. Somewhere to see reviews, first hand experiences etc would be a good start. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Polar_Boy Should I just give up on the concept of a relationship?
  • replies: 3

I am 44 and have never been in a one on one relationship. I lived overseas some time ago and came out as gay and was somewhat sexually active, although I never had a partner I had regular friends that were in open relationships. Anyway I came back to... View more

I am 44 and have never been in a one on one relationship. I lived overseas some time ago and came out as gay and was somewhat sexually active, although I never had a partner I had regular friends that were in open relationships. Anyway I came back to Australia and was really depressed I had one, one night stand and that was it. Since then I gained a huge amount of weight and since I'm quite ugly I gave up on the idea of meeting anybody and became something of a hermit. I was sort of lonely but became self reliant and coped on my own. About 2 months ago some of these overseas friends came to Australia and were disappointed by what I had become, the fact that I haven't had sex for close to 15 years caused great concern (mind you none of them were interested in me in that way anymore) so I was "encouraged" to use gay dating apps. These apps have been really hard because people either ignore me or actually go out of their way to tell me how unattractive and unsuitable I am (trust me fellas I know). I thought I had met some body but after a few weeks I worked out that was all a scam and I was devastated. So do I keep up talking to scammers (about 80% of people who message me( I'm really good at spotting them now)) and people who are mostly horrible to me for having the audacity to say hello. Or do I accept my fate delete the apps and go back to my social cave?

ItsWhatever Is It Selfish?
  • replies: 3

My parents had an argument a few nights ago. I say argument, but it was more of my mum screaming at my dad and accusing him of things and calling him this and that while my dad sat silently (presumably smoking outside). It was 12:00am. My brother was... View more

My parents had an argument a few nights ago. I say argument, but it was more of my mum screaming at my dad and accusing him of things and calling him this and that while my dad sat silently (presumably smoking outside). It was 12:00am. My brother was trying to calm her down, he ended having to hide stuff in his room because she kept threatening to break things. I tried not to be bothered by this. I wanted to tell someone, but I felt like that would be victimising myself. Parents fight all the time right? I tried to be okay. I really did. But the next day in school I was so caught up on telling myself that this was fine, that I shouldn’t be making a deal out this. I told myself it was fine, that I would just give myself one day to be stressed and sad about it. So i spent most of the day not talking much, and thinking and trying to convince myself that I was okay. I wanted to let myself have one day to get it out my system. But by doing this I accidentally set my friend off. She got upset because she thought I was ignoring her. She told her girlfriend, and her girlfriend assured her saying there would be no reason for me to ignore her. And then tried to get us to talk, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t want to tell them it was because my parents fought because it’s not a big deal right? Parents fight all the time, thats what I told myself. Its such a small issue. I didn’t say anything except that I wasn’t ignoring her. And I realized then that I can’t be sad, because if I am, then my friends will think its because of them and I don’t ever want to put my friends through that again. But is it a little selfish of me to want to tell someone? Or to wish that I could be sad, and it wouldn’t become anyone else’s issue either? I just want to be sad without making someone else upset, because honestly I’m tired of looking after other people when I’m barely looking after myself. Is that selfish? I just want to be cared for, but I know that it’ll stress them out. Especially because they’re the ones who have it so much worse. I think it’s because of my period too. I’m not really quite sure what to do. I’m just so tired and stressed lately. And I’m not sure if I have anyone to tell that to right now.

LLB Together for 15 years and feeling alone, what to do?
  • replies: 17

I've been married for 8 years and before that, dated my husband for 7 years. We have one child together, just over 14 months old. I am experiencing problems in our marriage. 1. My partner's libido is almost non existent for the past 3 years and we ha... View more

I've been married for 8 years and before that, dated my husband for 7 years. We have one child together, just over 14 months old. I am experiencing problems in our marriage. 1. My partner's libido is almost non existent for the past 3 years and we haven't been intimate for the past 17 months. Due to this, I struggled to get pregnant and the pressure during then really put a strain on our relationship. I begged him to seek professional help and he went for one test, which tested his testosterone levels and apparently he's all good. I've tried many times to talk to him about possible ways of resolving this issue but he's either too proud or he doesn't think there's an issue at hand, end result is that he just dismisses my requests. Now that we have a child together, he seems so relieved and doesn't think there's any problem at all (or is he pretending?). I don't understand how he can stay so calm when I can see this glaring problem exisiting in our relationship. I don't want to talk to my friends about this issue as we all know each other and I don't want to embarrass him as he's a very proud person. My husband has also stopped kissing me, hugging me or holding my hands. He only kisses, hugs and holds the baby now. I get so sad sometimes, that I wonder if he even still loves me. 2. Since the birth of my baby, my husband has critisised me frequently. Little things he say that hurt me a lot, such as, "what kind of mother are you?", "stop coughing so loud, you're waking up the baby, control it geez!" I react very badly to these comments and we often end up arguing. I understand having a baby can be stressful but I always thought we'd take it on together, not for him to constantly critise my parenting skills. I hesitant to talk to my parents or friends about my relationship problems as I don't want to create unnecessary noise from outsiders. Anyone out there going through similar situations? How have you dealt with it?

New2019 Sexless relationship
  • replies: 4

Hi, I've been in a relationship with my partner for over 7 years now. We've had some ups and downs and were engaged until a few months ago but no wedding now. She broke it off about 9 months ago and about 6 weeks later we were back together. I was un... View more

Hi, I've been in a relationship with my partner for over 7 years now. We've had some ups and downs and were engaged until a few months ago but no wedding now. She broke it off about 9 months ago and about 6 weeks later we were back together. I was unaware until about a couple of months later that she was seeing someone from her work during that time even though she denied it several times until finally admitting. Since being back together things have slowly improved. We sleep in the same bed, hug and act like a couple in everyone else's eyes but there has been no sex since getting back together. Ive suggested couples therapy several times but with no luck. I've seen a therapist for a few months to cope with the depression and lack of self worth but really at a loss what to do next. I love her and I think she still loves me but the lack of intimacy is killing me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.