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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Neumei 24yrs together - now I’m on my own - how do I live without her ?
  • replies: 2

I have been with my female partner since we were both 22yrs old. We r now 45yrs old. Been together for 24yrs & not long separated on mutual terms (so I thought). 2wks after I move out to live apart but still b a close family unit with our 2 beautiful... View more

I have been with my female partner since we were both 22yrs old. We r now 45yrs old. Been together for 24yrs & not long separated on mutual terms (so I thought). 2wks after I move out to live apart but still b a close family unit with our 2 beautiful girls aged 9 & 11yrs. I go to the family home & my instincts tell me something is different! Alarm bells r ringing. Yes she has a new girlfriend! After 2wks ! Im so devastated - this female is 22yrs old & works with my partner ! Now I’m dead inside - I cannot even look at her - go to our family home as I do t want confrontation or see anything like the other girlfriends car etc ! My ex-partner says we were over many years ago & I agree yes but it is so soon for me but not for her. She says it did not happen over night so they must have had feelings when I was still living there ! I have to accept I have been replaced already. I’m grieving so much I could not eat - I cry all the time - I’m lost how to live on my own. I want all of us to b happy & move on - like she has but I just cannot as I wanted the white picked fence line everyone does ! We have a 26yr old dog that I cannot see cause I cannot go to the house ! The new female is 22yrs old - I think it’s not right as she could b our daughter at that age ! She says I’m an ageist ! Thanks for listening x

Tia99 Body dysmorphia and a sexless relationship
  • replies: 1

My partner and I are both in our early 20’s and have been together for over a year. We didn’t have sex for the first 5 months of our relationship, as my partner was a virgin at the time. After that first time, our sex life was fairly infrequent, but ... View more

My partner and I are both in our early 20’s and have been together for over a year. We didn’t have sex for the first 5 months of our relationship, as my partner was a virgin at the time. After that first time, our sex life was fairly infrequent, but for the most part, kept me satisfied. For me, I find sex to be very important for a relationship, as it helps me feel connected, understood, and loved. My partner and I both have depression. We both had a few bad months with our depression and our sex life became even more infrequent. At the moment, it’s been almost 4 months without sex. My partner says it’s not me, and that she has a lot of shame and guilt around sex. She says it makes her uncomfortable, and that she feels dirty and disgusting. She also has low self-esteem, and I honestly think she might have body dysmorphia (which we’re trying to get her into a therapist to deal with). The problem is this: for some reason I get extremely sad when I crave sex or my attempts to be intimate are rejected. I try to hide it, but it hurts so much and I just cry and cry in despair. I know she needs time to work through her issues and I’m okay with that. But I still can’t stop the sadness. We’re at the point where we are on the verge of breaking up because she is struggling with seeing how hurt I am. In turn, she feels hurt and hates herself even more. We’re discussing whether or not we break up. We both love each other so so much but she can’t meet all my needs, and I can’t give her the space to heal without feeling guilty. I don’t want to lose her and I honestly wish I just didn’t get upset at not having sex... I don’t know what to do. Please, give me advice.

SunshineMama Husband always angry, blames me for everything
  • replies: 9

Since my baby was born (now 12 months old), my marriage changed. My husband changed. I changed too. I became a mother and my baby really my focus. My husband hated how things changed, I always made him the priority beforehand. I still put him before ... View more

Since my baby was born (now 12 months old), my marriage changed. My husband changed. I changed too. I became a mother and my baby really my focus. My husband hated how things changed, I always made him the priority beforehand. I still put him before myself but not if it impacts the baby. I am feeling resentment as I do everything for the baby. If I ask for help he either does nothing it gets angry at me for asking. He sees me struggle to care for our child, manage the house and work part time but he won’t help. If it was this alone, I could deal with it. But he also has a short fuse, blames me for things out of my control and gets angry at me a lot. He never wants to resolve issues. Even when things have calmed down he won’t discuss. It’s been going on for months. I say to him I want to fix our marriage and be happy together again and he actually says it’s 100% my fault that we are unhappy. He never apologises for the things he says or does but I am always trying to make amends and even letting things go and apologising when I’m not to blame. I’m not perfect and have issues too but I know I’m not 100% to blame. He yells at me and questions the things I do in front of the baby. I truly only try and do what’s best for her. I am being pretty vague I know but I feel like I need to get this out. I either want my old marriage back or I want to leave him. But I don’t want to leave him because I don’t want to share custody of my baby. He doesn’t care for her and he yells at her too and is neglectful. But I know if I left him he would just have his Mum care for her or he would find another woman. I also still love him but I can’t stand the man he is at the moment. He is obviously unhappy too but is not willing to work with me at all. If I try and discuss things he shuts down and gets mad at me. I am so profoundly unhappy. We tried so hard to have a family together and now I feel like it’s falling apart. Has anyone else been here? How’d you get through it?

Guest_342 Moving on
  • replies: 7

Hello. Does anyone have experience ending a long term relationship and then the feeling when the other person starts a new relationship? If so, how did you feel and, if it upset you, what worked for you in learning to accept it? While I feel better t... View more

Hello. Does anyone have experience ending a long term relationship and then the feeling when the other person starts a new relationship? If so, how did you feel and, if it upset you, what worked for you in learning to accept it? While I feel better that I know he’s found happiness and can move on, I feel sort of left behind because I haven’t yet recovered fully from our split and I haven’t had the same success in finding someone else (well, there is someone I have been seeing for 3 months but I am still not quite sure if he’s right for me). We were with each other for quite a while and I can’t picture him sharing with someone else the connection we had together. I think I am still grieving 12 months on. it’s not a jealousy thing, and I don’t want to go back to him, but it’s a sad feeling - and I’m not quite sure what it is. I’d welcome anyone’s stories and/or suggestions

CrushedOne Wife cheated after 20+ years! Can I go on?
  • replies: 6

Hi all Ive been with my wife for 20+ years (I’m 44) and just found out she has been having an affair with a much younger work colleague (25) for 6 months. We have two beautiful kids, a business and are financially okay. I’ve given everything to her a... View more

Hi all Ive been with my wife for 20+ years (I’m 44) and just found out she has been having an affair with a much younger work colleague (25) for 6 months. We have two beautiful kids, a business and are financially okay. I’ve given everything to her and she fobs the affair off like it was just sex so get over it! She’s a great mum and up until a while ago I thought she was a great wife also. I feel life my life has ended! My wife seems cold even though she says the affair is over. I look at at kids differently, I still love them to death but something isn’t right. I have once meekly attempted to take my own life. I suffer from depression and am a lot more closed off than I used to be. Maybe this is why she strayed! I cannot stop myself from thinking about the two of them together. It consumes almost every thought and a feeling of utter sadness and failure overcomes me. As a man I feel like my whole manlihood has been stripped away from me. Why wasn’t I good enough? Am I not great in bed? I have never harmed my wife physically or mentally since we’ve been together and my heart just really hurts from the betrayal and embarrassment. While I am still in the marriage, I don’t look at my wife the same and if I don’t have my family I feel like I don’t have anything? Maybe I need complete separation from them to assess my situation? I have wanted to leave on multiple occasions but don’t want to leave the kids. Can I live in a loveless marriage until the kids are adults? I feel lost and need a way forward to survive if not for anyone but my kids! Any advice would help??

Tulips2019 Should I leave or stay?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, ive been in a relationship for 2 years now, we live together with my 2 kids 10 & 9. I was previously in an abusive marriage and was single for 5 years after my divorce. I finally met someone and we hit it off straight away and fell madly... View more

Hi everyone, ive been in a relationship for 2 years now, we live together with my 2 kids 10 & 9. I was previously in an abusive marriage and was single for 5 years after my divorce. I finally met someone and we hit it off straight away and fell madly in love. Kids love him too and I introduced him to my kids 8months after meeting. I wanted to be 100% sure before he met the kids. Shortly after meeting the kids we moved in together. this is when I began to notice a certain behaviour. If we ever had a small disagreement or even if I would say anything that he didn’t like he would start shouting at me and became very verbally abusive. This was shocking to me and very scary and hurtful. Rather then apologise he would give me the silent treating for days and finally after days would try to apologise. This has now gone on for 18months. He has also yelled at my kids, yelled at me in front of my kids and called my horrible names. I’ve given it so many chances but I feel like I just can’t do it anymore. Every time I say I’m leaving he convinced me to stay. I feel like I tread on eggshells everyday because if I say the wrong thing I know he will snap and the same thing will happen. I don’t want to raise my boys in this environment. he extremely rude at times and very condescending. We have been to councelling but stopped when he thought we were back on track and no longer needed therapy. I feel so controlled and stressed everyday. I want out but I’m stressed about the pressure of having to pack and move out. I just need some honest advise. thanks Tulips

SandraC87 Depressed husband - am I being selfish? I don't know what's normal anymore.
  • replies: 3

My husband and I met a decade ago. When we met, he was going through a very rough time. Life has been extremely hard on him. But we fell in love and, as it usually goes, everything was great. We spent our first 2 years together making grand plans for... View more

My husband and I met a decade ago. When we met, he was going through a very rough time. Life has been extremely hard on him. But we fell in love and, as it usually goes, everything was great. We spent our first 2 years together making grand plans for our future abroad - we were both going to work hard, save up - travel the world, experience the things we always wanted. It was us against the world. Pretty much as soon as we migrated, he changed. We moved closer to his family, and I thought maybe that just triggered old patterns for him. Before I could really assess whether that was part of the problem or not, he was diagnosed with cancer. Under the conviction that he was going to die, he gave up on life entirely... except he miraculously got better. But he has had suicidal thoughts since (he had had them before we met, as well, but they were brought back by the cancer). He has debilitating depression. He can't work. He barely leaves the house. I work extremely hard to pay our bills - then I come home and do all the household work. We barely get by financially. He has tried treatment, but his depression appears to be treatment resistant. Therapy did nothing for him. He tried 4 different medications over the course of years - none of them did anything. He's stuck. I am stuck. I am not happy with our life, I won't lie. I am embarrassed that I "do everything" (I hate saying it, but it's true) - he hates it, too, but we love each other and it keeps us going. I think we've grown into a pattern where our prime directive is just not hurting each other. I know if I leave him, he will fully give up on life (he doesn't say it, but it's so obvious). He knows that if he leaves me and gives up, he will break my heart. It doesn't help he's not a "talker". He hates talking about feelings and thoughts. I end up feeling alone. I guess that's a long way of saying we have grown dysfunctional and accepting/aware of it. Couples counselling wouldn't work because he struggles so much to talk and is the kind of person to talk around therapists to avoid the hard conversations. I'm getting to a point where I'm ready to start putting up boundaries. I'm in my 30s and I don't want to end up wasting my 'prime years' making myself smaller (which I noticed I have been doing, forgetting my dreams to fit our reality)... at the same time, he cannot help his condition and I don't want to punish him for his misfortune because I do love him. I want him to get better...but I also want to live.

alex_aw How to approach someone who is afraid of commitment to ask for a second chance
  • replies: 2

Hi all My ex-partner ended our 3 month long relationship three weeks ago. We have 'broken up twice' However the first did not last long and he came back after two days, before breaking up again three weeks later. Part of me suspects that he suffers f... View more

Hi all My ex-partner ended our 3 month long relationship three weeks ago. We have 'broken up twice' However the first did not last long and he came back after two days, before breaking up again three weeks later. Part of me suspects that he suffers from relationship OCD as before the first and second break up, he mulled over the decision for a week and also described feeling paralysed by all his recurring loops of thought. He came back to me after his initial decision to end the relationship saying he would like to give it another try, however because of how he had just left me initially, I felt highly insecure and anxious. After two weeks, I did not know how to release my anxiety or insecurity in a functional way and I was extremely passive aggressive to him, indirectly sending him messages that he did not seem to love me and insinuating that perhaps he did not really want to be with me.I believe he ended up breaking up me the second time only because he was unable to break out of the obsessive thoughts of us eventually hurting each other as he could only focus on the negatives. However, we share a great relationship outside of these issues - we share the same goals in life, we have great sexual chemistry, we care deeply for each other and while this does not mean it's perfect, we do have something good going outside of all of this. I'm wondering if anyone has any experience of advice to offer regarding how I should approach him to reconcile the relationship and give it a second shot? I know where my mistakes were in this relationship (i.e. not managing my own insecurities that were based on my imagination) and I've been taking steps to manage this. I would really appreciate any advice as this is very new to me. I'm happy to provide more information about what he said/what happened in our relationship. Thank you!

SilverLight Tough Pregnancy/ Prenatal Depression
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, Just wondering if anyone else is having issues in early pregnancy. I'm only 6 weeks and 4 days and it's my second baby. I had extreme hypermesis with my son which put me in hospital twice. This time I've got a hematoma next to the bab... View more

Hello everyone, Just wondering if anyone else is having issues in early pregnancy. I'm only 6 weeks and 4 days and it's my second baby. I had extreme hypermesis with my son which put me in hospital twice. This time I've got a hematoma next to the baby that's causing bleeds, I'm recovering from surgery to have my appendix out and now the HG seems to be kicking in all within the last week. I've been having some serious mental health issues as a result of all of this. The baby was 100% planned and wanted. But now I feel like I don't want it and I wish I'd never fallen pregnant and feel like we've made a mistake... I hate myself for feeling like this because I really do want this baby... It's so confusing... I guess it's because we've had an excruciatingly difficult week

Tearsfall Feeling really lost
  • replies: 5

Hello, i live with an alcoholic who has no regard to anything but his own needs. Now his child is here. Who admits to having a drug problem. Since the child was young he has blamed everyone for what the child does. The child has never been made accep... View more

Hello, i live with an alcoholic who has no regard to anything but his own needs. Now his child is here. Who admits to having a drug problem. Since the child was young he has blamed everyone for what the child does. The child has never been made accept responsibility and from this has learned to lie and manipulate knowing that mummy and daddy believe everything that comes out of his mouth. He admits to having a drug problem. When dad is drunk the stuff he says about the child is unreal. I feel his own addiction has had an affect on the child - seeing dad does it so why not. I could be wrong but a childs strongest influence is the parents. I would also like advice on how to go about planning to leave. I just want to be on my own away where no one knows me. Dont want to tell anyone because they will try stop me. But when im here no one acknowledges my existance . I feel its best if im on my own but i also have no funds behind me accept my very small super account . I can withdraw it in a year . Im 57 and doing tough physically and emotionally and feel very alone .