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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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WantsPeace Emotional Abuse
  • replies: 1

This is my first time writing on here, I came across your post! Your post is from a couple of years back but I would love to hear where you are now? I am too in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive and I love him so much. My fiance ch... View more

This is my first time writing on here, I came across your post! Your post is from a couple of years back but I would love to hear where you are now? I am too in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive and I love him so much. My fiance cheated on me and broke up with me last New Years and this person who I am with now pounced on me as soon as I was single and gave me the attention i was craving to get over my fiance and his behaviour, little did i know i would be in a cycle of emotional abuse and being yelled at. We have so much in common and we live in quite a small surf community where he knows a lot of people and I feel like he has so much power over me. I am 38 years old and am worried I will never have someone that loves me and that I have missed the opp to have a normal family which is what I have always wanted. There is the normal push and pull of him acting bad and then making out its my fault, it has gotten worse and Im getting desperate. I hold down a full time job and become exhausted by the drama, his father knows what he can be like and tried to support me but I dont think he understands how serious it is as he used to do the same thing to his mum when they were young. We went to councilling for awhile and he said the lady didnt do anything for him and he said he would go to a man so I am trying to organise that. His behaviour is starting to leak and I look like and idiot, i am an eternal optimist and always see the good in people and I feel I am being taken for a ride as I not being respected or put first. I am so scared to be without him because we have such a connection but I am scared im going to end up in a really bad place. HELP!

Ry95 Dumped via instagram message while overseas on holidays and now my ex has asked for coffee
  • replies: 4

I'm 24 and bisexual and was recently dumped whilst on holidays via instagram message. The guy I was seeing was also bisexual and I was his first male partner. He all seemed quite into it, but I suspect he is just insecure. He said dumping me on holid... View more

I'm 24 and bisexual and was recently dumped whilst on holidays via instagram message. The guy I was seeing was also bisexual and I was his first male partner. He all seemed quite into it, but I suspect he is just insecure. He said dumping me on holidays was the kindest thing to do as I could use the holidays to get over it?? Thats complete BS in my eyes, its obvious he just didn't want to do it in person. Thats pretty much the worst way to break up with someone and basically ruins their holiday. Since the breakup he continued to comment on all my instagram stories with simple statements and not once in the past few weeks has he asked anything about me. It was weird and I had no idea why he kept doing it so I asked what the go was. He said he wasn't going to ask anything more substantial if im not going to reciprocate??? What does he expect, he literally broke up with me over message whilst on holidays.... A close family member of mine even passed in the past two weeks and he didn't even ask about that. He has since asked me if I want coffee (after I disabled my instagram). I asked why and he said "to apologise and stay amicable". I don't know if I should go. I already had pretty bad mental health and this has made it all worse. Going would perhaps provide me some more closure, but I also don't really want to give him the satisfaction as he hasn't shown any level of care towards me at all. It seems like he just wants himself to seem like the bigger person and and clear his conscience. Thanks for any advice.

Hollybambam Crying lots damaging my relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi all, First time posting here. I used to get a lot of comfort from forums so was pleased to find one on beyond blue. My partner and I are quite different emotionally in both how we experience and manage it I find I cry very easily, over almost ever... View more

Hi all, First time posting here. I used to get a lot of comfort from forums so was pleased to find one on beyond blue. My partner and I are quite different emotionally in both how we experience and manage it I find I cry very easily, over almost every intense emotion: sadness, anxiety, anger even profound happiness. I flair up and cry fast and I think it's damaging my relationship with my partner She's used to me a little now and isn't so affected with fast crying, but I always feel guilty and anxious after I cry over something that probably didn't warrant it. When I cry over something I feel like she might be thinking in her head that I'm so much work, that I'm trying to manipulate her or that I'm just plain overreacting all the time. I feel bad. I wish I had better emotional control. Crying, whether it's a natural empathetic response or not never improves a conversation or argument. Even if the other person knows it just happens to you. It poisons the interaction. It poisons the memory which locks in that negative association. Im not sure what I'm asking for. Maybe some advice? It's always helpful to hear from others having similar problems and what they're doing that helps. Thanks, H.

Georgie7 sharing with family
  • replies: 2

so not sure if this is the right place to post - but does everyone share their MH with family? if i had a cold or was ill i would tell my parents, but i feel like i can't share with them my MH diagnosis. I am worried i have let them down, or they wou... View more

so not sure if this is the right place to post - but does everyone share their MH with family? if i had a cold or was ill i would tell my parents, but i feel like i can't share with them my MH diagnosis. I am worried i have let them down, or they would say "why on earth would you have depression and anxiety". a few comments my mum has made recently make me feel that perhaps she doesnt understand how it all works - i dont even understand myself, but i feel like they would think i am attention seeking or a hypochondriac. Do they need to know?

DebsChili Disallusioned
  • replies: 2

Hi all, thanks for having me. I suffer miid anxiety and depression but my main issue is I'm a self saboteur in relationships and I'm about to ruin yet another one. This is my first flame from when we were teenagers, in fact he was my first sexual enc... View more

Hi all, thanks for having me. I suffer miid anxiety and depression but my main issue is I'm a self saboteur in relationships and I'm about to ruin yet another one. This is my first flame from when we were teenagers, in fact he was my first sexual encounter, now 45 years later (62 and 63 respectively) we have reconnected. Problems abound though, he lives on a boat 1000 kilometers away. When we first connected he used to message me multiple times a day and call often, then he was still organising his life before moving onto the boat. Since the move the messages are less and the phone calls just once a day. The fact he still did this for me shows he cares and is keen to keep in touch but I'm the sort that falls hard and fast in love, which he knows because I've alread, after 4 months, told him I love him but he tells me he wants to take things slow... my problem is I become highly insecure, I get anxious and can't function, I cry often which is hard at work, and accuse him of all sorts of things that exist only in my mind. I've done a few things in my past I'm ashamed off and don't believe I deserve to be happy so I to do all I can to push people I want to be with away. Sometimes I feel like I'd like to find a hole and disappear into it. There is do much more to say but just wanted to start with the basics, thanks for listening

Spawnofkyuss Lost control stepdaughter.
  • replies: 2

Hello you amazing brave people. I have had mental health challenges most of my life. I attempted to end things a few years ago, but when that didn't work, I started seeing the things I had in my life that made it worth staying. I still have challenge... View more

Hello you amazing brave people. I have had mental health challenges most of my life. I attempted to end things a few years ago, but when that didn't work, I started seeing the things I had in my life that made it worth staying. I still have challenges most days, but I'm here to battle, rather than the alternative. So, I feel really selfish, but we're having a problem with my and my partner's stepdaughter. Since she started High School 3 years ago, she has become so isolated, hateful, uncontrollable, unreachable. Wagging, lying, vaping, drinking, and now marijuana. Last weekend, she bought marijuana, smoked it alone, and has become the worst we have ever seen. When we found out, we wanted to find the dealer, so we could see the police. We confiscated her phone, and then the scary new behavior started. She is smashing her bedroom up, and any time we go near her, she screamed and screamed, completely unreasonable. She hasn't eaten today, and still will not communicate. We are worried sick. Is this just hard core acting out, or could it be a psychotic episode? It is impossible to get her to a doctor, or the police, or even to the hospital. We don't use physical violence as a punishment, and our voice, and phone discipline is all we have left. Any ideas? We are freaking out. Thank you and sorry to jump in so selfishly.

Phoenix29 Narcissistic Abuse in Toxic Families
  • replies: 12

I come from a toxic and narcissistic family. For years I was made the scapegoat of my family, controlled, emotionally and verbally abused, constantly being kicked out and my grandmother especially put me at risk by forbidding me to take my doctors or... View more

I come from a toxic and narcissistic family. For years I was made the scapegoat of my family, controlled, emotionally and verbally abused, constantly being kicked out and my grandmother especially put me at risk by forbidding me to take my doctors orders when it came to my medication and weened me off my medication. (I have bipolar) I excommunicated myself from my family gradually and cut contact with my Grandmother in September of last year. Every few months she tries something, sending a text to my partner to get me to call her, showing up at our doorstep(demanding to see me) and more recently she put an envelope with a key in our letterbox saying I can get my stuff whenever I want but she wouldn’t accomodate me. My partner said that he and my Uncle could pick my stuff up but she said she would only speak to me. So we said if she doesn’t like our terms we would send back the key. Anyways it’s been months and she keeps trying to get her power over me back. She doesn’t care that she hurt me or abused me. She’s not sorry. She just wants to have complete control over me like she always has. The last thing she said to me was that she has now wiped her hands of me. I did find that hurtful and it does make me angry. But at the same time I don’t believe her. I’ve been having trouble with my abusive neighbor recently and even though I am enjoying the stability of my new home with my partner, and I’ve been living here for a year, I’m kind of hoping that we do end up moving because then my Grandmother won’t know where I live and will finally be forced to leave me alone. Do you have any advice for me? Anyone else who has experiences narcissistic abuse in their family?

Jojochiu Seeing husband everyday 24/7 drive me nuts!!!
  • replies: 3

Please don’t judge me, I can’t tand my husband anymore. Early this year, his company closed down the branch office he worked in and letting him work from home 4 days a week. His existence in the house drive me crazy, even his footsteps or the sound o... View more

Please don’t judge me, I can’t tand my husband anymore. Early this year, his company closed down the branch office he worked in and letting him work from home 4 days a week. His existence in the house drive me crazy, even his footsteps or the sound of him flushing the toilet irritates me. I don’t think it’s to do with what he does in the house, it’s to do with the fact that he IS inside the house all the time. I am a very career minded person ( at least used to be before I have kids) if my company close the branch office to cut cost and ask me to work from home, yes, it would be awesome, no commute and more freedom, but at the same time I’d smell the stinginess and unprofitable situation of the company and will start hunting for a new job. However, my husband is very content and have no plan to get out of this comfort zone. He has always been a very chill out and relax person. When I first met him, I was working in a high stress job plus studying master degree. Meeting him at that time made me feel like he’s Mr. Right, his chill out attitude can calm me down after a hard day at work. Now that I have 2 kids, I just want to focus on my kids and work part time and I hope he can be more aggressive and strive for better career-wise and be the bread winner. He always say he wants to take the family to travel, but first thing I think of is how can we afford it if he’s not working hard to earn the money?!? I end up being unhappy everyday, holding a long face both behind and in front of him, especially with him around the house reminding me how obnoxious he is, not to mention khe give me extra work by triggering my kids cry. I feel like I can’t breath, I sometimes have to take the kids out just to escape from him, and he rarely get out of the house. And it’s not healthy to the relationship when we are seeing each other everyday, it’s just more chance to argue, and I don’t want him to see me wearing pjs or lounge clothes with messy oily hair all the time, and sometimes he sees me sitting on the toilet as I need to keep door open to keep an eye on the kids. I am so sad that no one can ever understand this, people always say it’s good to have him at home to help look after the 2 young children. What they don’t know is, he always mess up my groove, he doesn’t know how to deal with the kids and always upset the kids and leaving me to settle, he disagrees the way I look after the kids and make comments that upset me. What can I do to make myself happier?

Sunline Coping with relationship in retirement
  • replies: 4

Hi. I hope there are some retired people out there who can relate to this. I am in my early sixties and retired from a busy and stressful federal government job about 2 years ago. I have been unable to find part-time work in my field of expertise (wh... View more

Hi. I hope there are some retired people out there who can relate to this. I am in my early sixties and retired from a busy and stressful federal government job about 2 years ago. I have been unable to find part-time work in my field of expertise (which would be the ideal scenario for me). My partner of 20 years is still working, from home. I am pretty bored, filling in my time with finishing a major house renovation, walking our dogs, art classes, minding step-grandchildren etc. I am finding the strain of being around my partner for so many hours per week is taking a heavy toll on my feelings for him, and my lack of a meaningful role does not help. I find him so irritating, negative and critical. When I talk about my unhappiness his response is to turn it around and criticise me even more. We have six adult children between us and he has four small grandchildren. When his children want a baby-sitter we oblige but of course he disappears to his study to work and I am left holding the baby (literally lol). I am very fond of them but would like to enjoy them together. I feel like we are living like brother and sister and there is no love and affection. I find myself wondering more and more often what it might be like if I just left him. The thought of setting up my own place is very enticing - not having to compromise over every tiny thing - yay ! I also hate the constant arguments and his knee-jerk reactions to everything. Engaging conversation between us has also become non-existent. I think perhaps we are just very bored with each other. Well, me anyway. I just bury myself in solo pursuits as much as I can. I think he would be appalled that I am thinking of leaving but I could be wrong. He is awful to his ex-wife and I imagine he will be awful to me too and try to prevent me having an ongoing relationship with his kids and grandchildren. It won’t be pretty.

KassJo Devastated. My husband has cheated with a prostitute
  • replies: 6

Hi All. I have been married for only 6 months and I thought we had the perfect relationship. A week ago ago my life was torn apart. My husband has bipolar and has been successfully managing it through medication for the last 5 years. Last Monday, he ... View more

Hi All. I have been married for only 6 months and I thought we had the perfect relationship. A week ago ago my life was torn apart. My husband has bipolar and has been successfully managing it through medication for the last 5 years. Last Monday, he text me at work to say he was going to visit his Dad and have a few drinks and will stay the night. I was more than happy with this and didn’t have any reasons to suspect anything. The following evening I noticed on our Uber account that he used Uber twice the previous evening. I asked him why and where did he go and I heard the reply that has devastated me. He openly and painfully said he went out and paid for sex. I was completely blind sighted and truly did not expect this. I went into a rage and the rest of the evening was a blur. The following day he was in tears saying how sorry he was and said he was drunk and doesn’t know why and swears this was the first time. He also did admit he has been watching lots of porn when I’m not at home and Doesn’t know why. I am completely broken and don’t know what to do. He is so sorry and believe he is, but I don’t know if I can move on from this. He was so honest with me and told me everything. I am not sure if I want to know and maybe he should of not told me. Omg. I can’t believe I think this! I have noticed the last few months his moods have changed and he is drinking more and seems agitated at the smallest things. I know he has bipolar but I don’t know what to do. I dont want to give up on us but I am so hurt and don’t understand why he would do this when we are/were so happy. Do I stay and give him another chance or am I setting myself up for more heartache later? All I keep thinking about is what did I do wrong? Why is wrong with me? I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I feel very unloved and worthless. I would apprecite any advice.