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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Joby1 My partner does not want to be loved or receive help
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I’ve done a bit of research, have tried talking to my gorgeous partner, hoping he would talk to me, but he wants nothing from anyone, wants to live a solitude life without people, will not talk to a doctor or counsellor, refuses to seek any... View more

Hi there, I’ve done a bit of research, have tried talking to my gorgeous partner, hoping he would talk to me, but he wants nothing from anyone, wants to live a solitude life without people, will not talk to a doctor or counsellor, refuses to seek any sort of help. And sadly the thought of being in a relationship is simply too much work and does not get any enjoyment in life at all, let alone be loved. When we first met we were both deliriously in love, talks of marriage, lots of sex. A year later he wants nothing. He told me that throughout his life he experiences months of depression, he’s taking antidepressants but apart from that won’t seek help. He had a serious accident years ago which sadly he experienced significant pain but manages that well with meds and rest, but there are bad days. Ive known him for 25 years as great friends since school so I know him well, together 2 years. I love him dearly. I told him to not give up on us, I’m patient and I’m here for him whenever he needs me. We have slept in seperate rooms for months, no contact, I’m not taking it personally. I’ve offered to wait and be there for him but even the thought of me waiting for him adds pressure and he doesn’t know that the love he had for me will ever return as right now he feels numb, nothing. Hes a beautiful soul, regardless if we remain friends I want to be there for him but not sure what else I can do. He just hides in his room and hardly speaks a word. I listen without judgement when he’s up for talking, even though with him not wanting to be with me hurts, I don’t take responsibility for it. Any advice on how I can support him when all I want to do is hold him and tell him how much I love him when he simply doesn’t want that or hear that from me or anyone else at all. What we had was beautiful, I’m not expecting to get that back but I’m hanging onto those memories, a reminder he was happy and in love. The catalyst is not seeing his children very often and an ex that’s milking him dry of funds, very sad circumstances, but I’m trying and I’m exhausted.

Nothappyuni Living Separately under one roof.
  • replies: 4

I have worked hard all my life. I lost everything to an early marriage that was handled badly by my solicitor . But,I built myself up from the ground, bought a unit (with a $15,000 deposit I saved up) and began again. I met a girl, told her whats min... View more

I have worked hard all my life. I lost everything to an early marriage that was handled badly by my solicitor . But,I built myself up from the ground, bought a unit (with a $15,000 deposit I saved up) and began again. I met a girl, told her whats mine is hers and four years later we married and bought a house together. I sold my unit and put the cash into our house. I was badly injured at work and though it took eight years for the courts to negotiate a settlement, I was paid out and used the money to pay off our house. We had kids and life was good for 17 years, then about six years ago it started going down hill. It has gone to sh*t now. The love is gone, we don't have anything, don't even speak much. We live separate under one roof as I don't have a permanent job. However, it has come to the point where I have to walk away. I just can't help feeling betrayed, and lied to. She had dreams, I came on board and together all of them came true, now she is having a midlife crisis and I have been fed to the dogs. She complains of body insecurities being her problem for never wanting sex, yet now I must watch her dress in low, low cut dresses, worn without a bra. I must endure her holidaying with other people or going out at night. Our own children told her it was over the top what she was wearing. But she insists she can't have sex or relations with me because he has body issues? I believe it is to hurt me, I see the delight my discomfort gives her. So I have to leave. I had a home when I met her, I had a payout to cover injuries I have the rest of my life, but I have to leave the house I paid for and start again- or watch the circus as it parades every evening. I genuinely hate life, it is just so unfair. I have been the most faithful person, I spent time with the kids, I bought my partner $$$$ watches, rings and bracelets, I worked hard. My parents gave me $15,000 to help me in uni, all gone into the holiday and drinking account of my 'partner'. And, I have to walk away, pay a bond, pay rent, live in some flea bitten cheap hovel, while she lives in a mansion. She will take years to sell it, while I live in squalor, and the money I gave to the family is tied up in the house or used on drink/holiday/ clothing. She is still very attractive and draws men like flies to fresh meat, while I got sad and put on weight. Oh well, that's my rant, it's off my chest now.

Mummy25 Feeling Broken
  • replies: 2

My partner has just left me after 9 years im so broken. How did everyone else get past so much hurt?

My partner has just left me after 9 years im so broken. How did everyone else get past so much hurt?

Dani1981 Growing up is hard!
  • replies: 4

Hello, So my story is a long one... I was born to a super strict and emotionally unavailable mother and mentally ill father. I didn’t have much of a childhood as a result. My dad would be in and out of hospital throughout my life - he was physically ... View more

Hello, So my story is a long one... I was born to a super strict and emotionally unavailable mother and mentally ill father. I didn’t have much of a childhood as a result. My dad would be in and out of hospital throughout my life - he was physically abusive early on to both of us kids and to my mum, until they pretty much sedated him with medications. This calmed him down substantially. But then my mum took on the dominant role. She started to despise my dad. She looked after him, but treated him as if they weren’t really equals. He had stopped working when he got really unwell, and as a result lost his self respect. He thought I didn’t respect him too, and maybe I didn’t when I was younger. But that had nothing to do with being unemployed. It was more because of his inability to interact with us as a father figure. And he just didn’t have an interest in doing anything. Fast forward to today, he’s no longer with us. And I felt like I was doing okay. Until yesterday when a cousin reminded me about my dad and how we treated him when he was alive. It was incredibly hard having a parent who was ill. I feel life is hard enough as it is, without having no real support when growing up. So I had no real role model, apart from my mum who would consistently degrade my dad. So i would do the same too. I hate that I did that, but I feel like it was unfair of my cousin to say what she did when she has no idea how it felt in our house. She saw it from the outside. I feel guilty now. And I was really hurt. I don’t think she knows just how much she hurt me. But I do understand now that she is not mentally well herself. She is seeing a therapist to try and get over things in her past that she is still reeling over. So it was not a good time to chat with her. Especially when my mum is going to have surgery for breast cancer. So I have issues! To be expected I think... and I’m finding it incredibly hard at the moment. With my mum’s cancer, and work, and I have three kids of my own. Oh, and I also have bipolar. What a life I was dealt! But I have no regrets. I love my life, and my kids and hubby are my whole world. My cousin also mentioned my sister. She has schizoeffective disorder. Maybe I could tell you about her later, as I’m mindful of how much I’ve written already. I appreciate your patience if you have read thus far. If anyone wants to say hi, please do! It does feel good to get all of that out into the open!

SoloDad Lost in moving on
  • replies: 6

5 years ago I came out of a sexless marriage that left my self-esteem in tatters. The abuse from the marriage has scared me in a few ways that I know will never heal, my trust issues and fear of this happening to me again resulted in me getting a vas... View more

5 years ago I came out of a sexless marriage that left my self-esteem in tatters. The abuse from the marriage has scared me in a few ways that I know will never heal, my trust issues and fear of this happening to me again resulted in me getting a vasectomy. I have been through the worst of the family law court system here and after spending a fortune, it was all put behind me 12 months ago. Five years on from the marriage ending, and a year after the whole thing was finalised, and I have got myself into a good space, lost weight, eating well, I have my kids half the time, career is going ok.. Yet despite this I can’t shake loneliness and short periods of depression. These are typically linked to poor experiences when I attempt dating. I find the women my age who are single horribly toxic and are either unemployed, want more kids or someone to support them financially and to be honest – id rather be lonely then deal with that (again). My standards are not overly high, but I am not willing to enter into something high risk for the sake of my children and won’t risk my children’s home for a relationship. The online thing only made my self-esteem issues take a backwards step after so much progress. I cant meet someone who can take the more serious end of moving on slowly and it has started to dawn on me that im probably undatable and will end up being a loner for the rest of my adult life, well a loner after my kids grow up – they and my career are my focus now. I am posting to see if there are others out there in a similar situation? If so, how did you come to terms with the idea of being single? I don’t need or want advice on how to meet people – I am more curious to know how others have got on being single fathers and accepting that they won’t be having another woman in their lives.

Jasmine_tea Fear that my baby will come to love my parents in law more than she loves me
  • replies: 2

I had a baby 7 months ago and ever since then, my in laws have been very involved in our lives. They had move over from overseas as they wanted to help us look after our baby so that I can rest and recover. Since then we have been living under one ro... View more

I had a baby 7 months ago and ever since then, my in laws have been very involved in our lives. They had move over from overseas as they wanted to help us look after our baby so that I can rest and recover. Since then we have been living under one roof. For the first 3 months after I gave birth to my baby girl, I would hide in my room for fear that my in laws would take my baby away from me. I cried for several days in a row. I confided in my husband and my maternal child health nurse. My husband thinks that I should be grateful for their help. While my MCH nurse was compassionate. We did postnatal depression questionnaires and I didn’t appear to have depression. 7 months has gone by and over the months I have been trying to accept that my in laws will be living with us forever. And that this will make my husband happy. Also I should be grateful for their help and I should think positive thoughts. However, at times I just can’t come to terms with it. I feel suffocated and trapped in my own home. When I go for a walk with my baby I feel lonely and hopeless as I often get out just to run away from the in laws. They often force their help onto me even though I decline multiple times. At times I feel that they are trying to steal special moments with my baby that was suppose to be mine. I feel crazy and insecure as I am afraid that my baby will come to love them more than me. The more obsessed they are with my baby the more possessive I became of her. I hate it when they talk like they know my baby better than me. I also hate it when my mom in law tries to be motherly to my daughter. I have to be honest that I feel jealous, anxious, annoyed, bothered and depressed. It’s a complex feeling. I hate feeling this way. I have many sleepless nights thinking about this.. I don’t see that I have a way out. I don’t think my husband will accept it if I were to tell him that we should live separately from his parents. I confided in my mom but she thinks that I am selfish and ungrateful... and what she said makes me feel like a really bad person. So I kept forcing myself to be a better person but it doesn’t seems to make me a happier person.. How can I come to terms with living with my in laws and having to share my daughter and husband with them? Am I being selfish?

Mr K I can't accept the loss.
  • replies: 5

I need help, I just can't come to terms with the thought that my relationship might be over. I've compromised so much to be in this relationship that I don't even know who I am anymore. I know things are not perfect but they could be so much worse, t... View more

I need help, I just can't come to terms with the thought that my relationship might be over. I've compromised so much to be in this relationship that I don't even know who I am anymore. I know things are not perfect but they could be so much worse, there isn't anything that couldn't be made good again if we both tried. The problem is that now my wife feels like it isn't worth trying anymore. I feel completely blindsided by this, recently we bought a new house together, I thought this was an indicator that there was a place for me in her future but now I'm so unsure I can barely function. I'm terrified that I will fall apart if she leaves me and takes away my children, even if we share custody my little girls are my world. I'm so so sad that this could be the end, I just want us to be happy together and to support each other through the tough times. Things really didn't seem so terrible and I don't know how leaving would make it any better. I'm lost and very alone, my family are in Ireland I'm in Brisbane. My friends are my wife's friends, I have noone I can talk too. I can't even bring myself to tell my parents as this will break their heart too. If I loose them I loose myself, I hate that it sounds so dramatic but it's my reality, my very worst nightmare. help me please.

Steves_87 NEED SOME ADVICE
  • replies: 1

Hi guys so over two weeks ago after breaking up with my girlfriend I decided to go talk to a psychologist. I thought considering the year from hell I had with my ex wife and then starting a new relationship I needed to talk to someone to gain closure... View more

Hi guys so over two weeks ago after breaking up with my girlfriend I decided to go talk to a psychologist. I thought considering the year from hell I had with my ex wife and then starting a new relationship I needed to talk to someone to gain closure on everything. I’ve had 2 visits so far. Massive thing for me to talk about myself as I’m very stubborn. But I did it. I had decided after the break up of me and my gf I can’t sit around and focus on her any longer she decided to end things and she hurt me. She just ended it because she has issues going on in her life and can’t focus on us I thought that was a really poor reasoning as I’ve had a crap year and still have given her the best version of me despite all my set backs. I decided that I needed to focus on myself. She went and blocked me on Facebook and basically shut me out completely I thought after finding this out the best thing was to let it go so I have. I’ve seen met another girl who I ended up meeting last Saturday and I guess you could say it was a date. On meeting I had grown this instant attraction to her I haven’t stopped thinking about her since. We both seem to really like one another and that my problem is she doesn’t want a relationship at the moment even though I secretly think she does deep down. She told me she only wants friends atm but did say every relationship starts with a friendship. I guess I’m one of these people that is very impatient and I really like this girl I know that I could jeopardise things if I pushed the issue with a relationship but I think she does want one it’s just this level of shyness or maybe taking that leap. I mean she wants to do a fwb’s thing be really great friends but with the benefits. I mean I’m happy to do this but I have very strong feelings for her. I know we’ve only just met and it might seem crazy but the heart and mind are a wonderful thing. I guess what I’m looking for is do I tell her how I feel so I tell her that we should just be a couple life’s too short or do I just play it safe and keep building our friendship and go from there. Any help would be appreciated thank you

Larnzi How do you move out from codependence & toxicity with anxiety?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I am nearly in my mid thirties & have lived in a toxic environment household since I was 7. My parents have/had very bad arguments & were not really there emotionally for us growing up. Over the last couple of months I have had the courage to... View more

Hi all, I am nearly in my mid thirties & have lived in a toxic environment household since I was 7. My parents have/had very bad arguments & were not really there emotionally for us growing up. Over the last couple of months I have had the courage to tell some people in my life about what my life is/has been really like - this has been hard for them to hear, to the point one has asked me not to tell her anymore as it makes her too angry how I'm treated. I have also leaned a lot of my problems are the direct result of my upbringing - don't like being alone, become attached to people, think people are always going to leave me, scared to have a relationship because I don't know what a good one looks like etc. I have also realised I have a mum who is codependent & for the age that I am, a bit too controlling. I get treated like a "third party" in the marriage. My psychologist told me I need to move out so I can start to work through changing all these issues I have. The problem is I am REALLY scared to go & rent. I feel paralysed over it. My friends tell me I need to get out too & I know it's because they care & hate seeing me like I have been lately & how I get treated. I know I need to get out in order for my life & me to change as a person but it is seeming too much & is hard when I tell them how I feel because no one can really understand what I have gone through for most of my life. We decided it was best for me to rent on my own for at least 12 months so I can work on myself as I don't feel comfortable with a share house. I'm worried about spending my money cause I've always saved, that it's all a really bad mistake, missing the dogs, scared I'm going to get lonely, that my friends won't be there for me & I won't ask for help or tell them how I'm feeling for fear of being seen as needy or clingy & that my head will start to think all the time. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

Juff Both my girlfriend and I have depression but hers is way worse. She refuses to go to counselling.
  • replies: 4

Hey guys, I don't really know where to begin so I think I'll just ramble for a bit. So me and my girlfriend (both 16 years old) have been together for 15 months. Things started off really great, but gradually she started neglecting me and my abandonm... View more

Hey guys, I don't really know where to begin so I think I'll just ramble for a bit. So me and my girlfriend (both 16 years old) have been together for 15 months. Things started off really great, but gradually she started neglecting me and my abandonment issues kicked in. It got really bad for me and I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have been on medication for a couple months now. I've pinpointed the triggers to when things are bad with my girlfriend because my mind just spirals and worries the worst. I've always known my girlfriend to be under alot of pressure from her family and I tried to understand that she didn't have time for me. I never really realised how bad it was. So recently, she told me, she had always been suicidal and self harmed. I have tried to get her to open up before but she really doesn't want to talk about it (and I don't want to push) so I don't know too in depth about her problems. I do know that her family is abusive and I think that's why she doesn't want to go to counselling (in case her parents find out). I got so worried and shocked by her suicide line that I suggested we go talk to the school counsellor, and she said she would break up with me if I did that. I think I'm going to do it anyways, I'm happy for her to hate me if it means she is safe. Right now, I just feel so hopeless and overwhelmed because I don't know what to do. When I go talk to the school, she'll hate me but she's said I was the only thing good in her life. I'm scared she might do something bad to get back at me or if it gets so bad (me telling the school) that she takes her life because of it. I'm just so worried about her and it pains me to see her in pain. I think I just want to talk about it with you guys. All replies welcome