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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Dtmah Seeking tips on learning to be less apologetic
  • replies: 3

Often when my partner gets irritated or angry with me, I tend to apologise immediately and then I would hate myself for being so apologetic because in hindsight I don't think I am either the sole person at fault or have actually done anything wrong. ... View more

Often when my partner gets irritated or angry with me, I tend to apologise immediately and then I would hate myself for being so apologetic because in hindsight I don't think I am either the sole person at fault or have actually done anything wrong. What can I do to be more respectful to myself? Sample scenario: I find it hard to show appreciation for my partner in a way that they could understand. I have been feeling quite down about this problem in our relationship, but still committed to try to change and improve my communication with them. So I decided to write it down as a thank you note so they could read it when they are ready. (Because at the time they are really busy with work). My partner saw me passing them the note and without reading it, reacted really strongly and negatively, assuming it was a negative note. I mumbled that it was a thank you note. But they continued to react in an irritated way, telling me they have this work that they are doing and now they have to deal with this note. I was feeling quite hurt and rejected by then. But my immediate response was to apologise for disturbing their work and having poor communication skills. I hate myself for saying that because I feel like they should also take responsibility for overreacting despite feeling stress about work at the time. Any thoughts/ suggestions on what I should have done/could do better for next time? Thanks.

Mira61 Estranged children by a Covert Narcissist
  • replies: 5

I have finally decided to tell my unbelievable story. It's unbelievable because of the invisible damage my ex-husband of 24 years has caused me, my children and my family. We have been separated now for 6 years and last month I suffered another PTSD ... View more

I have finally decided to tell my unbelievable story. It's unbelievable because of the invisible damage my ex-husband of 24 years has caused me, my children and my family. We have been separated now for 6 years and last month I suffered another PTSD flare-up due to a new evolution of his abuse. F (my ex-husband) is a depressed covert narcissist. His demonstrated fake "love" for me and my children (one 23 yo boy and one 19 yo girl) was unparalleled. My own family thought that he was an angel. When we visited them interstate, he would sleep on the floor. I did not feel the need to point out that he sometimes slept on the floor at home. I tried to support him in his depression but he refused my help because "it's none of my business". So I put up with his lethargy, apathy, putting me down, gaslighting me, picking on what I say and do with my beloved children, mocking my ethnic background for 15 years. Then he started cheating on me at the same time I was getting international recognition for my work and he became more abusive in private. I pulled back from work and tried to "save my marriage" but he became abusive in front of my children. I asked my brother to talk to him, but F told him how I am impossible to live with (sleeping on the floor was evidence of his martyrdom). My brother was also convincing me at the time to try harder to please my ex-husband to spare the children from a broken home. My brother now also believe that it was all my fault. One year after the break-up my daughter was admitted to hospital suffering from PTSD. Living mostly with him (the children were with him during the week with weekend-stays with me then) he took over her treatments with the help of a psychiatrist that he briefed who subsequently banned me from seeing my daughter. I was so distressed firstly for my concern for my daughter in the hands of a depressed narcissist and second for not being able to see my daughter. I suffered severe trauma as a result of the separation. My relationship with my daughter, my son, my brother and mother (who lives with my brother) is now estranged. I tried so hard to support my children even when they were nasty to me but they continue to treat me with contempt. I feel alone and I have lost hope of ever repairing the love my children and I had for one another. Thankfully, 2 friends who have known us for decades and my counsellor validate the abuse I suffered. I don't know what the next step is in my recovery but I'm trying it here as well.

LadyFlower Fear of dating
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I’m in my 20’s and never been in a relationship. I have considered joining online dating to meet and talk with people. However, the thought of it and then potentially going on a date makes me very anxious. To the point that I would rather n... View more

Hi there, I’m in my 20’s and never been in a relationship. I have considered joining online dating to meet and talk with people. However, the thought of it and then potentially going on a date makes me very anxious. To the point that I would rather not meet anyone. I’m scared at the thought of introducing to my family, I won’t have enough time, I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?

egyptian_writer Support groups
  • replies: 1

Good morning friends I am here to ask if anyone knows support groups for children age 11 unfortunately I can only find groups for young children till age 6 or teens. So I would appreciate it if you provide me with any information thank you

Good morning friends I am here to ask if anyone knows support groups for children age 11 unfortunately I can only find groups for young children till age 6 or teens. So I would appreciate it if you provide me with any information thank you

somebun Betrayal Trauma?
  • replies: 4

I've been umm'ing and ahh'ing about whether to post this for quite some time. It's something I haven't told family or friends, so I guess I just need somewhere to vent, and hopefully get some advice or reassurance. I recently discovered that my husba... View more

I've been umm'ing and ahh'ing about whether to post this for quite some time. It's something I haven't told family or friends, so I guess I just need somewhere to vent, and hopefully get some advice or reassurance. I recently discovered that my husband of 14 years has been doing some things behind my back that I find unacceptable - both the behaviours and the fact that he was doing hurtful things behind my back, and lying to me when it was discovered. In a nutshell, he's become addicted to porn and perving online, and was becoming infatuated with a female friend of his (thankfully she's a lot younger and way out of his league, so it was unreciprocated otherwise I think I'd be dealing with a full blown affair). Hi behaviours are all centered around online/social media use including regular online porn use, pornographic emails, googling images from skimpy to pornographic, looking up women on facebook through groups and suggested friends list and going through their photos, plus the private messaging and obsessive 'likes' of his female friend. All these behaviours were behind my back which tells me that he knew they were hurtful, and I wouldn't like him doing it. If he wouldn't sit there next to me going through countless images of women he finds hot, then he probably shouldn't be doing it? I discovered his behaviour by chance - I opened my eyes one morning in bed to see him scrolling through his suggested friend list and opening every hot chicks profile, going straight to photos and opening all the ones he wanted a better look at. Then onto the next woman.. After this discovery it all came out in dribs and drabs (along with lots of lies) about everything else - the porn (emails and websites), the facebook perving, the googling, the obsession with his female friend. I'm not totally naive, or a prude. It's fine to appreciate an attractive woman passing by, on TV etc.. It's incidental and fleeting. But to go hunting for them everyday, in secret - I don't think this behaviour belongs in a marriage. Even porn, we watch together every now and then to spice things up, so why go behind my back? Would love to know your thoughts. I feel so betrayed because of the lying and deceit. My self esteem has taken a huge blow - I feel like I'm not good enough, and if I'd been more attractive he wouldn't have done what he did.

Breezy77 ODD and Conduct disorder
  • replies: 2

Hi, Im new to these forums so i hope i make sense i want to share my story Im a mum who suffers anxiety and depression and am currently very frustrated and heartbroken. I have 4 kids 3 boys and 1 girl oldest boy is 12 and 11 year old twins they suffe... View more

Hi, Im new to these forums so i hope i make sense i want to share my story Im a mum who suffers anxiety and depression and am currently very frustrated and heartbroken. I have 4 kids 3 boys and 1 girl oldest boy is 12 and 11 year old twins they suffer with alot of behavioural problems. I was in a violent relationship with the father of my daughter he tormented us all for 3 years my boys picked up on alot of his behaviour when i left him and moved to another my boys went out of control started punching holes in my walls, climbing on my roof, swearing at me, spitting and running away. Nobody could help the school anyone as they dont listen to anyone. So i decided it was time to send them to there dads me and my daughter moved to victoria i needed a fresh start and try and get back into a routine and strong enough again to take the boys back in march this year there dad didnt want to care for them anymore so sent them down here. I thought that it would be easier and was a lot stronger to set rules and boundaries for them i was wrong they refused to listen and broke every rule. Even though i have had happy times with them and love them dearly the last 6 months has been hell for me after about a month of living with me they started running away, wagging school, smoking, having really bad pysical fights with eachother they i couldnt break up, they have hit me, spat on me called me all the worst names my oldest son got got that bad at running away and causing trouble, stealing smashing peoples property the police were constantly bringing him home, child protection finally got involved and removed him from care as i wasnt keeping him safe when he was roaming the street he was placed in a resi unit but his behaviours contined so today they removed and placed him in secure welfare in melbourne i have been blaming myself and googling conduct disorder and odd my anxiety is killing me i feel like i have failed him and want to get him all the help he needs. I feel lome everybody social workers and family support workers have just put him in the to hard basket and closed our case i need help but dont know where to get it. If any parents have any advice on yhis i would much appreciate it as i feel like im going crazy and i have to stay strong

SadSue Adult Child Estrangement
  • replies: 6

Hello, Nearly a year ago we had a falling out with my son and his new wife, now they won't have anything to do with us. We have all tried on various occasions to get together with them but we just get a polite response saying they can't make it. I th... View more

Hello, Nearly a year ago we had a falling out with my son and his new wife, now they won't have anything to do with us. We have all tried on various occasions to get together with them but we just get a polite response saying they can't make it. I thought that Christmas would be a good time to try again but my son has just told me they have plans for all of Christmas and won't have time to see us. He has withdrawn from all his family and friends and I am so worried about him. I am feeling so low and so sad, it is hard to find joy in anything. I have other family members to spend Christmas with but at this stage I just don't feel like celebrating at all. I'm wondering if anyone else has experience with this type of thing and how you coped because at times I feel like I can't.

Mumtoo3 Possibly domestic violence without violence?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone im new here this is my first post as I don’t where else to ask I have no friends at all literally. I am a mum of 3 I have a partner who I have been with for 4 1/2 years now which my third child is his daughter who’s nearly 5. He works 7-5... View more

Hi everyone im new here this is my first post as I don’t where else to ask I have no friends at all literally. I am a mum of 3 I have a partner who I have been with for 4 1/2 years now which my third child is his daughter who’s nearly 5. He works 7-5 but is a drinker he drinks every single night after work and can’t not have a beer for one night. He has average about 6-7 beers a night he never drinks during the day only at night after 5. he definitely has some attitude problems and anger problems which I clearly asked him to get help for a few times but always refuses. I am thinking of leaving but everytime I seem to mention he lays out killing himself and saying he will take full custody of our daughter. I don’t work because I have a disability and he does so I’m not sure how he could but I was told he can legally take her if he tried and I can’t do anything about it unless I took him to court... the only time I get intercourse is when he wants it when I ask it’s in to tried maybe tomorrow etc just exsuses. He blames me for everything and anything and nothing is ever his fault I had brain surgery last year and plays the you don’t remember card on me. Yes my memory has been bad since surgery but I still know what I say and don’t say or do etc? I’m unhappy I feel trapped because I don’t want to leave my little girl behind because of his threats and at the same time it’s hard because I have borderline personally disorder all though I’m unhappy I can’t stand to be alone regardless I know it sounds bad I tried to put this past many times and I can’t. The thought of being alone kills me and I wel I won’t handle it. I have numerous medical problems and I feel helpless. What do I do? Why would he act like this or do this? He seems to hate my eldest son to but favours my younger son this brings on complications to... I’m so tired mentally

Jazza888 Anxiety Preoccupied Attachment Disorder in Relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new to the forums after recently being diagnosed with Anxiety Attachment disorder (I have suffered from general anxiety and depression for many years) I am wondering if anyone here has any experience with this. If you are unfamiliar with... View more

Hi all, I am new to the forums after recently being diagnosed with Anxiety Attachment disorder (I have suffered from general anxiety and depression for many years) I am wondering if anyone here has any experience with this. If you are unfamiliar with what this is, pretty much stems from childhood with inconsistent parenting. The way this affects me as an adult now is in my relationships, I find myself in a constant state of worry if things are not going as they should. As an example, I feel I always need reassurance from my partner which helps me confirm the relationship is ok, I am so worried about her leaving due to abandonment issues with my mother that I always seek to make sure she is ok. This become very smothering and overbearing and I understand now I do this and can take a step back and look at situations as they unfold. I can take the tiniest thing like the way a message was written, a lack of reply to text messages and turn them into a big anxiety attack because i feel like something is wrong in the relationship and my emotions get the better of me. I am working on this with my psychologist and starting mindfulness which I know will help overtime. I guess I am just looking for support from people who have experienced this in relationships to show that you can turn it around. I want to be a better person and partner. Even tonight, my partner and I just got back together this week after she wanted to try again, I was out playing basketball and I thought i'd have messages from her when I finished, i had sent her a few message and she didn't respond, I had nothing, not even a goodnight message, she simply turned her phone off and went to sleep (She does have a kid so that obviously affects her ability to do things too). However my anxiety flared up thinking wow 3 days back together and she is already doing these things. Reality is though am I just overreacting and being "needy" and "Clingy" and this is my disorder and anxiety acting up needing her attention? She doesn't have to text I guess but at the same time am I just blaming my disorder when really she could of just said "goodnight im going to sleep" etc. I know this is a trivial issue but my anxiety is just unbearable and I want to be better and happy once and for all. Thank you J

Zoe30 Both children getting divorced, I’m not coping well
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m new to this but just feel the need for some advice as to how to get thought this horrible period in my life. Three awful things within 12 months... my first child announced divorce as her partner had come out as gay and did not want to remain... View more

Hi, I’m new to this but just feel the need for some advice as to how to get thought this horrible period in my life. Three awful things within 12 months... my first child announced divorce as her partner had come out as gay and did not want to remain in the marriage, my daughter was devastated , they have a 3yr and 5 year old. A few months later my elderly father’s dementia worsened and he has had to go into a nursing home, he is no longer lucid at all., I feel I have lost my relationship with him my second daughter has now announced her intention to divorce her husband as their marriage is not happy, they have a two year old. I feel as if my life is unraveling and am struggling to handle the grief and loss and the huge changes I am trying to be as supportive and strong as I can be for my daughters but I just feel weighed down by sadness. They are both professional successful women, and I wanted them to have happy family lives . It’s heartbreaking Any advice as to how to get through this would be appreciated I have been seeing a psychologist and am trying to meditate and practice mindfulness but some days nothing works. Thank you