Relationship and family issues

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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Loat_trust Cheated upon, coercive controled and blamed
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I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all p... View more

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all physically assaulted me multiple times and my kids. But when I finally got an IVO against her all she had to do is put a false report against me. Vic Police was so accomodating with her about her false accusations which were historical, but when it came to me I struggled first to even give a statement. The details of her cheating and how it impacted me including getting assualt by the man (causing fractured ribs) was not relevant. Her simple allegation of me damaging a bathroom door got me charged with indicitable offence, but her assualt in presence of my kids and parents, resulting in stitches on my ear was not enough to charge her. As a man if I sought help the authorities accused me of using the system. There is no hope here for men, I do agree as a gender we are more responsible for family violence, but not all men are same. My lawyers are amazed, and yes we will contest it. But how long is one can go on like this. What can I do? No perm add, funds are drained so bad. Is there any place I can be heard ?

Stick_figure- Mental health, relationship & stonewalling.
  • replies: 1

I need advice, have thought so much that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I have been with my partner for fair few years now, boundaries have been pushed and tempers have been lost but I do love him. I have had my brother in hospital with a brain i... View more

I need advice, have thought so much that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I have been with my partner for fair few years now, boundaries have been pushed and tempers have been lost but I do love him. I have had my brother in hospital with a brain injury for 7 months which has been a living nightmare to say the least. I have had many breakdowns and 3/4 months in my partner said he's leaving me while angry. A week later he came back and said all the right things. As of a few weeks ago, he told me he had been at another girls house and had slept together but there were no real feelings. We had huge fight and both become violent.We realised how messed up that was, spoke about everything and then got back on track. He wanted me to try more and I was willing I offered to stay on a weds but he had few too many beers with his dad and staying there. I offered again Thurs and seemed off. He then told me that she had stuff going on and asked to stay and had lied the night before. They had been in seperate rooms. I went to confront him, and he came out gate charging me. I had to go back hospital and the whole time he was saying he would come see me. To then ignore me so I showed up. He kept me outside like a dog while she hid away in spare room. He then locked me out as I was banging on windows he actually called cops. I had already reported violent encounters. He then vanishes for several days, reaching out as suited him and ignoring attempts from me.Had eventually met up and calmed down. He assumes me that he was only helping a friend. It's the lack of truth, defending her (court cases pending) attacking me like I did the wrong thing and all round disrespect that got me. To then very recently find out he said to a guy that he loved her but that was supposedly to stop him from cracking on to her... But came out she was someone he was seeing years before and there was interest. He still defends himself saying he was there for a friend but should have included me and not lie. Then says "I don't have to worry because she won't talk to him because she thinks he's a liar and what not" I'm struggling to get my head around this, he expects me to just move passed it. I am exhausted and at hospital everyday for my brother. I just don't even know what's real amymore. I just want to feel safe again. Any advice/feedback would be appreciated

Guest_05560001 15yrs
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I am so lost, I am in the early stages of seperation after 15yrs of marriage, we have a son, him and I are looking after each other but I still feel so lost, sad, empty and some days really numb. She said she just wants to be her, I have never felt s... View more

I am so lost, I am in the early stages of seperation after 15yrs of marriage, we have a son, him and I are looking after each other but I still feel so lost, sad, empty and some days really numb. She said she just wants to be her, I have never felt so lost, and heartbroken, I love her more than anything else in the world, how do pull myself out of this hole for myself and be strong for my son.

Flowergirl97 Narcissistic family members
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone,I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my s... View more

Hi everyone,I am in my late 20s, have experienced generalised and social anxiety and depression at times in my life. I always felt inferior to my older sibling growing up and that one of my parents simply didn’t ‘get’ me. But I have noticed that my sibling has been extra stressed recently and has obviously been taking issues out on me (getting angry at me about normally insignificant things that aren’t my fault and insulting me). And this got me curious and wondering WHY is this happening. WHY would my sibling take issues out on me? So I did what most people do when they are curious about something, I googled it. And in my reading, narcissism came up as a reoccurring theme. I have been aware that my sibling lacks empathy towards me for a long time, but it has come as a big shock to realise- oh this has actually been an ongoing experience in my life- of my sibling belittling me, insults, telling lies, manipulating me, changing an opinion, anger when they don’t get their own way, expecting me to do things for them. 100s of experiences I have had with them have flooded back into my brain and it is concerning. I knew one of my parents was similar due to more recent experiences of manipulation, selfishness, and lies from them, but now my sibling as well?If anyone out there has a similar family dynamic, how have you coped? What have you done to prevent being manipulated?How did you realise your family member was like this? Or is there any advice you can give me?

Guest_64596266 Feeling lost and confused
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Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. Whenever he sits next to me on the loun... View more

Would love some advise I've been dating my partner for almost four years now whenever we lay in bed and hug it's more like his lening on me with a close fist whenever I see him hug his family he has open hands. Whenever he sits next to me on the lounge he loosely holds my hand if he sits and holds the hand of his Nan mum daughter etc he holds them tightly My partner also really gets into wanting sex with me when he works around women he'll come home wanting it where if he isn't working he rejects it so much Lately his been having a lot of sexual dreams over the years when he has wet dreams his never ever told me they are about us he just says he don't have them however for the first time the other day he said I'm intiled to have a dream every now and then This man knows I've never been loved never been treated like a woman he knows I adore him so much he sees it and states it because it's true I love him so much I just don't feel the same in return I feel like I'm just here if he needs something yes I've talked to him

Guest_07427988 Toxic brother in law
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Hi all.. Me and my family have recently moved in with my toxic brother in law. It's been a few weeks since moving in and I have had alot of problems with him so far. I will.tey my best to start at the start but do bare with me as it's a very long sto... View more

Hi all.. Me and my family have recently moved in with my toxic brother in law. It's been a few weeks since moving in and I have had alot of problems with him so far. I will.tey my best to start at the start but do bare with me as it's a very long story. My brother in law and twin sister has had a rocky marriage for the last few years me and my family decided to leave our home and move in with them to help them out. But it took alot of planning and organising to get us down here. In the process of this my twin sister ended dup leaving him and everything behind and now lives in a refuge. Because this plan was already in place we still moved down to help him keep his house and mortgage hoping my sister would return. It's been 2 months and she's not returning back. It has made the living situation bad for my family at his house. I recently got a casual job and paid rent weekly to him to keep a roof over my family. Myself and brother in law had a run in yesterday where I yelled and screamed at him for the right reasons. He then called the police and now he has an AVO against me. I am now staying an hour away from my family as I have nowhere else to go. My wife and kids are staying there as I don't want them to be homeless for my brother in law though am I able to take any steps to put in a complaint or report him for any reasons? His very possessive and controlling. I am concerned for my niece as she is his care. He has pushed my sister out of her home and now has pushed me away from my family. I am really concerned about the children's welfare. He works a rotating roster one week day shift next week night shift. It feels his using my partner to look after all his kids whilst his at work but yet he wants the youngest in his care just another child my partner will have to attend to whilst his at work. I really don't know what to do. I'm homeless and seperated from my family because of his choices

Guest_77252445 Struggling and worried
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hi so last week I have been feeling sick in my stomach and very anxious and it's gotten a lot worse since my Gf removed me on her snap map without saying anything. I have given her space I have seen her since and things very good with us. we still ha... View more

hi so last week I have been feeling sick in my stomach and very anxious and it's gotten a lot worse since my Gf removed me on her snap map without saying anything. I have given her space I have seen her since and things very good with us. we still have that connection. and talk on the phone every night. I keep thinking that I've done something wrong and overthink that Shes going to leave me it's affecting me mentally and I'm worried I'm going to lose my relationship. I do get diagnosed with anxiety when i was young. and this is also my first relationship.

Katyonthehamsterwheel Christmas Dread
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I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't... View more

I couldn't decide where to post, but loneliness fits. This is not my first time spending Christmas alone, but for some reason two days out and I feel quite panicky and gross just thinking about it. I really just can't wait until it's over. It doesn't help that everything stops/closes for a period, contributing to that sense of isolation. I try and tell myself "it's just another day" and it's not even today, or tomorrow, but my body and mind are unconvinced, and I feel rubbish. I'm doing whatever it is I would normally be doing, but not feeling good. And I've ordered some yummy food to eat Christmas Day and bought myself a gift, but just can't shake the grossness and not sure what else to do.

what2do How to have good relationships with family when there are so many complex issues
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I love my family, but unfortunately many family members have complex mental health issues - I don't want to talk about them specifically, but basically they include multiple problems like a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar, PTSD... View more

I love my family, but unfortunately many family members have complex mental health issues - I don't want to talk about them specifically, but basically they include multiple problems like a severe mental illness such as schizophrenia or bipolar, PTSD and addiction, as well as things like ASD/ ADHD/ ODD/ Tourette's syndrome etc. Many of them struggle to get good care from a psychiatrist and live very dysfunctional lives with minimal support (most of their partners have left them and taken the children so they either live alone or in a precarious situation with family/ friends). As such, most of my interactions with them concern things like - hospitalisation due to drug overdoses/ self medication, psychotic episodes, severe mood disturbances, extreme relationship drama with family/ friends, legal issues due to being arrested for their behaviour/ symptoms in public etc.Most of the carers in my family (including myself) also have mental health issues or things like ADHD/ ASD (just less severe), have physical health issues, and/ or are 80+. Because of my conditions, after dealing with them I feel like I soak up the negativity like a sponge and feel really outraged by the situation or anxious to the point I can't sleep, have a lot of physical stress symptoms almost to the point that I feel like I'm having a heart attack, hallucinate that they're calling me or at the door, and it sometimes takes me a day to recover or feel right again. There is also little I can do practically due to my health - I am flat out caring for myself.All of this leaves me feeling extremely guilty, helpless and resentful. I want my family to be the best it can be. I want to enjoy things with them in some way. I also want to be a good support to my family, especially as I am a bit younger than most of the people in caring roles, but don't know how. I have tried counselling but they keep saying my family members are not my problem and just to set extreme boundaries or cut them off entirely. I feel like this is wrong as it's not their fault and I wouldn't want to be treated that way. Does anyone know of any counsellors or support groups who deal with really complex family issues? I feel like a lot of resources make the assumption that a person with a mental illness exists in a vacuum and all other family members/ carers are healthy, capable etc. I find that support from government and private services is limited and hard to access and quite frankly not sufficient for our situation.

Ilovedoogos My husband loves his hand more than me.
  • replies: 5

I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings. I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that. We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug... View more

I’m writing this post more to just vent and talk about my feelings. I’m young but have been with my husband for a very long time. We love each other very much and I don’t doubt that. We are like best friends. But the intimacy has gone. He doesn’t hug me, kiss me, cuddle me. I just don’t feel like he lets me in. I really don’t mind if my husband watches porn. But we don’t have sex a lot. So it make me feel so inadequate and unattractive. I feel like he prefers to just do it on his own than be close to me. I woke up to him in the bathroom doing it. It made my fears feel real. When he came to bed I ended up having a panic attack. But I didn’t say why. He was so sweet talking me through breathing. I guess im just struggling with my feelings of not being good enough or attractive enough for him. I feel angry and sad and a little lonely. Please tell me someone out there is feeling like this?