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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Beryl48 Not good enough /Excluded from events
  • replies: 2

My husband and I are late 50s - We have worked hard raised our family been together for 40years . We have done ok in life , never caused anyone any grief . The last couple of years the issue of being excluded and " Looked down on us " has become obvi... View more

My husband and I are late 50s - We have worked hard raised our family been together for 40years . We have done ok in life , never caused anyone any grief . The last couple of years the issue of being excluded and " Looked down on us " has become obvious to us . This "Vibe" comes from both sides of our families, the family members are really nice people etc . It's all come to a head in recent weeks when my husband was excluded from his Aunties 80th Birthday event , even though his sister and more distant relatives were invited. My husband was terribly hurt and reached out to his Aunty to wish her Happy Birthday and mentioned he would liked to have been invited, response was "I have lots of friends and had to cut numbers " The event was a casual affair at a pub Has anyone else dealt with this ?

Gracee_ Disowning my family
  • replies: 6

Tonight was finally the night I disowned my dad, step mum and siblings. It’s been a long time coming and although I feel relived, I am also devastated. Since living with them when I was 15, I was constantly yelled at, sworn at and accused of doing th... View more

Tonight was finally the night I disowned my dad, step mum and siblings. It’s been a long time coming and although I feel relived, I am also devastated. Since living with them when I was 15, I was constantly yelled at, sworn at and accused of doing things I hadn’t done. Never had they let me explain myself when I made a mistake, rather they would scream and remind me of how unwanted and how much of a disappointed I was. I once confided in my step mum about how I was getting depressed again (I had tried to commit a year ago before this) and she told me I belonged in a mental institution. My parents continually tell everyone how great they are and how they never put their children down and it infuriates me because it’s total bullshit. They let everyone know that they have done everything right to raise their children when in actual fact they have emotionally damaged us. They’ve turned my siblings against me and anything I’ve confided in them with has gone straight to them. I’m 21 and don’t deserve what has happened but I feel guilty for telling them I no longer want anything to do with them. My step mum responded with “good riddence, looking forward to a much better 2020 now that you aren’t in it”. I guess I’m just needing advice or someone to tell me that what I’ve done is okay. I’m so scared I’m going to cave when I begin to feel sad in a few months and I don’t know how to make sure I stick to what I want and to cut all contact. Any advice would really mean a lot.

Jenny102 Should I stay or should I go?
  • replies: 4

I suffer from severe anxiety and my depression is starting to peak again. I’m a 24 year old mum of two; for nearly 4 years I was a single mother, but I’ve been with my current partner for just over a year. Prior to moving in together I was living wit... View more

I suffer from severe anxiety and my depression is starting to peak again. I’m a 24 year old mum of two; for nearly 4 years I was a single mother, but I’ve been with my current partner for just over a year. Prior to moving in together I was living with my parents, and things between my partner and I were perfect, and he was so caring towards my children . At 9 months into the relationship, we decided to move in together (which we both agreed later on that we weren’t ready for such a big step). the first couple of weeks were fine, then I started feeling depressed and like I didn’t even want to be around him. I’ve been living with him for 5 months now and I don’t feel at home at all. I want to be with him but I want to be alone. My depression is starting to get worse; I feel so extremely homesick and part of me just wants to move back in with my parents. And to make me feel even worse, my partner told my sister that he has no connection or bond whatsoever with my children and he’s always yelling at them. I just don’t know what I should do. My mum did give me the option of taking the kids and staying with her for a few days. But I don’t think my relationship is thriving with us living together? I guess I’m really just looking for some advice on what to do

SJ69 Manipulative reward and punishment attempt
  • replies: 2

I am 51 years old with three siblings, aged 48 and 47. I left home at 18 because my middle sibling C caused friction between myself and my parents. Aged 24 I decided to emigrate to Oz because of the friction C caused and the insistence by my parents ... View more

I am 51 years old with three siblings, aged 48 and 47. I left home at 18 because my middle sibling C caused friction between myself and my parents. Aged 24 I decided to emigrate to Oz because of the friction C caused and the insistence by my parents that she was never to blame. Once she caused my father to pin my youngster sister R against a wall. We don't know why. R will never forgot this. Growing up my father was largely absent, working as a farm labourer 24/7 to provide for his family. From the age of 8, I had to look after my siblings during school hols (with a stay at home Mum across the lane and father popping in throughout the day). When I was older and Mum worked full time, I had to put homework on the back burner to prepare the evening meal. I received no academic support and was told to leave school at 15 and get a job to contribute financially to the house. I did ok but yes it pisses me, especially when my parents rave about how C's two sons have gone to uni and done well for themselves. There is nothing to be gained. I say nothing to my parents who have put C and her sons on a pedestal. Since 1994 when I moved to OZ I have maintained a distant but cordial relationship with C. We do not exchange cards, phone calls etc. Her relationship with R (UK based) is also distant. Recently I found my maternal biological grandfather for my Mum. Fantastic but sad too. He is unwell. I suggested I visit my father said no then started a diatribe of cruel words relating to my relationship with C. I should be proud of her and her sons success and we can get back to normal. That I go round the word pissing people off and on NYD, the blackmail.. apologise to your sister and her sons (for what I do not know), and show them a few words of love or I'll cut you out of my will and you'll be about in the cold. Oh and tell anyone about 'the deal' and it's off. He parenting style has always been dictatorship, he has no self awareness only a manipulating, controlling trait that makes me sick in the stomach. R has tried to talk to him and Mum. They either do not get it or do not care. Personally, my mental health (shaky since May 19) doesn't need this, and I do need, nor want his money, so I have disowned both of them. Thankfully I have a great circle of friends and a counsellor. My husband not so much but maybe there is hope we can use this episode to build love and respect between us again. Thanks for reading.

Frosty35 Am I a selfish and horrible partner?
  • replies: 7

Not sure why I am posting other other than the feeling of depression, guilt, fear, and feeling of suffocation. I really had no where to turn to but to a safe forum. Essentially I am in a 3 year relationship with my partner who is 10 years older than ... View more

Not sure why I am posting other other than the feeling of depression, guilt, fear, and feeling of suffocation. I really had no where to turn to but to a safe forum. Essentially I am in a 3 year relationship with my partner who is 10 years older than I (she is in her early 40's). We met at a work party, really enjoyed each others company, and things kicked off well; however 6 weeks in she fell pregnant as some medication messed up her cycle... and now we have an amazing son. I was not even sure if I wanted to be a father and was always adamant I need a good stable job, house, etc, before even considering starting a family. It took me a few months to embrace the situation, but when he came into the world I was over the moon, being the best involved dad I can be. I am ashamed to admit when we first found out, my position was to not have him, due to the situation as well hardly knowing my partner... but the impression was she would keep him anyway... but I did embrace the situation and committed to it. However post his birth is when things really started to go sour. 12 months into our relationship (and a 2 month old - living a long way away from any family and close friends) my partner suggested a 2nd baby. My position was not right now and that I needed time to get used to the situation (new baby, new job + getting to know her). And since that point in time I have been constantly pressured on a 2nd, where full blown arguments would occur. Occurring between 2 to 6 weeks each time (in between this time things being frosty, or "walking on egg shells" for lack of a better term). Through this I have been told I am controlling, I do not care for her wants, and have essentially taken her voice out of her/our future despite telling her all I need is time... and the fact she has gone obsessive has just pushed me away from her and the actual idea of a second. Through this period I have tried doing everything for her, balancing work and care for her (and my son) to make her comfortable, recover from the pregnancy, and get her back to feeling herself again; pushing myself to physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. But all this has been for nothing; essentially I am been made to feel like a selfish piece of sh*t that is ruining her life and future, taking away control like a bully or an abusive partner, which hurts so much. I am scared of her, and scared to leave because of my son and the thought of ruining her life. Am I a selfish and horrible partner?

Maui757 I’m verbally abusing my partner and I don’t know how to stop
  • replies: 8

I have recently realised that I verbally abuse my partner, and have been doing so for years. He has told me many times, but I never truly listened until just the other night and I realised he is right. I did a bit of research and I am 100% verbally a... View more

I have recently realised that I verbally abuse my partner, and have been doing so for years. He has told me many times, but I never truly listened until just the other night and I realised he is right. I did a bit of research and I am 100% verbally abusing him. I feel so terrible, I can’t believe I’ve turned into this person. I also abuse my parents, mainly my Mum. mom already so reactive, I get so angry so quickly and I lash out. I have no doubts that I would get physically abusive if I got mad enough. obviously I don’t want to abuse anyone. I love these people, and yet I’m abusing them. I feel so shattered inside, I feel so broken and alone. How did I become this person? I feel like I’m not allowed to feel bad for myself because I was the one who chose to abuse them. I could have acted differently but I didn’t. It’s so selfish, so wrong. How am I meant to deal with this? How do I stop? Or is it best to end my relationship with my partner so I can stop abusing him? He has tried to end our relationship a few times in the past because he can’t take my abuse, but we always calm down and talk it out and try other options. We’ve just started to see my psych together for couples sessions, but I fear it’s too late. The damage is already done, I may as well leave and prevent further damage Please, I just want some advice. I have no idea what’s happening, or why. I’m so new to this, and yet I’ve been doing it for years and years. I’m so torn up, I honestly feel like I’m a broken human being and there’s no hope to repair me or what I’ve done. Maui

sport123 i dont really know what im doing or how im feeling.
  • replies: 2

hi everyone, im not sure if anyone else can relate to this or if it is just me stressing over small things. there is this guy and he really likes me, but i don't know if i like him back i think i do but i also think i dont (i have mixed feelings). i ... View more

hi everyone, im not sure if anyone else can relate to this or if it is just me stressing over small things. there is this guy and he really likes me, but i don't know if i like him back i think i do but i also think i dont (i have mixed feelings). i have caught up with him alone, i go to parties with him and i talk to him everyday over text. the problem is he keeps telling me he likes me and i feel bad because i feel like im leading him on, but i just dont know how to feel. he is kind and caring and i enjoy spending time with him but is that just because i like him as a friend or i want something more? i got jealous when i saw him with another girl but soon told myself that i wasnt bothered or interested. i really dont know what to do because i have never been in this situation before where i wanna see him and want him to be apart of my life but i keep telling myself that im not interested in him that way. IM SO CONFUSED. it is bugging me and it has got to the point now where he is having deep conversations with me about it and i am pushing him away, but i dont know if i even like him that way. i am very confused and hope for some reassurance as to why i am feeling this way and how i can actually figure out what i want because i feel like i have tried everything. Thank you!

ChrissyStar When I get scared, he gets worse...what is happening?
  • replies: 3

Hi, My BF has recently started picking on me. When I answer a question from him - I'm trying to think at the same time so it's often not as quick or assured as usual....I'm also "thinking on my feet" trying to judge his reaction to my words because I... View more

Hi, My BF has recently started picking on me. When I answer a question from him - I'm trying to think at the same time so it's often not as quick or assured as usual....I'm also "thinking on my feet" trying to judge his reaction to my words because I don't want to find myself in an escalating situation which spirals out of control into violence. I'm also confused at what his problem is, going through all the things in my mind of what it could be. And hurt that he is unhappy with me, confused that he's turning on me, frustrated that he's being demanding...you get the picture. The more intimidated I get, the worse he gets...I end up actually being scared & my words are stuck in my mouth. This makes him even more angry. What is it called when a person feeds off fear (or uses the discomfort of others) like this? I'm not sold on his explanation...which is that he believes I'm trying to antagonize him on purpose...it's obviously just a ploy to get angry at me. But why? Control? Power? To punish me for doing something he didn't like? What's his psychological issue here?

Pammyk Surviving a narcissist
  • replies: 3

I have been two years free of a toxic relationship. Just starting this post had made me feel light headed. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over thirty years and blame this for my choice of partners. I think it started with how dad alw... View more

I have been two years free of a toxic relationship. Just starting this post had made me feel light headed. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for over thirty years and blame this for my choice of partners. I think it started with how dad always broke my mums heart (never physical) then my son bullying me until he left. Then the icing on the cake after my son left I fell in love with the same sort of person. I feel like I am attracted to this type of person and am too scared to become involved with anyone. Thank goodness for my dog and my job. When I am not at work I feel sad most of the time but only cry at happy things or sad things that I hear about. Never for myself. N

The-misunderstood-girl We're so messed up its pass toxic
  • replies: 2

Hi. We have both had our run in with drugs when we were just friends. He went to jail and I lost my child to services, however since we ended up saying yes to being together we have built each other up immensely. We both dont drink, dont do drugs, I ... View more

Hi. We have both had our run in with drugs when we were just friends. He went to jail and I lost my child to services, however since we ended up saying yes to being together we have built each other up immensely. We both dont drink, dont do drugs, I have my child and hes changed from doing stupid things that would end him in court. He works and I started home school until it became unbearable due to my mental health not being fixed since the drugs. However we have the worst lash out moments i blame it on our messed up mind from the drugs and actions we done in our past. Its like an uncontrollable rage of anger that comes with heavy anxiety and depression, I find mine to be worse at I get to stages I cannot even get out of bed but hes able to get himself up for work somehow. A lot of our fights was who we both can and cant talk to, who we can have on social media, what kind of social media we can have, were we can go etc. It was as if one person started on something they didnt agree with that the other would ask for it to be that way for them also. Its feeling like a massive toll but we both wont let it go and try to build from it i guess we dont know how to either. He refuses to acknowledge that he also needs help and says that it is all me. I feel completely stuck too.. I dont have anywhere else I can go, I have no money, nothing as he would argue if I tried to get a job. I can only apply for certain ones that he thinks is appropriate for our relationship. Now in saying all this i have never done anything for him to not trust me I have always been completely honest with everything but ive come to find that everything he use to say he was and things he would never do has made me question everything now. We have had two to three physical domestic and too many emotional i cannot count, thing is this is someone i have changed for I am just so confused with what is going on. How can I fix this? Is it mainly me? I cannot keep feeling like this everyday i am so tired.