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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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goldilocks my grandmother is a toxic person who is unforgiving and is trying to ruin my life on purpose
  • replies: 7

I texted my grandmother yesterday morning, which lead to me calling her. We were arguing through text and then I phoned her, asking her what her problem was. She screamed and hurled abuse at me. I had her on speaker phone and it got to the point wher... View more

I texted my grandmother yesterday morning, which lead to me calling her. We were arguing through text and then I phoned her, asking her what her problem was. She screamed and hurled abuse at me. I had her on speaker phone and it got to the point where my mother hung up on her for me. She then called my mother and she then called her again while she was at work, abusing her. I then went to her house to demand to speak to her, and she threatened to call the police on me! My mother and I never threatened to call the police on her when she hurled abuse at us. I was so angry I smashed two of her pot plants on the concrete. She is a toxic person who is unforgiving and she has told me that I am no longer part of the family, but that my mother and father are welcome to visit her at anytime. She is trying to put a barrier between my parents and I for a reason unknown. She is also a social worker and in spite of that she has absolutely no understanding of mental health at all. In fact, she is a mental health problem in itself. She has caused so much trouble in this family because she is an old, bitter, jealous person whose achieved nothing in life. She is trying to ruin my life on purpose because she's jealous that my parents are still together, and that I've got my own goals. She has already gossiped about me to everyone in her contacts, telling them all that I am a bad person. We went to a funeral two years ago and she couldnt help but comment on how "poor" everyone looked, and on another occasion she looked at a photo of a family friend of mine and commented on how fat she looked. I could only imagine half of the things she says about me. I don't want her in my life anymore because she is a bully. She likes to "speak the truth" about my life but theres a fine line between that and bullying someone into causing property damage at their house and abusing someone. She seems to think that I abuse her but she never provides any evidence of that. What am I supposed to?

8thhouse Contact With Other Parent in Trying Circumstances
  • replies: 2

I'm including a trigger warning for sexual assault. Please don't read this if it will harm your mental well-being. Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm 24 and my son (K) is 6 and has level 2 ASD. I fell pregnant at 16 to my son's then 18 year old father (T... View more

I'm including a trigger warning for sexual assault. Please don't read this if it will harm your mental well-being. Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm 24 and my son (K) is 6 and has level 2 ASD. I fell pregnant at 16 to my son's then 18 year old father (T). K was born when I was 17. I do not know if K was conceived consensually, T was sexually abusive towards me during our short relationship. T and I separated during my pregnancy and when K was 8 weeks old I asked T to choose between being in K's life and continuing to abuse drugs. We didn't see him for 5 years. I was diagnosed with PTSD. When K was 5, I separated from my partner. Shortly after, T contacted me saying he wanted to be a part of K's life. For the first few months, it was good. They began to build a relationship. Then my partner and I reconciled. T disappeared again. After a few months he said wanted to see K again, but he was combatative with me when making plans and he was cancelling visits at the last minute so often that I stopped telling K when he was coming, so he wouldn't be disappointed. This became a huge argument when I called him out for being inconsistent, and that K had told me that when he's at T's house he plays Xbox all day and all night. They don't go out, do anything else, or even play it together. K is only supposed to have limited screen time as his ASD gets him sucked into games to the point you'd forget he was there. During the argument, he, not I, brought up the sexual abuse. He was telling me to take him to court, he said "Tell them I r****d you for all I care. I won't even deny it." All the progress I thought I made in healing unraveled. I didn't think anybody would believe me, but he'd just confessed. My anxiety and intrusive memories have been awful, and I can't be intimate with my partner without crying. K has not seen T since then. T wants to see K. K has not asked about T. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to expose an autistic 6 year old to someone I know committed a sex crime. I can no longer repress what happened to me. I can't bear to think about T, but K is more important to me than anything, I don't know if it's better for him to have his father, or if T's inconsistency and putting him in front of a screen and not interacting with him whenever he's there is worth it. T has made it clear he will not go to court, so legal advice is not necessary, I just want to do the best for K.

Rodman316 having depression, quiting grog for good and dealing with my marrage falling apart
  • replies: 8

I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember, it comes and goes but when it hits its chaos. I recently got put on antidepresents. My wife gave me a choice of either her or the grog. At this point I was sober for nearly 3 weeks. I froze an... View more

I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember, it comes and goes but when it hits its chaos. I recently got put on antidepresents. My wife gave me a choice of either her or the grog. At this point I was sober for nearly 3 weeks. I froze and couldnt even answer. She packed and left yesterday. Ive only just been able to admit to myself im an alcoholic. Giving up cold turkey has been so hard. I crave to drink. I have used it as a coping mechanism for most of my life. I want to have my family back. Thats my goal. The only problem is now she doesnt believe that I will change. Im trying to getus counceling, I see a gp often, visit mental health regularly and see a psychologist. I ended up at hospital on suicide watch last night because I cant handle the pain. We are married and been together for 12 years. I have never loved someone so much. It breaks my heart the things I have said out of anger and frustration. She is my world. I cant stop crying andhate myself for not answeting her question. At the moment the only thing keeping me going is that she hasnt said im wasting my time. Im scared and dont know how or what to think. My head never shuts up and I bsrely sleep. Thank youfor your time

rossy1 Possible bipolar. Relationship breakdown
  • replies: 1

How do u tell the difference between mental illness and true feelings? My partner of 7 years has told me he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for months . The way I talk and look at him just makes him sick .He hasn't yet been diagnosed with bi polar... View more

How do u tell the difference between mental illness and true feelings? My partner of 7 years has told me he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for months . The way I talk and look at him just makes him sick .He hasn't yet been diagnosed with bi polar but I think it's coming . I told him I thought something was wrong and we went to the doctors he's been referred to a psychiatrist which I hope is soon. We have been together 7 years . Lot of ups and downs . I have moved out for now . This is so hard .. he thinks even if he is diagnosed that it has nothing to do with our relationship but how could something like that not affect a relationship. Looking for any advice or stories from anyone who has been through the same thing .. thank you*editHe gets very agitated easily . Has weeks where he is bouncing off the walls happy lots of energy . Can't get enough of me sex everywhere and everyday plus strange sexual fantasies. Then he will be ok auto pilot just going through the motions of the day . Not really talking getting angry over very small issues . He tried to kill himself 5 years ago after having a period of time where he was just sad and he didn't know why. He doesn't remember conversations we have had or claims that I have / haven't said things and is adamant his version of events is what's real. He said he's heard a voice in his head a few times . And lays in bed at night his mind just in overdrive . He's had trouble sleeping for about 3 years . Also these behaviours where he pushes me away happen at the same time yearly almost like clock work . He has had problems long before I come on the scene and has never dealt with anything . I think as he's getting older it's all just catching up with him. I just want him to get the help he needs

FeathersnFluff Son & DIL Seperating Slowly
  • replies: 29

My son has decided to seperate from his wife of a year. They have two small boys under 3 My son came to me with a heavy heart telling me he couldn't keep going to work coming home cleaning the house and taking care of both boys. I know being a stay a... View more

My son has decided to seperate from his wife of a year. They have two small boys under 3 My son came to me with a heavy heart telling me he couldn't keep going to work coming home cleaning the house and taking care of both boys. I know being a stay at home is a big job but not even the basics are getting done. When I visited the kids are dirty and running around with very little supervision. I have always been scared for their safety.....I have never said a word about it to my DIL because I don't want to interfere. Anyway when my son said he was leaving her she tried to harm him and told him he would never see his children again. The Police became involved and put a Domestic Violence Order in place against my DIL. . It's a big long background story but what I'm trying to get too is my son is trying to seperate nicely by dropping in to see the boys every day after work, teaching her to cook, driving her to appointments etc. I understand his motivation ....he wants the boys not to be traumatised and wants to go through mediation rather than a big court case. All this would be fine except my DIL has mental health issues and is a self confessed every day pot user. When she is at her worst she lashes out at people and it makes it hard to reason with her. To be quite honest I am worried for the safety of my Grandchildren and my son. My son says leave it to him. He can handle everything. So I have tried to stay out of it but it's very stressful. Has anyone else been through a similar situation?

GhostAu Stay at home Parent
  • replies: 5

Gday, Woke up feeling really emotional this morning, and i guess ive decided enough is enough and i need to do something. Ive known im an emotional person for a very long time, but ive always tried to keep it under raps and controlled, but my situati... View more

Gday, Woke up feeling really emotional this morning, and i guess ive decided enough is enough and i need to do something. Ive known im an emotional person for a very long time, but ive always tried to keep it under raps and controlled, but my situation has changed over the last couple few years, and i can just feel myself dissapearing more and more, and i find myself hiding in video games. For someone who is nearly 40, i cant see that as a good thing. I gave up work 3 years ago to be the fulltime carer of my eldest, who is now 15. He goes to a special education school during the day, but someone needs to be available incase he has a seizure, and as my wife has the better career path, it was only logical that she work, and i stay home. He has an acquired brain injury, caused by what the doctors have labled " aborted SIDs". Ive always blamed myself for his difficulty's, as i was the one at home with him when it happened, and the one that found him.I would pick him up from his childcare on my way home from work, and take him home. If he was restless when putting him down for his afternoon nap, i would put him in our bed, instead of his cot, as the smell of his mum would help him settle, but on this day he didnt wake up, and was in a coma for 2 months after. I was 23 at the time. since then we have had 2 more children, now aged 12 and 4. Since leaving work, ive realised i dont really have any friends, i had people i worked with, or my wifes friends, but none of my own. I dont get phone calls, i dont get out of the house, i dont socialise, im just here, trying to stay busy. I love my wife, but she is so busy with her work, i dont think she notices me . I know she loves me, and cares for me. She just has so much on her plate allready, i dont want to add to her burden. Ive been sleeping on the couch for the last year or so now, ive told her its because of her snoring, but really its because im not sleeping much and i dont want her to notice. We havent been intimate in over 2 years now, which isnt down to my lack of drive, but hers. Im ok with that, i think, but it brings with it a sense of being worthless and feeling unattractive. I dont know. I just have the feeling i want to dissapear, i want to leave everything behind and walk of into the sunset, and leave everything behind. I wont thought, i have three smiling little ( or not so little) faces smiling at me that need me. It would be nice though lol

16ShadesofBlue Infidelity, mental health, lost and broken
  • replies: 24

2 months ago I accidentally discovered that my husband and partner of 20 years had a 2 month affair with a 'friend', someone who I was led to believe was supporting him through his own mental health journey and who was also trying to befriend me at t... View more

2 months ago I accidentally discovered that my husband and partner of 20 years had a 2 month affair with a 'friend', someone who I was led to believe was supporting him through his own mental health journey and who was also trying to befriend me at the same time. I ignored my instincts that something wasn't right, other friends were telling me it was good for him. He was happy. To complicate things the same week, he was diagnosed with Bipolar2. Me finding out about his infidelity sent him to a new low. We both want to reconcile. He is now on mood stabilisers and is distraught at the trauma he has caused (he truly believed I would never find out). I am trying to be supportive and keep 'life' swimming along for our two beautiful happy children. I feel like I am wearing a mask because I have to pretend everything is ok. And I am NOT ok. I am physically not coping I feel ill, my stomach knotted, my heart hurts and now my jaw and teeth ache. I have to force myself to eat during the day and I am not sleeping well. I drop the kids at school and come home and cry. I just want to go to sleep and when I wake up have my life back. I had made positive changes this year, building my self worth. eating well and being active. Things were falling into place. But now I am scared and overwhelmed with all the things I am feeling. I have no joy for any of the activities that previously gave me fulfillment. I have an overwhelming obsessive hatred and anger towards the other woman which I know is not healthy...but I am plagued by images and thoughts in my head of their intimacy and it scares me that they will never fade. It makes me so anxious that I don't know what way is up. I feel panicked being people and I feel panicked being alone. My self worth has plummeted to a new low and I am scared I am heading into a bad place. I have had PND and there is also a history of anxiety and depression on my side of the family tree. Every morning I wake up overwhelmed with grief that it is still real and I cannot breathe. This does not feel like my life. I am disconnected. I don't feel alive. I just feel like I want to run away. I am outwardly doing all the right things (GP, psychologist etc) and everything I read tells me the way I am feeling is normal for the first 3 months and that I may not feel completely ok again for years. Please tell me it gets better. I love him. I should hate him. But I love him. I feel broken and I do not like the person I am becoming.

Not_my_monkeys Narcissistic sister
  • replies: 4

Any advice welcome yet again I have left my mums house in tears my sister is a complete narcissist and has my mum completely under her spell she is always pointing out flaws in me, and playing the victim, no one does anything for her, no one protecte... View more

Any advice welcome yet again I have left my mums house in tears my sister is a complete narcissist and has my mum completely under her spell she is always pointing out flaws in me, and playing the victim, no one does anything for her, no one protected her, and she uses guilt to get people around her to bend to her every whim she has upset me many times and I have tried to keep my distance, but she lives with my mum, whom I try to see every week. sh wanted to have a chat, and told me that I had upset her, and that I am not making the effort to keep the family unit together, she whispers in mums ear all the time, causing friction between us, she has accused me of being jealous of her, and not supporting her, I am sick of being there when she wont help herself. i mentioned some things that had upset me. All she did was threw it back at me saying she didn't mean it and it was my fault, i admit I have said some things out of line in the past but this is purely down to frustration she saya she wants to go out as a family but my partner doesn't like the way she treats me and won't go, that is now my fault as I am not making him make the effort I think the worse thing about this is that I feel I cannot go and see my mum, whom I once had a very close relationship with as she is always there i got married,9 months later she did, I looked at a house I wanted didn't get it, she bought one in the same street, I moved away, she followed, she has messed up her own life but still plays the victim, she is always talking about herself and how fabulous she is, but won't admit to it apart from cutting myself off completely from this drama what can I do, I try not to let her get to me, but every time she still does this is not half of the story but it will give you an idea, I just can't keep doing this

Beryl48 Not good enough /Excluded from events
  • replies: 2

My husband and I are late 50s - We have worked hard raised our family been together for 40years . We have done ok in life , never caused anyone any grief . The last couple of years the issue of being excluded and " Looked down on us " has become obvi... View more

My husband and I are late 50s - We have worked hard raised our family been together for 40years . We have done ok in life , never caused anyone any grief . The last couple of years the issue of being excluded and " Looked down on us " has become obvious to us . This "Vibe" comes from both sides of our families, the family members are really nice people etc . It's all come to a head in recent weeks when my husband was excluded from his Aunties 80th Birthday event , even though his sister and more distant relatives were invited. My husband was terribly hurt and reached out to his Aunty to wish her Happy Birthday and mentioned he would liked to have been invited, response was "I have lots of friends and had to cut numbers " The event was a casual affair at a pub Has anyone else dealt with this ?

Gracee_ Disowning my family
  • replies: 6

Tonight was finally the night I disowned my dad, step mum and siblings. It’s been a long time coming and although I feel relived, I am also devastated. Since living with them when I was 15, I was constantly yelled at, sworn at and accused of doing th... View more

Tonight was finally the night I disowned my dad, step mum and siblings. It’s been a long time coming and although I feel relived, I am also devastated. Since living with them when I was 15, I was constantly yelled at, sworn at and accused of doing things I hadn’t done. Never had they let me explain myself when I made a mistake, rather they would scream and remind me of how unwanted and how much of a disappointed I was. I once confided in my step mum about how I was getting depressed again (I had tried to commit a year ago before this) and she told me I belonged in a mental institution. My parents continually tell everyone how great they are and how they never put their children down and it infuriates me because it’s total bullshit. They let everyone know that they have done everything right to raise their children when in actual fact they have emotionally damaged us. They’ve turned my siblings against me and anything I’ve confided in them with has gone straight to them. I’m 21 and don’t deserve what has happened but I feel guilty for telling them I no longer want anything to do with them. My step mum responded with “good riddence, looking forward to a much better 2020 now that you aren’t in it”. I guess I’m just needing advice or someone to tell me that what I’ve done is okay. I’m so scared I’m going to cave when I begin to feel sad in a few months and I don’t know how to make sure I stick to what I want and to cut all contact. Any advice would really mean a lot.