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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_27548865 Social
  • replies: 1

I think I am a very nice and approachable person. I have friends, but I never go out with them. I reach out from time to time, and if they ask for help, I always go above and beyond to help sort things out. My coworkers often ask me to go out with th... View more

I think I am a very nice and approachable person. I have friends, but I never go out with them. I reach out from time to time, and if they ask for help, I always go above and beyond to help sort things out. My coworkers often ask me to go out with them, but as much as I want to have deep connections with people, I always end up saying no. How should I connect with people? I really want to change but I don’t know where to start…

Guest_55359737 Please help me leave my marriage
  • replies: 1

How do I leave? What is the process and what happens to the children? Especially when one parent is threatening to take them off the other. How can I make this split amicably?I am enduring abuse, emotionally and mentally. I need a therapist. But I am... View more

How do I leave? What is the process and what happens to the children? Especially when one parent is threatening to take them off the other. How can I make this split amicably?I am enduring abuse, emotionally and mentally. I need a therapist. But I am not sure what kind. I feel like I will just cry at them the entire time.What financial aid is available to single parents in NSW ? I earn an ok wage, but things are so expensive atm I feel financially stuck here.My husband is an angry person at the best of times. He blames me for everything, he berates me like a child. He claims he is a 'traditionalist' this just means that I, as the woman cleans and does everything. As well as work my 40+ hours a week job. I have many reasons I want to leave that i believe would be legit reasons anyone would leave. But I am worried that he will paint me as crazy. That is how he makes me feel. I am in desperate need for help. How did you do it?

Guest_00962104 I dont know what to do anymore.
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been together almost 6 years. I love her so much, we have the same friends and she fits into my family so great. This past year my mental health has been extremely low due to a lot of factors. I have always been one to say “once... View more

My partner and I have been together almost 6 years. I love her so much, we have the same friends and she fits into my family so great. This past year my mental health has been extremely low due to a lot of factors. I have always been one to say “once a cheater always a cheater”, and I have never and thought that I would never be one to do such a thing. But I did. I felt disgusting, awful and full of guilt after and the guilt was just growing in me everyday, I couldnt bring myself to tell her. She found out by reading some old texts and it was absolutely heart breaking seeing the pain I have caused to her. We’ve talked about it and she wants to work on our relationship and so do I. I have taken full blame and responsibility for what I have done. Im in therapy currently but each day I feel as though Im about to break, I feel like im a bad person and I dont deserve the love she gives me. I feel like I cant breathe, I feel like Im being smothered and I just want to be alone. I dont want her to think I dont love her anymore, because I still do very much. We argue and fight and she brings it up all the time(I know, shes grieving and allowed to) I’ve lost myself, Im not independant, I dont see my friends(she didnt like me hanging out with other, even before I cheated) I just want to get myself right first and start loving me again so I can return the love for her that she deserves. Yet I feel that she thinks Im going to abandon her or break up or cheat on her again(I understand her feeling this way, because of what I did). I just want to fix me because I dont want us to end up hating eachother. Im just at a point where everything I do feels wrong. And I dont get joy in anything anymore. I want this relationship but I also want to be alone. I dont know what to do anymore. Also please dont come for me about cheating, I already feel low enough.

Phantom68 I just want to hide !
  • replies: 1

Hello. First timer and all the conversations running through my mind are so hard to type. Not sure where to start. Quite a few issues going on all at once. In my teens Family sexual interference. 1st real romance broke my heart age 17-22. New Marriag... View more

Hello. First timer and all the conversations running through my mind are so hard to type. Not sure where to start. Quite a few issues going on all at once. In my teens Family sexual interference. 1st real romance broke my heart age 17-22. New Marriage at 24 ended due to violence and unfaithful husband , divorced at 26.now in 2nd marriage Not sure how I feel about my 26 years, but still here after we did separate for 6months ….mourning 3 lost baby’s. We have 1 only child now 24 and 3 older step children. Only child now been chronic suicidal for 10yrs. I’m now drowning in my own guilt and self hate I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to hold down a full time job to help support us, through tough times. I now have found friendship in another man who 3 yrs ago said he would support me but as usual he has slower started to fade away. It’s almost like I’m a stranger again. My head is mash potato can’t think or concentrate at anytime if the day. Just on autopilot it seems. This all won’t make sense but at least I have got it out there. I’m just lost in my own head. not knowing how to deal with what’s next. All I want to do is hide

Guest_70028286 My mum might be a hypocrite
  • replies: 2

Hi, this is my first time using Beyond Blue so forgive me if I get something wrong. I have fights with my mum a lot because we're both super headstrong and stubborn. A lot of the time she'll do or say something to me that she can't stand me doing or ... View more

Hi, this is my first time using Beyond Blue so forgive me if I get something wrong. I have fights with my mum a lot because we're both super headstrong and stubborn. A lot of the time she'll do or say something to me that she can't stand me doing or saying to her, and it doesn't sit with me right. I tried bringing it up, asking how she would feel if I said that stuff to her etc, but she says that since I don't work full time and I'm still just a kid I have no idea what she goes through so it's ok for her to say that stuff. She might be right but it still doesn't make it ok and I can't talk to her about it without getting shut down. And respect should go both ways and everything. Thoughts?

Not Single dad, imploding
  • replies: 2

I’m on my own with my two boys, youngest is slightly developmentally delayed and eldest is nonverbal severe asd. I am so angry and resentful about my divorce and how I can’t be there as much as possible for my kids, and when I am there I feel frustra... View more

I’m on my own with my two boys, youngest is slightly developmentally delayed and eldest is nonverbal severe asd. I am so angry and resentful about my divorce and how I can’t be there as much as possible for my kids, and when I am there I feel frustrated and aren’t doing the best I can do, and am imploding. I work as a teacher and it’s affecting my work and relationships in all facets of my life. Going to psych isn’t helping, training isn’t helping, meds aren’t helping…any other suggestions as I’m at my wits end

MidnightThinker People don’t like spending time with me
  • replies: 2

So I’m 29 and keep coming to the same realisation as each year passes - I have no real friends. I have some acquaintances, sure, but no actual friends that I talk to on a somewhat regular basis or that want to hang out with me. I posted months ago ab... View more

So I’m 29 and keep coming to the same realisation as each year passes - I have no real friends. I have some acquaintances, sure, but no actual friends that I talk to on a somewhat regular basis or that want to hang out with me. I posted months ago about how no one asks how I am, which is still 100% the case. I can’t help but feel like there has to be something wrong with me - I must be the problem because I’m the only common denominator. I just don’t understand what is so off putting about me or I would fix it. I’m completely alone even when I’m surrounded by people and it sucks. I’m getting close to accepting that this is my life, that no one likes me and they never will. No one really knows me at all because they never care enough to get to know me. As I said in my last post, when I ask how someone is, they never ask me the same question - that’s how bad it really is and I’m not even exaggerating. How do I cope with this reality? I’ve officially given up on trying as of this moment because it honestly hurts a little less than continuing to kid myself into thinking that anyone besides my partner could possibly give a rats behind about me and my unfortunate existence in the world. How do I move on without feeling so worthless?

Guest_37323725 Single Dad, Sole Parent
  • replies: 2

Please delete if not ok. You will never get all of me (at the moment). To give all of me now takes away from my kids. It takes away their father, their stability, their constant. I never want them to feel that anyone is more important than them. They... View more

Please delete if not ok. You will never get all of me (at the moment). To give all of me now takes away from my kids. It takes away their father, their stability, their constant. I never want them to feel that anyone is more important than them. They are #1. I’m sorry - but for now I can only give some, most or a part of me. Depending on the day, depending on the time. I understand if this is unacceptable to you. But it is what it is. Life is about timing and that’s where I’m at. When will you get more of me? When will you get all of me? I don’t know, I can’t answer that.

MrConfused Narcissistic abuse recovery
  • replies: 4

Hello, I feel so stupid & pathetic & I just want to find some people who understand & I will listen to any advice. I was with my partner for 7 years, I've been gaslit, manipulated, mentally and violently abused and cheated on and I just allowed it al... View more

Hello, I feel so stupid & pathetic & I just want to find some people who understand & I will listen to any advice. I was with my partner for 7 years, I've been gaslit, manipulated, mentally and violently abused and cheated on and I just allowed it all to happen, for instance I caught her out on our security cameras cheating with 4 people at once, my neighbour told me, after I flipped out and wanted to harm myself the police who were taking me away said that when they surrounded my house that several neighbours and residents close by had told them of her frequent cheating and that's why I'd flipped out, hell the police told me not to go back but even after all that I let her gaslight me into thinking I was hearing things or that people were setting her up, all the arguments where I'd question her aggressive behaviour or insults of me and somehow it would turn out to be my fault or a tirade of everything id apperently done wrong and I believed it and I'd work on myself to be a better person, many times she hurt me physically and she rationed it out that it was ok because she'd had a hard life and it was my fault for not being more supportive. Then when I left her she made up all these lies about me and tried to turn everyone against me including my own kids even. How did I believe that she loved me? Am I stupid or just not equipped to be in relationships? How did I not leave all the times I knew she was cheating and or not say something? I was so pathetically in love with her and how in the hell did I think she was my soulmate? At times I thought she was so supportive and cared but it was just to throw in my face later or remind me of how weak I am and that I need her. Now I'm alone in a caravan park, I've lost almost everything (my kids have seen it's lies now and a few friends as well) and I just can't make sense of it all. She's moved on to someone new so fast and I'm just sitting here feeling bruised and afraid of people to be honest, my trust for others is just gone. I'm not perfect either and I lost my temper in arguments with her and said things I regret, at the end I lied to her to be other places because I was just so miserable at home and I couldn't take the confrontation anymore. How do you navigate your way out of this? I just want to have some quiet in my head and get rid of this deep sadness in my chest. To anyone who read this or replies thank you in advance, I'm sorry for dumping all this here but I'm alone and I'm lost and I just want someone to talk to.

Loat_trust Cheated upon, coercive controled and blamed
  • replies: 1

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all p... View more

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all physically assaulted me multiple times and my kids. But when I finally got an IVO against her all she had to do is put a false report against me. Vic Police was so accomodating with her about her false accusations which were historical, but when it came to me I struggled first to even give a statement. The details of her cheating and how it impacted me including getting assualt by the man (causing fractured ribs) was not relevant. Her simple allegation of me damaging a bathroom door got me charged with indicitable offence, but her assualt in presence of my kids and parents, resulting in stitches on my ear was not enough to charge her. As a man if I sought help the authorities accused me of using the system. There is no hope here for men, I do agree as a gender we are more responsible for family violence, but not all men are same. My lawyers are amazed, and yes we will contest it. But how long is one can go on like this. What can I do? No perm add, funds are drained so bad. Is there any place I can be heard ?