Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Toymanpete The Lonesome Loser
  • replies: 1

G'day. I'm 42 and have a long history of breakdowns, anxiety & depression. I've never had a friend, romantic or sexual experience before & I'm so lonely & at wit's end. Growing up, I was bullied relentlessly- to the point of being indecently assaulte... View more

G'day. I'm 42 and have a long history of breakdowns, anxiety & depression. I've never had a friend, romantic or sexual experience before & I'm so lonely & at wit's end. Growing up, I was bullied relentlessly- to the point of being indecently assaulted by some other kids. At home, my sick, psychotic father needed to have absolute power over those living in his house, driving away my extended family and any friends I've ever had. When I was 18, we moved to a small town, where I still live, looking after my Elderly, abuse-survivor mother, who's a good sort of person, just with mobility & fatigue issues. From day 1, some of the locals here made it clear that they didn't like me, telling me to "Go back where ya came from!" (I was born in Melbourne & am part Scottish). I in turn have frozen out all the locals except a few who bothered to get to know me. I do have family here- My sister & her hubby (my mate!), but my sister is a mentally-ill former heroin addict who, when she does bother to visit us, never has anything positive to say at all & you never know what version of her you're gonna get. She acts like a 54-year-old 14-year-old! My sister had 10 kids, but none of them want to know us, leaving home as soon as they could. The girls both married into money and are terrible snobs & the boys live in other states. Since my sister became a nanna, she seems intent on replacing us in the family, with a 6-month-old baby! These days, the only time I ever leave the house is to do errands, hardly speaking to anyone & still getting stares off the mostly elderly locals. The rest of my time is spent in my mancave, talking to the vintage toys in my collection, because they listen & destroying my hearing with loud 80's music. There are social groups, activities, etc here but they're mostly aimed at elderly people. I'd love to find my happy ever after with a lady, but living here, I can't see it happening soon! I even considered a trip to the city to lose my virginity, but being on a DSP, I couldn't even afford that! Can anyone here identify with my situation or perhaps help? Thank you for listening.

MrsBilly My husband is starting to connect to increasingly misogynistic opinions
  • replies: 1

I have struggled to start this as the last thing I want is it to be interpreted as if my husband is some monster. We have a very loving long term relationship of 19 years and I will not throw that away because he is at a low point and has clung to an... View more

I have struggled to start this as the last thing I want is it to be interpreted as if my husband is some monster. We have a very loving long term relationship of 19 years and I will not throw that away because he is at a low point and has clung to an idea that is appealing to a lot of men feeling lost and confused right now. I’m looking for ideas on how to respectfully meet him in the middle of this. my husband (39) and myself (36) have been together for 19 years. recently, with some new friends and the influences of social media, he is displaying some interest in antifeminism and anti gender identity movements. He has never been like this before. I feel it started after he experienced a long stint under a lesbian manager who was HIGHLY sexist towards men. I had a gay brother who my husband loved dearly. We lost him not long into our relationship. My husband has always supported gay rights and stood up for gay people and still does. But this manager was awful to him and denied him fair treatment in the workplace. As a contractor of the business, this directly affected his earnings. Around the same time we sought marriage counselling from a woman. It was all going very well, even when she delved into his past, but once she called him out on his laziness around the house and compared our relationship to that of a mother/child, he shut down and will not see another counsellor even just for himself. He also has a female friend who is VERY strongly opinionated to the point of being condescending. I have been the main income earner for a while now and I know that has affected him. He is now starting a better job but working very very hard and is very tired. I know this is impacting his happiness and how he feels about his place in the world. He gets very upset with me when we have conversations about the feminist topics he brings up. He says when I voice my opinion I am telling him he is wrong. It’s very hard to have an open conversation without hurting his feelings. But now I feel hurt that he is gravitating towards these discussions. I do not feel he thinks these things about me. But it troubles me that he is starting to think these things about women in general. how do I respectfully talk to him about these things while making sure he feels validated in his feelings? He has been sad and depressed for a while now and I hope he will pull himself out of this cloud soon. But I feel the social media algorithms are smashing him with this content that is making him angrier at the world and more lost about his place in it.

Allybelle Too Much Too Late ?
  • replies: 1

I've been with my partner for 4 years. He has children who are in care and he spends Thursday arvo with them. His ex has them a different afternoon. I am a mum however my girl has past so I'm not actively a mum. Hence my uncertainty in this situation... View more

I've been with my partner for 4 years. He has children who are in care and he spends Thursday arvo with them. His ex has them a different afternoon. I am a mum however my girl has past so I'm not actively a mum. Hence my uncertainty in this situation. It's his sons birthday again and each year both him and his x get his family together and celebrate each of the kids birthdays together. I haven't been included yet and I don't know when the right time is however I would rather he celebrated each child's birthday separately, not with the mother. I said they get 2 birthdays really and he got upset and I wonder am I asking too much?

Cait999 Anxiety of falling out of love?
  • replies: 1

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and everything has been reasonably good. All of a sudden in the past few months I have an insane gut feeling that things need to change and that I would be better off alone but in my head I can’t pin point anyt... View more

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and everything has been reasonably good. All of a sudden in the past few months I have an insane gut feeling that things need to change and that I would be better off alone but in my head I can’t pin point anything that is wrong, in fact everything is really good. Is this anxiety or should I be listening to my gut?

ApolIo Am I beyond redemption?
  • replies: 8

It was hard for me to write this. I felt like an utter fraud, directionless, and in disbelief of myself and my actions.I met him in 2020. After 2 failed relationships, he was the one to finally re-introduce happiness and emotion into my life. his fri... View more

It was hard for me to write this. I felt like an utter fraud, directionless, and in disbelief of myself and my actions.I met him in 2020. After 2 failed relationships, he was the one to finally re-introduce happiness and emotion into my life. his friends and him were the ones that helped me genuinely smile and laugh after the misery that was my highschool days and beyond. I thought that I had a genuine connection with him, but despite all the chances I was given, I'd always manage to ruin it. - I was clingy- I was needy for attention- I tried to micromanage- I was self-destructive- I used avoidant attachment- I kept making promises that I'd fail to keep- I always said that I'd change, got comfortable and never kept myself accountable and in check- I wasn't fun to be around- I never wanted to do anything- I'd lost my passions and motivations- I never stopped to think about my actions- My emotions during the heat of the moment always got the better of me- I had developed an unhealthy coping mechanism of shutting my emotions away due to 'childhood traumas' according to my therapist And now, I've cheated on and betrayed them, even if I say I NEVER meant to do it. It all started when his ex messaged all his friends, including me. Despite being told not to, and her history with mental health, I talked to her and sympathised with her, thinking that I could help her when I couldn't even help myself.Then I started talking to people behind their backs for sexual gratification.I can't stop asking myself why I did it, I didn't hold any love in my heart for any of them. I didn't need what I did, I didn't think I'd ever do something like this to hurt him, but it was me, doing all of that.I want to feel so much more pain and misery for what I did, but my coping mechanism completely shuts my emotions off. I feel so empty writing this, can't even cry properly because it just comes and goes in bursts.I love him, I really, really, really do. I wish I was a bawling mess, on my knees, but I'm just empty and numb, with that throbbing pain in my heart. It always takes a shock to break me from my unfeeling shell, and this one is my worst offence yet. I wish my emotions would just....COME OUT. Instead of there always being a sledgehammer that busts down the wall of emptiness for me to grasp the gravity of the situations that I've caused due to my inability to empathise and comprehend.I wish I'd just stopped to think about the things I was doing. I'm always too late, always. I'm sorry...

Halah9 Mother/best friend to Stranger
  • replies: 1

My whole life my mother has been my main support in most things and now I feel like I’m loosing her if not already lost her.A fight broke out in between mum and I at a family holiday a few months ago and we have never been the same. I attempted to ex... View more

My whole life my mother has been my main support in most things and now I feel like I’m loosing her if not already lost her.A fight broke out in between mum and I at a family holiday a few months ago and we have never been the same. I attempted to express myself as authentically as I could via email because I didn’t believe we could have had the conversation without it turning into yelling and crying. A long message essentially about how I think our relationship would be better and we wouldn’t fight like that if we communicated better. Never got a response nor an acknowledgement. Though I know she got it. The few conversations we have had since then have been superficial (never have been this way before). As of 3 weeks ago when I was indirectly uninvited from a weekend away with her and a couple of other family members, she has not once’s tried to contact me. Nor I her, but mostly because I feel like she’s pushing me away. I see through social media that she’s out doing all the things we used to do together with other family and friends. I have reasons to think that through her latest life changes she has grown to see me as a burden but I just never thought she would actively try to push me away. Prior to this, mum has been my person I go to for everything. We have always had such a strong bond. Now I’m just so lost. I have been given an opportunity to move across the country. Another family member who is close with mum encouraged me to do this. I’m seriously considering it. But will this cement in mums estrangement?After reading so many other people’s familial issues on here, mine seems like a dream boat in comparison. Although I’m still not coping since this has all developed. We are talking around 2-3 months now. My sleep has never been worse, I feel withdrawn, flat and at my worst part of the day my passive suicidal ideations take a spike (I’m in no immediate danger, I have strategies for this). I’ve been talking to a couple of close friends about this. They have been a godsend through validating my feelings and just listening. Although I feel like a burden on them. I don’t feel like I can’t talk to anyone in the family about any of this. I don’t want to distress them or they would dismiss the whole thing anyway. I’ve been meaning to make a GP appointment but I’ve been putting it off due to being flat and worried the GP or whoever they refer me onto will only suggest medication. I guess I’m just trying other avenues of help first. Thanks for reading x

AC66 I feel so alone and mis understood
  • replies: 1

Hi all,I am new to this and a bit nervous.I feel so confused, everyone around me are making me feel so stupid and are all saying that I need mental help because of my way of thinking or how I feel. I know that I am an over thinker and I am working on... View more

Hi all,I am new to this and a bit nervous.I feel so confused, everyone around me are making me feel so stupid and are all saying that I need mental help because of my way of thinking or how I feel. I know that I am an over thinker and I am working on it. Every time I ask my partner a question, he says that it's an accusation. Like I heard a text go off at 1am so today I said " You got a text last night" and he is saying that the question is an accusation. I said that I wasn't at all, that I heard a text. That's all. He is saying that I don't hear the way I say this and if it wasn't an accusation, why say it at all.I really can't understand it. I feel so alone and misunderstood by everyone. They are all saying that I need to get help and I don't listen. I do listen but no one is saying what it is that I don't listen to. I am hurting all the time.Thank you all for your time

Bellanana Deeply attached to toxic family
  • replies: 1

My family was abusive when I was younger. Verbally abusive in my teens. But now they just fight with eachother about money and what not. My siblings have gotten the worst from my parents. I didn't get much thankfully. They are all really religious, I... View more

My family was abusive when I was younger. Verbally abusive in my teens. But now they just fight with eachother about money and what not. My siblings have gotten the worst from my parents. I didn't get much thankfully. They are all really religious, I am secretly athiest. I am so afraid of being away from them. I'm afraid of the thought of living alone or losing them. They aren't good for my mental health. But I don't have anyone to turn to other than them for when I need help. I don't know what to do. Why do i want to live with them forever when they are so different from me? Why I am so scared? Why am I always scared?

G93 mutual breakup with kids involved
  • replies: 2

Have recently split with my partner of the last 3 years,we were much inseparable from the day we first met.really struggling to cope with moving on after the separation,we got together and for the first 12 months things were great, there was so much ... View more

Have recently split with my partner of the last 3 years,we were much inseparable from the day we first met.really struggling to cope with moving on after the separation,we got together and for the first 12 months things were great, there was so much love, affection, sex and adventure, it was pure honeymoon stage that felt like it as never gonna end, then she got pregnant,everything changed,I had previously had a child with another lady who I have always had 50/50 care of, so from the moment we found out, my ex would constantly tell me that I wasn’t excited enough and that I’m ruining her excitement. for the rest of the pregnancy basically it was horror, we were getting along, she was very nasty,and I went into a full anxious state for the best part of 7-8 months, Once our little boy was born, things changed,they started improving,She would constantly apologise to me about how she was when she was pregnant, but there was always one issue that she would bring up saying I care about my daughter more than I do our son, When my son was about 6 months old things started really deteriorating again, to the point we wouldn’t have sex, wouldn’t cuddle, wouldn’t even talk, and when we did it was usually an argument. we had the odd drunken nights where it was almost like a one night stand with each other because as quick as the day changed the mood would go back to how it was. While we were together she was very open with her phone, she would leave it face up and let me use it to change chrome cast etc, then about 2 months ago it changed completely, it was always covered, always in her pocket, if I wanted to change a song while driving or a movie she would have to do it, felt very much like she was hiding something, yet she is in full denial, we got to a point about 3 weeks ago where we had a very emotional argument and threatened break up, but we ended up making up and having sex and things were good,then 2 days later things weren’t any good and so we mutually agreed to split, now we have split, I have both my kids 50/50, I found out last night she had another guy over, I know it’s not wrong on her behalf but I just feel like my hearts been tore into two,And I’m really struggling to remember how bad it was so that I can remind myself it’s the right decision to break up, I don’t know what I’m asking for, I just really needed the vent. mum not suicidal or depressed,Im just very sad, and feeling very lonely, and I’m not sure how to cope with it.

LanaKane Failing at toilet training
  • replies: 6

I think this will be a pretty pathetic post but I don't know where else to turn for this advice. I asked Ngala and they just keep brushing it off. We have been toilet training our daughter since about January. Yep almost a year. She's 3.5 yo now We s... View more

I think this will be a pretty pathetic post but I don't know where else to turn for this advice. I asked Ngala and they just keep brushing it off. We have been toilet training our daughter since about January. Yep almost a year. She's 3.5 yo now We started with the book Oh Cr@p Potty Training. And some principles worked, but not in the 3 days everyone said it should. Or even weeks. Or months. So we bought the Big Little Feelings course and started from scratch. But months later we are still having accidents. Mostly wees are ok but it's always the poos. The worst part is that she just poos and isn't bothered. Doesn't tell us, we just realise when we smell it. So our last attempt over a couple of weeks now has been a reward chart. I don't like them in general but we are desperate. She starts school in a couple of months! They're going to hate this. And because I'm going through a pretty bad (unrelated, though this isn't helping) bout of depression right now, of course in my head this is all my fault. We have done everything right, we've never shamed her or gotten angry, we've made sure she understands. She's the most intelligent kid, I just don't know how we can help her get this. I'm desperate and just blaming myself so much