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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Quercus Adoption
  • replies: 16

Hi everyone, Last week driving my son to school there was a story on the radio. I burst into tears and all of the feelings of worry, guilt, grief, fear, anxiety and wanting won't leave me. Ryan Jon posted a thank you to his biological mother on mothe... View more

Hi everyone, Last week driving my son to school there was a story on the radio. I burst into tears and all of the feelings of worry, guilt, grief, fear, anxiety and wanting won't leave me. Ryan Jon posted a thank you to his biological mother on mother's day to thank her for putting him up for adoption. The story spread like wildfire because it hit home to so many. But me... It left me feeling crap. Why? Because I asked my Mum (who was adopted in a closed adoption) to ask for her medical records. This means court because when she was very sick as a young Mum they refused to allow her access to records. I have medical issues noone in my family has. And I have two kids of my own and I want to know if I have to worry. I don't want to know them. Maybe I'm a terrible human being but unlike Ryan Jon I don't have any compassion to give them. Now I'm pushing my own Mum away. Because four months later the discussion has been ignored. Nothing has happened and I feel like I don't have the right to demand the records myself because I wasn't the adopted child. My Mum made it clear she has never discussed it even with my Dad. That the issue is a giant can of worms that I'm too scared to force open and hurt her even more. I admire the bloke on the radio. He has a much bigger kinder heart than me. Just had to get this out. It feels like poison in my head and heart.

AnnaJean24 Alone with no more support
  • replies: 2

Hi, I’m new here. A lot has gone on in my life and I’ve come to a point where I don’t know where to go. Ive suffered from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and phobias growing up. What seemed to be a one year battle ended up being eight years. As ... View more

Hi, I’m new here. A lot has gone on in my life and I’ve come to a point where I don’t know where to go. Ive suffered from severe anxiety, depression, insomnia and phobias growing up. What seemed to be a one year battle ended up being eight years. As a result, I had to drop out of school, I lost my friends and my ability to function within society. I have managed to recover and get back on my feet but things aren’t the same - which has been a huge struggle for me the last few years. To help put things into perspective it’s like waking up from a coma and having to relearn everything again. i thought when I got better I’d make new relationships but I was wrong. I try going out and be social but I can never make connections with people. I’m always the odd one out in the group. On top of that work isn’t easy and the companies I apply for keep shutting down. I’m not getting any younger and I feel like I’m not moving. The last few months have been hard. I got into a car accident, a family member almost died and my partner had been looking at other girls. On top of that my NDIS plan isn’t accessible due to a stuff up so I’m unable to see a psychologist right now. All I do is cry all the time. I tried reaching out to my mum and my partner but they’re so sick of hearing me cry. They just look at me and walk away. I have no one now. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I feel so worthless to the point my only option now is giving up. I’m here hoping for some advice or to hear from someone who’s been through something similar.

R210616 Pregnancy Blues
  • replies: 2

30 weeks pregnant and feeling so low. A FIFO husband who has no time for me and gives no empathy for how I am struggling as he always “has it harder”. I don’t know how to put on a smile or be excited when I feel I don’t have the support. Sometimes I ... View more

30 weeks pregnant and feeling so low. A FIFO husband who has no time for me and gives no empathy for how I am struggling as he always “has it harder”. I don’t know how to put on a smile or be excited when I feel I don’t have the support. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off doing it alone. It is hard when the other half is spending his only time home out wasting money on drinking and other things don’t know what I hope to gain from posting, will I feel better when the baby comes or will it be harder with 2 kids to look after feeling alone thanks for listening.

Tigerlily87 Family members in addiction- how to cope
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Im so new to this so not sure if im in the right forum (please direct me if im not!). My partner is a recovering drug addict and has had a recent slip (relapse? one time use, not sure the correct terminology). Im really struggling to pro... View more

Hi everyone, Im so new to this so not sure if im in the right forum (please direct me if im not!). My partner is a recovering drug addict and has had a recent slip (relapse? one time use, not sure the correct terminology). Im really struggling to process this, work through it, the trust thats been lost, how to support him while maintaining my own strength and not become absorbed in the situation. Its only very very recent so Im still up and down with emotions. Has anyone else had a partner go through drug addiction and recovery? I really need advice, to hear positive long term recovery stories and support- not looking for negative opinions, or advice to walk away, as at this point, its not something i want to consider but my heart is breaking....

NGE Share Mortgage, mental and emotional at home not stable, verbal abuse
  • replies: 2

Married and have a toddler now, I want to get out the house so bad...don’t know how... if I do move out now, I still have to pay mortgage because he can’t afford to pay the house we are living in... he have another property that is rented out ... I’m... View more

Married and have a toddler now, I want to get out the house so bad...don’t know how... if I do move out now, I still have to pay mortgage because he can’t afford to pay the house we are living in... he have another property that is rented out ... I’m so stuck ... no one can help me... I do have a job ... we don’t not talk or have conversation at all at home, is been nearly a year... he makes me feel so useless

Fruitsnacks is closure worth it
  • replies: 2

I'll keep my situation to the point and as vague as possible. I've been suffering on and off with mental health problems. I've only since the start of this year started to open up. I first opened up to my gf and then a friend and then parents. Not to... View more

I'll keep my situation to the point and as vague as possible. I've been suffering on and off with mental health problems. I've only since the start of this year started to open up. I first opened up to my gf and then a friend and then parents. Not too long ago from me writing this my gf broke up with me. It felt very out of the blue and the reason vague. We have since been in contact and we are on good terms but there are so many built-up problems and thoughts and I just want to feel some closure to help me move on. I guess I'll be honest, I still love her and miss her. I don't know if I truly want her back but I definitely know that I want to move on from this pain and get on with dealing with my mental health and the rest of my life if that includes her or not I don't really care anymore. So my plan is simple, I've written up a few paragraphs telling her how I feel and I was going to wait for a certain time, deliver the message and then just be done with it. I expect to get nothing out of it but this is just something that I feel I need to do to help me move on. is this a normal or even healthy way of dealing with this kind of stuff? this is my first breakup so I guess I'm just going by my gut feeling. thankyou for reading.

Lostcoin Supporting my wife
  • replies: 2

Hi team, just a quick one. My wife doesn't drink alcohol at all as we both reformed alcoholics. However a few weeks back she had a relaps & got severely intoxicated! Long story short she took a bunch of tablets & ended up in ICU. She returned home an... View more

Hi team, just a quick one. My wife doesn't drink alcohol at all as we both reformed alcoholics. However a few weeks back she had a relaps & got severely intoxicated! Long story short she took a bunch of tablets & ended up in ICU. She returned home and we went back to work as normal. We work together as we are growing our own company. My wife owns a horse as she loves caring for animals. Our relationship is ok with only little barnes every now & then. She has been seing a psychiatrist and is receiving treatment for bipolar type 2. She has a history of being sexually abused when she was a teen by her brother & cousin. She is a very attractive & unique lady and I'm certainly bless to be married to her for almost 20yrs. We are only 40yo. However now she has very little motivation to do almost anything! She is putting on weight, spending heaps of time on social media and isn't engaging with myself or our boys. She is so negative about everything! her need to be right is crazy! Her OCD with her horse is financially debilitating to our family & she is getting super tired! She put our boys down all the time "13 & 14yo" also puts me down in front of them and sometimes in front of clients. Her work ethic is getting avererge to say the least. I cant run our business by myself and we cant afford to put anyone else on:( my wife has amazing skills and I do believe 3 tradesman couldn't do the quality she puts out. I couldn't physically get another job to service our financial commitments. We are going to sink unless she comes good. I have tried to talk about this with her and she will go into a meltdown swaring and being hurtful How can I assist my wife? What can I say. I see the black dog institute & also a psychologist. This does help but as we know this is all cognitive therapy stuff. I'm not happy anymore, my hobbys are running a 4.30am to get some peace back into my life. I have a strong understanding about christianity & understand that there is a higher power for me this is jesus. I worry about my wife killing herself all the time, this is so tiring. I blame myself as I cant seem to do or say anything right! Do I put her into some kind or rehab for a much needed rest. Our business would fold! Do I sell all of our stuff to support this move? Do I leave my wife and start again? Either way I feel snookered! Has anyone experienced a similar situation? Or does it get better over time. Thanks for reading my message & putting up with my poor grammar.

Rosiemay1991 empty
  • replies: 1

I need a space to talk and to vent. I fear for a while now I've become a burden to everyone around me and my breakup of a long term relationship 8 months ago has left me feeling numb and emotionless like a huge whole is empty inside of me. The breaku... View more

I need a space to talk and to vent. I fear for a while now I've become a burden to everyone around me and my breakup of a long term relationship 8 months ago has left me feeling numb and emotionless like a huge whole is empty inside of me. The breakup was a good thing he was emotionally abusive, manipulative and gaslight me. He would withhold sex from me and patronise me. I fear carrying around this heartache for 4+years has now left me with that empty void and I don't know how to fill it. i hate that he moved on within a month and erased me. he is happy in his new relationship and I'm miserable in my life unable to move on. he left me and never spoke to me again. he had major depression.l I nursed him through this, and a suicide attempt. He lived with me for a year where we got him the help he needed. When I was down and out it was simply something I'd made up in my head. I feel he used me to get better so he could move on and be happy. an example of this was when told him I was struggling with mental health and that I felt as though I wasn’t a very important person and was very upset, we were in bed together and he was on his phone the whole time. He said ‘can we talk about this in the morning, I’m tired’ I said ok, and I rolled over to go to sleep and he opened youtube and started watching videos. Couldn’t see a problem with this behaviour I'm so tired of crying and so tired of thinking about him but he has left me a total wreck. i feel worthless and like a piece of discarded crap.

Lost1975 Need support Not sure what to do.
  • replies: 3

I have been in a relationship with a guy since November 2018. In feb 2019 I moved states to be with him as it was easier for me to move than him as his job is interstate truck driver and his boss it great to work for. i moved my whole life left frien... View more

I have been in a relationship with a guy since November 2018. In feb 2019 I moved states to be with him as it was easier for me to move than him as his job is interstate truck driver and his boss it great to work for. i moved my whole life left friends,family ect but I got a transfer for my employment so that’s a positive. When I first met him he was awesome very understanding and sweet. I thought I’d finally found someone that will treat me right. And someone that would appreciate I had two children aged 13 and 18. I had just come out of a 8 yr relationship 12 mths before hand and thought I’d give it one more shot At happiness. The start of the relationship was great but as soon as I moved States things went pair shape. He is in the middle of family law fighting to get his house and car and all his things back from his past relationship this Has been going on since June 2018. She has a AVO out on him for apparently using violence though out the 7yr relationship. Her story didn’t add up to me but since he has been threatening me with violence too - this happened after a blue . We have had our blues but it always seems like it’s my fault he knows I have had a hard life, I grew up in foster homes coz my stepfather was a bastard to me. I have had bad relationships and been treated like a dog. He knows I have PTSD, depression but he holds that over my head saying things like “ your mad , have you had your pills, your on the wrong medication go get it reviewed “ I have been on the same medication for years and I’m ok if I don’t get stressed out. I try and talk to him about our problems but he just thinks it’s just me carrying on. If he says something that hurts my feelings I am told to harden up. I have low self esteem and he knows that but as he tells me “ it’s my problem not his “. Sometimes my partner will have a go at me for doing something that pisses him off but if he does the same thing it’s ok. If I say something about it his comment will be “well you do it “ but even if I stop doing it. it’s hard to paint. Picture of what’s going on but I’m lost in what to do. We have some good times but it seems only short lived and it always ends up that it’s all my doing. Since moving here it’s been a long hard road. It’s a small country town with everyone being so clicky. I have no friends and all I do is work and come home .

Housecat_moon How to help my mum leave
  • replies: 2

My mum needs help to leave my Dad. She says she has no strength left and isn’t brave enough. All of her children are grown and it is just her and my dad left in our family home. he is a good person and I love him but they are not on the same page. He... View more

My mum needs help to leave my Dad. She says she has no strength left and isn’t brave enough. All of her children are grown and it is just her and my dad left in our family home. he is a good person and I love him but they are not on the same page. He doesn’t listen, doesn’t respect her or take her seriously, takes everything personally and can turn and become so furious with rage he says horrible things and can’t even look at you. He was like this through our childhood. A good person but with his own emotional traumas he isn’t able to deal with and so transmits then to all of us. I have my own issues from growing up like this but am dealing with them. my mum however is still stuck in it. she says maybe she will just stay as it is easier-she always puts herself and her own needs last and has been doing so for 30 years + I don’t think she is even in touch with her own needs anymore let alone knowing how to act on them however it is not healthy emotionally or physically for her. She keeps saying where will she go, how will she approach it with him and I am providing the best advice I can. To just be honest and not worry about his reaction as she can’t control that. To not worry about the whole picture of where she will leave because once it is in motion things will happen without having to plan ahead of time. the house they live in will sell for quite a lot of money so I believe they should be okay each buying their own houses. she works and hates it and he doesn’t so she is always tired and I imagine feels scared and alone. Breaking apart a life she has lead regardless of whether it has been good for her or not seems like too much of a jump for her. I tell her it seems hard now but not to look at the big picture and just take a step at a time and soon she will have created a new normal for herself. i encourage her to go to counseling but she can’t find one she likes and even then doesn’t know how it will help her having the hard conversations and with breaking apart her and dad’s whole world. has anyone been through this? How do I get my mum to see the only other option is to live unhappily and with no control over her own life or her own environment for the rest of her life. she has asked him to separate financially from her with the pretense of him being able to claim a pension but he got offended by the papers the lawyer drew up and refused to take it any further. i said to her if she doesn’t have the strength to do it I’ll do it for her. Is this wise?