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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Defencewife Dealing with the aftermath of husbands cheating
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, Feeling like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 days and trying to make sense of everything, including my emotions. Started Monday a week ago when, remembering hubby had told me the day before he had a Christmas email from fr... View more

Hi everyone, Feeling like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 days and trying to make sense of everything, including my emotions. Started Monday a week ago when, remembering hubby had told me the day before he had a Christmas email from friends of ours, I picked up his iPad to see what they had to say. All the usual Christmas catchup, what children were doing etc. then I saw the email next to it. With the first line of conversation showing. “I love you”. I asked for an explanation obviously and all that happened was he grabbed the iPad off me and muttered it was nothing, just someone he was talking to online that he had met on Instagram. I looked her up - she is a 29 year old blonde who is everything I’m not. And he is more than twice that age and I am 50...was 50...51 today! He refused to tell me anymore so I packed a bag and went to Mum’s. The following day I came home, he still wouldn’t talk, so I threw him out instead. Each subsequent day we tried to talk and the story expanded from ‘absolutely nothing that wasn’t general chit chat’, to ‘have developed feelings for her’. I logged into his account and started trawling (he uses one of two passwords for everything which isn’t bright if you are cheating). By the end of the week I had found 7 girls, and he admitted to online sex chats, exchange of naked photos etc. but what really hurt was that every time he told me something, he swore I now knew everything (I kept insisting I needed honest disclosure). So, bottom line from him is that because they never touched in person it wasn’t so bad and that he has been honest because he didn’t lie in his responses, just didn’t tell me anything I didn’t directly ask - that withholding information is not lying. I didn’t eat for 5 days and vomited even water back up. Now I just feel numb with intermittent bouts of extreme emotion where all I can do is sit and let the pain wash over me. The timing wasn’t great. In those 10 days have been an anniversary (26 years), New Years, and my birthday. Which isn’t helping at all. I had no idea this was happening, I have never even checked his Facebook posts before, never bothered to see who he followed on Instagram, never looked at his email (prob why he wasn’t worried about the password thing). I went crazy after this, logging into everything, trying to find out what I could. Eventually I realised that this was both unhealthy and that he had started to cover his trail by deleting everything... Sorry, for dumping!

Phoenix4 I did not see this coming
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I realise I’m likely going to get some negativity here due to my stupidity and I’m as anxious as all hell, but anyone who has been through similar please feel free to reach out and tell me how I can get through this. 18 months ago my wife of ... View more

Hi all. I realise I’m likely going to get some negativity here due to my stupidity and I’m as anxious as all hell, but anyone who has been through similar please feel free to reach out and tell me how I can get through this. 18 months ago my wife of 17yrs and I separated, three children. I met a lady 11yrs my junior (Im 45) and we have had an incredible time, travel overseas, quiet time, meeting friends, meeting my boys etc. we just spent an amazing Xmas and NYE together and we started discussing her moving in. Last night she told me she wasn’t feeling the spark enough and it was over. Way out of the blue. I moved a half hr away from my kids, have supported her emotionally through tough times with her ex and family and work and feel used. Did not see this coming. I am so heartbroken and confused and at my age, I don’t think I will ever feel the way I did about her with anyone else ever in the future. I suffer from anxiety and PSTD and I am just feeling so damn low (definitely not the S word though). Thanks everyone.

Jess06 Verbal abuse
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I guess I’m writing this as a last resort. I am 28 and I Have been in a relationship with a 37 year old for the past two years. We live together and we recently had a baby together. He has 3 children already who I have absolutely adored ... View more

Hi everyone, I guess I’m writing this as a last resort. I am 28 and I Have been in a relationship with a 37 year old for the past two years. We live together and we recently had a baby together. He has 3 children already who I have absolutely adored since even before the beginning of our relationship but since our baby was born my feelings have changed and our baby is now my priority. He consistently calls me his kids step mum even though he is still not divorced which I’ve asked him to do several times but never gets done. I don’t feel as though I should be paying for groceries etc for his children to eat when my baby is my priority and I want to save for his future. Yesterday we got into a fight about a comment I made about his kids and he took the comment the wrong way. All of a sudden I don’t want his kids here (which I never said), I am a psycho, I am c**t, an a*****e and other things. I have told him many times before that I can’t stand the name calling during arguments be he continues to do it over and over again. He threatened to call loved ones of mine and tell them private things that I had told him that they don’t know about. I have had depression in the past and also have anxiety and when we fight he also throws that in my face saying I’m unstable and that he hopes the baby doesn’t get my mental health issues. He took the baby into the bedroom and wouldn’t let me hold my baby when I tried to hold him after a few hours. I was told that I was too unstable to hold him. He has been physically abusive before and promised me he would organise for us to go to couples counselling which never happened. I feel like I’m going crazy. Majority of the time he is a really good partner - funny, helpful and encouraging but the minute I say something he doesn’t like or doesn’t agree with the nastiness starts. I am feelings so heartbroken right now and cannot believe that this is where my life is at this point in time. I have family who will help me move out with the baby but I am so afraid of feeling alone.

SeasonsoftheYear Another day, another unfair lecture
  • replies: 3

Some context before I start, last year I came out as gay to my parents with the assumption that they wouldn't be okay with it; still pretty sure they're not. Also, I'm unemployed and currently searching for a job, but I know what type of job I want a... View more

Some context before I start, last year I came out as gay to my parents with the assumption that they wouldn't be okay with it; still pretty sure they're not. Also, I'm unemployed and currently searching for a job, but I know what type of job I want as a career. Got a lecture yesterday about where I am in life, in my twenties and unemployed etc and this came off the back of failing a big test to progress into a stage for the job I want. Yes you might be thinking, twenty something and unemployed? I have tried everything to no avail in finding work, finding a job is the most difficult thing I've ever undertaken and this is even with retail experience. I tried addressing selection criteria, updating and changing my resume and now I'm overhauling my cover letter to make it less about myself, more as to why I've applied to a company and how my skills match those in the job description. I've been getting help from some friends here, which is great. Again, I am trying to find work, but it is so difficult and I don't want to go another 12 months without employment. But I think that mum thinks I'm not trying. She said that she was disappointed in me because that I failed the big test mentioned above and that there was something that I said last year that they're still not sure about (she's almost crying at this point). I could only wonder what it was that I said that was so bad to her last year and it came to me, I came out of the closet. To me, this confirms that my parents are not okay with my sexual orientation. To her, this gives her a free pass to say whatever she wants to me in any tone because, and she even framed the lecture around 'tough love', even though she does this liberally. I loathe the fact that she thinks she can use my orientation to threaten me with lectures, it's extremely unfair, and this is the second time it's happened, but I wouldn't dare say anything in return because the conflict would only get worse. I can't call her out on anything, I just sit there and take it. Pretty sure in this day and age, it's perfectly fine to be gay and I once thought that it was fine for people to take their time to process it, but since it's been turned against me twice now, I'm starting to get sick of having to wait for my parents and others frankly to accept my orientation. Would it have been better to rock up with a boyfriend and have my parents find out then? I know what I want in life and it's gonna be tough getting there, I just need to work hard at it.

hollyk Advice Please! Family ,Future family, life
  • replies: 1

I have OCD. as a result I am on medication. I moved in with my future MIL when my partner and I had problems with my family. it was an overnight move so of course I am very grateful we had somewhere to go. Straight away I saught gp and councillor hel... View more

I have OCD. as a result I am on medication. I moved in with my future MIL when my partner and I had problems with my family. it was an overnight move so of course I am very grateful we had somewhere to go. Straight away I saught gp and councillor help. Unfortunately the councillor I was referred to became inappropriate in their behaviour. I asked the gp to change councillor. I was put back on the waiting list and referred to the same councillor again by some cruel twist. I am again on the waiting list. it has been 6 moths since the move and I am struggling not having a professional to talk to. I had to give up my job when we moved and to add I don't have a driving licence. I have always been near transport previously. My partner works away all week. Im n the middle of nowhere with my future MIL. stressed. feeling useless, feeling judged. having issues with my weight. we are civil but its not a great relationship since we see each other every day(MIL). Im recently having trouble getting out of bed. My mum has depression . she spent her whole life in bed. it makes me feel even worse knowing I'm doing what she's doing. I feel like I'm becoming a burden to my partner. some days I'm perfectly organised and motivated. those days are becoming further and further away from each other. something needs to change! advice is greatly appreciated.

SuperKA Dealing with breakup
  • replies: 6

My partner of 7 years... now ex have had issues in the past with my insecurities. I have brought up the issues multiple times, discussing her a solutions on how best to deal with this. Only to find there was no resolves. After hearing her side of the... View more

My partner of 7 years... now ex have had issues in the past with my insecurities. I have brought up the issues multiple times, discussing her a solutions on how best to deal with this. Only to find there was no resolves. After hearing her side of the story, in her own words that she was better at making friends with guys than she is with girls. Whilst I like to say that I am ok with her having male friends, but I still have concerns when she speaks with them. Partly because majority of the guys she talk to have always, consistently tried to get in her pants. Most guys she talks to are ex's or someone she had a huge crush on. The last 3 years has been up and down for us. I came home from work one day, noticed she didn't log out of her facebook and I decided to search her inbox to see what they were saying. To my surprise, she had sent pictures of herself. Upon bringing this up with her, I was told it was all harmless fun and I was overreacting. Frustrated and tired from work, I dropped the subject... mind you at the time we had broken up because she was talking to another guy all day, well into the night to a point I woke up at 4 am to her still texting him. At the time I discovered the pictures, we were working things out; but I felt that it only damaged our relationship more. Still having access to her facebook, I noticed she had sent another revealing photo to another male friend. Angry, I notified her of it and again there was no resolve. I decided to drop the subject again. Then there was the night of her birthday, a friend of ours came to a concert with us and they got to talking. Getting too close for my liking, but I thought nothing of it. Long story short, she ended up chatting to him everyday all day. Finally having enough, angry about the night before about the joke she had about him I broke it off. Upset, I went on a rebound date and when she found out of this she ended up sending more pictures to guy we broke up over and another to her ex. By this time, my tragedy of a date was over and we ended up wanting to work things out again only to find out about her pictures. Now we are in this together but not together relationship and she has sent more photos, flirting with her exes and other male friends and to top it off she ended up staying at her male friend hotel. Claiming she was caught in a bad storm and hadn't seen her long time friend. Am I in the wrong or is she

Leigh_C Feeling crazy
  • replies: 1

I just found myself sending this message to my one and only friend. Names have been changed. I’ve done some reading about gaslighting and think it applies to our relationship. I feel crazy for the things I saying and feeling even when faced with unde... View more

I just found myself sending this message to my one and only friend. Names have been changed. I’ve done some reading about gaslighting and think it applies to our relationship. I feel crazy for the things I saying and feeling even when faced with undeniable evidence. Mate life is a struggle at the moment. I’m sorry to vent to you cause I have been nothing short of a shit friend to you I’m sorry for that I really am I love you and your friendship problem is I have been embarrassed about things I’ve told you about my relationship not that I’ve ever felt judged just embarrassed. Embarrassed that I don’t call you and see how you guys are embarrassed I’ve got to such a shit place in my life and I’ve treated you so poorly. I want to call you often but feel as though it’s always me and my problems. I’ve always classed you as a good friend just wished I’d been the same to you unfortunately my life with chris has pushed me away from the people I care about the most not just you but rose Carmel all of u and that makes me sad I had such a great group of friends and feel as though I messed it up. I found an empty licked out drug bag the day we were leaving for camping I decided not to say anything as I wanted Haley to have the holiday I promised her. So it all blew up New Year’s Eve and an almighty fight broke out he totally denied the drug bag was his even though he’d just done a job for a known dealer and was working every night pasted midnight to which then lead to the fight that involved chris screaming at me that not only to I deserve the sexual abuse I suffered as I child but that I enjoyed it arrantly pissed out his head his excuse for everything The police were called chris videotaped the fight as you could imagine it involved me throwing objects close to hand. I was under the limit at 10.30pm at night so I drove home with Haleywho witnessed the whole scene play out. Police didn’t charge me cause he egged me on. I then let chris come home 3rd January only to discover yesterday that he was on tinder and match.com whilst he was still away. He denies everything about the dating sites and try’s to make me think he hasn’t done anything wrong. I’m totally at my wits end and don’t know what to do??? He is making me feel like I’m crazy

Nasher21 Girl I’ve been seeing stopped all contact. Very depressed.
  • replies: 1

Hi, A bit about myself, I’m a 34 y.o male with a long history of anxiety and depression which I’m on medication for. I’m a sensitive guy who tried hard not to take things too seriously but occasionally it happens and I get defensive, this is somethin... View more

Hi, A bit about myself, I’m a 34 y.o male with a long history of anxiety and depression which I’m on medication for. I’m a sensitive guy who tried hard not to take things too seriously but occasionally it happens and I get defensive, this is something I’ve tried hard to improve but it has been the single hardest thing to do compared to other areas. Ive been seeing a girl who I work with for about 3 months now. Nobody at work knows about us. I think early on I knew it we liked each other and there was chemistry but there was something missing. At 34 I am mindful that I am running out of time to meet my life partner and start a family, I wanted to give it a decent shot but we decided to pull the pin and remain friends. Something I’ve never been too keen on but I figured it would still be nice to hang out because I don’t meet girls often and do nice things like going out to nice places. Plus I figured things could possibly change. On New Year’s Day we ended up having an argument over paying a bill and I ended up realising I’d made a mistake. Regardless of that she has not texted me back. I ended up slipping the money I owed under her door, still no texts to say she even got it. It’s been nearly two weeks now, this is totally out of character for her as she would usually have been in contact after something like this. We go back to work on Monday, it is going to be really awkward. I feel like she might try to tell everyone bad stuff about me and just shut me off etc. I am really overthinking this a lot now and feeling so helpless. I was in a good place in December, I’d been doing regular yoga and I found this had really centred my mind, unfortunately I have injured my back so I can’t even do this now. I’m sorry for the long post. I don’t know what to do, it’s Saturday night and I’m scared of Monday. I’m getting all the depressed and anxious feelings, I feel like I’m back in the worst periods of my life which I thought I was past. I don’t know what to do.

goldilocks my grandmother is a toxic person who is unforgiving and is trying to ruin my life on purpose
  • replies: 7

I texted my grandmother yesterday morning, which lead to me calling her. We were arguing through text and then I phoned her, asking her what her problem was. She screamed and hurled abuse at me. I had her on speaker phone and it got to the point wher... View more

I texted my grandmother yesterday morning, which lead to me calling her. We were arguing through text and then I phoned her, asking her what her problem was. She screamed and hurled abuse at me. I had her on speaker phone and it got to the point where my mother hung up on her for me. She then called my mother and she then called her again while she was at work, abusing her. I then went to her house to demand to speak to her, and she threatened to call the police on me! My mother and I never threatened to call the police on her when she hurled abuse at us. I was so angry I smashed two of her pot plants on the concrete. She is a toxic person who is unforgiving and she has told me that I am no longer part of the family, but that my mother and father are welcome to visit her at anytime. She is trying to put a barrier between my parents and I for a reason unknown. She is also a social worker and in spite of that she has absolutely no understanding of mental health at all. In fact, she is a mental health problem in itself. She has caused so much trouble in this family because she is an old, bitter, jealous person whose achieved nothing in life. She is trying to ruin my life on purpose because she's jealous that my parents are still together, and that I've got my own goals. She has already gossiped about me to everyone in her contacts, telling them all that I am a bad person. We went to a funeral two years ago and she couldnt help but comment on how "poor" everyone looked, and on another occasion she looked at a photo of a family friend of mine and commented on how fat she looked. I could only imagine half of the things she says about me. I don't want her in my life anymore because she is a bully. She likes to "speak the truth" about my life but theres a fine line between that and bullying someone into causing property damage at their house and abusing someone. She seems to think that I abuse her but she never provides any evidence of that. What am I supposed to?

8thhouse Contact With Other Parent in Trying Circumstances
  • replies: 2

I'm including a trigger warning for sexual assault. Please don't read this if it will harm your mental well-being. Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm 24 and my son (K) is 6 and has level 2 ASD. I fell pregnant at 16 to my son's then 18 year old father (T... View more

I'm including a trigger warning for sexual assault. Please don't read this if it will harm your mental well-being. Hi everyone, I'm new here. I'm 24 and my son (K) is 6 and has level 2 ASD. I fell pregnant at 16 to my son's then 18 year old father (T). K was born when I was 17. I do not know if K was conceived consensually, T was sexually abusive towards me during our short relationship. T and I separated during my pregnancy and when K was 8 weeks old I asked T to choose between being in K's life and continuing to abuse drugs. We didn't see him for 5 years. I was diagnosed with PTSD. When K was 5, I separated from my partner. Shortly after, T contacted me saying he wanted to be a part of K's life. For the first few months, it was good. They began to build a relationship. Then my partner and I reconciled. T disappeared again. After a few months he said wanted to see K again, but he was combatative with me when making plans and he was cancelling visits at the last minute so often that I stopped telling K when he was coming, so he wouldn't be disappointed. This became a huge argument when I called him out for being inconsistent, and that K had told me that when he's at T's house he plays Xbox all day and all night. They don't go out, do anything else, or even play it together. K is only supposed to have limited screen time as his ASD gets him sucked into games to the point you'd forget he was there. During the argument, he, not I, brought up the sexual abuse. He was telling me to take him to court, he said "Tell them I r****d you for all I care. I won't even deny it." All the progress I thought I made in healing unraveled. I didn't think anybody would believe me, but he'd just confessed. My anxiety and intrusive memories have been awful, and I can't be intimate with my partner without crying. K has not seen T since then. T wants to see K. K has not asked about T. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to expose an autistic 6 year old to someone I know committed a sex crime. I can no longer repress what happened to me. I can't bear to think about T, but K is more important to me than anything, I don't know if it's better for him to have his father, or if T's inconsistency and putting him in front of a screen and not interacting with him whenever he's there is worth it. T has made it clear he will not go to court, so legal advice is not necessary, I just want to do the best for K.