Relationship and family issues

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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Clarksonxoxo Unsure on my relationship
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I’m new to this... & there’s a few things that I need advice for. Im with a guy who I’ve been with for almost a year & a half now. He has 2 kids & an ex wife Of 10 years. They are recently divorced. My partner is 15 years older than me (I am ... View more

Hi all, I’m new to this... & there’s a few things that I need advice for. Im with a guy who I’ve been with for almost a year & a half now. He has 2 kids & an ex wife Of 10 years. They are recently divorced. My partner is 15 years older than me (I am 25). I’ve never been with anyone who has had children and an ex wife before but I’m finding it extremely hard to cope with especially because he has to talk to his ex daily to get to his kids which I understand. I get very anxious that he talks to his ex because there has been times where he has spoken badly about me and calls her when we have arguments etc. I have found this out by going on his phone or his ex telling me what’s he’s been saying. This has caused me to be paranoid when he talks to her because I’m scared he will do it again! I have found out he has lied to me by denying it. I always fear that he will go back to her also because he has kids to her which makes it harder. He gets very angry at me when I ask him what hes saying to her, and always threatens to leave me because it agitates him but then the next day he’s nice again. I’m now on anti depressants because it getting to me now. Not only that I feel down most days because I’m scared of what he’s doing behind my back, I don’t feel good enough, he speaks down on me when we argue and looks at other woman. This makes me feel worthless. I’m a very loving person and very affectionate but he detaches himself from me and then somedays he makes me feel special but recently we have been arguing nearly everyday and I have been crying most days too. Im just so confused because I’ve never felt so in love with someone & at the start it felt so amazing but I feel like it’s going down hill now. I am from England and I have no one here to talk to & he is from NZ. I feel so stuck because sometimes I think I’m too young to be going through this and have sacrificed so much to be with this guy. I feel the need to go on his phone behind his back and check his messages etc and I don’t want to be like that. I want to be able to trust him but I just don’t know how and so scared of getting hurt. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you

XuanS Relationship affected by anxiety
  • replies: 1

Two months ago my boyfriend said he did not want to be in relationships with me more because he had a lot of issues. At that time I just knew he had some issues with his stomach quite serious. So I said i was ok to do as what he wanted but I will wai... View more

Two months ago my boyfriend said he did not want to be in relationships with me more because he had a lot of issues. At that time I just knew he had some issues with his stomach quite serious. So I said i was ok to do as what he wanted but I will wait for him until he sorted his issues out. Then last month he told me he have had anxiety and now it comes back and more serious that is why he did not want me to be in such hard time with him. After a talk we agreed to get back together because I said I wanted to be besides him to overcome this hard time. His anxiety seems getting worse as he has just had a talk to his psychiatrust but he does not feel helpful and he also doesn't want to use the current medicines but his doctor still decides not change it. So just today he tells me he wants us just be friends now because when he thinks about the relationship it makes him stress very much. I would like to have your opinion what I should do the best for him this time? I love him don't want to leave him in this situation when his anxiety is getting worse now. Thank you very much everyone, Xuan

something_missing something missing
  • replies: 10

hi everybody, havent been on here for ages.just want to say to everyone out there who is struggling that there is always support for you.and dont b afraid to ask for help. (dont even know if i am in the rite section) .our way of life has changed and ... View more

hi everybody, havent been on here for ages.just want to say to everyone out there who is struggling that there is always support for you.and dont b afraid to ask for help. (dont even know if i am in the rite section) .our way of life has changed and it is not going away any time soon.it has been good to hear about people that have changed there mind set and have discovered things like gardening ,growing ur own food ,taking up different interests,and discroving more about themselves. wat has happened since september last yr with the droughts then fire ,flood and now covid 19 noone could have predicted it would get to this stage. to everyone out there who has lost jobs and r struggling financally .and r worried about there future i feel for u,the retiries and the young people who had hopes and dreams.u can still have hopes and dreams ,they just may change a bit.remember to talk to people ,take up new interests, surf the net for new ideas,most of all keep ur family and friends close. i have just lost a family member (heart attack) and a lady friend of mine ( of 40 yrs) has just been diagnised with brain cancer. i dont get to see her much these days but hope to make the 5hr journey to see her soon.i feel as i havent been a every good friend over the latter yrs and idont know weather it is guilt or just sadness but i wake up crying about it.just not to sure if this is a natural thing, so keep everyone u love close, hope this helps a few people out there

DJ5 I love my partner but or relationship is ‘blah’
  • replies: 2

I have been with my partner for 4 years, I’m recently 21 and his 23 almost 24 (young I know). After an amazing start to our relationship things went south around the 3 year mark or so. We have been rekindling ever since, it’s very a very bumpy road. ... View more

I have been with my partner for 4 years, I’m recently 21 and his 23 almost 24 (young I know). After an amazing start to our relationship things went south around the 3 year mark or so. We have been rekindling ever since, it’s very a very bumpy road. He is amazing and try’s his best to help me through what ever mental state I’m in, as do I in return. We have lived together from very early stages (reasons not willing to share). Could this have effected our relationship to go to ‘old married couple state’ as people say? It feels as if we have hit a brick wall and are just at a stand still. I know he loves me very much but I just can’t help but feel blah about our relationship. Yes we have talked about it but nothing ever seems to come from it. Neither of us have ever cheated nor has anything really bad happened but sometimes I question his loyalty and feel as if he deserves better. Is this normal? In COVID times it makes it extremely difficult for us to do anything and to get out the house to do something that we enjoy. We now are back in stage 3 lockdown with fear of stage 4. I feel this could have put a strain on the relationship as well as both our mental health as we are both very adventurous people. Recently I’ve found it very hard to be attracted to him and get intimate. Which I know really hurts him, seeing him hurt really hurts me. We argue more often or just don’t speak at all. I don’t understand why I don’t enjoy being intimate or even around him sometimes anymore? I feel like it’s a choir rather then fun. I know that I love him but I can’t help but to question is this ever going to get better and will that spark come back?

Npf1120 Wife and I decided to separate.
  • replies: 12

Hi, im a father of 2 young boys, have been with wife for 10 years married 6. a few months ago she decided to say she wasn’t too happy with our life and feelings towards me. It was quite the shock as I thought everything was going Great. It hit me lik... View more

Hi, im a father of 2 young boys, have been with wife for 10 years married 6. a few months ago she decided to say she wasn’t too happy with our life and feelings towards me. It was quite the shock as I thought everything was going Great. It hit me like a truck and was left wondering what’s going on. As time has gone on I tried romancing her more and all that sort of thing to no avail. I know I’m difficult to get on with the kids are a handful as all are, and it causes us a lot of stress. She thinks it would be easier on her own and that I would be happier with someone else in the future. im not a romantic touchy touchy person it’s just not me. I didnt realise all these things were getting to her, I feel hard done by as I’ve had no chance to better myself. I understand her feelings. And I’m pretty bad at picking up signals. I will be moving out in a month or 2 slowly So that it’s not a huge shock to everyone. Especially the kids. my biggest thing is that I feel like I need to see my kids every minute I can and I won’t have enough time with them, How do you over come these feelings of sadness, How do you move on? ill be trying to have the boys thurs fri sat n every second Sunday. I just can’t imagine my life without seeing them as much as I am now. thanks for any guidance or opinion.

Beach_Days 13 years with my husband having depression
  • replies: 4

My husband of 16 years was diagnosed with depression 13 years ago. It runs in his family. We have three teenagers who are everything to us. When the kids were little I was always able to hide my partners downs, but as they are older now, it is a lot ... View more

My husband of 16 years was diagnosed with depression 13 years ago. It runs in his family. We have three teenagers who are everything to us. When the kids were little I was always able to hide my partners downs, but as they are older now, it is a lot harder. They get upset when everything boils over for him and he ends in a mess of tears. I'm really struggling to hold it all together myself. I have very few friends who I can talk to, and also, they have their own things to deal with I don't want to burden them. My family don't understand (old school, just get over it) and his family are the ones who have contributed to his lack of self worth. He said there were signs there when he was young but they didn't listen to him as a child and don't really have much to do with us at the moment. Whenever he has tried to talk to them about it, there is no help or advice at all. He is on medication for this, but as of last night, he said it just makes him blah (as in not being able to feel the real highs in life, such as his kids achieving things). If he was allowed he would sleep all night and day. He's not motivated by anything and it's really dragging me down. I pretty much do everything around the house, finances, run teens around and also work myself. He also has anger issues (not towards us) that can affect his whole mood. I may ask him to do something after work, and then if someone annoys him, he comes home angry and doesn't use common sense and is just irrational. It is just too hard at times. A month ago I was crying all the time, thinking we should separate for a while, but I do really love him, and he loves me and the kids. But sometimes it's just seems like drama and too hard. I know it's not his fault but it is sooo hard on the partners too. I'm not sure what I'm asking out of this group but I thought after 13 yrs I need to try something. Also, I've tried to get him to see someone about it but he said we don't have the money to waste. We do have the money but he just can't see past it. Thanks for listening.

Chopper2020 I want out of a long term relationship - but can't get the words out
  • replies: 4

Hi team, Firstly thank you for stopping by and checking out my thread. This is my first time utilising these forums so a tad nervous. Over the last 12 months it has become increasingly clear to me that I want out of my long term relationship, for whi... View more

Hi team, Firstly thank you for stopping by and checking out my thread. This is my first time utilising these forums so a tad nervous. Over the last 12 months it has become increasingly clear to me that I want out of my long term relationship, for which we have been together for 9 years. And I feel absolutely smothered in guilt and fear that I am in a position where i cannot find the right way to explain this to my partner. It has not been a comfortable period for me personally, losing jobs, Covid-19 restrictions etc. I figured that the 12 month period would be tough on anyone and it was OK to accept the fact that this is just the way things are and they will evolve/reset back to normal. We have spoken on several occasions about our relationship, including what has been lacking, constructive feedback and goal setting. But as much as we agree on knuckling down and working hard together to move forward, we always end up back in the same position. More to the point I end up back to the point of not being as happy as I used to be. Admittedly more recently she has put more effort into the relationship and I have been aware of this for some time, and it has become quite obvious. Through no lack of discussion and observation of each other, the flame or desire for this relationship has dissipated over time. What would seem a reasonable straight forward conversation to have (as much hurt as I would experience) I'm resistant to have this as I fear what would happen to her, considering the lack of support she has around her (family, friends). Another reason my guilt overwhelms me. Any advise or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Cheers.

John_P The male failure to launch culture
  • replies: 16

Hello. I am a male that is 34 years old and i find it hard to 'launch' in a relationship. Other aspects of my life I am a high achiever, great job, high education, great friends. great finances, great communication, ppl say I'm good looking. fit. I n... View more

Hello. I am a male that is 34 years old and i find it hard to 'launch' in a relationship. Other aspects of my life I am a high achiever, great job, high education, great friends. great finances, great communication, ppl say I'm good looking. fit. I never used to be like this. I used to be able to fall for women and love them. I have had a 2 long term relationships that collapsed suddenly, and ever since then, i find it hard to emotionally connect with a woman- and I find I despise them (relationship wise)- (I respect woman and have many great friendship with women) BUT when it comes to dating, I emotionally despise them. It may be my bodies way of dealing with previous hurt, but I am now in a situation where I literally feel physical deterrent to woman from a feelings point of view. Whenever I see a woman I am attracted to I tell myself to go up to her and talk to her but then i think- what is the point? i.e ok-we maybe might date- but the probability of it working in my mind is close to NIL. I am trying to change this but i find it hard. I see myself retreating to male friendships and not engaging with a beautiful woman. I also find myself retreating into gaming. It makes me think- Do we retreat to the narrative of how society may tell us? i.e people that know me may say- Adrian- great guy- successful-catch- but with baggage due to a failed previous relationship. And this narrative we believe ourselves? How do we short circuit the narrative we think society thinks of us? because we can in reality create our own narrative. Also, any hints on how i can overcome this as i want to have a successful long and healthy relationship with a family in the future. thank you. I'm just being honest

Reivaxe I feel like I'm losing my mind from my breakup
  • replies: 2

Over a year ago me (18M) and my gf (19F) broke up as her choice, after it was evident for some time she was into another guy but I was told I was overthinking and reacting when I brought it up. A week later they started dating. From then until now we... View more

Over a year ago me (18M) and my gf (19F) broke up as her choice, after it was evident for some time she was into another guy but I was told I was overthinking and reacting when I brought it up. A week later they started dating. From then until now we became friends with benefits for a bit which I stupidly thought was something more and then was hurt more and more with her dating some of my now uni friends (same uni degree and very small campus). Currently I have been through what it feels like is the same conversation with many people about how I should just move on and lose the connection to her, however I'm finding it impossible to forget about her or at least just see her as just another person whenever I run into or see her which is usually daily. Everything that happens in her dating life is constantly making my mind race non-stop about all the possibilities of what's happening and it feels awful, I feel so stupid for being so invested still even after all this time. I have tried no-contact, trying to only see the bad in her, talking to a counsellor, and just trying to move on but all with no avail. I guess I'm just asking for help from anyone who knows how I can move past her, I'm not the type to bounce from relationship to relationship, I feel really guilty still being cut up about her and talking to someone else who I could be interested in. And there is no possibility for the next 2 years of me not seeing her on a practically daily basis.

Daizyflower I love him but he used that
  • replies: 5

I love a guy who was a close friend of mind until he threatened the police because I was pressing for answers. I told him I like him awhile ago but there were other girls involved so I backed off. We were still friends and actually become quite close... View more

I love a guy who was a close friend of mind until he threatened the police because I was pressing for answers. I told him I like him awhile ago but there were other girls involved so I backed off. We were still friends and actually become quite close. Lately I realise I like him again so I told. He didn't real respond with anything but we still talk and started hanging out one on one. He invited me to his place but no one else was home, he took advantage of these. He made moves against me and really thought he liked me. We hangout again and we flirting but then out of nowhere is like I don't like you like that. I was blank at the time and was sending him things to make my feeling know but he started calling me obsessed. Apparently I wasn't listen and then he get mean. He made me the bad guy for taken how he was with me the wrong way. He said all of the things like he wasn't going to hurt me, he only does things with people he really likes, he was saying all of the rights and all apparently in the heat of moments even though he know how he felt and how I did.