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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Sunflower_xx Narcissistic traits or am I crazy?
  • replies: 5

Hiya. Newbie here. back story- have been together for 10(ish) years. 2 children. Not married. Hes not home a lot (works long days). No shared finances. Nothing to my name. i am currently in a pretty depressed state at the moment so it’s hard to get i... View more

Hiya. Newbie here. back story- have been together for 10(ish) years. 2 children. Not married. Hes not home a lot (works long days). No shared finances. Nothing to my name. i am currently in a pretty depressed state at the moment so it’s hard to get it all out. i feel as though I’ve done a lot and adapted my life to suit his. I’ve lost many friends because of my decisions. I try and be interested in things that he’s interested in (cars,gaming,racing...) I could tell you his favourite colour or favourite food or anything you want to know about him. But he couldn’t tell you what my interests are or what my favourite band is. i struggle to talk to him about my depression/anxiety because I never know how he will respond. He once told me to get over it and stop thinking like that. So I REALLY struggle to open up to him when I get down. ive been unable to work full time since my youngest was born (due to her ongoing health troubles) and I rely on carers payments from Centrelink to pay my debt/bills. because I work casually my payments Get reduced. My employer didn’t pay me for the last 2 weeks of work, so basically I have nothing but .62c in my bank account (I live pay check to pay check) and we don’t share finances. most days he doesn’t greet me when he comes home, but is happy to complain about all the things I didn’t do throughout the day. he is so negative and will complain at the slightest inconvenience. we only have sex when he wants it. Even when I’ve tried initiating it he rejects me. what the heck am I doing wrong? how do I get over the fear of talking to him? how do I tell him I’m struggling without being afraid of his reaction? i need a little motivation today. I haven’t gotten out of bed yet. How can I pick myself up?

Trying19 Pregnant, cheated on, trying to save a marriage
  • replies: 2

I have just found out my husband was having an affair with someone from his work for around 6 months (I think). The extent of the lying and lengths he went to are something that I can’t seem to fathom and I am still in shock that he has done this to ... View more

I have just found out my husband was having an affair with someone from his work for around 6 months (I think). The extent of the lying and lengths he went to are something that I can’t seem to fathom and I am still in shock that he has done this to me. We had some issues with intimacy and affection prior to the affair but generally our marriage was happy. We have two children and I am currently 7 months pregnant which is escalating emotions and I am so sad our baby will not have the same upbringing as their older siblings. . he has agreed to go to counselling with me and for himself. But I am struggling to feel the commitment from him and he has said he does not have the love for me. do you think I am pushing an uphill battle I will never get over? Has anyone been in a similar situation? I am struggling to find any strength in what to do, I want to try salvage our marriage and try to turn it around not just for our children but for us as I know how good we can be

HB91 Wife is having an affair!!
  • replies: 5

Hello, My wife and I after been married for 2 years and have been together for 5.5 years and she has told me she wants to separate. She told me this last Oct and in Nov we went to our first counselling session. I had discovered that she was talking t... View more

Hello, My wife and I after been married for 2 years and have been together for 5.5 years and she has told me she wants to separate. She told me this last Oct and in Nov we went to our first counselling session. I had discovered that she was talking to another guy and confronted her about it. She said she did not know if she wanted to be with me and that she thought we were 2 completely different people. When we started our first counselling session I asked her if there was anything I should know, and she said no. About a week after that we went to Bali for a holiday with my family. It turns out she told my two cousins that she slept with her friend from Townsville (who himself had a wife and child). My whole family knew this except for me ( I found this out 3 months later). A few nights before New Years eve she told me that she was going to her friends place (her female friend from work) and that it was just a girls night out. I had nothing planned because I thought we were just going to spend it together. She new I was going to have to spend it alone but persisted that I was not coming. About 2 weeks after that we went to our second counselling session which seemed like it went well and we both agreed to work on things. My wife then said lets go to Townsville and we can stay there at her friends place (the friend she slept with) I had not met him before and did not think anything of it. We did not go to Townsville in the end as her friend had to help out with the fires. The night before our third counselling session I had a gut feeling things were not right. I know this is not OK, but I checked her apple watch and found messages to a new guy she was talking to. I asked her 5 times the next morning if she new this guys name and she said no. I then sent a photo of the text with his name in it and she just said i'm done. I was speaking to my mum about what I should do and she then confessed to me that my wife had slept with her friend from Townsville. I felt absolutely gutted and betrayed. I told my wife I knew and asked why she didn't tell me and her excuse was that she didn't want to hurt me. I have also found out that she is currently sleeping with other people yet she keeps telling me that she loves me in some form and wants me in her life. Her excuse for sleeping with other people is it is a distraction that keeps her from being a mess. I feel confused because I love her, but I feel angry that she is doing this to me and have no idea what to do.

xCrumpetx He’s taking a break from me
  • replies: 1

We have been together for two years. He needs a break from me because I am draining him down with my depression and constant neediest. I agree I do get needy. I have to change or else he will leave me. I am so scared. I love him so much. I have to be... View more

We have been together for two years. He needs a break from me because I am draining him down with my depression and constant neediest. I agree I do get needy. I have to change or else he will leave me. I am so scared. I love him so much. I have to become more independent. It is so scary. It is basically challenging me to fight my inner most demons. I think he wants a break for at least a week. It’s killing me. I hope it gets better. The thing I am scared of the most is himself. I don’t want him to get depressed or worse. I worry about him. I need to change. Will he be ok? I needed to get this off my chest. No one else is up.

PsychedelicFur Absence of mother
  • replies: 7

Recently, at the end of last year when it was Christmas Eve my mother decided to leave my father of twenty odd years of marriage for another man. This other man has not yet left his girlfriend and his little daughter but he takes turns in living betw... View more

Recently, at the end of last year when it was Christmas Eve my mother decided to leave my father of twenty odd years of marriage for another man. This other man has not yet left his girlfriend and his little daughter but he takes turns in living between two houses. As you can imagine my parents separation is affecting me immensely. Growing up my mother had postnatal depression and was extremely emotionally unavailable and distant with me. When I was a baby I rarely received the affection and attention most children get from their mothers. My mother and I never had the bond most children and their parents have. Whenever I cried I was told to shut up. At the time of growing up I never acknowledged or recognised that my mother was distant. I just thought it was her natural way of acting. She never showed me self love. She never taught me that it is wonderfully important to be happy with oneself before you decide to bring others into your life (eg relationships and friendships) When I started secondary school I was not properly taught things girls are meant to know. As a result I would get bullied. And the bullying got quite brutal. I would befriend people who would want to stab me. I left those friendships and relationships because they were toxic and haunting. I have surprisingly enough now taught myself a lot of things. Like how to dress properly, I have taught myself common etiquettes, how to speak well and how to be articulate with my thoughts and feelings. With the assistance of my father too. Thanks Dad. My mother would constantly compare my body to other girls. She would say things that were brutal and sharp tongued when I was upset. Merely telling me I should live in a ‘mental hospital’ because my anxiety and depression was getting quite uncontrollable at this point in time prior to her departure. Then when I attempted to seek help she would just be angry and disappointed in having to wait in the car when taking me to these psychologist appointments. My mother’s absence has affected me greatly. It has not been a pleasurable and enjoyable experience. Most definitely a painful and heart wrenching one to say the least. I just don’t know what to do. My father is great support and has been helping me cope. Hopefully others can leave some advice. It would be most certainly greatly appreciated. Psychedelicfur

Kit_Kat81 Cheated on
  • replies: 12

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 children together (I have another 2 from previous marriage). I found out my husband was cheating on my for 3 years, he starting cheating on me after our 4 year old was born and before we got married an... View more

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, we have 2 children together (I have another 2 from previous marriage). I found out my husband was cheating on my for 3 years, he starting cheating on me after our 4 year old was born and before we got married and while I was pregnant with our 9 month old. I have known for a year and I can’t get over it.

8ANG9 Friend has labelled me a compulsive liar
  • replies: 1

Hi all new to the forums, Recently a friend of mine has told me I'm a compulsive liar as I have told some lies recently to remove myself from some situations I find harmful to myself. I have mentioned this several times with said friend but they stil... View more

Hi all new to the forums, Recently a friend of mine has told me I'm a compulsive liar as I have told some lies recently to remove myself from some situations I find harmful to myself. I have mentioned this several times with said friend but they still persist with trying to get me to go along (which I have a couple of times to placate them). I get so anxious about the situation now it has lead to me lying about other situations as well without even knowing it. Said friend finds out about the other situation and that I've bent the truth around the subject and then confronts me about it. Which is fair, not dodging that issue, the scary thing for me is I am unable to now tell that I am doing it. My friend is still very supportive of me and has expressed concern about my behaviours and wants me to get better, I have taken the feedback on board, but I am still really finding it hard to change my ways. Am I being too hard on myself (rome wasn't built in a day) or should I be trying harder to placate my friend and make them comfortable?

pkr00402 I keep pushing people away
  • replies: 1

I feel like I am incapable of being in a relationship. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, it’s like I suddenly drop off from it out of nowhere. Like I can be really into someone one week, then the next I just don’t have any feelings at all and t... View more

I feel like I am incapable of being in a relationship. Almost every relationship I’ve been in, it’s like I suddenly drop off from it out of nowhere. Like I can be really into someone one week, then the next I just don’t have any feelings at all and they don’t come back. This is causing me to really hurt the people I’m with, but I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it.

Just_me85 Need advice about family 
  • replies: 1

Please can someone help me. I'm done waking up early in the morning stress because my husband is just yelling and swearing at me. I had enough! He is an angry monster when me and our kids will not worship his daughter who is 28 and his grandkids. He ... View more

Please can someone help me. I'm done waking up early in the morning stress because my husband is just yelling and swearing at me. I had enough! He is an angry monster when me and our kids will not worship his daughter who is 28 and his grandkids. He even swear and call our kids a liar and a traitor because our girls is on my side not his side everytime we have a fight. Everytime we have a fight because of his daughter(28) he always say I'm the worst person/wife in the world. I woke up 5AM just to prepare his food and his stuff for work. Give him a massage when he goes to bed after his work because he is tired, wash his clothes and work clothes and more just to take good care of him. He doesnt appreciate that and I'm so done with this situation. My plan is to take the kids with me and then I will do all the custody stuff after we moved out. Will I get in trouble for doing that? I asked him if we could talk but he just shut me out calling me names when I tried to talk to him. I do have a phone recordings of him swearing at me and to the kids.

Andy_G How to undo designated role of Family scapegoat Identified Patient or Symptom bearer
  • replies: 5

Hello I was raised as the Identified Patient, Symptom Bearer (Bowen Family Systems Therapy), and family Scapegoat - a serious family dysfunctional problem in which one member of the family a child is blamed, shamed, bullied for small things, picked o... View more

Hello I was raised as the Identified Patient, Symptom Bearer (Bowen Family Systems Therapy), and family Scapegoat - a serious family dysfunctional problem in which one member of the family a child is blamed, shamed, bullied for small things, picked on and constantly put down. It's a generational pattern of abuse that is passed down to the children. As I suffered hidden abuse, my family see my mental illness as proof I am a black sheep and insane. my large extended family enjoy my suffering and take great pleasure in my mental illness. They act normal around normal people Mum is a Nurse Manager Dad a successful business owner I chose to be homeless to avoid them but it was difficult. I do love them but they are genuinely hooked on shaming me, how do I overcome this and stop family scapegoating of me, I really need restorative justice and resources or specific strategies to make my family acknowledge the past so I can heal and please have a healthy future relationship with them?