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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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prickly_cactus I need some advice on my relationship
  • replies: 3

Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in g... View more

Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in general (things like politician's attitude can piss him off). That makes him a constant low energy level and he fails to commit things that he promised to do with me. There are several nearly-breakup moments over our relationship mostly because of our argument about his attitude. However he regretted saying breaking up afterwards but I was heartbroken every time he did that. Last year on my birthday, we were watching tv and chilling in the house and the atmosphere were fine but later we separated for a while and he ended up with a reluctant attitude when visiting me at night. He said " I wouldn't be here if today it's not your birthday". Even the next day he apologised, it hurt me so much. I tried to communicate to sort what he need and how he is feeling and we did ok for the next 2 months. However his strange attitude has started again lately. I invited him to our family dinner as me and my family are living in different country currently and I think it is a great chance to introduce him to my family and build the bond. He agreed to attend the day before when I asked him and on the day he said he felt shit from work and with low self-confidence and anxiety that makes him unwilling to socialise. He confessed the fact that he has been pretending to be kind to me. I was so upset with what he said cause he has been using an excuse of "not feeling great" to refuse to do what he has promised. We have just agreed to have another break on our relationship but I am not really sure if that will work if his attitude going around in-circle. There are small difficult moments that I don't mention there. I still love my boyfriend so I dont want to give up so easily but I am also heartbroken at the same times. His mood changes so often that makes me feel so insecure about the relationship. I doubt he has any mental issue as there's a depression issue in his family history (his dad and brother suffered from depression before).

cmargaret I don't know how to help my partner
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have been noticing many changes in my partner for a while now and no matter how hard I try he keeps getting worse. He talks about struggling to see his worth and has admitted to me that he feels like passing on whenever a problem arises. I ... View more

Hi all, I have been noticing many changes in my partner for a while now and no matter how hard I try he keeps getting worse. He talks about struggling to see his worth and has admitted to me that he feels like passing on whenever a problem arises. I have tried suggesting strategies I have used in the past for similar feelings but he only gets mad and says nasty things towards me whenever I bring it up and refuses to acknowledge any problems. He has started becoming insecure about his job, family and our relationship. He is always angry coming home from work because his bosses have made snide remarks about him and I know he holds onto it for weeks, making him feel useless. His father has a problem with drugs and I have witnessed how this effects his communication and temper with his wife and my partner, calling them horrible names and yelling degrading things about them. He told me that it has always been like that. As a child his parents favoured his younger brother and wouldn't let him do any after school activities with friends because all their money, time and attention was spent on his brother. To this day he doesn't say anything at social events and he cannot hold a conversation, even being on his phone for the whole time we visit his grandparents. I have caught him going through my phone messages and he gets mad at me when he sees that another man has liked one of my photos on social media, I have to constantly reassure him of my love. I am studying engineering so most of my uni friends are male and this really bothers him, he cannot stand the fact that I am in required group chats with boys for my projects where we only discuss our course, but if I try to talk to him about the intimate messages he has sent to other girls during our relationship he tells me I'm being crazy. He expects me to sit around while he works on his car for hours and gets angry and ignores me when I say that I can't make it. Whenever I bring up things I would like to discuss about our relationship he gets so defensive and victimises himself and blames me for his unhappiness. He constantly dwells on the fact that I have had a boyfriend before him and has told me that he will never be able to get over it. He only ever uses his childhood as an explanation for his insecure behaviour and I don't think he has ever grown into someone seperate from those experiences. I know he is an amazing person and I absolutely love him, but I am scared of loosing myself again. How can I help?

Guest_3256 Why do some Partner's throw away a broken Partner for someone in better condition?
  • replies: 9

Hi all. I have recently joined the forum and really enjoy reading some of the threads which tend to be quite interesting, especially seeing what others are experiencing in their lives and through others viewpoints. I have noticed that there seems to ... View more

Hi all. I have recently joined the forum and really enjoy reading some of the threads which tend to be quite interesting, especially seeing what others are experiencing in their lives and through others viewpoints. I have noticed that there seems to be a trend in the replies of others when it comes to relationships issues. Obviously depending on ones relationship circumstances, I'd like to get peoples opinions on why so many partners are able to through in the towel and look for alternative options, rather than working with their partners to build a better relationship. Why do some partner's throw away a broken partner for someone in better condition? Best wishes, Jsua.

Cookie39 Alcoholic husband
  • replies: 3

I'm feeling completely lost in my relationship at the moment. My husband has been drinking alot and spends alot of money on his habit. He often gets wasted and drinks until all hours of the morning which has recently gotten him into trouble. We have ... View more

I'm feeling completely lost in my relationship at the moment. My husband has been drinking alot and spends alot of money on his habit. He often gets wasted and drinks until all hours of the morning which has recently gotten him into trouble. We have two young children at home and I feel like all of the household duties fall onto me and I get very little help from him. I have spoken to him dozens of times about how this is affecting us yet he just continues to do it. I feel like it is selfish behaviour on his part with all the money being spent and the lack of time he spends with our family. I have been empathetic, tried to ask what is going on, told him I support him etc yet there is just no sign of changing. I feel anxious, sad, stressed and tired. I dont know where to go from here.

Larlar ALL ABOUT THE MATES ! They are his priority.
  • replies: 10

So I have been in a long term relationship with my partner . We have 3 kids and are both in our mid 20s . When we had our first bubs we were very young and my partner would constantly go out . Spend all the money and do whatever he wanted . I use to ... View more

So I have been in a long term relationship with my partner . We have 3 kids and are both in our mid 20s . When we had our first bubs we were very young and my partner would constantly go out . Spend all the money and do whatever he wanted . I use to tell myself it's because he was 18/19 andhewould get passed it but he has not . He still is constantly with his friends and leaves me and the kids to our own plans etc. I have had the discussion with him that it would be nice if he spent more time with us but am always greeted with the same agitated responses and excuses as to why he can't or doesn't want to . I'm confused because I can't understand why he wouldn't want to spend time with me or the kids and also as to why his mates are so appealing ? Side note he genuinely doesn't think that he doing anything wrong and asks why I care so much . He never comes to my family events and I go to all of his and he always says we come first but we never actually do. Will he ever grow up or see that he is not spending enough time with his children ? I'm so over him being out every day and me doing all the caring and house work and kids stuff. I work part-time too and he hardly even watches them when I work ....

Jazzyt I’m an adult, so why are you still treating me like a child?
  • replies: 2

When is enough enough. I’m a 26 year old female. My father still controls what I’m doing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and there is a long list of narcissistic traits. I’ve realised I’ve dealt with it my whole life, so I’ve always just... View more

When is enough enough. I’m a 26 year old female. My father still controls what I’m doing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and there is a long list of narcissistic traits. I’ve realised I’ve dealt with it my whole life, so I’ve always just dealt with it. But now it’s different because it’s starting to affect my relationship with my fiancé. My father gaslights, will not engage in a conversation with me if he doesn’t like what I’m saying. I’m not allowed to stay over at my fiancé’s house (we aren’t financially ready to move out). If I go out more nights in a week than I’m home he gives me the cold shoulder, knowing I’ll feel guilty for it. But I don’t think I should. When I’m feeling alone and then try to speak to my mum or sisters about it, it’s like everyone just wants to please him. I can’t really speak to my mum cause she just shuts me down but always has time for my sisters. They have bestowed an abundance of responsibility on me on top of my uni work & full time job. If I don’t do what they want I’m called ungrateful and told I’m asking for too much. I’m so scared to stand up to him because I still don’t want to displease him what do I do? How can I be free?

Parto Marriage over
  • replies: 2

Hi my wife has ended our marriage after 23 years. I’ve been with her for 30. She said she couldnt handle my depression and mood swings anymore. She chose to cheat on me with someone else to end it. All I want is to make things right but I’m accept th... View more

Hi my wife has ended our marriage after 23 years. I’ve been with her for 30. She said she couldnt handle my depression and mood swings anymore. She chose to cheat on me with someone else to end it. All I want is to make things right but I’m accept the marriage is over. so why am I having separation anxiety over her. She doesn’t want me to text her or ring her. Only to talk to kids. I don’t even know my banking details as she did the banking etc. please help me

Pregnantandterrified What happened to my family?
  • replies: 2

Since battling a mystery disease, I’ve felt more and more isolated from my immediate family. I’ve got nowhere with the supposed “wonders of modern medicine” and so, whilst waiting for a specialist appointment I had researched, I’ve joined support gro... View more

Since battling a mystery disease, I’ve felt more and more isolated from my immediate family. I’ve got nowhere with the supposed “wonders of modern medicine” and so, whilst waiting for a specialist appointment I had researched, I’ve joined support groups, I’ve taken herbs and seen natural practitioners.... all with the goal of kicking this illness, breaking the code and getting back to me again. Who ever “me” is now. The problem is, my husband has not supported me in anyway through this journey. I’ve been told to snap out of it, I’ve been told my issue is a mental one. He’s even said that as far as he’s concerned there is nothing wrong with me, and I just don’t want to be better. I was heartbroken and distraught that someone could say that to me, with all I’m doing to try and heal! See, the problem is that I do t look unwell. I have a multitude of serious neurological symptoms, some that you can see, others you can’t and they come and go. I have never suffered with mental illness. Even now, I am clear and rational in my decisions and my expectations of managing this. I’m not expecting a silver bullet, just hoping for some quality of life.... and hopefully a few more years worth of life. I feel defeated. I’m exhausted. I’m even a little depressed. Because the reality of this illness is endless pain, suffering and hopelessness. If I even mention my illness, or that I wasn’t well enough to do something my husband makes it into an argument. Telling me I’m unhinged. Telling me the only thing that is preventing me, is me. That’s the hardest part. He thinks I’m being like this on purpose. What do I do? I have my first neurologist appointment on Monday. I’m hopeful that I will get a diagnosis and hopefully treatment for my quality of life. But I’m also terrified. I have a three year old son.... how does one prepare for bad news? How do I cope if this is an end game for me? so far I’ve heard everything from MS, the brain tumour to autoimmune disease to functional neurological disease. I’m overwhelmed because I don’t want any of these! I just want to go back to happy. Back to the way my family use to be. Back to myself. I feel like this will be the end of my marriage, if not the end of my life. I just don’t know what to do.

mugichan My husband is suffering from anxiety and won't do anything about it
  • replies: 1

Hi All, My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for one year. We both suffer from anxiety but I've been regularly seeing a psychologist, on medication, and implement a lot of positive strategies in my life. I've been struggling with ... View more

Hi All, My husband and I have been together for 5 years, married for one year. We both suffer from anxiety but I've been regularly seeing a psychologist, on medication, and implement a lot of positive strategies in my life. I've been struggling with the fact that he refuses to do anything about managing his anxiety, instead he withdraws from me, will play video games/watch tv as avoidance or act cranky around me. He never wants to talk about it, and when he is anxious he expects me to pick up responsibilities in our life (e.g. housework, cooking etc). I'm empathetic because I understand what anxiety can do to you, but I'm struggling with the negative effect it's having on me. I feel alone in the relationship, and that I have tip toe around him to not set off his anxiety further. When I ask him to help around the house he just says he's too anxious to think about anything right now. I've asked him in the past to see a psychologist but he says there's no point. Sometime's I feel like I'm married to a bad room mate and not a life partner. I don't know what to do.