Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

Flyingmonkey Being Destroyed By My So Called Family
  • replies: 2

I have joined this site as I am besides myself with recent events.I have a twin sister and a brother, and an elderly mother. Twin sister has claimed she wants to help mother out (who lives in a retirement village). Brother lives interstate so he has ... View more

I have joined this site as I am besides myself with recent events.I have a twin sister and a brother, and an elderly mother. Twin sister has claimed she wants to help mother out (who lives in a retirement village). Brother lives interstate so he has nothing to do with anything however he is pertinent to this post. These three family members have never shown me respect, love, or any regard whatsoever. I have had a lifetime of bullying, gaslighting, ridicule, abuse. I have realised they are all narcissists. As the scapegoat I have tried to defend myself on many occasions, only to further inflame them. To this day I have no idea why this is the way of things..it just always has been. I have had a horrible life and I am sure it is because of them. My twin sister is always bullying me to visit mother. I do visit her regularly. I hate visiting her. She is totally selfish and never once asks anything about my life. It is all about her...as it always has been. However, I put on a brave face and try to be 'nice' (that is my part in this circus isn't it?). The last time I visited her I thought we had a good time. I bought her lunch (which incidentally I never get paid back for although my twin sister says she will pay me back as she controls mother's money!). I made her cuppas and watered her garden. She kept 'falling asleep' all the time....? I checked her temperature etc and she declared 'I have chronic fatigue syndrome' and I know nothing can be done about it'. So after one hour or a bit longer I left; I hugged her and told her I love her and I thought that was that. The following week my Aunty (whom I am very close to) visited me and told me that mother had rung her about a week after my visit asking Aunty if I hate her? Aunty was gobsmacked and said "I am sure she doesn't but I do know she has a lot of issues in her life right now" (which I do). I rang mother to discuss and she blew me off. I said to her once I thought it was sorted "I hope you haven't told my twin sister about this" as my sister is violent and I was scared she would do something? Mum said "No I never would make trouble between you two". So imagine how I felt when my sister rang the other day to tell me that Mum told her all about it? Also that she was on her way to the airport to pick up my brother? Not one of them told me he was coming over. I feel totally kicked in the head by all three of them and I actually hate them all now and want absolutely nothing to do with them. I guess I am just posting here as it is so horrible and I have never done them any harm...in fact I have done a lot to help them in various ways but they never reciprocate. I am almost 60 years old and I am totally over putting up with these horrible people. They ruin my life.

Jeanetta Long term relationship separation
  • replies: 1

My partner of 33 years left our home two weeks ago and is now staying with her son and family about 3 hours drive away. We are a great working team and compliment each other in so many ways. I have had mental health issues which I know has put a stra... View more

My partner of 33 years left our home two weeks ago and is now staying with her son and family about 3 hours drive away. We are a great working team and compliment each other in so many ways. I have had mental health issues which I know has put a strain on our relationship but she has always been supportive. In a way perhaps too much so trying to shield me from my social phobia and situations that will trigger anxiety. I now know I also suffer from perfectionism. When people told me that, I didn't think that was such a bad thing. I am an artist working in many mediums and am proud of the attention to detail and finish of my work. I now know perfectionism can be a contributing factor to other mental health conditions and put an enormous strain on a relationship through negative self talk, unrealistic expectations of yourself and others, (being critical), fear of making mistakes, anxiety and depression and more. My partner said there was power imbalance in our relationship with me more controlling and her placating. We had talked about counselling but I have been crippled by intense anxiety. I didn't recognise how much pressure I was putting on the relationship. Over the past 5 years my partner's health has deteriorated with several chronic illnesses and she is facing knee surgery which has made her less mobile. I haven't coped well. I know I have become more intense, desperate to find solutions to problems that are out of my control. I haven't known what to do to be more supportive. Discussions to find solutions have ended up in emotional conflict with no resolution. Since she has left I have been desperately looking for answers and realise now that there is help readily available. All the destructive behaviours that have pushed my partner away are recognised and help to address them is readily available. She now wants her own space and doesn't want to communicate with me. I feel completely lost and desperately sad that she may have made a resolve the separation is final with no chance of a future together.I have been getting help with daily sessions of hypnotherapy, going for long walks every morning which I am finding are incredibly helpful. If only I had understood and had the strength to take the step to get help long ago.I hope I can show her that I can change the destructive pattern of behaviour by actively addressing it through self and professional help. I am afraid to do anything that will push her further away.

Guest_84299112 Loss
  • replies: 1

I’m 42, for my whole life I’ve had a dysfunctional family. My mum wasn’t always there for me but I’ve always loved her. My whole life I’ve had brothers and sisters that have been toxic towards me. So I ended up disappearing in the back ground. I did ... View more

I’m 42, for my whole life I’ve had a dysfunctional family. My mum wasn’t always there for me but I’ve always loved her. My whole life I’ve had brothers and sisters that have been toxic towards me. So I ended up disappearing in the back ground. I did my own thing. Had my own family. Got a bachelor degree. A good job. No one said congratulations to me. I’ve had numerous issues with relationships where I always pick the wrong guy and I’ve now been single for 4 years. About 3 years ago my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I tried to be there as much as I could. My mother was very close to the younger two siblings who are in their 30s. She had a lot more time with them as they have been unemployed their whole life. Where I was out working and keeping busy so I couldn’t be there all the time. Anyway, her cancer has spread to her brain and she has a few weeks-2 months to live. I was there every day. Helping shower her and look after her. My little brother wanted her home so he pulled her out of hospital and she’s on palliative care. Once she was home I didn’t think it was appropriate for her especially because he was going to be her main carer. He was not fit to do it. Because I voiced my concerns he threatened me, put me down, argued with me and so I walked out of their and never got to say goodbye to my mum. She can’t communicate via phone anymore due to her condition. But the two siblings have taken over control of her and I can’t see her. They won’t leave the room when I’m there and they hover around her. Anything I talk to my mum about they use it against me. They even use my job as a health professional against me. I assume out of jealousy. Now I haven’t seen my mum for 2 weeks. I can’t say goodbye because the two siblings won’t leave so I can spend time with her. I feel lately so traumatised by it all. I can feel my depression coming back. I also have PTSD so it’s bringing everything to the surface. I thought about going back on antidepressants but I hate the way I feel on them with the side effects. It’s the side effects that are the hardest and I can’t work or function for the first few weeks.

geelt I don't want to deal with the aftermath of change
  • replies: 1

My family dynamic is barely held together and is one small conflict from falling apart all the time. I can't stand dealing with the inane arguments and stupid points of conflict so I do what I can to ease the points of contention. This isn't the righ... View more

My family dynamic is barely held together and is one small conflict from falling apart all the time. I can't stand dealing with the inane arguments and stupid points of conflict so I do what I can to ease the points of contention. This isn't the right way to approach things and it's just sweeping the problems under the rug. These people aren't going to change and the root isn't going to be addressed. Communication is really difficult. No one likes talking to one another and they can't without one of them getting mad. I have to be the one to ask questions for someone or answer a question for them. Now its my job to be the mouthpiece for my mum and she assumes I know what everyone else is thinking. Even if I do everything myself, organize and cook my own food, I still need to come up with a menu for my siblings because my mum cant communicate with my siblings without being yelled at for being annoying. She struggles to come up with ideas for dinner because she doesn't know what they want to eat. and shes very picky and complains if we eat the same thing twice in a row and doesnt want us eating leftover food. The easy solution is to stop letting myself be the one to organize everything grow a spine, get everyone to contribute and maybe cook their own food instead of making it our Mum's job. If they don't come up with ideas for what to eat then no dinner for them. If I try this my Mum will panic and freak out and that defeats the point. I'm so terrified of being caught in the crossfire between arguments with my parents and siblings. Arguing with anyone and trying to make change is like talking to a brick wall. I hate getting angry because it makes me feel so pathetic losing control but its infuriating dealing with them. talking and trying to get others to change doesnt work. I cant sleep because im thinking how long i have to deal with this for. I want to help but its meaningless. I need to move out but I cant find a job. I cant get out of my head and make meaningful changes to my life and focus on what i can control. I love my family but they just make me mad all the time but i cant say anything because im just a crazy man getting mad at nothing. the result of my bad choices and spinelessness standing up for myself does nothing. no one else sees it as a problm. im really unintelligent if I cant handle doing this bare minimum let alone hold onto a job or study or anything real people do in life

Guest_02126273 The effects of ghosting someone
  • replies: 2

My ex beat the shit out of me! He kicked me in the stomach on his dirty floor. It took me a year to to get over that and go on dates again. It always starts out so lovely and sweet, texting before a date, great banter and cute messages, they act like... View more

My ex beat the shit out of me! He kicked me in the stomach on his dirty floor. It took me a year to to get over that and go on dates again. It always starts out so lovely and sweet, texting before a date, great banter and cute messages, they act like there into me but it’s all an act! after they get what they want they ghost and delete, cast me aside like I meant nothing to them. It’s taking a tole on my mental health. Each time I wonder why I wasn’t good enough for them- was it my body? am I too fat? They’ve seen my body and find it hideous. I’ve been going to the gym, and eating one meal a day! I’m obsessed with surgery before and afters, wondering if I got a nose job/ liposuction that if I was prettier maybe someone would treat me better. I just want to love someone, cook for them give massages and do fun things but I can’t find a single person! I can’t believe they can justify doing do this to someone when they know I have a kind heart! How can they be so cruel! Last year this has happened to me 5 times. If it happened again I feel like I just want end it- honestly! My heart can’t take it anymore please think about people before you leave another person wondering.

edensgarden I found out she was the feeling the happiest to let go of me
  • replies: 2

hai pretty sad update I found out she was the happiest ever to cut me an her friends off i dont understand we had such a good time to now nothing I cant help but miss her I keep crying daily thinking bout what it could of been everytime I talk to oth... View more

hai pretty sad update I found out she was the happiest ever to cut me an her friends off i dont understand we had such a good time to now nothing I cant help but miss her I keep crying daily thinking bout what it could of been everytime I talk to others im reminded of her precence.

SGD Insensitive partner
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am putting this to understand am I actually wrong. After one miscarriage in past again I was 2 months pregnant. I clearly stated everyone in my family that for atleast initial 3 months I dont want to rat particular cusine. It was my husband’s s... View more

Hi, I am putting this to understand am I actually wrong. After one miscarriage in past again I was 2 months pregnant. I clearly stated everyone in my family that for atleast initial 3 months I dont want to rat particular cusine. It was my husband’s sister anniversary and they planned place where I had no choice of food. I told my husband i want to stay at home and he can join then if it is very important. My husband got angry and blamed me of not understanding sentiments of his sisters child who opted for that option. Bow my argument is that my unborn childs health should be more important to him than his family at this stage. After this he stopped asking me about my health or if I need anything. I want to know the opinions am I actually wrong????

KT87 Am I asking too much ?
  • replies: 2

So it’s a long story but I had a baby a few months ago and got very bad severe PPD to the point of feeling suicidal .I got severe insomnia which I still struggle with and am on pills to sleep . Baby is sleeping better but not me I have been a lot bet... View more

So it’s a long story but I had a baby a few months ago and got very bad severe PPD to the point of feeling suicidal .I got severe insomnia which I still struggle with and am on pills to sleep . Baby is sleeping better but not me I have been a lot better since having Zoloft mentally. The whole thing has been very hard for my partner he basically took all night feeds till 3am for a few months while working . Now that I am recovering he is just doing the 9pm and 12am feed I do 12am if he commutes to the office and then he sleeps till 8 or so during the week or longer on weekends . I get up with baby every day at 5-6am . I do all the housework , prep baby’s food bottles etc and I do bedtime every night bath , bottle , book he takes over for the next feed at 9pm . I am also doing all the housework , prepping the bottles , laundry etc. The thing that annoys me is he never offers to help with bedtime even on the weekends I asked him to bathe the baby and he said I’ve never done that !! I have told him it’s exhausting looking after a baby all day and he said at least you don’t have deadlines . He has also used my PPD to guilt me and say that the last few months have been really hard for him ( before I started to recover ) . He also plays video games during the day on the weekends and during the week when I am doing bedtime or looking after baby . I am starting to feel resentful but I don’t know if I am asking to much as I’m on mat leave and the previous few months he basically took over night feeds ? Am I being unreasonable wanting him to help more?

CathyC Escape or survive a loveless marriage?
  • replies: 55

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no rea... View more

I'm 45 and my husband is 49. We've been married 11 years, with two kids aged 8 and 6. We haven’t had sex in more than 6 years. We’ve slept in separate beds for at least 5 years. There is zero affection or physical contact. (Before we had kids, no real issues.) Over the years I have tried to address this many times. My husband was diagnosed with depression and low testosterone, but stopped taking his medication as he insisted it didn’t work. I’m not sure if he is still depressed - he seems content to live in this loveless and sexless marriage. I begged him to try counselling, which he did for a few sessions about 2 years ago. Then I joined for 2 sessions - before he refused to go back. He didn't tell me - he just didn’t go back, despite me asking him to go several times. In the sessions I attended, he asked me not to nag him about our relationship and give him space. I did this and nothing happened. He has never once in all these years instigated a discussion of these issues. At least on three occasions, having lost patience, I told him I wanted a divorce. He just says ok, then jumps into action, looking for somewhere to rent, etc. After me venting, he agrees to couples counselling - but never goes through with it. He just carries on as usual until the next time I get angry or upset. Apart from this, he has not lifted a finger to save our marriage. He just says we should stay together ‘for the kids’. I really don’t matter to him at all. In my darkest moments I feel he also wants to stay together because I brought a lot more into the marriage financially (he had nothing). I can barely stand to be in the same room as him now and avoid conversation. It’s hard to describe just how humiliating and lonely it’s been. He knows I’m very unhappy, but never asks me about it. Instead, he commonly treats me with disdain, rolling his eyes or dismissing anything I say. The therapist even pulled him up on this, but he doesn’t get it. If I raise I’m unhappy in any way whatsoever, he’ll turn away, raise his hand up to motion me to stop speaking and yell, ‘Get a divorce then.’ I'm being forced to accept this loveless, sexless marriage - or else. I’m heartbroken because I really wanted my kids to have a stable, ‘normal’ family life. I never wanted a divorce, but what choice do I have? How do people stay married just ‘for the kids’? I’m so very lonely and tired of keeping up appearances. I’ve kept all of this to myself all these years and it has truly become unbearable.

Rosiejane Lost
  • replies: 4

Hi I am feeling lost, I do not know where would I put this.. I feeling lost and I am feeling little depressed lately that I do not know where to go.. I have a long distance relationship with my partner who is incarcerated in the US max prison.. every... View more

Hi I am feeling lost, I do not know where would I put this.. I feeling lost and I am feeling little depressed lately that I do not know where to go.. I have a long distance relationship with my partner who is incarcerated in the US max prison.. everything was very good but I would not say smelling flowers as yeah we had good and bad days like most all relationships.. but 2 weeks he got taken out with an stretcher and he got put into hospital.. well at the start he was put on a ventilator but now I finally his heath is improving… I get the updated news from his mother and brother over the phone but my heart aches.. but i can not tell them how I feel as that’s her son and brother so of cause they feel and suffering more then me right now, so I do not want to feel a burden on them.. I got my family here; there more of old school, everything would be fine but I do not feel fine; I feel my depression coming on.. he can not contact me and I can not contact him.. so I feeling a little bit of a strain rn..