Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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KA2007 Academic validation
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I'm pretty good at school. I get good grades and it makes my parents happy. But that's it. I'm not good at anything else. I'm stupid and I can't do anything. In my culture, a women is expected to act proper and be good at cooking and cleaning. I'm no... View more

I'm pretty good at school. I get good grades and it makes my parents happy. But that's it. I'm not good at anything else. I'm stupid and I can't do anything. In my culture, a women is expected to act proper and be good at cooking and cleaning. I'm not bad at those things, but I'm not good either. My mum likes to constantly say that I'm clumsy and stupid and I can't do anything. She says that I don't try hard enough. I'm getting to a point in school where the work is getting harder and too many things are happening at once. If I even tell my mum that I think I might get a B or a C on a test, exam, or assignment, she'll get mad at me and say that I'm not trying enough and that I'm being lazy. I'm stretching myself thin every day so that I can get the grades that she wants me to get but it's getting too much. I have to get good grades, because if I don't, I'm worthless. What am I even good for? I can't cook, I can't clean, I can't do basic things like unlocking my own car for gods sake because it's old and the key is weird. I'm so stupid and I'm so dumb that I can't do anything. My mum is an immigrant and her school and life was a lot harder than mine, so I even tell her that I'm even a little bit stressed she belittles me and tells me that my life is easy and I have nothing to worry about. I forget to do one thing she asks me too and she says that I'm stupid. I love her a lot it just makes me upset that she doesn't understand that I'm trying my best even if I'm the most dumbest daughter she could ever have. I hate feeling like I can't do anything and I hate that I can't make her understand that I'm trying so hard. I hate feeling so worthless. It's like I can't even get her to be happy with me unless I get all A's. I feel like I'm being a bit dramatic and I probably am I just really wanted to get it out.

Rowen13 Heartbroken and Depressed
  • replies: 1

My online really close friend told me on Telegram to never ever text him again. I'm not an easy person to be friends with my anxious/avoidment style attachment. We only knew each other for 8 months but texted daily. He became my best friend and I lov... View more

My online really close friend told me on Telegram to never ever text him again. I'm not an easy person to be friends with my anxious/avoidment style attachment. We only knew each other for 8 months but texted daily. He became my best friend and I loved him and cared for him.I'm trying to respect his wishes and told him "I will never text you again. I love you".That was yesterday and I couldn't stop crying, eat or sleep last night. I deleted my Telegram account to leave him in peace because I couldn't trust myself to not reach out to him in a weak moment.But God I miss him so much. I know it sounds ridiculous but I miss our talks and being a small part of his life. I'm scared it will send me into a spiral of depression because my chest is literally hurting and I feel like I've lost a part of myself. The sad part is he doesn't care about me. But if you love someone you let them go. But it hurts...sooo much.

Guest_94529360 Refuses to blame drink
  • replies: 3

I’d describe my husband as a highly functioning alcoholic. He just loves his beer and drinks every day. He has hobbies too, so he’s not all about the drink, but it plays a big part in our lives. We moved to Australia at the start of the year with two... View more

I’d describe my husband as a highly functioning alcoholic. He just loves his beer and drinks every day. He has hobbies too, so he’s not all about the drink, but it plays a big part in our lives. We moved to Australia at the start of the year with two little ones, so I’m currently not working looking after them. He has a very good job. Yesterday he finished work early so we met for lunch. This involved drinks, as always. I’m guilty of loving drink too but I can easily go without.Last night he decided to get himself scammed by investing all his savings (I say his, technically ours), into bitcoin. He NEVER would’ve done this sober and refuses to acknowledge that being drunk is the reason why. He woke up at 7am to try and sort it out, and immediately started drinking as he was stressed by it all. He’s since drank all day and our savings are gone. When is enough enough? I love him but he’s too selfish to see that he loves his mistress (drink) more than his family. He knows he has a drinking problem, in the past calling himself a highly functioning alcoholic, but he won’t do anything about it. How do they see sense? He’s apologised re. losing the money and had said he’ll be extremely frugal with himself other than when it comes to beer.

Checkthebatteries Lonely and failed as an adult
  • replies: 4

There are two things you’re meant to do to succeed in life as an adult. Get a job and a career and also get close to someone who will take care of you. I have a postgraduate degree and I’m not dumb. No matter how many careers counsellors, job advice ... View more

There are two things you’re meant to do to succeed in life as an adult. Get a job and a career and also get close to someone who will take care of you. I have a postgraduate degree and I’m not dumb. No matter how many careers counsellors, job advice sessions, applications, CV rewrites, PD courses etc. I can’t get out of my underpaid entry level admin job. I am bored and miserable and the customers bully me and my manager doesn’t care. It means I can’t move out of my old, unairconditioned apartment, which is affecting my health. I feel so stupid and incompetent. I now cbf applying for anything else. I have no partner so have to work. I have failed at every attempt at a relationship since I was a teenager. People tell me I’m nice and all but no one wants to be with me. Every time I get hurt. I don’t want to be with anyone anymore because it’s just awful. There is nothing positive about the experience. I have never been in a relationship because I always get used in the early stages and then hurt. I have barely been kissed when most people have all their first experiences at more than half my age. I feel really lonely and I worry about the future as I will become less able that I will have no one, as all my friends have partners and I don’t have a sibling.Everyone has said to me for decades “It/job/relationships/moving house will happen” but that it a total lie because no matter what I try, it doesn’t happen. No matter what I do, things never change and I feel like a total failure. I missed my school reunion because I felt inadequate compared to everyone with kids and careers. I don't want to see my friends because they all talk about their jobs and spouses. I do hobbies and holidays and such like people say to do but they feel like a bandaid with no sense of accomplishment and I worry about the cost

Guest_93753106 Marriage melts
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I found out my husband was dabbling with drugs with my best friend/bridesmaid and partner whilst looking after our kids collectively. I was mortified but also drank a fair bit so felt voiceless. my not the husband had an argument with these people wh... View more

I found out my husband was dabbling with drugs with my best friend/bridesmaid and partner whilst looking after our kids collectively. I was mortified but also drank a fair bit so felt voiceless. my not the husband had an argument with these people which caused me to lose my bridesmaid three weeks before the wedding and all respect for him. I did t want get married but everything was paid for and I didn’t want to let everyone down. Such a push over. I hated our wedding. Especially after I carefully curated my vows over months, before these events, and he spat out the generic crap handed to him. the next five years of marriage was just that! he hurt him self doing pull ups whilst drinking. Six months off and Surgery. then he got back on drugs. Two years and I was stuck with this during lockdown so I started drinking again. Finally got him out but I’m such an idiot and let him back. I went away for one night in. Three frickin years and got a call from my seven year old saying dad’s really hurt. He was drinking on a bike in back yard and completely cracked his sternum. Time off again and so much anger towards him. then he has internal issues. Granted the procedure to correct is very painful but I am done. I keep thinking when he gets better he will do more. Rubbish! I want out. I do absolutely everything! From cleaning, cooking, school stuff, medical stuff, finances, showering, homework, basic hygiene, run a business, pay the bills, and the list goes on. He won't even make breakfast or change nappies! I may as well be a single mum and not have him to look after.

Kingsley Help with relationship issue
  • replies: 2

I would appreciate an unbiased opinion on an issue that has caused a rift in my relationship.It may seem trivial but it has caused a major problem between myself and my partner.She has started a new job that is a long distance from me.I loaned her so... View more

I would appreciate an unbiased opinion on an issue that has caused a rift in my relationship.It may seem trivial but it has caused a major problem between myself and my partner.She has started a new job that is a long distance from me.I loaned her some money to ensure that she could buy a reasonable vehicle to get there safely.She has loaned money before and has paid it back in full so I felt no worries about it.She told me that she was already in debt and it would take a while before she could pay it back.I waited until she had settled into her new job and then sent her a text saying "Are you planning on paying off your vehicle loan?"[exact words]This made her extremely upset and caused her say that I was using the loan against her and that she should not have borrowed the money.I took her words seriously and felt that she was actually saying that I was abusing her in some way which of course upset me very much.I sent the text because I thought it was a good idea to be clear on the details of the loan to avoid any problems later on.Do you think that she was right in being upset?

Guest_65763526 My bf broke up w me bc of his anxiety
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My bf broke up with me last night. I’m distraught, I thought I supported him and did the best i could. The thing about him is he has a bad past with anxiety and is an extreme overthinker, he has seen several psychologists about it and has anger issue... View more

My bf broke up with me last night. I’m distraught, I thought I supported him and did the best i could. The thing about him is he has a bad past with anxiety and is an extreme overthinker, he has seen several psychologists about it and has anger issues. Because he is an overthinker in the relationship he used to overthink a lot of things. He kept saying “u deserve someone better” “someone who gives me more time” “he doesn’t want me to deal with his anxiety” I told him and reassured him I do deserve him and he gives me plenty of time and I’m there to support him. He kept saying he doesn’t deserve me, and how I deserve someone better. Not my best moment but I was begging for him back, why did he break up with me what did I do wrong???

2xmumma A real messy situation - advice please
  • replies: 1

I am I need of advice. It's a long one. I dont even know if anyone can help with insane mess I'm in right now. Backstory - I started dating my husband 17 yrs ago. We married 10 years ago. When we met he had a drug problem but got help and overcame it... View more

I am I need of advice. It's a long one. I dont even know if anyone can help with insane mess I'm in right now. Backstory - I started dating my husband 17 yrs ago. We married 10 years ago. When we met he had a drug problem but got help and overcame it. After we had our 1st child in 2015 he started acting strange and saw a psychologist who diagnosed him with post-partem depression. I was not aware men could but they can and it's due to the change in a relationship after a baby. He started using drugs again and we seperated. During that time he committed high value theft crimes with some "mates". He was arrested in 2018 and released on bail 3 mths later, I supported him and we gave it another go. He was fantastic throughout his court proceedings saw a psych but ultimately received a sentence of 5yrs with parole after 2.5yrs in 2020. He was devastated as was I and I made the choice to support him having been back on track for so long prior. He got parole in July 2022 and we had a son in May 2023. From then he was fantastic as it was prior to the relapse in 2018. Early April 2024 his mother passed away, he was with her when she passed and had agreed 2 days prior to place her in palliative and felt guilty for her passing. He went to counselling to try to help, family issues with her will prevented her from being buried right after the funeral (new rules the private cemetery she had a prepaid plot with) My Pa passed suddenly early May who he was very close to. The following week was Mothers Day and it hit him that day that he had nowhere to lay flowers or visit his mum and he used ice again which triggered the last relapse. He went downhill quickly and nothing I did seemed to help. He ultimately found himself passed out in a parking garage panicking on how to get out and had the police called on him. As he had drugs in his system that was an instant breach of parole and the 2 years he has been out has been erased and he is back in until June 2026. This happened 2 weeks ago. I was still struggling with the fact I'm a single mum to 2 kids suddenly then 3 days ago, I found out he had sex 3 weeks ago with someone who has been his friend for a long time and in her own relationship. She came to visit me the night he was arrested to support me which has messed with my head even more now knowing this.

Ashmar Blame game
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Hi, I can’t seem to find a solution to this problem of blaming in my relationship. Everything that goes wrong is ALWAYS my fault. I am the type who will try and find a solution or a reason why, so when I do this…I get blamed for excuses or not owning... View more

Hi, I can’t seem to find a solution to this problem of blaming in my relationship. Everything that goes wrong is ALWAYS my fault. I am the type who will try and find a solution or a reason why, so when I do this…I get blamed for excuses or not owning up as well! Nothing is ever his fault, even when it was initiated by him. Let’s take a hypothetical example… He introduced heroin and I partook. I got addicted, so now everything is my fault: the police raid, the screenshots on my phone that incriminated him, his loss of work, his hefty court costs and fines, but never ever the fact that he gave me and showed me how to use a syringe for the heroin in the first place. (No I have never done heroin in my life) am a late discovery ADHD, PTSD and MAJOR Depression Disorder person. I suspected something wasn’t right after my adult child was diagnosed as well. I also suspect that my blame-shifting partner is a narcissist. He lacks any type of empathy or emotion except when he was love-bombing at first early on.How do I attempt at fixing this???

Guest_82741891 Marriage meltdown after 25 years and so many hurdles, how to cope!?!
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I’ve been married for 25 years so there’s no way to condense all that into a brief bio.I’m currently seeing a psychologist and a peer worker at a government Mental Health Hub as well as a drug/alcohol counsellor at another community centre.These sess... View more

I’ve been married for 25 years so there’s no way to condense all that into a brief bio.I’m currently seeing a psychologist and a peer worker at a government Mental Health Hub as well as a drug/alcohol counsellor at another community centre.These sessions are generally once a week which sounds like a lot of support, but I still feel like I’m lacking something and am grasping at straws hoping for a quick fix which I know isn’t possible. I’m posting this in the hope that I will find someone in a similar situation that I can chat to.My marriage has been fraught with many issues including an emigration I wasn’t happy with and numerous moves since then. In the process I became very dependant on alcohol. Yes, a very unhealthy stress relief option but so be it.We have now built a new house in the country and a week after moving in I got a letter from my husband’s lawyer placing our separation date on record since you need 12 months of separation before you can get divorced in Australia.I’ve been like an ostrich since then, in complete denial even 2 months after the fact.I have never ever, in all this time suspected that he would have an affair but the sudden determination and urgency at ending our marriage got me rethinking that. Since yesterday I have 2 very compelling reasons to believe that there is in fact a third person in this marriage.He denied it, of course and in a weak moment said “we are legally separated, I can do whatever I want” which was pretty telling.I am so very alone, I have no idea where to go from here! I know acceptance is the next logical step but I can’t find a way to get there.Our kids are mostly grown up and will mostly be fine without us. Yes, there’s a bit of “empty nest syndrome” there but there’s also a feeling that no-one needs me and they’d all be better off if I just wasn’t here anymore. Sure, they’d be sad for a while, especially my mum, but ultimately that’s the best situation I can picture right now.I have called Lifeline once before and they were more helpful than I expected them to be. What’s ultimately keeping me from doing anything stupid though isThe thought that someone I love will have to find me after the fact and deal with all of thatThe extreme pain it would cause my mum and, to a lesser extent other family membersThe pressure of having to write letters to my kids and other family members explaining why I did what I did and attempt to absolve them of any guilt