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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Redhdc1 My Fiancé hates me. (Her words )
  • replies: 5

Exactly as the title says… I need to be open and upfront. When I met my fiancé I was seeing an old friend and thinking I could make a go of it, however after meeting my current partner something inside me clicked and I fell in love with her. Like nev... View more

Exactly as the title says… I need to be open and upfront. When I met my fiancé I was seeing an old friend and thinking I could make a go of it, however after meeting my current partner something inside me clicked and I fell in love with her. Like never before. Problem was I was gutless, and it took me a couple of months to tell my old friend that it’s not going to happen. But when i did; it was to be with my current partner, My Fiancé. The woman i love dearly and would do anything for. I made the grave mistake of not being honest with her upfront. She had since found out that i was seeing someone else when we met and since then it’s been hard to earn her trust back.. I have not cheated since, nor even contemplated it. She is 100% to woman i love and want to be with. I would do anything for her. Today she saw some emails where a work colleague told me she loved me. This work colleague is a lesbian and although i agree it was unprofessional, there was never any intent to be unfaithful and only playful banter. I’m generally a very flirtatious person But due to my past behaviour it has become an issue. The other big issue was i didn’t tell her at the time and again she found out when looking at my emails. How do I earn her trust back . It’s been a couple of years and I promise i have been nothing but faithful. I love this woman Bur in her words tonight “ she hates me and I’m a [expletive]“ I Offered to walk away tonight if that’s what she wanted. It was the hardest thing i have ever said… All i want is to make her happy but Im just feeling I can’t do that.., Maybe Im not good enough, Maybe she would be better off I’m I wasn’t around anymore. I’m lost, confused, deeply in love but I feel all I do is hurt her. Would she be better off if I just left this planet. An accident perhaps…. I just want her to be gappy,

adamc Dad Told Me To Ignore A Lost Dog
  • replies: 3

I didn't know where to put this. Back in late March, a woman's dog went missing and is still missing to this day, over 4 months later. Now, back in end of March, Dad and i went for a walk and I noticed this little dog simply wandering around the loca... View more

I didn't know where to put this. Back in late March, a woman's dog went missing and is still missing to this day, over 4 months later. Now, back in end of March, Dad and i went for a walk and I noticed this little dog simply wandering around the local train station. Dad who has always had a "do nothing" attitude told me to simply ignore it as it'll find its way back home. In the past, Dad had always dismissed my concerns about our pets' health with "They're getting old". If I was by myself that day, I would've picked the dog up and taken it to the local vet. To this day, i strongly believe that the dog that went missing is that very dog I saw. How do I tell the owner that the dog she is still trying to find is the same dog I was told to ignore?

InfinityRed Perpetual Singlehood is Ruining My Life
  • replies: 1

My life experiences simultaneously nurtured a strong desire for romantic connection, and a lack of skills necessary to attain it alongside my peers. I'm practically 28 years old, on the spectrum, and I've never had a girlfriend despite wanting one si... View more

My life experiences simultaneously nurtured a strong desire for romantic connection, and a lack of skills necessary to attain it alongside my peers. I'm practically 28 years old, on the spectrum, and I've never had a girlfriend despite wanting one since my early teens. I've been increasingly depressed for more than a decade over this issue, and frankly, I don't find this life of loneliness worthwhile, but I also don't see it changing the way things are going. At this point, the inconvenient reality is I'm going to continue to be extremely dissatisfied with life as long as I've never had my first girlfriend. Therapy doesn't help. I spend all day ruminating about my situation anyway, and the insights I've gleaned on my own have been far more illuminating than anything a therapist has ever said to me. I'm dealing with fast food and weed addictions to distract myself from the life of loneliness I don't want. I feel like most people have a really hard time understanding what my experience of the world with this is truly like. I'm not motivated to exist in a world where my connection needs don't matter but I've got to bear witness to the rest of the world being able to date. There seems to be nowhere for me to turn. I'm just so depressed and lonely. All people can tell me is to deny my own needs, because they don't know how to help, and that's what suits them.

C_McCleod86 Starting the new year on a heartbreak.
  • replies: 7

I am 19 turning 20 in July and I'm starting the year off right. Miserable and heartbroken. I met this girl via a mutual acquaintance and we didn't really hit it off until t around November. We didn't really talk because she had a boyfriend at the tim... View more

I am 19 turning 20 in July and I'm starting the year off right. Miserable and heartbroken. I met this girl via a mutual acquaintance and we didn't really hit it off until t around November. We didn't really talk because she had a boyfriend at the time and I was respectful of her relationship and didn't want to come between that. Anyways she texted me at the start of December, and through December to January, We were talking a lot and I even went around to her place to watch some movies. We didn't do anything because I didn't want to pressure her into anything that she didn't want to do (except watch Star Wars, which she enjoyed ) And we even went to go see a movie in cinemas together. Anyways around New Year's she decided that she was not emotionally available for me and that she didn't want to see me anymore. This particularly hurt because of how much we had in common and I felt like I had finally found someone who didn't shame me for the nerdy crap that I like. I told her that it was fine that she didn't want to be romantic but she did want to still be friends, which for some reason I thought was a good idea. Anyways, we were talking and I suggested that we both refrain from watching a movie until we were both in the same room, preferably through our mutual acquaintance but she said that it wasn't a good idea. She then went on a tirade about how she didn't want to be rude but she had no interest in being with me at the present moment despite me being completely respectful of her wishes and desires it was at this moment. I decided that I could no longer be in contact with her because I would continue to get my hopes up about a potential future but I have been miserable ever since. My work days drag on, I have trouble sleeping and my appetite seems to be non existent. I feel like I've rushed this and left out important details so if there's any confusion and you want me to elaborate I'm more than happy to. I just wanted to know if there were any tricks to help me focus on something else. I've been working out 5 days a week I've read two books in the last month and I've started playing guitar and piano, but when I go to bed at night all I can do is think about her and how maybe I could have done anything different.

David35 How do I learn to forgive my brother's betrayal during mum's cancer treatment
  • replies: 48

Several years ago, mum got bladder cancer. She ultimately survived but the journey for the next few years was incredibly stressful. I live with mum, so I'm a carer somewhat too. During this time, my elder brother and his wife virtually stopped talkin... View more

Several years ago, mum got bladder cancer. She ultimately survived but the journey for the next few years was incredibly stressful. I live with mum, so I'm a carer somewhat too. During this time, my elder brother and his wife virtually stopped talking to us. He used to ring every week, then it was every few months. His wife stopped talking altogether. Throughout this period I suffered several mental breakdowns as a result of the ongoing stress with no support, bearing in mind my dad had died of cancer in 2016. At times, I was even mocked and made fun of for struggling to cope, such was the lack of empathy for me. I eventually got counseling with several counsellors and charities to help get me better.But the general consensus was that I had developed a panic disorder and mild PTSD as a result of the relentless stress I was under to both look after mum's physical and mental health all by myself. As such there is now a massive gulf in the relationship between my brother and mum and I. He never once bothered to ask how I was doing and his wife has never once asked how mum was going. At the height of mum's treatment he was more concerned about what financial handouts he could get from mum rather than supporting either of us. His response to all of this was that "I have my own family."So my question is, given that he is trying to make amends, and given that he won't accept any criticisms we make of him, how does anyone forgive someone for this behaviour? We no longer see his kids (maybe once a year if we're lucky), no longer get any updates, pictures, news, etc. It's like we are problems not people. The last few years have been so stressful, not just because of mum's cancer treatment, but the amount of stress they have incoporated into both our lives because we both had the expectations that he would be there for us, and he simply turned his back on us. How does someone cope with this?

Qlder Having a longterm affair
  • replies: 3

Hi I have been married over 18 years, but have been having a longterm affair with another woman for over 4 years. We have fallen in love. I still care for my wife and adult son. I am confused, I know I don't want to hurt them, but i dont want to end ... View more

Hi I have been married over 18 years, but have been having a longterm affair with another woman for over 4 years. We have fallen in love. I still care for my wife and adult son. I am confused, I know I don't want to hurt them, but i dont want to end the affair. My affair partner is going through a life threatening illness. Has anyone been through this? How did it all end?

Guest_15286629 Help
  • replies: 1

Husband is heavy drinker and l can see him getting dementia as he keeps asking the same questions in a short time frame. He does not remember the next day. He knows how upset it makes me and how it is ruining our marriage but he is determined not to ... View more

Husband is heavy drinker and l can see him getting dementia as he keeps asking the same questions in a short time frame. He does not remember the next day. He knows how upset it makes me and how it is ruining our marriage but he is determined not to give up. When he doesn’t drink he is a nice but fairly miserable bloke. He has a broken damaged soul so just doesn’t care but it is tough on me. What can l do?

Guest_236 How to deal with anxiety around loyalty?
  • replies: 1

Hi there! It's been a long time since I've been on BBForums, and so much has changed; I hope everyone is doing well Context: I met my boyfriend in Asia where I was on a semester exchange and he is U.S military working there on a 3-year contract. When... View more

Hi there! It's been a long time since I've been on BBForums, and so much has changed; I hope everyone is doing well Context: I met my boyfriend in Asia where I was on a semester exchange and he is U.S military working there on a 3-year contract. When we met, we only had a month until I had to go back to Australia. We both fell very hard and fast, and while we initially intended to just enjoy the month we had, we couldn't seem to say goodbye, so after some serious consideration, we agreed to try long distance. So far so good! We've visited each other multiple times, he's met my family and I'll meet his in December. We text and call every day, do online date nights and check-ins, send each other letters and gifts, etc. However, I've recently been feeling anxiety about loyalty. Mainly because:1) It seems like everyone in the military cheat on their significant others, a stereotype he has confirmed. 2) Before me, he's had many casual/brief partners, which does not turn me off of HIM, but it does make me anxious that I won't be able to satisfy him or live up to his past experiences, especially from so far away. 3) He's very conventionally attractive, which makes me anxious about other's intentions and if he'd give in. This wasn't the case with my last relationship. I'm very aware that I have no reason to be anxious, he's proven to be nothing but unconditionally loving and loyal, and vehemently against cheating (he has the same anxieties about me, but he's always struggled with this in previous relationships). My point is that I've never experienced such feelings of anxiety, protectiveness and jealousy before; these feelings are so very new to me, I don't know what to do with them other than ignore or intellectualise them or seek his affirmation, which doesn't put the worries to rest forever. But I refuse to let my insecurities hold him back or drive him away. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these feelings? Maybe all I can do is manage them until they ease with time and trust...

S__ He has gone to jail
  • replies: 2

Hi after a very long 15 months he has gone to jail. It's been 2 weeks and I have good and bad days. When I was feeling good and thought I could do this the bank has said they are closing our account. Is this because he is in jail?

Hi after a very long 15 months he has gone to jail. It's been 2 weeks and I have good and bad days. When I was feeling good and thought I could do this the bank has said they are closing our account. Is this because he is in jail?

AndyL Starting Over…
  • replies: 1

So my mental health journey has hit a massive roadblock in the past 6 months, in short; my mother is now in an aged care dementia ward and will never get well, I lost my job and my wife of 23 years has split with me (although we are sharing the house... View more

So my mental health journey has hit a massive roadblock in the past 6 months, in short; my mother is now in an aged care dementia ward and will never get well, I lost my job and my wife of 23 years has split with me (although we are sharing the house with our kids amicably for now), and I recently had a breakdown where I checked myself into a private hospital for fear of suicidal tendencies.I am at a loss with what to do. I struggling to find work that will be both enjoyable, financially supportive and allow me to continue to be the best dad I can be. I am scared that I will fall into darkness again very soon.