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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_29940144 6 years single - helping friend through loss of wife but he wants to get involved, his past concerns
  • replies: 1

Hi I have been single for 6+ years and enjoy my life. Last year a friend of 20 years that I worked with had his father, wife of 47 years and mother die within 6 months of each other. I have been checking on him to see if he’s ok since the wife’s fune... View more

Hi I have been single for 6+ years and enjoy my life. Last year a friend of 20 years that I worked with had his father, wife of 47 years and mother die within 6 months of each other. I have been checking on him to see if he’s ok since the wife’s funeral in May. We hadn’t had much contact in 13 years but messaged occasionally. Since new year, he has expressed interest in me. We’ve been going out on day trips etc. I stay over in a spare room if we’re having a few drinks. He has talked about his past and about 30 years ago had 2 affairs on his wife (he was a policeman) he felt ashamed and they decided to stay together and work it out. On the weekend we went to Canberra for the National Bravery Awards. The night before we left he said he thought we should get naked. I said it was too early but ended up topless. That was all ok on the Friday night in Canberra we both drank too much and things advanced further. This is the part where I’m wanting advice. A woman obviously notices when things aren’t ‘normal’ like a previously injured penis. I elected to say nothing the next day as we were unable to complete intercourse anyway. On the Sunday he received a message from a mate saying ‘so did you get together with your lady you bent dick …..’ i saw the message so he proceeded to tell me then that he’d been drunk and told his mate what happened. Then guess he had to tell me. About 5-6 years ago his marriage was not great and intercourse was not good for his wife- so she told him to go to a prostitute - Which he did at the age of 62. They got into it and he was injured with a damaged penis for which he never got help. My issue now is that I was shocked (and that takes a lot) but also not sure of the words that he didn’t tell me prior to now - so whilst I’m not judging him, his life, his issue. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I strongly believe in commitment and whilst his wife told him to go, he didn’t have to - I hold marriage vows strongly (no judgement on anyone else) but am trying to deal with how I feel about the fact he didn’t tell me prior to attempting intercourse with me, when it affect our encounter. i suffer depression and am almost weaned off my medication but this is really challenging me. Any advice, help, opinions would be appreciated- thank you

_kj Loneliness and how do I deal with it?
  • replies: 9

I’ve recently been feeling really lonely, and I don’t know what to do I have family, which I am grateful for, but it isn’t enough I sort of just want a friend. I want to connect with someone. However, all my experiences with ‘friends’ have been prett... View more

I’ve recently been feeling really lonely, and I don’t know what to do I have family, which I am grateful for, but it isn’t enough I sort of just want a friend. I want to connect with someone. However, all my experiences with ‘friends’ have been pretty mediocre and I can never keep the ones I do manage to make People say friendships happen when you’re not looking for them. So when someone initiated a friendship with me recently, I felt really hopeful.But they don’t actually give me the time of day. We talk, but only if I reach out first. They put in no effort at all.The mental stress of trying to navigate this ‘friendship’ makes me unwell. So I try to step away, but I think about it daily. It’s really affected my self esteem, and left me feeling not good enough. I’ve never been in a relationship, or on a date. I’ve been asked on dates before, but I’m too scared. I’d prefer to get to know someone first, but if you don’t immediately go on dates, they lose interest I joined a club months ago, where I also do volunteer work. It makes me feel ok when I’m there, but then I just feel lonely again when I leave. Nobody seems to want to know me outside of that environment I try to be myself, but myself is socially anxious, shy, and introverted. And people don’t seem to understand that, or have the patience for it It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle of being myself but it isn’t enough So I give more than what is myself, but it comes off as fake I’m constantly told to not let other people define my worth, that I don’t need other people to make me feel good, or I don’t need a relationship to be happy. But the people that say that are in relationships, they have friends. They have people that love and care about them It just gets really frustrating. I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. I’ve never felt lonely like this before.It’s like I’m balancing between remaining hopeful or just flat out giving up I’d love some advice or stories of other people overcoming situations like this. Because it feels like it will be this way forever.

MO2TG Struggling with recent separation.
  • replies: 26

I'm at a loss. Struggling through a separation that was not my choice. 22 years together and my husband won't consider counselling. Very black and white in his attitude. Said he has unhappy for years and feels nothing but used. Now it's his turn to d... View more

I'm at a loss. Struggling through a separation that was not my choice. 22 years together and my husband won't consider counselling. Very black and white in his attitude. Said he has unhappy for years and feels nothing but used. Now it's his turn to do what he wants. He's done with me, the kids and helping others. He moved out but what I thought was a spring clean was a getting rid of stuff because he was leaving. It's like he's already dealt with it yet I'm just at the beginning. We had I thought a healthy sex life, team work and great friendship. Going through life together getting ready for more time together as the kids are older teens now. At first I thought the anger was issues with his work and I picked up the slack in our relationship. He has held onto every one of my flaws and thrown them in my face from the last 20 + yrs. Obviously has harboured a lot of resentment towards me. I'm a mess, now when I try to talk to him it's just a barrage of emotional abuse. A complete change in personality. No affection completely withdrawn from me. It hurts. I feel that he has an underlying mental health issue like depression. There plenty of indicators and risk factors. It has been a difficult 2 yrs for family reasons but I was blindsided by this. Now when i do see him I get so anxious because I don't know what to do anymore. I try to keep busy. The loneliness is at times unbearable. I give myself pep talks. I talk to my family. I'm stuck in my old life while he is making a fresh one. He does not share info or include me which is to be expected but it's hard. I'm surrounded by memories. But not ready to make changes. I'm waiting and I know it's unhealthy but I'm not ready to give up.

Matt8686 Feeling lost
  • replies: 5

Hi there recently my wife and i been together for 19yrs married 12 have kids together she told me that she loves me but not in love with me for awhile now im so afraid to lose her she is my rock my world when i thort i was there for her when she need... View more

Hi there recently my wife and i been together for 19yrs married 12 have kids together she told me that she loves me but not in love with me for awhile now im so afraid to lose her she is my rock my world when i thort i was there for her when she needed me i apparently wasnt i have done everytging to be the best couple happy fun in love as a couple and family i want to save us and reignight the love we had and i thort we still had im always there for her in every way she says she wants to do her thing and me do mine i literally work for family business have no friends to turn to about this like she does im an only child so always been alone and since been with her my life had purpose and happiness now im so so lost been alone and fear of losing her forever please any help would be greatly appreciated

Guest_08076222 Fear of aging
  • replies: 2

Daughter is leaving to go to uni and I’ve got empty nest syndrome but more so I’m jealous of her starting out in life when malice is getting to the end, I’m scared of getting older and only have a limited time left

Daughter is leaving to go to uni and I’ve got empty nest syndrome but more so I’m jealous of her starting out in life when malice is getting to the end, I’m scared of getting older and only have a limited time left

AnnRob Cheating on my husband with an ex online
  • replies: 44

I've been married for 15 years. Very happily married. Last year in August an ex reached out via email as he'd just moved back to Australia. The last time I saw him was 17 years ago. He's married with two kids. We've only chatted via Whatsapp and emai... View more

I've been married for 15 years. Very happily married. Last year in August an ex reached out via email as he'd just moved back to Australia. The last time I saw him was 17 years ago. He's married with two kids. We've only chatted via Whatsapp and email for the last 6 months. Early this year I was discussing this online connection with a friend and my husband discovered this. Naturally, he was very upset and we went through a rough patch. But we worked through it and we're getting there. My problem is that I did not end this online relationship. Instead I got another phone and set up whatsapp on that. I'm just so overwhelmed with guilt as my husband is trying really hard and I'm continuing this on the side. To make matters worse, this ex has now ceased communication and I'm upset and torn. I felt very alive and flattered with the flirtatious nature of our relationship and now I feel so empty. My husband deserves better. Why am I doing this to him and myself? I have beautiful children and a wonderful life. What is wrong with me? I just keep contacting the ex. I can see he's online and he keeps ignoring me. This is how our relationship ended 17 years ago. He just cut all ties. Why have I not learned from this? This is affecting all aspects of my life. I'm finding it hard to concentrate at work. I'm getting snappy with the kids. My poor husband doesn't understand why I'm weepy all the time. Help me

Elyse1 Lost and needing help
  • replies: 3

Hi - I’m completely new to this so please bear with me. I’m feeling so lost and helpless and want some insights from complete strangers to help guide my next steps. My husband of 20 years cheats on me with sex workers. I’ve known this for a long time... View more

Hi - I’m completely new to this so please bear with me. I’m feeling so lost and helpless and want some insights from complete strangers to help guide my next steps. My husband of 20 years cheats on me with sex workers. I’ve known this for a long time and he has admitted some of it to me. I guess there are just a lot of things wrong with our relationship - and I’m not entirely blameless. We’ve reached a cross roads and I don’t know whether to accept a split or to push for us to stay together despite the arguments. I’m scared of being alone and lonely, and also losing my best and most closest friend. I am a bit of a loner and find it very hard to make friends and build trust with people. Any thoughts are welcome

Guest_87116810 Financial hardship situation
  • replies: 2

My two children moved in with me for months n just left never paid food or rent n now I'm in many debts n don't what I need to do?

My two children moved in with me for months n just left never paid food or rent n now I'm in many debts n don't what I need to do?

Guest_05361435 Parents Divorcing
  • replies: 2

Hi.I don't know why I'm writing this but here I am. I'm 21, moved interstate at 18 by myself. So been by myself for a while now. Recently (past 9 months) my parents have been on and off separated then back then off again. But now they have officially... View more

Hi.I don't know why I'm writing this but here I am. I'm 21, moved interstate at 18 by myself. So been by myself for a while now. Recently (past 9 months) my parents have been on and off separated then back then off again. But now they have officially split. I don't live at home so it doesn't really effect me. But living so far away and quite a lonely life. I've just been feeling more alone than ever before. Like there has always been a home to go back too but now it is broken and falling apart. For a young person in a different state living by herself and working a demanding job. I have no social life and it is making me feel very alone in this world. Especially since I can't complain, my parents are going through it. The divorce is rough for them. My problems are so small compared to them. I don't know just want to see if anyone relates I guess.

svitra New born
  • replies: 4

Hi ,I recently delivered my baby two weeks back . He's my second . My first one is a special kid . The issue is at night initially he took formula feeds and slept off. Now he's awake the whole night despite having his ffeed . Mom suggested to increas... View more

Hi ,I recently delivered my baby two weeks back . He's my second . My first one is a special kid . The issue is at night initially he took formula feeds and slept off. Now he's awake the whole night despite having his ffeed . Mom suggested to increase dosage I did and still he's quite restless from night 12 up until afternoon 12 . I'm so confused restless I don't know what to do . I only formula feed him twice in the night as I have latching issues and after c section I'm v tired to stay up all night . I'm so skeptical what I'm doing is right or wrong , how to make him atleast sleep sometime in the night as it's only 2 weeks I'm not sure what to do and sometimes the guilt that I missed something for my first child that led her to the diagnosis peeks in and I'm all the more stressed and tired . Anyone can share their experiences which might help me in this journey Thanks in advance