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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Leth My younger brother has gone to jail, and I'm struggling to hold it together
  • replies: 183

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feelin... View more

I was referred to the beyondblue website to read a thread about a mum and her pain that she was going through after her son had gone to jail. It's crazy, because when I was reading it, I could very much see the same pain my mother is currently feeling. I needed to come here and put out how I'm feeling about the whole situation as well, from an older brothers point of view, but to be honest, I don't even know where to start. My brother, with the biggest warmest heart, with physical and mental heath issues, developed an ice addiction, he neglected his health and in the last year, my mum and I have done nothing but tried our damn hardest to help him, both professionally, personally, financially, the whole lot. He got himself into a fair bit of trouble about a year ago, and in lead up to his sentence, his smoking of ice increased, as did his lies, and everything was spiralling out of control for him and everyone around him. I left my well payed job to be more closer to my mum and brother in need. The whole process has been so stressful, and it's been so hard to now see my brother get taken away. He's such a vulnerable person, a "gentle giant", who without pointing the figure, influenced to trying ice, became hooked and majorly lost his way. His bedroom became his haven, he never left it, and my poor mother who became so submissive to his behaviour, did her best to care for him while he was in the darkest time in his life. I'm feeling fragile. I'm finding myself withdrawing. Having a hard time sleeping, and when I do, I instantly wake up with a cracking head ache. I start crying at unpredictable times, I've somewhat distanced myself from my boyfriend, I have my mum staying with me until she's going to be ok living alone. My brother has left behind some financial stress, and I'm left to now collect the pieces, to cancel his accounts, and to work out a ways to pay back all these "Afterpay" type transactions he's made over the last several months on top if fine reminders in the mail. The whole thing is just hard, but there's that glimmer that this is perhaps that divine intervention that he's needed, as nothing I or my mum did worked. I've been seeing an amazing psychologist for since this all began about a year ago, my GP has suggested I get on anti depressants which I'm almost contemplating. Are there any other siblings out there who's maybe been in my shoes who might be able to give me some advice? I'd appreciate it immensely.

C_McCleod86 Starting the new year on a heartbreak.
  • replies: 4

I am 19 turning 20 in July and I'm starting the year off right. Miserable and heartbroken. I met this girl via a mutual acquaintance and we didn't really hit it off until t around November. We didn't really talk because she had a boyfriend at the tim... View more

I am 19 turning 20 in July and I'm starting the year off right. Miserable and heartbroken. I met this girl via a mutual acquaintance and we didn't really hit it off until t around November. We didn't really talk because she had a boyfriend at the time and I was respectful of her relationship and didn't want to come between that. Anyways she texted me at the start of December, and through December to January, We were talking a lot and I even went around to her place to watch some movies. We didn't do anything because I didn't want to pressure her into anything that she didn't want to do (except watch Star Wars, which she enjoyed ) And we even went to go see a movie in cinemas together. Anyways around New Year's she decided that she was not emotionally available for me and that she didn't want to see me anymore. This particularly hurt because of how much we had in common and I felt like I had finally found someone who didn't shame me for the nerdy crap that I like. I told her that it was fine that she didn't want to be romantic but she did want to still be friends, which for some reason I thought was a good idea. Anyways, we were talking and I suggested that we both refrain from watching a movie until we were both in the same room, preferably through our mutual acquaintance but she said that it wasn't a good idea. She then went on a tirade about how she didn't want to be rude but she had no interest in being with me at the present moment despite me being completely respectful of her wishes and desires it was at this moment. I decided that I could no longer be in contact with her because I would continue to get my hopes up about a potential future but I have been miserable ever since. My work days drag on, I have trouble sleeping and my appetite seems to be non existent. I feel like I've rushed this and left out important details so if there's any confusion and you want me to elaborate I'm more than happy to. I just wanted to know if there were any tricks to help me focus on something else. I've been working out 5 days a week I've read two books in the last month and I've started playing guitar and piano, but when I go to bed at night all I can do is think about her and how maybe I could have done anything different.

Earth Girl A bit confused with what happened with this date
  • replies: 7

Several years ago, I sent one of my Facebook friends a happy birthday message on Facebook through messenger and he thanked me and asked me if I wanted to go out with him. (I think this was a bit after he broke up with another girl he was in a close r... View more

Several years ago, I sent one of my Facebook friends a happy birthday message on Facebook through messenger and he thanked me and asked me if I wanted to go out with him. (I think this was a bit after he broke up with another girl he was in a close relationship with). I was surprised and said yes because I had a crush on him when we were in college and still found him kind of attractive so I wanted to see how things would go. On the day that we went out, he drove me to the mall and we had lunch, but most of the time he was on his phone talking and texting his friends so I got really nervous and was wondering if he asked me out as a bet or a dare. We went to see a movie afterwards and he was still on his phone for a lot of it. I'm a bit confused as to why he was on his phone so much? Afterwards he drove me back home and said "Thanks for doing this with me, and I'll call you." A month had past and he didn't call me so I messaged him on Facebook and was asking him how he was and he kept ignoring it. After a few months I messaged him saying that it was okay if he didn't want to continue this relationship if he didn't want to and he said "I was just really busy with work and I never knew we were dating." And then I said "Oh, okay, that is awkward." And just 5 minutes after this he posted on Facebook saying "Any single girls up for a chat" which kind of hurt. I know he doesn't have to continue going out with me, but it was so soon after we just spoke and I just got clarification of what was going on. A few years after this, I told my sister about it and she explained to me that there's a different between dating and going on a date. So what are the rules when it comes to going on a date? Do you just assume that it's not going to continue if they don't talk to you? People say he asks girls out a lot so I think he may have gone out with me as more of a fun thing rather than a serious thing.

Tams20 Friendship and Self-Sabotage...
  • replies: 13

I’m in my early-mid 40s and have recently been ‘officially’ diagnosed with anxiety and depression (something I have lived with on and off since my teenage years). I’ve been taking medication for a couple of months now but I am engaging in some damagi... View more

I’m in my early-mid 40s and have recently been ‘officially’ diagnosed with anxiety and depression (something I have lived with on and off since my teenage years). I’ve been taking medication for a couple of months now but I am engaging in some damaging behaviour that I feel is having an impact on its effectiveness and my recovery. I’ve recently formed a new friendship with another woman and we have become quite close. We get on really well and are in almost daily communication (sometimes feels like we’re dating !) which probably drives her nuts but helps me a lot in getting through my day, especially when I’m struggling. As well as having some awesome ‘midlife crisis’-style fun together, we’ve been supporting each other through some recent difficulties. I’ve actually opened up to her a bit, which is not something that I normally do - I am normally very guarded and (possibly because of this) I don’t have many close friends. I don’t even disclose much about myself to my husband or parents. She has been a revelation of sorts! All sounds great so far, and it should be. But the trouble is, I’m messing it up. I can’t seem to strike a realistic balance in my mind - I seem to alternate between extremes of wanting to her to be my high school BFF and then wanting to push her away. My friendship with her seems to send me into highs and lows - she can make me feel wonderful one minute, then depressed the next. I have no idea what triggers the mood swings but it makes me tend towards feelings of self-sabotage. Mostly I can resist but on two separate occasions I have deliberately tried to end the friendship and push her away, and in doing so I have said some terrible things. Thankfully she has seen through it and hasn’t let me end it, despite having plenty of reasons to tell me where to go. We have somehow remained friends but I must be doing some damage. I feel terrible about it because she doesn’t deserve that behaviour from me, someone who is supposed to be her friend. I just want to enjoy the friendship but I’m having trouble keeping myself together. I was wondering whether anyone else has experienced anything similar and what they did to get themselves out of it? Am going back to the doctor next week to discuss my medication, as I don’t think it’s working for me, but I also need to sort out my behaviour too. I’d be devastated to lose her friendship - and I think I must be on my last chance. Thanks!

Sleepless19 Bullying and Sleep Deprivation
  • replies: 3

Hi all. My husband has been a FIFO worker for the past 12 years. I have been a stay-at-home mum to our four children. As they grew, I worked part-time. Every break, my husband drinks heavily and plays loud music all night. He sings loudly and insults... View more

Hi all. My husband has been a FIFO worker for the past 12 years. I have been a stay-at-home mum to our four children. As they grew, I worked part-time. Every break, my husband drinks heavily and plays loud music all night. He sings loudly and insults me and my children. My three older children have moved out and the youngest remains. I started a full-time job recently and his behaviour has escalated to become physically aggressive and threatening. I can barely function at work and have begged him to cease his behaviour, but he claims to not remember his behaviour whilst 'drunk.' I have complained to his workplace but they have not taken me seriously. My husband is abusive, uses foul language and calls me and my children terrible names. Myself and even my neighbours previously reported him and he has been arrested only to be released the following day, and he continues his behaviour. I don't know what to do, and my mental health is adversely affected.

There Anxiety and the youngest child
  • replies: 2

Hello all, it’s been some time and I’m back. Like everyone I’ve had a bit of a time at life. Over the last 7 years ive had a husband cheated on me with a woman 11 years his junior (these forums helped me greatly during this time). Mum went through br... View more

Hello all, it’s been some time and I’m back. Like everyone I’ve had a bit of a time at life. Over the last 7 years ive had a husband cheated on me with a woman 11 years his junior (these forums helped me greatly during this time). Mum went through breast cancer. My sister in law has MS. I mention all of the above as my parents have decided to sell up and move to somewhere closer to the rest of the fam and that is fantastic. Along with this they want to secession plan which tbh I’m glad they want to do it now rather than wait for my brother and I to have to sort it out whenever that dreadful time comes. It gets a bit messy as I only have one brother who has 2 kids and a wife. I have a partner but after my marriage ended (no kids) like to keep my family finances separate as does he and we are both ok with this. I can’t shake this feeling of anxiety around what mum and dad want to do. My brother often dubbed the golden child and who has the gift of the gab leaves me feeling like he will get everything his way and because I have a partner of only 5 years and no kids I’m not worth anything.I absolutely hate feeling this way, anxious, helpless and worthless. I also hate that I’m feeling like this about succession planning… any words of advice would be welcomed. T(here)

SC333 Married and Done...
  • replies: 4

I'm a married 35yo mother of two boys.Married for 13 years - during this time, I have been loyal, loving hard & forgiving my husband for his actions (that were not acceptable, not keeping boundaries, flirting, visit to the prostitute etc). I would sa... View more

I'm a married 35yo mother of two boys.Married for 13 years - during this time, I have been loyal, loving hard & forgiving my husband for his actions (that were not acceptable, not keeping boundaries, flirting, visit to the prostitute etc). I would say in total, I could count 5+ events that had affected me which I approached him about but was brushed off. He is an extrovert & loves company of others while I'm an introvert & focus on the inner peace.I think it came to a point where one day I woke up & felt 'I am done' - but FT work, kids etc - I don't think I had the time to think.We had a flatmate 'N' who moved in soon after - a young man in his late 20's who had come out of a broken place & wanted space away from everything he went through - which he chose our place.Him & I got along well - we would open up to me about his past, which was quite dark & had just broken up with his partner so both being quite broken, we connected.Hubby didn't like this & told me to keep my distance, that he feels 'N' isn't keeping his boundaries.That is when I flipped - talking to him for hours is nothing compared to what you did & how you brushed me off, yet, you expect me to listen to how you feel? I think at that point I knew I was done & it hit me hard. I broke down in front of hubby & exploded with all my emotions going back 13 years until now - & how I feel about him now = no emotions, no love, just numb. Not even angry anymore. That if he was to go flirt now, I'll feel fine. Since then, all hell broke lose.

Guest_36806187 Support for partner of someone with chronic pain
  • replies: 1

I'm hoping someone can offer assistance. My partner (currently ex, but still living under the same roof) has had injuries and been on work cover for 4.5 years. I have done my best to support them the best I knew how to and we are at a point where I a... View more

I'm hoping someone can offer assistance. My partner (currently ex, but still living under the same roof) has had injuries and been on work cover for 4.5 years. I have done my best to support them the best I knew how to and we are at a point where I am being blamed for their problems and the state of their mental health. I want them to move out, but it is not happening so I am living in this state of toxicity and aggression 24/7 as they are always home, and I work from home. Looking for some coping strategies / ideas?!

Wan Dealing with own emotion
  • replies: 1

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and ... View more

Hello,I need some help dealing with my own emotions. I was born overseas. When I was young, I saw my father hit my mum a lot until they separated. Since then, I've been scared of men. Many years have passed, and I got married to a very good man, and we have two sons together. We moved to Australia. The problem is, my husband is a mama's boy, and my mother-in-law is very attached to her son. This makes me feel upset, angry every time I see them together, insecure, and left out. I'm also not sure if my feelings of jealousy and being left out are directly related to my childhood trauma. I don't like feeling this way. What should I do?"

beachaholic3 Smell of Breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alc... View more

Hi everyone, revisiting my most recent and final breakup before I decided to forget relationships altogether. For me the smell of cigarette smoke and hospital wards just scream 'breakup'. I remember losing my job, being addicted to cigarettes and alcohol and wandering the halls of the emergency/psychiatric ward with no purpose and waiting for it all to be over and done with. Apparently I was too codependent to the point of my partner feeling 'responsible for my happiness'. My life has been shit for the last 10 years. I retraced it all to the day I stepped foot into Year 7 and the teacher said 'ladies and gentlemen, your lives from now on will change. You're adults now'. I've found peace and fulfillment by regressing in maturity and personality back to when I was a wee lad. Not everyone is impressed but if I've learnt anything, it's that I don't exist to please others. I've spent 10 years doing that shit