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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bubbleandsqueaks Partner's ex gives me anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, thank you for taking time to read my post. My partner and I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. He was with his ex girlfriend for almost 3 years as well before he met me and we started hanging out as friends. About 2 years la... View more

Hi everyone, thank you for taking time to read my post. My partner and I have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. He was with his ex girlfriend for almost 3 years as well before he met me and we started hanging out as friends. About 2 years later we decided to give it a go however he is still constantly around her or doing things for her. He ended their relationship due to indifferences and said she agreed happily (however I feel like she still loves him). When we first dated, he told me she asked him to look after her cats for her as she would go overseas for almost a year and needed someone to look after her house, cats and take the bins out (so that people would think there was someone at home). Mind you my partner has a soft spot for pets and animals and he told me as a friend he agrees to do it. However at first I found it extremely weird as my partner lives a good 30mins away from her house but has to constantly go there every second day to do 'house sitting' for her but she has a friend that lives down the road. Why can't that friend do it? He still does it till this day and when she comes back from overseas, she will always find something small to ask him to come over and do for her. She has cameras all over her house and will constantly see him on the screens and talk to him. I've seen her message him almost everyday and it gives me so much anxiety. I trust my partner and knows he just has a good heart and wants to help a friend however depsite how many times I tell him that it makes me uncomfortable that he is always doing things for her, seeing her, having lunch and dinner, he says he doesn't see it as a problem and that she's just a friend, sometimes gets mad at me for always having a problem eith his ex. It hurts that he doesn't respect my boundaries and would rather have our relationship be rocky than keep a friend distance from her. I don't mind if when in emergency she asks for his help but this constant need for him is really pissing me off and I don't know how I can continue a future with my partner if she is always going to be in our picture.

DaisyD Relationship Anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi there, Heaps of anxiety today - I was in a relationship with this guy and he ended it last year and we stayed friends. He went through some bad times with his ex wife and children (custody issues) and I have always supported him through it. Anyway... View more

Hi there, Heaps of anxiety today - I was in a relationship with this guy and he ended it last year and we stayed friends. He went through some bad times with his ex wife and children (custody issues) and I have always supported him through it. Anyway, he got very upset last year with this and lashed out, we were communicating on whats app and then he said he would block me and never unblock me again, but has unblocked me. He is just sitting there. We haven't communicated since last year, because I am respecting boundaries. He said he doesn't trust me and I know space and time can help. But I don't understand why he would block me, say he wouldn't unblock me again and he has - is it a game or a way of reaching out.

Mclarke How to help someone who won't help themselves
  • replies: 3

My name is Michelle, I’m 40 from qld. I have had my 19 year old step daughter in my care for the last 6 years now. She is mentally unstable and shows all the signs of being either a narcissistic sociopath, a sociopath or a psychopath. I’m not a dr to... View more

My name is Michelle, I’m 40 from qld. I have had my 19 year old step daughter in my care for the last 6 years now. She is mentally unstable and shows all the signs of being either a narcissistic sociopath, a sociopath or a psychopath. I’m not a dr to state she is any of those things but her behaviour matches with all of the above and some bpd. I have been trying to get her help for many years now and continue to fall flat on my face because it seems that unless a person is willing to get help them selves- nothing can be done. My step daughter is incredibly dangerous. She has taken her entire family down with lies and accusations to police and authorities. She will say and do anything she can to get her own way. Even asking her to pick up after her self or saying no to her results in serious consequences for whom ever does it to her. In 2018 she had a baby. Obviously the child was removed from her because she is unstable. They tried insisting that she get help but she refused. She is joe pregnant with number 2 and a high risk yet again. Have you ever seen the movie “gone girl?” My step daughter is identical to Ben Afflecks wife in that movie. I fear to no end that she is going to up grade to murder at some point, just to get her own way. She is that bad. I’m drained of having to deal with it and I don’t know how to get help for her without it being involuntary. Is there any option for involuntary treatment? I fear so much that her next step will be to take the life of her victims I don’t know what to do.

Guest_342 Am I being taken for a ride?
  • replies: 17

I wanted to seek others’ views on what might be the best thing to do in a particular relationship scenario, or maybe you could give me some tips to assist my decision-making. I met someone late last year. He was visiting my city from interstate (his ... View more

I wanted to seek others’ views on what might be the best thing to do in a particular relationship scenario, or maybe you could give me some tips to assist my decision-making. I met someone late last year. He was visiting my city from interstate (his family and he are from here but he has been interstate the last few years completing a uni degree for a career change). He had to return interstate shortly after, but before that things moved really quickly and we both wanted to keep in contact to resume things when he eventually returns in April. It’s been so difficult for me having that distance, but we have maintained contact on and off. However he has been very focused on his assignments and exams and has not had much time for me. I understand this, because I have been through the same uni course 15 years ago. Nevertheless, it has been hard, not being able to decipher whether there is any hope for us and whether it is worth me waiting four months of my life for his return in the hope he might still want to keep things going. He has consistently told me he wants this but his actions towards me (very limited contact and basically making me feel like an afterthought) has made me wonder whether I have been wasting my time. one thing in particular that bothered me is that he mentioned on the phone that he wanted to go on an overseas trip after uni to relax and he put it in such a way that made it sound like he meant ‘we’ should go. I though it was a little soon so kater sent him and idea for somewhere closer. He took ages to respond and when he did, he said it sounded too soon to suggest we go on a holiday together, along with an emoji of a person shrugging their shoulders. I was so shocked that he had turned that around as though I had been the one taking great silly leaps. On Thursday he finished his exams and I thought I might hear from him but didn’t hear until Sat when I sent a message asking if he’s finished. He said yeah sorry, I’ve just been sleeping and relaxing. It really confirmed for me that i am an afterthought. I’ve not been clingly and have given him soace over the last four months as needed. Is this guy wasting my time, or should I give him the benefit of the doubt and accept that he’s had uni stress? But meanwhile it’s made me feel worse than not having anyone at all. He doesn’t seem to care for my wellbeing. Is he being unfair? So sorry for the rant, but this has made me feel unappreciated and I’d welcome any perspectives.

Astra_Rose Should I choose my own happiness over my families
  • replies: 3

I’m 13 almost 14. i want to start spending more time at my dads house (half time with him and half with mum) but my brother doesn’t want to. I don’t want to go without my brother and I’m worried about asking my mum for more time with my dad. If it co... View more

I’m 13 almost 14. i want to start spending more time at my dads house (half time with him and half with mum) but my brother doesn’t want to. I don’t want to go without my brother and I’m worried about asking my mum for more time with my dad. If it comes down to it should I just spend more time with my dad and choose my own happiness or should I just settle with the living arrangement I already have and keep my mum and brother happy.

Rubyrug More than just an empty nest
  • replies: 3

I have suffered multiple losses over the past 5 years, grief seems to be ever present. Part of my problem is that I don’t have anyone to talk to who is in a similar situation. My daughter moved interstate 5 years ago, it is unlikely she will return. ... View more

I have suffered multiple losses over the past 5 years, grief seems to be ever present. Part of my problem is that I don’t have anyone to talk to who is in a similar situation. My daughter moved interstate 5 years ago, it is unlikely she will return. I miss her and struggle with the distance I have to travel to visit and the lack of spontaneity that is now part of our relationship. My close friend and confidant died 4 years ago, she was my ‘go to’ person, I could talk to her about anything, she was very pragmatic. My mother died 3 years ago, we were very close, I miss her daily. My son also moved interstate 18 months ago. He was unable to find work and thought there would be more opportunities interstate. He didn’t want to leave and has only found part time work thus far but seems quite settled. My distress mainly stems from the fact that my children have moved away. I had no issues with them leaving home but I never imagined that both of them would move so far away. I am sad that I will no longer have the sort of family life I envisaged. I raised them alone for 11 years. I have re-partnered to a lovely man who was a great step-father. He is not interested in moving interstate and I sometimes feel I am going to have to make a choice between him and the kind of family life I would like to have with my children. I feel quite broken hearted that I won’t be able to be an actively involved grandparent. I have tried to create a new life for myself and have taken up new interests, but that is part of the problem. Because of my age and peer group, my friends and acquaintances have children and grandchildren living nearby, I don’t know anyone in the same situation as me. Thus, the situation that makes my most unhappy is constantly being thrown in my face. Wherever I go I’m listening to people talk about their lives with their children and grandchildren and this only serves to emphasise what is missing in my own life. I am finding it very difficult to find a way out of my grief and depression when I am surrounded by people who have the kind of life I thought I was going to have. Nevertheless I persevere because I don’t believe staying at home and isolating myself is a constructive way to deal with my situation. I sincerely wish I could meet some other parents in a similar situation to me, it would be a welcome relief to converse with someone who understands the way I feel. I have tried to find a support group but have been unsuccessful thus far.

Sparkle1953 How do I help my daughter cope? Her 15 year old has moved out and is living with her dad.
  • replies: 4

it’s difficult to know where to start. My daughter who is 41 is a single parent and until recently was the primary carer of my granddaughter. My granddaughters dad has always been involved in her life and to my mind is a good father and has always pa... View more

it’s difficult to know where to start. My daughter who is 41 is a single parent and until recently was the primary carer of my granddaughter. My granddaughters dad has always been involved in her life and to my mind is a good father and has always paid child support. Over the last couple of years as my granddaughter moved into her teens the tensions started between them and have only got worse. I have tried my best to support them all by staying neutral and helping where I can. There has been much tension over the last 8 weeks as my granddaughter has decided to go live with her dad. My daughter has sent me the most disgusting texts saying what a useless human being I am because she feels that I have empowered my granddaughter to behave badly towards her and wants me to fix it. On the night she moved to her dads, it was after her mum had what I would call a psychotic episode and I actually witnessed it. I moved her out of what I believed was harms way. I have to say that I didn’t expect it to escalate to the point of her moving permanently with her dad and enrolling in another school. Her mum is now a complete mess and is seeing a psychologist. She keeps telling me that the psychologist and her doctor etc think that I am a disgusting human being for not helping the situation and so now it’s affecting me to the degree that I am anxious about them all the time and truly don’t know how to help. My granddaughters dad sent me a message tonight saying that none of this was my fault, but I am feeling so conflicted. It bothers me about what she has told her psychologist, to have them make that assumption about me. For the whole 15 years that she has been on her own, we have helped support them in every way, which includes emotionally, financially. I spoke to one of the councillors at Beyond Blue tonight and she said I should step away and let them figure it out themselves. I’m not sure I can do that. Your feedback also would be appreciated.

TNS Supporting my 19 yo daughter with anxiety and depression when I suffer with low mood as well
  • replies: 3

Hey there I just need some help to try and navigate this new tricky period in my and my daughter's life. My daughter is 19 yo and amazing. She initiated going on exchange in yr 10 and spent a year OS doing her entire year in another language. A few m... View more

Hey there I just need some help to try and navigate this new tricky period in my and my daughter's life. My daughter is 19 yo and amazing. She initiated going on exchange in yr 10 and spent a year OS doing her entire year in another language. A few months before she left she sought support for anxiety - received psych support and counselling and learnt to self manage really well. Now 3 years on she has finished high school (did brilliantly) and embarked on a gap year. In the last few months of school her anxiety and now depression crept back in - very understandably. She sought a doctor, counselling, psych support and started meds. Now she seems to be struggling still and we are having some difficulty navigating this new stage of life. She is working, frequently exhausted with very low energy. We clash and I get a little frustrated with the lack of help around home and we don't flow like we used to. I suffer from low mood intermittently and probably don't help matters. Im really unsure how to navigate this new path. I want to help her through this next stage in life but im not sure how. She also has a lovely boyfriend but he too suffers with depression and I fear she is using her positive energy for supporting him and not so much herself. She says this is soo not the case and he actually helps to lift her mood. I would be super grateful for someone who may have walked a similar path Thanks in advance

Emjai Marriage breakdown - what do I do now?
  • replies: 6

My husband and I realised a year or two ago that we’d slipped from the routine of parenting into a huge rut. We talked about back then, as we were both feeling bleh, & knew we needed to work on our marriage, & change things up in our life in general.... View more

My husband and I realised a year or two ago that we’d slipped from the routine of parenting into a huge rut. We talked about back then, as we were both feeling bleh, & knew we needed to work on our marriage, & change things up in our life in general. But for whatever reason (tired, busy, out of ideas,etc), we didn’t change anything. He has been distant for most of last year (which I stupidly put down to work stress & tired), but the last few months he was shutting me out, barely talking to me & hardly ever touching me. One morning recently he was super cranky at our daughter, so after drop offs I sent him a text asking what was going on (wasn’t sure he’d say much cos I had asked him regularly if he was okay over the last year). And he said he couldn’t keep going the way things are. We went to a marriage counsellor on Friday last week, & he opened up & said he wanted out of our marriage. Things haven’t changed & he can’t do it anymore. The counsellor basically said there’s no point doing more sessions cos he’s clearly made up his mind that this is over... I think that hurt nearly as much as him verbalising it. I’m devastated, & now I’m the one who is shutting down. I don’t even know how to talk to him now. He seems lighter now that the elephant isn’t in the room, which is good & I am genuinely happy that he seems happier. It’s been the longest of long weekends ever though. Somehow so far our daughter hasn’t asked any questions, but she must have noticed I’m sad cos I have been getting lots of hugs & I love yous from her. But what the hell do I do now? We’ve been married nearly 12yrs - every part of our lives are pretty entangled! We’ve got invitations to parties or events & I can’t bring myself to respond if they’re more than a week away I can’t even figure out if I want to tell anyone yet (& how do I do that?!), cos that will make it real.

crybaby2 constant pressure from mother
  • replies: 3

hey, this is the first time i’ve ever done anything for the benefit of my mental health, but i think if i write this out and seek for advice it would help me a lot. For some context, i’m vietnamese with typical asian parents. Lately my mum has just b... View more

hey, this is the first time i’ve ever done anything for the benefit of my mental health, but i think if i write this out and seek for advice it would help me a lot. For some context, i’m vietnamese with typical asian parents. Lately my mum has just been adding so much more pressure on me and i don’t know what to do. she’s always put pressure on me to do better than everyone else at school and get the best grades possibly. At times i’m certain she doesn’t even care about my mental health. it’s my final year of high school and i just failed a test in human biology. My teacher called my mum about it, which is understandable, but my mum had a whole fit. she yelled at me for a good 30 minutes on how i should’ve studied harder and how other kids are doing better and that i need to be the best. i can’t, i’m just not the best in that subject. in fact its not even a topic that i will need in any of my desired careers in the future. i get that she wants the best for me, but she doesn’t need to be adding this extra stress? what truely hurts is that i cry myself to sleep sometimes because of it. i think about what it would be like if i was just dead, but i know i’m too scared to actually do that to myself. i just can’t take it anymore. i feel so taken for granted because i really am trying and it’s just not enough for anyone, especially my mum. She thinks taking my phone or making me break up with my boyfriend or even talk less to my friends will help make me smarter and bring up my grades, but what she fails to understand is that they are the only things right now that make me feel like life is worth living. they are the only outlet i have from the constant school work. How do i tell her that this is my life i’m living and not follow how she wants me to live? also regarding the pressure, she wants me to go to university through a direct atar pathway when i have told her multiple times that there are many ways to go to uni now. She really doesn’t seem to care for my mental health and see that i’m just not coping well right now. i’m just exhausted at telling her how i want to live and how things can be so much simpler. i really just don’t know what to do. please send any advice