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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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EmmawiththeBPD Breakup due to Borderline Personality Disorder
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone. i am new to these forums and I would really appreciate any constructive advice. my much loved boyfriend broke up with me yesterday due to an extreme emotional response to him leaving me out of a social outing. I know my emotions were ... View more

Hello everyone. i am new to these forums and I would really appreciate any constructive advice. my much loved boyfriend broke up with me yesterday due to an extreme emotional response to him leaving me out of a social outing. I know my emotions were unreasonable now, but I didn’t until he pointed it out to me and asked me to get some help. We had not been together very long and so we were still learning about each other’s communication styles. This was our first fight but it was enough for him to break up with me. My heart is breaking and I feel manic. He doesn’t want me contacting him and I am embarrassed to admit that I have tried way too much to get him to talk to me. I have already been very proactive in getting well since this breakup, have seen my GP and have therapy lined up, am joining a gym and starting a healthier diet. I am doing this for me, but also because I want him to see how much I love him and how committed I am to fixing things and making him happy. I don’t know what to do. Im scared that I’m going to drive him away... I really want him back.

Deckt New relationship after divorce.
  • replies: 18

I'm torn about this. I don't want to think that others have been in this situation, but need advice. My ex-wife and I have been separated for 5 years, divorced for 3. We have a good working relationship, and agreed when we separated that we would put... View more

I'm torn about this. I don't want to think that others have been in this situation, but need advice. My ex-wife and I have been separated for 5 years, divorced for 3. We have a good working relationship, and agreed when we separated that we would put aside our personal issues, and do what was best for our sons. I am out of work due to chronic health issues. Accordingly, I meet my child support requirements with a combination of financial and care needs. Specifically, I pay for my kids private health insurance, and care for them before and after school. My boys live full time with their mum - this is a good arrangement for them, for her and for me. In addition, I take them in the (rare) event that she has an evening out, or needs to go away for work. The issue is with my new partner. She has the impression that I go 'above and beyond' to support my ex-wife. I have tried to explain to her many times that this is not the case, and on the contrary, I do very little. It is rare that our plans conflict with my parenting duties. I have suggested that we go to counselling, and if the counsellor agreed that I am being unreasonable, to make changes. She is not willing to agree to the same. Has anyone else had similar issues? Thanks in advance.

Baya Struggling after a manipulative relationship
  • replies: 5

I'm struggling to know why I'm finding a break up so difficult. Especially when I was the one who ended the relationship. Everyone I talk to tell me my ex was manipulative. And I know I want to beleive that was the case. But a big part of me worries ... View more

I'm struggling to know why I'm finding a break up so difficult. Especially when I was the one who ended the relationship. Everyone I talk to tell me my ex was manipulative. And I know I want to beleive that was the case. But a big part of me worries I was too pushy with too many expectations. I'm a single mum. And he was my first serious partner in years and I've been abused by my child's father for years. He said he fought for me even though I'm a mum who is harder to get time with. We got pregnant and aborted I think I am still grieving the loss of the family we almost had and doubt comes into my mind that it was ME who was the problem and that I was depressed and crazy when he met me. I am feeling absolutely crazy now that I can't just move on. We dated only 6 months but he texted and saw me still for 18 months. Even though he had a new girlfriend but never told me about her. Yet said he missed my kissed but not who I am because I just him so much. I feel foolish. My ego has been bruised. I feel he got away with it. And then I feel so silly for STILL missing him. Who he was some of the time. I guess I just want to know what support there is out there for this kind of thing. I just want to tell everyone and be reassured its him not me.

Gems007 Should I leave my partner? His ex has made life riduclus, He lost his kids still not dirvoce, drinks too much, still married has depression
  • replies: 6

It's been a shit 3 Years, I don't want to give up on my partner but he has dragged me through hell. He was a full time single Dad when I meet him, his wife cheated on him & left the kids & him behind while she enjoyed her life. I came along straight ... View more

It's been a shit 3 Years, I don't want to give up on my partner but he has dragged me through hell. He was a full time single Dad when I meet him, his wife cheated on him & left the kids & him behind while she enjoyed her life. I came along straight to court she took my partner. They are still married. 3 hours later she turned the kids against us, they now live with her, the family court all for the woman. It's been a year since my partner has seen his kids. The court is forcing him to sell his house to pay her out a huge sum of money so we will be homeless cause he can't refinance cause he had depression. Court doesn't care I have a child. Court doesn't care. My partner drinks too much and is hateful of woman because of his ex. He has a job now but where do I go from here? How do I leave him, after all he's been through without feeling guilty. But his drinking and hatefullness towards females I deserve better. He is verbally abusive when he drinks. Christmas day I had to leave stay in a hotel with my daughter cause he went off due to first Christmas without his kids. It's not my fault yet he can't seem to see that. My partner has depression that comes and goes. It's always all about him. His ex, his kids, his depression, the family court, it doesn't end. I get told by him I'm selfish and don't care but 3 years I've had enough. Our relationship can be awesome then we have horrible fights that always come back to my fault according to him. Pretty much cause I'm a female and all females run men's life. He is really hateful and judgmental 99% when he drinks. I'm over everything Where do I fit in, if I knew us being together would drag out his bitter twisted ex I would have ran the other way.

kned Struggling with career choices
  • replies: 2

I'm not sure if this is the right forum but here goes. Ever since I became a mum 6 years ago, my passion for my career has changed. I returned to work part time between kids, but I felt like life was similar to that early scene in 'Shaun of the Dead'... View more

I'm not sure if this is the right forum but here goes. Ever since I became a mum 6 years ago, my passion for my career has changed. I returned to work part time between kids, but I felt like life was similar to that early scene in 'Shaun of the Dead' - just going through the motions of life in autopilot, like zombies. Ita sad and disappointing as I used to hold such passion and drive for my career. I am qualified/experienced in social work so I used to want to help people! I wanted to improve their quality of life, I was always striving to be an amazing person who made changes to other's lives. Now I'm a busy mum of 3 and I don't think I'm depressed. I enjoy my kids and my life generally. However I have lost my purpose outside of being 'mum'. The thought of returning to the field I worked in, just makes me feel numb. What is wrong with me?!!! Is this a sign that I need a career change? Is this normal after having a family?

RoseMum Toddlers, family, work, exhaustion, repeat
  • replies: 5

So I know I am not the first working mum with a strong willed toddler....but how do people keep going?? I work 4 days and I'm pregnant but the nature of my industry is that is still 40-50 hours per week on average. (Every evening until about 11pm aft... View more

So I know I am not the first working mum with a strong willed toddler....but how do people keep going?? I work 4 days and I'm pregnant but the nature of my industry is that is still 40-50 hours per week on average. (Every evening until about 11pm after I get home, later when we have tough bed times, and from about 3-4 on Sunday, ). All i want is to take a sick day but if I do its over 100 emails to respond too when I return, I still receive a dozen phone calls during the day and the meetings I reschedule, take a couple of hours anyway to find a new time. I end up working the Saturday to catch up. I try to delegate but they keep bouncing back. Fridays I have with my wonderful daughter, who I love, but currently she seems to only say no, is very clingy wanting to always be carried and still at over 2 doesn't sleep through (yes we've have sleep consultants, sleep school, paediatric assessments etc - advice is to make piece with it) My husband is great but with us both FT there is no space for self-care. I am also worried that he is looking so tired, his mood is poor and seems worn down by the endless to do list we are never on top of that he will just get over it all. (I know feel like that sometimes). Our family don't live by. We have tried gyms with creche's etc, we don't get 15 mins through before she is returned, same with babysitters - we have tried a couple of times, they call us within an hour as she is so upset. Even at her wonderful day care, after 12 months we still have screaming at drop offs. I just want to tap out for a week but i feel the luxury to leave responsibilities behind is something afforded to other people. Does it get better? How do you survive?

Guest_598 Cautiously building a future after separation
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I have posted here before. After a lot of difficulty and heartache, my partner has finally been able to cut the ties to his ex-wife and she is now, once and for all, moved out and in another state. He did not love her and did not want to be w... View more

Hi All, I have posted here before. After a lot of difficulty and heartache, my partner has finally been able to cut the ties to his ex-wife and she is now, once and for all, moved out and in another state. He did not love her and did not want to be with her but needed to go through the counselling process to make her understand that it isn't working and hasn't for many years. She finally packed up and left for another state on Tuesday and although he wanted to be separated from her, I think the delayed feelings of loss have hit him. Not loss of her as a person but the fact that he never wanted to be divorced and standing before a broken marriage. He is in love with me and we have been in an on-off relationship for 14 months, never losing sight of our intense bond. But right now, because his feelings are raw, he seems to be overwhelmed. It is like a sensory and emotional overload at the moment and that results in him dialling everything back to zero again. At the moment, he seems unable to feel how he usually feels for me and we need to take it slowly the coming weeks and months because he may otherwise be overwhelmed wanting to run away. His safe space in such situations is with him alone, that stems from childhood issues which he is currently exploring very deeply with a psychologist. He is definitely on the right path but it appears as if he is emotionally unavailable and easily overwhelmed. I was wondering whether he should just be alone for now but he does not want that. He wants a future with me and he wants us to build that, however, he wants to do that very slowly and in small portions. I am ok with taking it slow, although it hurts me to think that he is currently not sure what he is feeling for me although only one week ago, he dreamed of all those things with me and said he does not want to lose me. I am very confused, most of all about whether this is normal or not. I think it is considering he only just said goodbye to his old life and although he had originally separated from his ex 14 months ago, he allowed her to move back for the counselling and this time it is the definitive 100% end. He definitely does not want a life with her but after 15 years, it is understandable that the end is something that makes you sad. Can I assume it is normal he is currently emotionally void or overwhelmed and will that dissipate soon considering he wanted the separation? And what should I do to help / support / not overwhelm him?

Tammi1976 Feeling like my world is falling apart
  • replies: 6

Don't know where to start...I feel down in the dumps, feel like everything is an effort and I just want to sleep. I am a mother of two boys aged 12 and 7 who are my life. I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in October 2018, after a lum... View more

Don't know where to start...I feel down in the dumps, feel like everything is an effort and I just want to sleep. I am a mother of two boys aged 12 and 7 who are my life. I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in October 2018, after a lumpectomy, Chemo and Radiation I am now in the clear. You would think i would be over the moon, but im not, i feel emotional, tired and a failure as a mother. During the last year I have had no energy with raising the boys and just doing what had to be done to get through (cooking, cleaning, Working, Uniforms, lunches, drop off etc) I feel like my boys dont listen to me until i start yelling and then they tell me to calm down like im making a big deal of nothing. I am constantly yelling at them to get off there games,have dinner,get ready for school, showers, help out around the house and then when i yell at them i feel upset that i let myself get angry in the first place and feel like maybe i over exaggerated and feel like a bad mother. I just want to be a happy family and a happy mother for my boys and not feel so angry and upset all the time. Can anyone relate..... would love some advice

Lauren57r Parent issues
  • replies: 8

Im 3 weeks from moving back in with my prents a university year and i dont want to because all my parents do is fight everyday about stupid little things. I never get to spend anytime with my dad as my mother is making him work nightshift as she refu... View more

Im 3 weeks from moving back in with my prents a university year and i dont want to because all my parents do is fight everyday about stupid little things. I never get to spend anytime with my dad as my mother is making him work nightshift as she refuses to work. I have tried many times to them how i feel about it but nothing ever seems to change and im scared dad will have a heart attack due to the stress mum puts him under

Shdowz Pain of partner leaving
  • replies: 7

13 year relationship she told me on Xmas Eve 2019 doesn't love me anymore and walked out with the kids (3) now Feb 22 she got a new man I gave her every thing I don't wanna even stay in this house anymore. Maybe my next life will be better I choose h... View more

13 year relationship she told me on Xmas Eve 2019 doesn't love me anymore and walked out with the kids (3) now Feb 22 she got a new man I gave her every thing I don't wanna even stay in this house anymore. Maybe my next life will be better I choose her over my family cause she didn't get a long with them my family don't even care when I try to reconnect my farther calls me up abuses me my mother don't even answer my phone calls my brother keep saying I should have done better I have literally 1 friend calls me up everyday see how I'm doing besides that have nothing I was a loner growing up cause we had each other now she's gone I feel so so lost