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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_773 Devastated due to husband leaving me
  • replies: 2

My husband left me with no warning just over a week ago. I am an empty shell struggling every minute of the day. I have a disabled adult daughter and I’m am trying to keep it together in front of her but it’s exceedingly difficult. I have zero suppor... View more

My husband left me with no warning just over a week ago. I am an empty shell struggling every minute of the day. I have a disabled adult daughter and I’m am trying to keep it together in front of her but it’s exceedingly difficult. I have zero support. I just need someone to talk to

LosingFaith Long distance relationship - sending and reviving gifts.
  • replies: 16

Hi people, I’m interested in finding out how “others think” in this situation. If you were in a long distance relationship and your partner sent you a handmade gift for Valentine’s Day, you get the parcel delivered on the day but you weren’t availabl... View more

Hi people, I’m interested in finding out how “others think” in this situation. If you were in a long distance relationship and your partner sent you a handmade gift for Valentine’s Day, you get the parcel delivered on the day but you weren’t available to sign for it, Do you; A - Pick it up the next business day? B - Pick it up mid week? C - Pick it up a week later D - Don’t pick it up? And why did you choose your answer? Then... if it was the opposite way around, and it was you that sent your partner something, specifically handmade for them and they say they’re picking it up “this arvo” and don’t end up picking it up, how would it make you feel?

Mr K Urgent advice needed, Telling the children their Mother and I are Separating, I'm scared don't want to upset them unnecessarily Help!
  • replies: 6

It's taken me ages to come to terms with my relationship being brought to an end. I've done that but at this time am still living in the same house with my wife and the kids 9 & 4. Tonight we will be telling them we will be separating and that they w... View more

It's taken me ages to come to terms with my relationship being brought to an end. I've done that but at this time am still living in the same house with my wife and the kids 9 & 4. Tonight we will be telling them we will be separating and that they will spend half their time with each parent. I've decided I will be the one who moves out of what was our family home and I'd love there to be a way to communicate that without having to say "I'm leaving". Any advice would be really great thanks .

wistful64 Is it time to walk away?
  • replies: 10

Married for over 30 years. I didn't have the best of childhood as my mum was constantly depressed, angry, threatening to leave my dad constantly and they fought terribly and hubby seemed the opposite. At first he was charming and loving but had mood ... View more

Married for over 30 years. I didn't have the best of childhood as my mum was constantly depressed, angry, threatening to leave my dad constantly and they fought terribly and hubby seemed the opposite. At first he was charming and loving but had mood swings, frustration if things didn't go his way, silent and giving off waves of anger. From early on he was a flirt and found those women who "took it the wrong way" Many arguments over the years where he told me I was crazy and that he hadn't done anything wrong and it wasnt his fault. Over the years there were many women who came into our lives that way. Just before 30 year anniversary things went downhill when I though he was having an affair and I confronted him. There had been a women in our life when our boys were little that he called "crazy" but she had entwined herself in our lives and would ring me and tell me that they had been together. At the time and over the years I had questioned him again about her but he kept denying it and saying I was just a jealous person that needed help. So when I thought it was happening again (after some counselling), this time I called him out. Eventually he confessed in marriage therapy that he had had the affair 20 years ago but wasnt having an affair now but that because our relationship was so bad he had turned to pornography (which had always been an issue between us as he had told me that unable to find me attractive any more and needed the porn.) I have tried for 4 years now to get over this but I still feel the need to constantly check what he is up to as he still covers up what he is doing rather than discuss things. I don't like who I have become and this constant fear of whether I will find out that he is lying again. I used to be scared that he would leave me but now I am scared that he will stay. I wake up in the night thinking of a life without him and it no longer scares me - does that mean it is time to move on? I don't know whether it is in us to get over this and I don't know that I want to spend my life waiting for another women to come along or worse still, for the pornography to start again (he became angry and aggressive with it and affected work and kids. When we are alone together we have a lovely time together with shared interests but as soon as a third person enters our sphere it is that same old feeling of fear, anger,hurt and if he gets upset he then stonewalls. I don't want to be afraid anymore.

PsychedelicFur How Must One Stop Being So Judgemental?
  • replies: 6

Is there anyway at all for me to stop holding grudges and being judgemental about particular situations and people? Due to basic human nature sometimes I unintentionally judge something and then afterwards feel enormous guilt. How must I move forward... View more

Is there anyway at all for me to stop holding grudges and being judgemental about particular situations and people? Due to basic human nature sometimes I unintentionally judge something and then afterwards feel enormous guilt. How must I move forward with my life and stop holding these grudges and carrying judgment? I essentially want to live peacefully without judging other people’s lifestyle. Their lifestyles should not concern me and if they are happy then that is their main focus. I don’t typically judge people’s looks because I find that quite superficial and destructive and I understand a lot of people have body dysmorphia and low self esteem.. but I do typically judge people’s lifestyles and actions. Like when people lie or cheat. If it doesn’t concern me should I still worry? Am I just nosy? Or is it basic human nature to want to be judgemental towards certain ways of the world? This is quite thought provoking. thank you, Psychedelicfur

CoopMattChar3 No one to talk to.
  • replies: 1

Hi. I am new to this forum and I hope I am posting in the right place. For a while now, I have found that I don't get much joy out of life anymore. Things that other people laugh, cry, feel shocked about, or generally react to, don't have any affect ... View more

Hi. I am new to this forum and I hope I am posting in the right place. For a while now, I have found that I don't get much joy out of life anymore. Things that other people laugh, cry, feel shocked about, or generally react to, don't have any affect on me. I don't have any friends, and I couldn't care less, because socialising is just too exhausting for me and I have no interest in it. The only relationships I have at the moment are with my husband and three children. My mum and I, who are known to fight more often then get along, are not talking at the moment and to be completely honest, I couldn't care less if I ever spoke to her again, although my husband says that I should because she is my mother. It is kind of hard to forgive her this time though, as the last time I spoke to her she told me and I quote, 'you know your father never really cared about you'. Well, he died about 6 years ago in a freak truck accident, so I can't ask him if this is true, but I thought he did. I mean, what kind of mother says that to her child, even if it is true? I feel that every person I come across thinks that I am a snob, when really I just find it hard to trust anyone and I feel like everyone is constantly judging me, but I have been told by a psychologist that this is due to child hood experiences because growing up I was constantly being judged and stereotyped because of how I had to live. Now, to top it all off, my husband and I keep arguing about the same thing, but nothing changes and I feel nothing. I cry, like I am right now, but not because we keep arguing, but because I feel like I am just existing, not living. I have thought about seeing a psychologist again, but the thought of all that talking just sounds too exhausting. I have had post natal depression twice now, and the thought of talking about all the stuff we went over both of those times just makes me want to curl up in the feotal position, and i know that the stuff we discussed then and she thought i had dealt with is what is still affecting me now. I have no intention of hurting myself, I am actually scared stiff of the thought of death and I want to see my children grow and live a better life then I had as a kid, but I am exhausted all the time and am worried that my kids will pick up on it. And I feel sad for my children that they are not getting to see there grandmother, but the thought of talking to her just makes me feel sick.

DamagedPrincess Parents who need help... but wont get it
  • replies: 4

I have a long history of my own mental health issues but I am dealing really well at the moment but things have escalated in another aspect and i need advice.. My MIL had a mental breakdown back in late November due to overhearing a conversation from... View more

I have a long history of my own mental health issues but I am dealing really well at the moment but things have escalated in another aspect and i need advice.. My MIL had a mental breakdown back in late November due to overhearing a conversation from her own mother saying nasty things like she wished she never had children because they're all terrible people etc. The situation only escalated when she thought it was a goo idea to start drinking. It got to the point where she was crying, shaking, screaming and throwing things across the house. We eventually got her calmed down but everyone has been on edge for a while. More recently she has seemed really well and things had been going ok but she often sent messages to my husband and her eldest daughter about the youngest one and her boyfriend who live at home with my MIL and FIL, saying how much she hates them and cant wait for them to move out etc, which they are doing at the end of the week. Well last night she was helping the daughter pack for their move and everything was good.. until it wasn't and she lost her sh*t, saying she was sick of the way she was being treated and again cant wait for them to move out etc. She was crying, screaming, throwing things at her daughter and even hit her daughters boyfriend multiple times. We tried to talk her down over the phone but it resulted in her basically saying she didn't want anything to do with us either. My husband called my FIL and said as parents they should be showing their support for their daughter not messaging other kids talking about her behind her back. He also said they if they kept going and MIL didn't get any help she would end up alienating everyone and he as her husband needs to get her help and be proper parents to your kids and FIL just hung up on him. The daughter and boyfriend are now likely staying away from MIL's until their move but... there is a history of BiPolar in the family. MIL used to be on medication for a non-mental health related condition but came off of it just weeks before her first episode and after doing some reading I am lead to believe the use of certain medications when stopped can cause episodes of manic with people who have a history of things like BiPolar. She has never been diagnosed and refuses to see the doctor about it because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. We've tried talking to her but we get nowhere as she gets very defensive... Can anyone offer insight or advice??? Thanks

Sedruol No longer important
  • replies: 5

Hi, Am divorced and just turned 60. Migrated to Australia when kids were 4 & 5 yo, for a better education and comfortable life. Indeed, they both got thru U and hold careers. After marriage separation and living alone, I tried ending life but unsucce... View more

Hi, Am divorced and just turned 60. Migrated to Australia when kids were 4 & 5 yo, for a better education and comfortable life. Indeed, they both got thru U and hold careers. After marriage separation and living alone, I tried ending life but unsuccessful. Son and his wife took me into their custody as daughter and husband left for another country. Tried to live happy with them, in an environment beyond my liking. Living in one roof with son’s dominating in-laws (one is non-English speaker) with different cultural background was tough, a torture at times but didn’t matter much since granddaughter came into picture. Dominating as they are financially secured, while I am not. In return for free accommodation, utilities and food, I service the household and nanny the first born grandchild. Exhausting but rewarding as she’s adoring and filled my empty life. Life’s got tougher when grandchild 2 came. At my age, mummying a little one, feeding at nights means sleepless nights when mum was ill or for other reasons, pushing kid 1 in a pram and a heavy school bag for kid 2 are not something you look forward doing again but again I have a free roof. My aching body? A prepaid massage or acupuncture gets me ready for the next routine. What is mentally torturing is Son became arrogant and ungrateful! I became on my own, he hardly talks but chats so happily with in-laws. Pats on the back, hugs, how are you mum, are you ok, have you eaten’ have all gone. All I ask is just a little love and respect but what I get now is an arrogant smirk. Wife said just live as if we are housemates! My heart aches and I feel I am a hired nanny, a cleaner and an Iron Lady for his office clothes. I feel they need my room space now. I am tired and Unwanted so what is there to live? At 60, homeless, has little super pension, no family. Perhaps back to my country and die slowly on my own. Who would notice anyway

missy13m How to deal with a toxic ex-partner
  • replies: 4

I am currently struggling the most with having my ex-husband in my life knowing how toxic his attitude can be. Unfortunately, as he is the father of my two children, it is a relationship I have to continue to endure, whether I personally would want t... View more

I am currently struggling the most with having my ex-husband in my life knowing how toxic his attitude can be. Unfortunately, as he is the father of my two children, it is a relationship I have to continue to endure, whether I personally would want to or not. I am just really beginning to question at what point can a person walk away? I feel that he is actually starting to cause me emotional harm and as I live with anxiety and depression, I am starting to be concerned by this and by him. Normally, even through everything, we have been ok, but recently, with particular conflicts, I have seen a side of him that I truly despise. To think of him that way makes me feel physically sick. i have held my feelings back for the sake of my children since we separated six years ago but I really feel that I need to distance myself from him as i fear he is causing me harm, emotionally and psychologically. At what point, can a person say enough - you are hurting me and I can't do this anymore? am I allowed to put myself first this time? how would I explain to my kids that I can't speak to their dad or even be in the same room as him? i honestly don't even want him in my house right now as I am overcome by these negative feelings I have of him. i feel he has changed lately and when I bring up issues with him about the kids, he turns so nasty and it makes me feel that I cannot talk to him anymore. a conversation I had with him earlier today was the last straw for me. i really don't know what to do anymore. I am tied to him for life because we have kids together and that's why I am so afraid and unsure. if he was not a father to my kids, I would have walked away the moment we separated. I really hope to get some thoughts from people who may be able to help.

Bellbell11 I don't know if I should stay or go?
  • replies: 3

I have been married for over a many years and things seem ok for a while then they get bad again. Right now he won't talk to me and we are sleeping separately. He constantly threatens to leave and sell the house (in his name only even though I well a... View more

I have been married for over a many years and things seem ok for a while then they get bad again. Right now he won't talk to me and we are sleeping separately. He constantly threatens to leave and sell the house (in his name only even though I well and truly pay my way) When he is in a mood and I try to talk to him he gives me the silent treatment, or if he does answer it is a grunt or really rude and abrupt. He ignores our youngest, 10 year old child (older kids already out of home) and shows no interest when he is in a mood. He also smokes pot and when he has run out he is horrible to be around. I am trying to do everything, I work 2 jobs, study, run my child to sports etc and try to pay all the bills. He leaves it all to me. Then complains when we have no money. And he makes it seem like it is all my fault. I don't go out, drink, smoke, buy things for myself. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be next him. I just want to hide in my room and stay out of his way. I stayed all this time for my kids. I feel like I do all the work, i get nothing much back. I've is fine if he has a smoke but feel like I am living with someone with a split personality.