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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Needing_help_123 Heartbreaking
  • replies: 1

Hi All, Some advice... Was in a relationship and because of some circumstances met and connected with someone also in a relationship, who shared similar issues. We used each other as a communication platform to discuss ways to improve what was happen... View more

Hi All, Some advice... Was in a relationship and because of some circumstances met and connected with someone also in a relationship, who shared similar issues. We used each other as a communication platform to discuss ways to improve what was happening in each of our relationships. From there feelings grew and I left my relationship. She has confessed her feelings for me and how much she wants to get out and wants to be with me. I've tried to take a step back, I've tried to give her options to talk to someone - neither have been options. She feels trapped in her relationship and that she believes in a few months she could leave. I am so torn, I miss her, I want to be with her - but when I need her she can never be with me. She apologises but keeps telling me how much she needs and wants me. The major issues she does not want to leave is she left and has come back, kids involved and the partner has gone back to where it was before. She feels resentment towards this person and feels terrible for her kids that she would drag them away again. She is terribly unhappy and having a few health issues without any support. What do I do? I cant sleep, my stomach churns and my chest aches... I cant walk away -> i have asked her what would happen if the roles were reversed and she says she would wait for me....

Kelly67 I feel like my teenage daughter hates me
  • replies: 1

I'm not sure where to start.. I understand that teenage years are difficult and have read books sourced help on dealing with this but my on child has said and done such hurtful things that is heart destroying and really has effected our relationship.... View more

I'm not sure where to start.. I understand that teenage years are difficult and have read books sourced help on dealing with this but my on child has said and done such hurtful things that is heart destroying and really has effected our relationship. Because she thinks she is right all the time it's difficult to communicate with her. I have helped her in lots of ways achieve lots of different things yet she chooses to say how bad her life is. I've been spat at called the 'c' word and many more. She has trashed the house. Causes her dad and I to argue. My biggest concern now is because I refused that her boyfriend couldn't stay at our home due to no other reason but it was a tafe/work week she started to abuse me. The heart wrenching part is I heard her telling her boyfriend that we are toxic and abusive. My heart sank as its totally the other way around. Her boyfriend has since told his mom this whom I haven't met yet and I'm devastated that we are being pictured in this way. What do I do should I talk to his mom.?? We are good parents and will admit the mistake we made was spoiling her. Please help on ideas how to handle this. Its breaking our once Happy family to break up..

LifetimeDreamer Withdrawn and isolated after breakup
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I am new here, so please forgive me if I haven't figured everything out yet. I just looked through the posts here and found a few interesting ones that kind of match my issue. Still, I thought I would write to explain exactly what I'm looking... View more

Hi All, I am new here, so please forgive me if I haven't figured everything out yet. I just looked through the posts here and found a few interesting ones that kind of match my issue. Still, I thought I would write to explain exactly what I'm looking for. I have been with a man for nearly 1.5 years and we have a really close link. I love him dearly and I believe he loves me. We unfortunately fell in love while he was still with his ex. Their relationship wasn't good and he wanted out but I guess we started a bit too early and we realise that the timing hasn't been great. But what can you do, sometimes love just strikes when you least expect it. So, fast forward, it hasn't been easy - similar to a post by AussieGal listed here. He eventually separated and he knows it's the right thing to do but since the separation, he has been kind of overwhelmed, confused, down, in pain... everything. I assume that is the grieving after something has failed although he kind of wanted to be with me. I do not quite understand this but I assume it is because he is quite a sensitive individual who doesn't like hurting people and who feels guilty for failure or perceived failure. Anyway, after trying to distract himself with fun things, he must have realised that it won't do. So the last few weeks, he has been really struggling to the point where he is now physically exhausted, immune system down, sick, struggles with sleep etc. I haven't seen him in a few days and he seems to really withdraw both physically and emotionally. I have hardly heard from him and he seems nearly non-existent. I am worried about him and I am sad that he pushes me away so much. I have not pursued him too much because I don't want to add to his pressures but I do tell him that I am there and I try to lighten his day with a positive morning message or so. I am trying to understand if this is normal. Is he sad about the end of his relationship or is there more? Am I contributing to his stress in any way I don't know? We have great times together and he loves spending time with me (he says), so I don't know if I have done something. Is this something he just needs to get through and he will still be happy to have me on the other side? Should I do anything else? I am really confused by this intense disappearance of a person. He texts back once a day, with a few words and a smiley. But I don't know if he just does that to appease (which isn't necessary). I wish I could understand better. What to do?

unknown2u "ostracised"
  • replies: 1

Hi , new to this. I have BP and have had for decades. The doctors had told me for years I should share with my family, so 12 months ago I did share because I was not doing well. ( by this I mean hospitalised) I only shared basic stuff. Since then I h... View more

Hi , new to this. I have BP and have had for decades. The doctors had told me for years I should share with my family, so 12 months ago I did share because I was not doing well. ( by this I mean hospitalised) I only shared basic stuff. Since then I have been "ostracised"by my daughter in law. I used to babysit 2 days a week for them and now am not allowed to be alone with the grandkids. I am at a loss how to move forward. Any advice from anyone ?? ta

Sparkles1234 New relationship, boyfriend experiencing depressive episode
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Reaching out as I need to vent and find people with lived experience to relate to & any advice would be appreciated. I met my now-boyfriend 4 months ago and he showed up open-hearted, loving, communicated well and was very present. There... View more

Hi everyone, Reaching out as I need to vent and find people with lived experience to relate to & any advice would be appreciated. I met my now-boyfriend 4 months ago and he showed up open-hearted, loving, communicated well and was very present. There's a lot going for him, he is extremely mindful of boundaries, open-minded and is very authentic. He was very open about his depression on the second date (I've also been successfully engaged in a 12-step program for nearly 8 years) and I was open about my recovery. Fast forward 3-4 weeks and he is at risk of homelessness due to a property manager not doing her job properly. He had about 3 & 1/2 weeks to vacate due to the property being sold. He was extremely stressed, but handled it very well. I had a traumatic break-up about 7 months ago and had a solid 3 weeks of anxiety "over-watching" for red flags. I had my stuff to work through and me coming out of that seemed to overlap with his mental state declining. To his credit, he has been extremely proactive in re-engaging with his therapist, having his meds reviewed and seeing the Physio as he was having physical issues. "We" have been in this space for nearly 6 weeks. He is still communicating relatively well, but there are walls getting thrown up fairly frequently, he has stopped being attentive, our time together has been on the couch lately. I totally appreciate him letting me in, but I struggle to reconcile on days like today where I let him know I am physically sick and he's too wrapped up in his own world to think of me. I hate having to ask to spend time with him, when the man I met and fell for would lock things in in advance. I hate that the rest of his world is getting his attention because it's a "distraction" (social media, work), but I'm somewhat out in the cold. I am engaging with a counsellor this Friday specifically for support related to this, but I need to validate my own hurt and disappointment. Thanks everyone

Moody_blues Relationship breakdown
  • replies: 2

Been a in relationship for 6 years the last two have been hard I feel like I have lost who I am by trying to always make my partner happy when they are not mentally doing ok and haven’t looked for help to change we planned on going away and he has de... View more

Been a in relationship for 6 years the last two have been hard I feel like I have lost who I am by trying to always make my partner happy when they are not mentally doing ok and haven’t looked for help to change we planned on going away and he has decided he couldn’t go for his mental health and felt like our relationship was doomed so I have decided to go on my own know he wants to change and get better but I’m not sure if I should stay or if maybe if I’m away we can both focus on ourselves on getting better and then worry about a relationship I have waited 2 years for this person to get better and it’s not healthy should I wait for more or go and focus on myself

MamaBB One sided separation
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone I have made the tough decision to separate from my husband. We have been married for 3 years and together for 7. He was in the army & I moved interstate after a year of long distance. I really struggled during those two years away from m... View more

Hey everyone I have made the tough decision to separate from my husband. We have been married for 3 years and together for 7. He was in the army & I moved interstate after a year of long distance. I really struggled during those two years away from my family & friends. My mental health took a beating & I experienced suicidal thoughts for the first time. We moved back to Adelaide, got married and had our daughter. He discharged from the army & is a FIFO worker. In all that time I have been through so much and it has gotten to the point where I can't deal with it anymore. I need to heal and do it for me and our daughter. I honestly can't do it with him. The things I can't deal with anymore and just can't forgive him for are: • Not making an effort to understand my mental health. • He ignored my postnatal depression & didn't understand my birth trauma. (the worst dark hole I have ever been in) • Lack of empathy • Verbally forcing me to exercise by telling me to workout every day and be fit. Or He would ask if I had worked out that day. He mentioned many times that he would like to be a fit couple on the beach in a bikini. We would sit down at a restaurant and he would ask if I'm getting a salad. • He has said many times in the past that he prefers a woman with long blonde hair. I have gone light a few times but I'm naturally brunette. • He controls the household to much to the point I'm got allowed to use the heater if it's cold or have the air-conditioning when it's hot. Most of the time he's not even home. There is a lot more than that but they are the things that have hurt the most. I told him how I'm feeling now, how damaged I am & that I want to separate. He is in complete shock & doesn't want to. He is begging me to stay & that he can change. I understand his heartbroken but I need to move on. Has anyone else been in a similar situation where the decision to separate has been one sided? I would love some advice & support please

Sarah86 Feeling like I can’t do anything right
  • replies: 7

Hi, I’m new here. Looking for support. I found out 3 years ago that my husband was having an affair. We separated, he has moved on and I am raising our 2 girls. We don’t co parent very well. He is a typical narcissist and does what he wants when he w... View more

Hi, I’m new here. Looking for support. I found out 3 years ago that my husband was having an affair. We separated, he has moved on and I am raising our 2 girls. We don’t co parent very well. He is a typical narcissist and does what he wants when he wants with little regard for me and the kids. I do 99% of the actual parenting. He cannot commit to a regular routine of having the girls, and when he does it ends in disaster. He yells and gets angry, smacks and they ring me hysterical to come and get them. My 9 year old has decided she doesn’t want anything to do with him. I am still working hard to see if they can have some sort of relationship. I am a single mum, I work very hard so that I can provide for my kids. They both do dancing which costs a fortune. I go without everything so I can provide for them. I don’t buy myself anything or go out. My 9 year old has behaviour issues. She’s always been a challenge. I have her in seeing a psychologist at the moment which hopefully will help. She is always getting in trouble at school and after school care. It seems like every time I pick them up the educators have to talk to me about something. I feel like a total failure. I feel like people must look at my children and think they are from a terrible home. I am strict, I follow through with my punishments and I’m trying to teach them to be kind adults. I feel like I’m up against it though, I have no support. My family live a few hours away. Whilst they do their best to come and visit, it’s really taking a toll on me. I feel like I have been isolated from all my friends as my daughter can be a bit challenging to take out sometimes. I have lost hope of ever meeting anyone, as I don’t have any child free time. I’ve also neglected to look after myself as I just don’t have the energy or the time. My daughter needs to be supervised constantly or she will hurt her sister or do something impulsive. i feel like I am not living life to the fullest and that I’m failing in every area. I’m not giving 100% to my job as I’m worried about what trouble my daughter will get into at school. She’s had a suspension warning from school and after school care now and I’m not sure what I will do if she’s not allowed to attend these anymore. she’s hurting as her father has moved a new family into his place, and she’s feeling abandoned. I love them both more than anything but feel like I’m doing a crappy job and I’m fading into an introverted, unhappy person.

Trying_to_take_care_of_my Feeling lost and confused
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend and I have just celebrated our 6 years together with a trip away. The night we got back he was feeling suicidal (extreme depression and anxiety) and I wasn't sure why. Found out the following day that the day before our trip he went to a... View more

My boyfriend and I have just celebrated our 6 years together with a trip away. The night we got back he was feeling suicidal (extreme depression and anxiety) and I wasn't sure why. Found out the following day that the day before our trip he went to a massage place and got a 'happy ending' and feared to have caught an STI (this is why he was feeling suicidal). I was in shock at first and was more worried about his feelings of wanting to end his life. I have had more time to think about everything that has happened and am feeling very hurt, broken, lost, confused. I am not sure what to do in my relationship.

Guest_9043 Tired/hurt. Grief/loss surviving family members
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm really tired, worn out and more than likely completely burnt out. I have been grieving, still am grieving the loss of my family. They are all still alive. Ambiguous grief is just as difficult to go through as grief and loss over a loved one's... View more

Hi, I'm really tired, worn out and more than likely completely burnt out. I have been grieving, still am grieving the loss of my family. They are all still alive. Ambiguous grief is just as difficult to go through as grief and loss over a loved one's passing is. There are differences, though grief is grief. I cut contact with the last one to go. My mum. I cut all contact with her on December 1st 2019. I did it via email and have never heard a word since. It's ever so easy to get trapped and stuck in the past the way you remember and feel it. The question of moving on is on my mind alot. I have been through the grief process many times so it's not a stranger to me. I had an abusive childhood with both parents. Even now I still feel bad using the word abuse. I'm in and out of denial because it hurts to know my parents abused me. I'm not at the acceptance stage of that yet. I did not need to cut contact with my sister. She barely spoke to me anyway. I cut all contact with my father when I was 30. Ten years ago. I still deal with a lot when it comes to him alone. I have no intention at this stage of getting in touch with my mother. I need to take care of me. I'm just wondering what others found useful in healing and moving on. I know therapy, I would prefer other stories than just therapy. The support would be welcome. Thanks.