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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lynn16 Struggling with anxiety.
  • replies: 1

Hi, I did not know what I should tell everyone here. Here is what has happened. My husband of 38 years married, 40 years together has slept with our neighbour's daughter/single mum who is 30 years younger than him. I knew something was wrong with his... View more

Hi, I did not know what I should tell everyone here. Here is what has happened. My husband of 38 years married, 40 years together has slept with our neighbour's daughter/single mum who is 30 years younger than him. I knew something was wrong with his attitude and confronted him. He told me what had happened. He has been remorseful, kind, caring and very patient with me. We are trying to keep our marriage going. She means nothing to him he says. Her family were good friends with us but they have turned on him, which is understandable but they have turned on me also for telling them what their daughter did. They are pretending he is making this up and using her to get out of our marriage. He is a truck driver and is away alot, so he could of used any person on his travels to use as a scapegoat. He could of just left also. He is not leaving me. I still love him and he says he loves me. He does not know why he did it, he thinks he was flattered that a younger women showed an interest in him, he is not sure. The thing is, she was friends with our daughter who is a single mum also. We have found out from our daughter that one night when they were out together for a girls night, she also slept with another married man. That marriage has broken up. She has also slept with a few other men in our small little town and even thought she was pregnant once. This was all in 10 months of being here. My husband had a vasectomy 30 year ago. Her mother who was a friend of mine, has been spreading rumours everywhere and I am scared of going out of my house. I have put fence extensions right along the adjoining fence so I cant see them/her. Her mother is a person that wants to be the centre of attention everywhere she goes. She treats her daughter like a child. Her mother and father are divorced and she has a step father. I think she has 'Daddy" issues as she told my husband that her real Dad dresses up in woman's clothes. I am not happy at all with what my husband did but I still love him . I have access to his phone, emails and facebook account even the phone bill. I can see who he calls at all time. Ok, the problem. When he is away I am not so bad as he travels up north, he shares his location on google maps also. The trouble is when he is close to our town, my mind/imagination plays havoc. I think that somehow she is meeting him. I panic and sweat and get palpations in the chest and my breathing gets shallow. He knows all about my fears and does not know how to help me. Some days I not sure if trying is worth it. He and I both know it will take a long time for me to trust him again and says he will do what it takes so I can feel better. I just hate feeling like this

Mert Dint know how to deal !
  • replies: 1

I have joined the forum hoping for some input /advice regarding my situation .after 20 years in a relationship with my partner just five weeks ago he dropped the bombshell that he wanted us " to go our separate ways " ! We had had troubles a few year... View more

I have joined the forum hoping for some input /advice regarding my situation .after 20 years in a relationship with my partner just five weeks ago he dropped the bombshell that he wanted us " to go our separate ways " ! We had had troubles a few years back but I honestly believed we were getting much better and am still in shock over it all ! I do believe in my heart there is more to it than he is saying and he isn't saying much at all ! We are still living in the house together but in separate bedrooms and he refused to have a conversation about us ! I love him like absolute crazy and can't give up ! Little background ,five years ago he was diagnosed with leukamia ,diabetes and we have had a few financial burdens he didn't share with me until after the fact ! Two years ago he lost his lifelong best mate to suicide ,then just three days later a work mate he idolised took his life also ! At this point he really withdrew from me ,has been cranky ,irritable and very unapproachable ever since ! He dropped the bombshell just three days after another mate took his own life so it seems very timely to me ! I do believe he is likely struggling with depression ,and hoping someone had some advice on how to gently approach the conversation withOut causing him to completely shut down ! I find it quite odd that he has only told one person outside family what is going on , even his best mate has no idea ,he is just not talking to anyone ! I am falling apart making myself sick over it ,all the while he won't talk ..thanks for putting up with my rambling guys ,guess I'm just at wits end ! Have an awesome day guys

Guest_598 Having a relationship with someone suffering from abandonment issues
  • replies: 4

Hi All, the past couple of months have not been easy but I felt that my partner and I would finally be getting somewhere. Now that he has been able to cut the cord to his dependent ex-wife, I assumed that we would be ok after some more grief manageme... View more

Hi All, the past couple of months have not been easy but I felt that my partner and I would finally be getting somewhere. Now that he has been able to cut the cord to his dependent ex-wife, I assumed that we would be ok after some more grief management on his side. We are going fine and when we are together, it is beautiful and happy, unless the past comes up. But most importantly, over the past weeks and months, his therapist has found out that a lot of his difficulties with letting go and coping with loss are due to abandonment issues which originate from his childhood. He seems to have significant abandonment issues due to the treatment or neglect from his parents and although it is great that this has now been diagnosed, it is making life quite tough for him and us. He phrases it the way that he says at the moment, all the darkness is coming out before he can go over to applying solutions which basically is re-imaging his past and allowing his present self to take over and not be haunted by the self of the past. I am sure this will be a good process for him, although I fear it will take a long time. In the meantime, he struggles with the loss of his broken marriage - not because he loves his ex-wife (it is not linked to the person at all) but because he does not cope well with loss in general because of his abandonment issues. So this is another big hill for him to climb. I think it is great that he knows about the issues now and he is very keen to solve them so he can be happy and feel secure in a successful relationship going forward. However, I am wondering how I and we should deal with this in the meantime. It would probably be better if he was not in a relationship while he is trying to heal himself but since we are and we want to be, we need to find a way to manage this well. I am not quite sure how I fit into this and what to do. I read a lot on abandonment issues but it appears that most of the things that can be done need to be done by the person suffering from the issues. How can I help? What can I do to possibly alleviate his issues? Would having happy times with me be a positive support to kind of balance out his dark days? We can have great times and then all of a sudden he becomes mentally distanced as if he was far away. It often feels quite painful to me and I try to tell myself it has nothing to do with me. He says we are great but everything else does not seem to be good. What could we do to make things move forward and easier?

Needing_help_123 Heartbreaking
  • replies: 1

Hi All, Some advice... Was in a relationship and because of some circumstances met and connected with someone also in a relationship, who shared similar issues. We used each other as a communication platform to discuss ways to improve what was happen... View more

Hi All, Some advice... Was in a relationship and because of some circumstances met and connected with someone also in a relationship, who shared similar issues. We used each other as a communication platform to discuss ways to improve what was happening in each of our relationships. From there feelings grew and I left my relationship. She has confessed her feelings for me and how much she wants to get out and wants to be with me. I've tried to take a step back, I've tried to give her options to talk to someone - neither have been options. She feels trapped in her relationship and that she believes in a few months she could leave. I am so torn, I miss her, I want to be with her - but when I need her she can never be with me. She apologises but keeps telling me how much she needs and wants me. The major issues she does not want to leave is she left and has come back, kids involved and the partner has gone back to where it was before. She feels resentment towards this person and feels terrible for her kids that she would drag them away again. She is terribly unhappy and having a few health issues without any support. What do I do? I cant sleep, my stomach churns and my chest aches... I cant walk away -> i have asked her what would happen if the roles were reversed and she says she would wait for me....

Kelly67 I feel like my teenage daughter hates me
  • replies: 1

I'm not sure where to start.. I understand that teenage years are difficult and have read books sourced help on dealing with this but my on child has said and done such hurtful things that is heart destroying and really has effected our relationship.... View more

I'm not sure where to start.. I understand that teenage years are difficult and have read books sourced help on dealing with this but my on child has said and done such hurtful things that is heart destroying and really has effected our relationship. Because she thinks she is right all the time it's difficult to communicate with her. I have helped her in lots of ways achieve lots of different things yet she chooses to say how bad her life is. I've been spat at called the 'c' word and many more. She has trashed the house. Causes her dad and I to argue. My biggest concern now is because I refused that her boyfriend couldn't stay at our home due to no other reason but it was a tafe/work week she started to abuse me. The heart wrenching part is I heard her telling her boyfriend that we are toxic and abusive. My heart sank as its totally the other way around. Her boyfriend has since told his mom this whom I haven't met yet and I'm devastated that we are being pictured in this way. What do I do should I talk to his mom.?? We are good parents and will admit the mistake we made was spoiling her. Please help on ideas how to handle this. Its breaking our once Happy family to break up..

LifetimeDreamer Withdrawn and isolated after breakup
  • replies: 3

Hi All, I am new here, so please forgive me if I haven't figured everything out yet. I just looked through the posts here and found a few interesting ones that kind of match my issue. Still, I thought I would write to explain exactly what I'm looking... View more

Hi All, I am new here, so please forgive me if I haven't figured everything out yet. I just looked through the posts here and found a few interesting ones that kind of match my issue. Still, I thought I would write to explain exactly what I'm looking for. I have been with a man for nearly 1.5 years and we have a really close link. I love him dearly and I believe he loves me. We unfortunately fell in love while he was still with his ex. Their relationship wasn't good and he wanted out but I guess we started a bit too early and we realise that the timing hasn't been great. But what can you do, sometimes love just strikes when you least expect it. So, fast forward, it hasn't been easy - similar to a post by AussieGal listed here. He eventually separated and he knows it's the right thing to do but since the separation, he has been kind of overwhelmed, confused, down, in pain... everything. I assume that is the grieving after something has failed although he kind of wanted to be with me. I do not quite understand this but I assume it is because he is quite a sensitive individual who doesn't like hurting people and who feels guilty for failure or perceived failure. Anyway, after trying to distract himself with fun things, he must have realised that it won't do. So the last few weeks, he has been really struggling to the point where he is now physically exhausted, immune system down, sick, struggles with sleep etc. I haven't seen him in a few days and he seems to really withdraw both physically and emotionally. I have hardly heard from him and he seems nearly non-existent. I am worried about him and I am sad that he pushes me away so much. I have not pursued him too much because I don't want to add to his pressures but I do tell him that I am there and I try to lighten his day with a positive morning message or so. I am trying to understand if this is normal. Is he sad about the end of his relationship or is there more? Am I contributing to his stress in any way I don't know? We have great times together and he loves spending time with me (he says), so I don't know if I have done something. Is this something he just needs to get through and he will still be happy to have me on the other side? Should I do anything else? I am really confused by this intense disappearance of a person. He texts back once a day, with a few words and a smiley. But I don't know if he just does that to appease (which isn't necessary). I wish I could understand better. What to do?

unknown2u "ostracised"
  • replies: 1

Hi , new to this. I have BP and have had for decades. The doctors had told me for years I should share with my family, so 12 months ago I did share because I was not doing well. ( by this I mean hospitalised) I only shared basic stuff. Since then I h... View more

Hi , new to this. I have BP and have had for decades. The doctors had told me for years I should share with my family, so 12 months ago I did share because I was not doing well. ( by this I mean hospitalised) I only shared basic stuff. Since then I have been "ostracised"by my daughter in law. I used to babysit 2 days a week for them and now am not allowed to be alone with the grandkids. I am at a loss how to move forward. Any advice from anyone ?? ta

Sparkles1234 New relationship, boyfriend experiencing depressive episode
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Reaching out as I need to vent and find people with lived experience to relate to & any advice would be appreciated. I met my now-boyfriend 4 months ago and he showed up open-hearted, loving, communicated well and was very present. There... View more

Hi everyone, Reaching out as I need to vent and find people with lived experience to relate to & any advice would be appreciated. I met my now-boyfriend 4 months ago and he showed up open-hearted, loving, communicated well and was very present. There's a lot going for him, he is extremely mindful of boundaries, open-minded and is very authentic. He was very open about his depression on the second date (I've also been successfully engaged in a 12-step program for nearly 8 years) and I was open about my recovery. Fast forward 3-4 weeks and he is at risk of homelessness due to a property manager not doing her job properly. He had about 3 & 1/2 weeks to vacate due to the property being sold. He was extremely stressed, but handled it very well. I had a traumatic break-up about 7 months ago and had a solid 3 weeks of anxiety "over-watching" for red flags. I had my stuff to work through and me coming out of that seemed to overlap with his mental state declining. To his credit, he has been extremely proactive in re-engaging with his therapist, having his meds reviewed and seeing the Physio as he was having physical issues. "We" have been in this space for nearly 6 weeks. He is still communicating relatively well, but there are walls getting thrown up fairly frequently, he has stopped being attentive, our time together has been on the couch lately. I totally appreciate him letting me in, but I struggle to reconcile on days like today where I let him know I am physically sick and he's too wrapped up in his own world to think of me. I hate having to ask to spend time with him, when the man I met and fell for would lock things in in advance. I hate that the rest of his world is getting his attention because it's a "distraction" (social media, work), but I'm somewhat out in the cold. I am engaging with a counsellor this Friday specifically for support related to this, but I need to validate my own hurt and disappointment. Thanks everyone

Moody_blues Relationship breakdown
  • replies: 2

Been a in relationship for 6 years the last two have been hard I feel like I have lost who I am by trying to always make my partner happy when they are not mentally doing ok and haven’t looked for help to change we planned on going away and he has de... View more

Been a in relationship for 6 years the last two have been hard I feel like I have lost who I am by trying to always make my partner happy when they are not mentally doing ok and haven’t looked for help to change we planned on going away and he has decided he couldn’t go for his mental health and felt like our relationship was doomed so I have decided to go on my own know he wants to change and get better but I’m not sure if I should stay or if maybe if I’m away we can both focus on ourselves on getting better and then worry about a relationship I have waited 2 years for this person to get better and it’s not healthy should I wait for more or go and focus on myself

MamaBB One sided separation
  • replies: 5

Hey everyone I have made the tough decision to separate from my husband. We have been married for 3 years and together for 7. He was in the army & I moved interstate after a year of long distance. I really struggled during those two years away from m... View more

Hey everyone I have made the tough decision to separate from my husband. We have been married for 3 years and together for 7. He was in the army & I moved interstate after a year of long distance. I really struggled during those two years away from my family & friends. My mental health took a beating & I experienced suicidal thoughts for the first time. We moved back to Adelaide, got married and had our daughter. He discharged from the army & is a FIFO worker. In all that time I have been through so much and it has gotten to the point where I can't deal with it anymore. I need to heal and do it for me and our daughter. I honestly can't do it with him. The things I can't deal with anymore and just can't forgive him for are: • Not making an effort to understand my mental health. • He ignored my postnatal depression & didn't understand my birth trauma. (the worst dark hole I have ever been in) • Lack of empathy • Verbally forcing me to exercise by telling me to workout every day and be fit. Or He would ask if I had worked out that day. He mentioned many times that he would like to be a fit couple on the beach in a bikini. We would sit down at a restaurant and he would ask if I'm getting a salad. • He has said many times in the past that he prefers a woman with long blonde hair. I have gone light a few times but I'm naturally brunette. • He controls the household to much to the point I'm got allowed to use the heater if it's cold or have the air-conditioning when it's hot. Most of the time he's not even home. There is a lot more than that but they are the things that have hurt the most. I told him how I'm feeling now, how damaged I am & that I want to separate. He is in complete shock & doesn't want to. He is begging me to stay & that he can change. I understand his heartbroken but I need to move on. Has anyone else been in a similar situation where the decision to separate has been one sided? I would love some advice & support please