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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lost27 2nd relationship confused
  • replies: 10

Hello everyone, I hope someone can help me out. If you have read my last threads my last relationship ended badly. He was very emotionally and verbally abusive. He wasnt very nice towards the end. I have anxiety and depression so with what he did mad... View more

Hello everyone, I hope someone can help me out. If you have read my last threads my last relationship ended badly. He was very emotionally and verbally abusive. He wasnt very nice towards the end. I have anxiety and depression so with what he did made things much worse. But during the relationship it I felt like I was on cloud 9. Everything felt perfect and so much emotion and everything felt amazing. He made me feel like I was worthy of everything. He made me, me now I know he was very manipulative because we would fight and say it was my fault and it would be my fault. But when we fought it was the worst hurt ever then we would make up it would be the best. It felt like a rollercoaster like a high after we fought. It felt like the honeymoon phase all the time. We where together for 3byears. Anyway about a yearish after we broke up I found someone and he treats me so well. He isnt perfect and we have had our ups and downs but no one is perfect. I know I love him I know that. I have talked to my therapist about that feeling I had with my ex and I know it wasnt completely healthy. But I am unsure whether or not you are meant to feel that excitement and happiness like I did with my ex. With my now bf I can be myself, happy or sad in front of him without feeling bad, if i am upset at him or want to share my emotions i can without getting blamed or told its my fault. I love spending time with him. I know my anxiety and depression takes over sometimes if I forget to take my meds and that's probably the reason I am wrighting this right now because once it's in my head it wont leave and it just rolls and rolls over and over in my head. So I am trying to figure out that I know I love him but do I love love him. Should I be feeling how I o felt with my ex. That feeling of high and every second of the day I loved him to death and he was my everything without him I felt like nothing Because I dont feel that with my bf now. It feels different. I feel content and happy and just love being with him and cuddling and kissing and everything. Just feels even and get. So I dont know if I am just thinking this way because he was my first relationship and he was abusive and that's all i know I'm very unsure. I really hope this makes sense, please help me

Pippa_thebold Parents - controlling my relationship
  • replies: 8

Hello Everyone, I am 19f. I have recently begun a relationship with someone who is slightly older (>4 years old) than me. I currently study full-time and work part-time, due to this I live at home with my parents. My parents, have 'told' me that they... View more

Hello Everyone, I am 19f. I have recently begun a relationship with someone who is slightly older (>4 years old) than me. I currently study full-time and work part-time, due to this I live at home with my parents. My parents, have 'told' me that they don't like this person that I am seeing because of their lifestyle choices. However, these lifestyle choice don't effect my in any way, and my partner has since made a change towards those choice. Despite this, my parents have told me that I am not allowed to see my partner and I am not allowed to talk to my partner. I have reached out to my parents many times to sit and talk with my partner but my partners have threaten violence towards my partner if they ever see them I want to be with my partner, as they make me unbelievably happy and being with them makes me forget about the stresses of life. However, I am unsure of what to do in this situation. I am worried if I move out my parents will no longer speak to me and I'll be stranded on a low income job, trying to work my way through a university degree. Please help!

LadyCath Heartbreak with anxiety, depression and a pannic disorder
  • replies: 1

I don't know where to start but I'll try to keep it short-ish. I tend to waffle. Came out of a marraige when I was 33, it was over for a long time before we got divorced so it wasn't something I had to grieve. We are still close friends but we had di... View more

I don't know where to start but I'll try to keep it short-ish. I tend to waffle. Came out of a marraige when I was 33, it was over for a long time before we got divorced so it wasn't something I had to grieve. We are still close friends but we had different ideas on life and he didn't love me like I did him. I also didn't find him sexually attractive in any stretch of the imagination. So yeah, was a bit of a shambles. lol. But we came out of it relatively unscathed, no help needed thankflly. No regrets. 34 and I found a new man, eventually moved in together. Exactly what every girl (well, me) had dreamed of A tradie. Tall as, red head, big shoulders, firm botto.. ok I'm becoming carried away. He's a looker, polite, kind, wonderful family, sosilly and not afraid to be so and has a strong stable job and no issue finding another if he needs to change jobs as he used to fifo. And He adored me. Well. I thought so... 36 and the world went to shit. For me. Now, turns out 12 months before my 36th birthday he noticed I'd told him I loved him and my feelings progressed but his didn't. He liked me, found me attractive but that spark didn't grow. So he thought maybe it was time he needed. He'd been in some bad relationships in the past and thought he needed more time. Nope. Even an overseas trip didn't do it. By the tie it came around to Christmas I noticed he'd become more distant and just wasn't into the intimacy like he used to be. But I put it down to his work and life stresses. January (My birthday is eaarly december, so we are now in January of this year and I am 36) and he pulls away entirely. I have a health issue at the beginning of the year and he becomes so distant itmade recovery hard. He finally spilled the beans one night. Told me how he's been in agony for almost the whole year, just hoping his feelings grow yet his heart breaking at the same time because I am seeking intimacy and he doesn't want to because he feels it was leading me on, hence why he tried so hard to pull away but was totally shit scared of telling me in the fear I would rip his head off his shoulders. We also want different things in life. He's driven by money, I'm driven by happiness.. and let me say the two often don't mesh. Now he's lucky I am a realist and a talker before I am emotional (my fight or flight is strong when it comes to othersbeing hurting too). We had LONG talks about it. I don't blame him and I feel so bad that he's been trying for so long. I feel bad because he feels bad for hurting me. BUT The event aside. I am so heart broken. There's no words. So I suffer from depression, anxiety and pannic attacks. All diagnosed. The depression I can work with, anxiety I can do. It's the pannic attacks I can't.. I moved out. I've been in the new place a week now and if I see something unpacking that reminds me of him I either cry hysterically for 2 days or go into mass pannic attack. as in days long pannic. As in effects me working pannic. What makes me pannic is the idea of him wanting to try again. What if he turns up one day and wants to giveit another shot. I'm so hurt by all this I have no words. Our relationship was anything but perfect and if .. IF through some divinemagic we got back together there's got to besome changes in the way he treats me. The common sense part of my brain, the realist in me, says and knows it won't happen. We talked at length about how there's no point pushing forth when it'll hurtus in the long run and possibly ruin the friendship we have somehow retained. BUT the pannic and anxiety and depression got togetherin my head and have this little piuty party telling me that he'll want me back, that i'll buckle and shit will go back to how itwas on our worst days and I'll be a ducking miserable, useless, worthless human being (did i mention I also have low self esteem). Can someone please tell me that things get better. I'm impaitent. I want to not feel hurt in my chest every time I see a text from him or a photo. I want to not freak out and pannic whenhe has to drop some of my things overthat I missed packing. I want to be out of this stupid grieving process. I've gonefrom depression to anger to complete denial. Denial sucks hairy bottoms. I don't want to go back on meds. I've been off medication for 2 years. After 10 years on. My god this hurts. Some days I'd sell my right leg for a weeks worth just to help me get through. Combine all this shiz with the covid19 virus and not knowing weather i'll be working the next week .. I'm a casual retailer. No pay for me. I really really liked him. Really. REALLY. We were taking marraige and kids and fixing the house together. My white picket fence dream coming true. Now I wonder in my late 30s if anyone will truly love me. Am I loveable? My greatest fear si to growold woth no children. All I have EVER wanted is to have kids and be married. I did the marraige and now, once again, no man, tickig clock and no children (endometriosis, so yeah, clock ticking for me). Does the hurt stop.

Guest_9043 The good news.
  • replies: 4

I'm dealing with my childhood bulls..it in therapy. The good news is I am starting to feel less guilt for cutting contact with my mother. I'm starting to feel like I have not abandoned her and that she us responsible for herself. It was a horrid thou... View more

I'm dealing with my childhood bulls..it in therapy. The good news is I am starting to feel less guilt for cutting contact with my mother. I'm starting to feel like I have not abandoned her and that she us responsible for herself. It was a horrid though pattern and one that I was trained for by her. It has played out in so many of my relationships. Feeling responsible for others and being a rescuer, fixer and saver. I cannot tell you how freeing it ha to no longer have that feeling, thoughts and responsibility for others including my mother. That is what I should have learnt although it took me 40 years to finally get it and understand it. I'm glad I cut contact with my mother. I needed to in order to get this perspective and understanding. It is so nice to feel that no one's world is going to fall apart if I don't fix, rescue or save. It is so nice to hand back responsibilities that are not mine. Ultimately I cannot do anything for anyone, I can suggest things, it is them that has to do the hard work. Of course there is more work for me to do. This for me is a major breakthrough though.

flyonthewall New parent diagnosed with post-natal depression, anyone here suffered the same?
  • replies: 1

Hi, Just wondering if anyone as a new parent suffered mental illness. I have a 4 month old (First baby) and have just been diagnosed with post-natal depression. I went through all these months thinking my feelings were normal because family, friends ... View more

Hi, Just wondering if anyone as a new parent suffered mental illness. I have a 4 month old (First baby) and have just been diagnosed with post-natal depression. I went through all these months thinking my feelings were normal because family, friends and even professionals said the worry i feel is normal. Turns out it was NOT NORMAL. Feeling let down by my support network in not quizzing me more about my feelings. It was only until my husband said something isn't right week after week that i finally mentioned it to my Maternal Nurse. Just wanting to know your story and did you eventually start to enjoy being a parent. I hope i do get better, and sad that these early months have been robbed from me and my little boy

Peppa62 How many times do I forgive ?
  • replies: 10

Long story short I have posted here before - my partner and I have been together 10yrs we are both 28. My partner was caught I guess you could say cyber cheating (didn’t physically cheat) and we split for a bit but since then we have worked really ha... View more

Long story short I have posted here before - my partner and I have been together 10yrs we are both 28. My partner was caught I guess you could say cyber cheating (didn’t physically cheat) and we split for a bit but since then we have worked really hard to get to a better place . I finallu after a year felt I could start trusting him again . Then last Saturday night happened . We were both out on the town together when I got a headache so said I was going home but he was fine to stay out just be home before 5am. Which he was .... I was then the next day so happy that I felt I could trust him to be out with out me and nothing happen . Only to find out (from him Monday night) that after I left they went to the strippers - I said when I left him Saturday night no drugs, no strippers - he says he told the group he didn’t want to go and when he went there he didn’t get a dance or watch the strippers but I don’t know if I can trust that. He has really broken my trust again!! I want to forgive him but am afraid that it is stupid of me to do so. How many “chances” do you give a person? . What are the right questions to ask? I’m feeling really confused and lost and hurt . I belive going to a place where you get a woman who is not your partner to rub on you dance for you and take their clothes off for you is a form of cheating . I’m heart broken all over again .

mon1ker Everybody hates me
  • replies: 1

It's a pretty dramatic title but I really do swear by it. When it comes to family, everybody ignores me. Everybody undermines me. If I ever say anything to my dad, it turns into a debate where I'm called ignorant in whichever way he chooses to say it... View more

It's a pretty dramatic title but I really do swear by it. When it comes to family, everybody ignores me. Everybody undermines me. If I ever say anything to my dad, it turns into a debate where I'm called ignorant in whichever way he chooses to say it that day. I'm also already very anxious. It's like I know how to be social but I'm so anxious in public that I can't actually speak properly. I can't breathe properly. So yeah, I'm already working with low self-esteem and then I'm constantly snubbed by those close to me and only ever paid attention to when I get frustrated because of it (and of course that attention is negative). It just seems like a vicious cycle; I try to have a proper conversation in what should be a pretty decent environment but end up feeling worse about myself. And then when I talk to friends, or try to cope in public, I feel like I can't even muster up the energy to be any fun to have around or keep a mildly engaging conversation. I sat at a table the other day and felt like a complete fool because I could hardly even say a word or look at anyone around me. Sorry this is a bit all over the place, and I definitely intend to seek actual professional help, but I'm just wondering if there's any advice to be given. A bit of context, I'm early 20s and definitely should be seeing someone regarding anxiety and potential depression. I have a job at which I function fine enough but it comes back to the "I KNOW how to act socially appropriate" but I'm too anxious so I still present as a bit 'off'? I mean at least I can show up there. I've mentioned a few times to my mum, especially when I was younger, that I'm very anxious. That's always been what she said to me; "you can show up to work, though". She never says it in a mean way, more like she thinks she's complimenting me. It makes me feel like she doesn't understand at all. I'm also a university student and I'm REALLY struggling there. I'm struggling because I don't want to sit in a class with some 30 other people because it's HARD. It's draining and I end up feeling upset because I feel like a failure. I can't pay enough attention so I miss important information. I don't like getting to uni because I have to catch the train and I can't sit there without breathing heavily and trying to avoid eye contact. Again, I don't really know what help I'm seeking here. Just anything, I suppose, because I feel like everything is getting worse.

NoSupport83 I’m here because I have no support
  • replies: 3

I’m getting increasingly desperate trying to find ways to cope. The problem is I’m doing it all on my own, with the exception of a psychologist that I see once a month. Everything is crumbling, including me. I’m falling apart physically and mentally.... View more

I’m getting increasingly desperate trying to find ways to cope. The problem is I’m doing it all on my own, with the exception of a psychologist that I see once a month. Everything is crumbling, including me. I’m falling apart physically and mentally. It started with massive weight loss which led to new found confidence and consequently a marriage breakdown. From there I lost all my friends. But I still had my family. My physical health got much worse, 24/7 pain. My family started falling apart when my mum and (step) dad separated a few years ago, largely due to his alcoholism. Then last year, my dad died suddenly. Family, particularly my mum, became more distant. I stopped being the helper and fixer all the time because I couldn’t cope with it anymore. Now I seldom see my family. Friends are the same. What friends? I feel so used. I’m clinging to full time work but I want to quit. My boss is I supportive and there are some mean girls that make me feel worthless. Maybe nobody will ever read this. Or care. But I am human. And I hurt so much it’s unbearable.

KatJD Sexless marriage, do I stay?
  • replies: 6

I have been married to my husband for over 10 years now, we are both 32. We have 2 kids together and he does FIFO ( 2 and 1 ) After we got married the sex dwindled to once every two months. For the last 5 years, we on average have sex twice a year, i... View more

I have been married to my husband for over 10 years now, we are both 32. We have 2 kids together and he does FIFO ( 2 and 1 ) After we got married the sex dwindled to once every two months. For the last 5 years, we on average have sex twice a year, if I am lucky. With not having sex for over a year! I always initiate and get rejected a lot by him with some excuse he has. At times he gets angry at me for asking, like I should say nothing because he just does not feel it. I know he is self conscious of his size but I have reassured him that it is not the case. He has issues maintaining an erection and will say "see I told you I don't want too" He maintains he's not interested at all. I try to build up his confidence and tell him I love him, I want him etc It has started to really affect me mentally to the point of breaking down. I feel like I am not good enough, he doesn't want me, he's with someone else... I cry most nights because of it, only when he's on his 2 weeks working away so he can't see me. I have recently spilled all these feeling out to him and how I'm starting to feel I'm not worth breathing anymore. This is after finding out he booked time off work and deleted the emails. He had a private Instagram account and purchased flowers twice on his credit card. I was told his friend used his credit card and he didn't want to tell me because this is how I would react. The Instagram account was deleted before I could even see it. The time off was for a boys footy trip and I would get mad if he asked to go, so he just booked it. I think he was going to pretend to be working away while on a holiday? He hugged me and helped me breath and sleep, then told me I should go see someone. The next night he kept getting angry at me about being sad and was he going to get sleep that night or was I going to ask more questions. He is away again and pretending that everything is ok and that he's answered all my questions and it's done with. Like nothing even happened while he was recently home. Am I crazy for feeling these feelings? I feel I'm spiralling and I can't pull myself out of it. I keep saying do you want to be in this relationship and he says yes. *please note* 4 years ago he was going through a rough patch and left for a week because I deserved better and he didn't have strong feelings for me anymore. He came back and we worked on what was making him depressed. I wasn't giving up on him or us. He lost 40 plus kilos and goes mountain bike riding, a lot. Changed his job and now does FIFO, not local work as he didn't enjoy his work. He takes more pride and detail in his appearance now and grooms himself, goes to the gym and does his hair. I work full time so he has a lot of time by himself when he's home and he goes out with his mates a bit to the pub and riding.