Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

megss helicopter parenting to withdrawn
  • replies: 9

Hi, My mum and I don't have the best relationship, but it has gotten worse as I have gotten older and realised what is okay and what isn't. Long story short, parents had a messy divorce when I was young and have been going week on and week off. This ... View more

Hi, My mum and I don't have the best relationship, but it has gotten worse as I have gotten older and realised what is okay and what isn't. Long story short, parents had a messy divorce when I was young and have been going week on and week off. This could have affected our relationship, I'm not sure. Pretty much my mum is either very very involved and when I say that I can do something by myself, or tell her that I can manage (which I do very politely), she gets almost offended and steps back too far, for example, won't drive me to where I need to go or won't cook dinner for me suddenly without telling me, almost to prove that I need her, and I do but just not as much as she wants to be. She controls all aspects of my life and uses them to blackmail me. She checks my location on Life360 religiously and gets notifications whenever I move. She reads all my messages, goes through all my bags, reads my journals (which I have now stopped writing) and even my school books. She went as far as to check my pencil case. I have no privacy at home. She walks into the bathroom when I am in the shower and gets mad when I ask her to leave. She says that as long as I live with her, I have no privacy. She checks on me every 10 minutes and will make excuses to do so. I have no room to move and I need more room, she is too controlling. She also controls what food I eat, which is fair enough for a parent, but I am not allowed to go and get food from the cupboard because she takes stocktakes of the food. She uses the fact that I have ADHD to say that she needs to be more involved, but it is really for herself, and I know that I can manage to put my clothes away without her watching me. I know that she is manipulative, she once took all of my T-shirts out of my draw and asked my sister to hide my volleyball gear so I couldn't train. She needs to know everything as well. I now just lie to her and don't tell her anything, and she wonders why! I get so frustrated at her because she won't let me live, but when she steps back it's too far. I keep asking her to let me do things and I'll ask for her help if I need it, but there is no in-between. I feel like I have no connection with her, and I don't want one. Half of the time she is overly affectionate, and the other half of the time she is emotionally neglectful and I am confused. I don't like affection from her because it ranges too much, I am confused. I understand she is trying to parent but it is too much. Any suggestions?

ColY How to cope elderly parent in nursing home
  • replies: 3

Struggling hard my mother is end stage in a nursing home (they thought she would pass before Christmas). I am allowed to visit but feeling too guilty to do so. She never wanted to go to a nursing home, cannot remember that now, often doesn't remember... View more

Struggling hard my mother is end stage in a nursing home (they thought she would pass before Christmas). I am allowed to visit but feeling too guilty to do so. She never wanted to go to a nursing home, cannot remember that now, often doesn't remember me now. My siblings are interstate or overseas. Tried phoning Beyond Blue but got hung up on when I accidently muted call.

PsychedelicFur Being an Old Soul
  • replies: 23

Greetings, Currently whilst being on my hiatus of self growth and discovery I have particularly noticed that I have a tendency to feel incredibly lonesome and wanting, wishing and seeking to find my tribe. I'm an eccentric, passionate, flamboyant and... View more

Greetings, Currently whilst being on my hiatus of self growth and discovery I have particularly noticed that I have a tendency to feel incredibly lonesome and wanting, wishing and seeking to find my tribe. I'm an eccentric, passionate, flamboyant and charismatic young person who is just merely wanting to find my place in the world. It has become apparent, to me that it is awfully difficult to find others of my age bracket that wear vintage clothes, admire antique furnishings, listen to psychedelic , classic, experimental rock/blues music or even have an idea of what I am talking about. I find my generation far too superficial, perhaps needy and undetermined to be different and unusual. I flaunt my uniqueness wherever I go with bold, loud and fierce vintage styles (consisting of loads of flowers, colours and my wicked collection of go go boots too) Like I said I'm confident with who I am and what I like ; I would NEVER change for the world... I just feel that my uniqueness and capability of freely sharing my self expression may intimidate or even perhaps scare other people my age a way. I am awkward around others my age because I don't really know how to speak to them. One problem being because I am not at all intrigued in modern societies' fads that seem to go out style within five minutes.. like I said I would rather sip my herbal tea and listen to my records on my turntable than attend drug or alcohol parties. I also live in an area that does not really seem to encourage nor support my idea of being unusual. The environment around me makes me think that self expression is not acceptable and I should just be restricted to supporting the ways of the so called 'social NORM' Signed, PF

Guest_9043 Did I over react? Need some input.
  • replies: 11

I ended my relationship with my partner two days ago. It is not true that the person who ends it has an easier time. When I ended the r/ship I had not been thinking of it for days or even weeks on end. I still absolutely loved my partner when I ended... View more

I ended my relationship with my partner two days ago. It is not true that the person who ends it has an easier time. When I ended the r/ship I had not been thinking of it for days or even weeks on end. I still absolutely loved my partner when I ended it. I still do love her very much. I ended it because we had a short yet painful row. I was under extreme stress and pressure from many things. Big and small. Also going through a mental breakdown. My mind and heart could not cope with the argument. She said things and didn't say things that made no sense. The final blow was when she said if you cannot take responsibility we have nothing. A powerful statement and a knife straight through my heart. In that moment I said that is it, the relationship is over, I am done, we are done and I am moving out. I also said not long after that, that we will not be sleeping together anymore. It's inappropriate, we are no longer together. I saw the look on her face of what I interpret as please do not abandon me. I have however stuck to it and we have not been sleeping together. I miss sleeping with her terribly to be honest. I did not want to end the relationship, I felt there was no longer any other choice. I went through something similar with her almost a month ago now. I was rebuilding my trust in her and the relationship as well as my safety. She promised that person would never come back. I actually do know she tried very very hard to keep that cruel, cutting, non-feeling person away. She is devastated that she has caused me such pain. I watch her struggle and want to help. I'm just scared to get hurt. Scared to trust. I feel like I am very protective of me. I still love her. There is lots to love and I miss her. I need to talk this out with someone.

Loz2192 Partner trusting issues
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m new to this but just thought I would give it a go I have been with my partner for 2 years...things were great at first but I do have trouble expressing my feelings to her... I do overthink a lot and create scenarios in my mind that then leads... View more

Hi, I’m new to this but just thought I would give it a go I have been with my partner for 2 years...things were great at first but I do have trouble expressing my feelings to her... I do overthink a lot and create scenarios in my mind that then leads to me not trusting her or thinking she is not telling me the truth about some things I do suffer with anxiety and depression also so that does play a part in my over thinking just wondering if anyone has been like this and what have they done to over come this

Jasanic_Bible Post-school loneliness
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I graduated from year twelve back in November. It was probably the happiest time of my life thus far. I'd finished with some of the highest grades in my cohort, and virtually everyone respected me. But I've struggled my whole life with social... View more

Hi all, I graduated from year twelve back in November. It was probably the happiest time of my life thus far. I'd finished with some of the highest grades in my cohort, and virtually everyone respected me. But I've struggled my whole life with socialisation, in large part due to my ASD. I managed to get the number of friends I'd liked, but I wasn't particularly close to any of them. An opportunity came up for a relationship the day after my formal, when one of my friends asked me if I liked her. But ever since I was 15, I've struggled to have any romantic feeling for girls. I don't know why this happened, and I've been seeing a psychologist about the matter. I decided I'd try the relationship. But because I struggled to feel that much for her, I wasn't very affectionate with her. The struggle to maintain the relationship exacerbated my anxiety to levels that were hard to bear, and made it harder to feel anything for her. I found out two days ago that she's dating someone else now. I feel like a mess frankly. Now she's giving me the cold shoulder, though I didn't do anything wrong to her. I'm going to try to maintain my friendship with her, but I can tell it will not be easy at all. I haven't been able to find anything to do with most of my old friends from school. In most cases, we only communicate via Messenger when I initiate the conversation, which would seem to indicate to me that they meant more to me than I to them. One of my friends is in the same friendship group as my ex-date, which makes it difficult at the moment to do anything with him because she doesn't want to see me currently. It's my third week into university, though starting there has only made me feel more isolated. Due to the structure of the classes, it is nigh impossible to make friends within them. No one from my old school is going to the same campus as me. I also work casually as a delivery driver at Domino's. Due to the fact that I'm out of store most of the time and the fast-paced nature of the job, I don't feel able to connect with anyone there. School was my only real friendship base, and I have nothing else, besides my brother. But the fact that he's family compounds the problem, because he's not a friendship that I had to work to get. I feel more lonely now than ever before, and I don't know how to get out of it. There's not much potential to maintain my old friendships, and, as far as I can see, not much to make new ones. Any help would be appreciated.

Lost27 2nd relationship confused
  • replies: 10

Hello everyone, I hope someone can help me out. If you have read my last threads my last relationship ended badly. He was very emotionally and verbally abusive. He wasnt very nice towards the end. I have anxiety and depression so with what he did mad... View more

Hello everyone, I hope someone can help me out. If you have read my last threads my last relationship ended badly. He was very emotionally and verbally abusive. He wasnt very nice towards the end. I have anxiety and depression so with what he did made things much worse. But during the relationship it I felt like I was on cloud 9. Everything felt perfect and so much emotion and everything felt amazing. He made me feel like I was worthy of everything. He made me, me now I know he was very manipulative because we would fight and say it was my fault and it would be my fault. But when we fought it was the worst hurt ever then we would make up it would be the best. It felt like a rollercoaster like a high after we fought. It felt like the honeymoon phase all the time. We where together for 3byears. Anyway about a yearish after we broke up I found someone and he treats me so well. He isnt perfect and we have had our ups and downs but no one is perfect. I know I love him I know that. I have talked to my therapist about that feeling I had with my ex and I know it wasnt completely healthy. But I am unsure whether or not you are meant to feel that excitement and happiness like I did with my ex. With my now bf I can be myself, happy or sad in front of him without feeling bad, if i am upset at him or want to share my emotions i can without getting blamed or told its my fault. I love spending time with him. I know my anxiety and depression takes over sometimes if I forget to take my meds and that's probably the reason I am wrighting this right now because once it's in my head it wont leave and it just rolls and rolls over and over in my head. So I am trying to figure out that I know I love him but do I love love him. Should I be feeling how I o felt with my ex. That feeling of high and every second of the day I loved him to death and he was my everything without him I felt like nothing Because I dont feel that with my bf now. It feels different. I feel content and happy and just love being with him and cuddling and kissing and everything. Just feels even and get. So I dont know if I am just thinking this way because he was my first relationship and he was abusive and that's all i know I'm very unsure. I really hope this makes sense, please help me

Pippa_thebold Parents - controlling my relationship
  • replies: 8

Hello Everyone, I am 19f. I have recently begun a relationship with someone who is slightly older (>4 years old) than me. I currently study full-time and work part-time, due to this I live at home with my parents. My parents, have 'told' me that they... View more

Hello Everyone, I am 19f. I have recently begun a relationship with someone who is slightly older (>4 years old) than me. I currently study full-time and work part-time, due to this I live at home with my parents. My parents, have 'told' me that they don't like this person that I am seeing because of their lifestyle choices. However, these lifestyle choice don't effect my in any way, and my partner has since made a change towards those choice. Despite this, my parents have told me that I am not allowed to see my partner and I am not allowed to talk to my partner. I have reached out to my parents many times to sit and talk with my partner but my partners have threaten violence towards my partner if they ever see them I want to be with my partner, as they make me unbelievably happy and being with them makes me forget about the stresses of life. However, I am unsure of what to do in this situation. I am worried if I move out my parents will no longer speak to me and I'll be stranded on a low income job, trying to work my way through a university degree. Please help!

LadyCath Heartbreak with anxiety, depression and a pannic disorder
  • replies: 1

I don't know where to start but I'll try to keep it short-ish. I tend to waffle. Came out of a marraige when I was 33, it was over for a long time before we got divorced so it wasn't something I had to grieve. We are still close friends but we had di... View more

I don't know where to start but I'll try to keep it short-ish. I tend to waffle. Came out of a marraige when I was 33, it was over for a long time before we got divorced so it wasn't something I had to grieve. We are still close friends but we had different ideas on life and he didn't love me like I did him. I also didn't find him sexually attractive in any stretch of the imagination. So yeah, was a bit of a shambles. lol. But we came out of it relatively unscathed, no help needed thankflly. No regrets. 34 and I found a new man, eventually moved in together. Exactly what every girl (well, me) had dreamed of A tradie. Tall as, red head, big shoulders, firm botto.. ok I'm becoming carried away. He's a looker, polite, kind, wonderful family, sosilly and not afraid to be so and has a strong stable job and no issue finding another if he needs to change jobs as he used to fifo. And He adored me. Well. I thought so... 36 and the world went to shit. For me. Now, turns out 12 months before my 36th birthday he noticed I'd told him I loved him and my feelings progressed but his didn't. He liked me, found me attractive but that spark didn't grow. So he thought maybe it was time he needed. He'd been in some bad relationships in the past and thought he needed more time. Nope. Even an overseas trip didn't do it. By the tie it came around to Christmas I noticed he'd become more distant and just wasn't into the intimacy like he used to be. But I put it down to his work and life stresses. January (My birthday is eaarly december, so we are now in January of this year and I am 36) and he pulls away entirely. I have a health issue at the beginning of the year and he becomes so distant itmade recovery hard. He finally spilled the beans one night. Told me how he's been in agony for almost the whole year, just hoping his feelings grow yet his heart breaking at the same time because I am seeking intimacy and he doesn't want to because he feels it was leading me on, hence why he tried so hard to pull away but was totally shit scared of telling me in the fear I would rip his head off his shoulders. We also want different things in life. He's driven by money, I'm driven by happiness.. and let me say the two often don't mesh. Now he's lucky I am a realist and a talker before I am emotional (my fight or flight is strong when it comes to othersbeing hurting too). We had LONG talks about it. I don't blame him and I feel so bad that he's been trying for so long. I feel bad because he feels bad for hurting me. BUT The event aside. I am so heart broken. There's no words. So I suffer from depression, anxiety and pannic attacks. All diagnosed. The depression I can work with, anxiety I can do. It's the pannic attacks I can't.. I moved out. I've been in the new place a week now and if I see something unpacking that reminds me of him I either cry hysterically for 2 days or go into mass pannic attack. as in days long pannic. As in effects me working pannic. What makes me pannic is the idea of him wanting to try again. What if he turns up one day and wants to giveit another shot. I'm so hurt by all this I have no words. Our relationship was anything but perfect and if .. IF through some divinemagic we got back together there's got to besome changes in the way he treats me. The common sense part of my brain, the realist in me, says and knows it won't happen. We talked at length about how there's no point pushing forth when it'll hurtus in the long run and possibly ruin the friendship we have somehow retained. BUT the pannic and anxiety and depression got togetherin my head and have this little piuty party telling me that he'll want me back, that i'll buckle and shit will go back to how itwas on our worst days and I'll be a ducking miserable, useless, worthless human being (did i mention I also have low self esteem). Can someone please tell me that things get better. I'm impaitent. I want to not feel hurt in my chest every time I see a text from him or a photo. I want to not freak out and pannic whenhe has to drop some of my things overthat I missed packing. I want to be out of this stupid grieving process. I've gonefrom depression to anger to complete denial. Denial sucks hairy bottoms. I don't want to go back on meds. I've been off medication for 2 years. After 10 years on. My god this hurts. Some days I'd sell my right leg for a weeks worth just to help me get through. Combine all this shiz with the covid19 virus and not knowing weather i'll be working the next week .. I'm a casual retailer. No pay for me. I really really liked him. Really. REALLY. We were taking marraige and kids and fixing the house together. My white picket fence dream coming true. Now I wonder in my late 30s if anyone will truly love me. Am I loveable? My greatest fear si to growold woth no children. All I have EVER wanted is to have kids and be married. I did the marraige and now, once again, no man, tickig clock and no children (endometriosis, so yeah, clock ticking for me). Does the hurt stop.