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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bliss72 Feeling Lost and Confused
  • replies: 7

A week ago my partner of 7 years asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and he doesn't know how to get it back. He said he is unhappy and that we need to work on ourselves to get back to a good place before... View more

A week ago my partner of 7 years asked for a break as we have been having a few problems. He says the spark is gone and he doesn't know how to get it back. He said he is unhappy and that we need to work on ourselves to get back to a good place before we concentrate on us. I moved out and I am feeling more alone confused and hurt then ever. I love him more than anything and want to make it work as we have so much in common and have so many good memories together. Our intimacy did go down the drain due to a few bad things happening in my life and he was always there for me. Our parting ways is for about 6mths which is what he asked for. I want to hold onto hope but it hurts so much.

Shannelle Living with my BIL is creating tension, anger and anxiety
  • replies: 5

My husband and I recently eloped, and a few weeks before the elopement he said that his brother from overseas was wanting to live in Melbourne, and that he said we would let him live with us. I was so shocked and against the idea from the beginning, ... View more

My husband and I recently eloped, and a few weeks before the elopement he said that his brother from overseas was wanting to live in Melbourne, and that he said we would let him live with us. I was so shocked and against the idea from the beginning, but my now husband comes from a traditional family helps family upbringing and he didn't really allow me room to discuss fully, and before we knew it, his brother was living with us. Fast forward to 2 months later and my brother in law, 19, now is living in our spare room. He is respectful, quiet and a little bit reclusive and awkward. He has applied for jobs online but other then that he spends 24/7 in his room, sleeps in until 3pm, wakes up and plays video games, assumes when i cook its for him and doesn't leave the house unless its with me or my husband. As context, I am a product of my environment, and my house is my sacred place. Before BIL moved in, my husband and I were happy with little arguments and my anxiety, stress and overall mental well being was the best it had been in a while. Now that my brother in law lives with us, everything has came crashing down hard. I'm irritated, anxious and my husband and I argue about him living here every single day. I've asked my husband on numerous occasions to give him a set date to move out, to give him house rules to follow - simple ones such as cook your own food, contribute to house work, don't spend all day in you room etc His brother has issues of his own, but this was another reason I was against him moving here, as we work full time, and we don't have the capacity to nurture and school him through adolescence. My husband comes from a history of mental health issues too, and I know that this is something I see in his brother everyday, but it's rarely discussed. I'm at my wits end. Every day I'm irritated - irritated at my husband for allowing this and irritated at the situation. I'm scared that if this is not resolved, I will want to end my short lived marriage and I'm even MORE scared that even after this event in our lives is gone, I will still be angry that my husband allowed this to go on, knowing very well how I felt and how it was affecting me, his brother and our relationship. If he only thought about the consequences this could have all been avoided and I feel a better outcome for everyone. His brother can't find a job, so he is looking to move home, but again there is no set dates or hard lines here. Suggestions welcome.

Lost27 Healthy relationship feelings, unsure?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, So I have never been in a healthy relationship till the one I'm in now. I have a few questions. Firstly what should or do other people feel in such a relationship? Because sometimes I feel as though I could be without him or when we fig... View more

Hey everyone, So I have never been in a healthy relationship till the one I'm in now. I have a few questions. Firstly what should or do other people feel in such a relationship? Because sometimes I feel as though I could be without him or when we fight I'm fine if we just broke up or maybe I'm looking for a way out? I'm not sure. I know i have trust issues because of my last relationship so i dont know of i am just over thinking and just trying to get out of it or we shouldn't be together. Because i love being around him, i see a future, I want to move in with him and love cuddling etc but then I dont know where these feelings of I guess if we broke up I could see myself with someone else etc. So half so me is like i love him and hate that I'm feeling this than half of me is like i probably dont actully love him and dont want to be with him. I don't know of I should feel more pull or being content and happy is corrwct? I also have anxiety and depression. Thank you

Ahjlees Sick with Anxiety!
  • replies: 10

Hi, So I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now and I feel that I’m at my breaking point and honestly don’t know what to do. I have been helping some friends of mine care for their son and have been going over every few weeks for up to 3 days si... View more

Hi, So I’ve been struggling with this for awhile now and I feel that I’m at my breaking point and honestly don’t know what to do. I have been helping some friends of mine care for their son and have been going over every few weeks for up to 3 days since he was about 5 days old. Very early on they offered me a thank you present, in the form of an overseas holiday. I was very hesitant but accepted and life went on. Several months later, I was informed that they had invited someone else along without talking to me and was a bit putt off but again didn’t say anything (turns out that was a wonderful thing as we are now dating). A few weeks after that, they purchased tickets and it’s been an on going drama ever since. They asked me after the tickets were bought if I was ok to pay for my own accomodation, something they originally offered to do. I agreed but a few months ago realised that I couldn’t actually afford this trip, asked if we could look at cheaper accomodation and subsequently found out that they had been expecting me, my now boyfriend and the other person coming to pay for one of their accomodation. There has been a lot of problems surrounding changing to cheaper accomodation and after heated discussions or angry words that leave me feeling like I’m a horrible person and that I don’t matter to them, in equal measure, they act like nothing has happened. I’ve also become aware that they are talking about things to do with or that concern me to my boyfriend, instead of to me. I called them both out on it and asked them to stop; one ignored me completely and continued doing it and the other claimed they didn’t know what I was talking about. I’ve really been riddled with anxiety over this as our friendship is now incredibly strained, with them going periods without talking to me and in return I don’t really communicate with them. To worrying if I can actually afford this trip, to me being unwell and feeling even more so about this whole thing. I want to go on this holiday, especially with my boyfriend as it will be our first overseas trip together and first holiday longer than 2 days but I can just imagine it being very uncomfortable for all involved and a waste of money if none of us enjoy it. I honestly don’t know what to do or if I should go and as we are meant to be leaving early next year, I have little time to decide. I’m completely overwhelmed.

Whiterose Lost
  • replies: 1

Hi, First post and I hope I make sense. My husband was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression, Anxiety and now he is being counselled for sex addiction. I am a stay at home Mum with 4 young children. All under 11. My husband has moved out and wants t... View more

Hi, First post and I hope I make sense. My husband was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression, Anxiety and now he is being counselled for sex addiction. I am a stay at home Mum with 4 young children. All under 11. My husband has moved out and wants to never have a relationship ever again. I don’t know what to do. I am trying to move on and get back to work but given I have been out of work for so long I am aware that I will be working unsociable hours. Which means I need help with care and at this stage my husband is not capable (his words). I had one appointment with a psychologist who told me there is nothing he can do to help me. I have no family support for helping with kids so I’m lost with what to do next. I am trying to give my husband space to see his medical team. But it is hard to do all this with out getting him to understand that he still has a responsibility to help with the children. Everything I have read is about giving him space to get help and that my need for help is unfair on him. I’m stuck between my love and care for him to get better and my need to feed and keep a roof over our heads. I don’t want to lose my husband but I get that I need to let him decide if he wants that himself. I know that people have been in worse situations than me so I guess I’m hoping for some understanding in all this. Thanks for reading. I apologise if I come across as selfish in all this.

Janey42 I feel so alone :(
  • replies: 4

Hello, my name is Jane. I'm 47 years old, married (17 years) with a 12 year old son. Life throughout my 47 years has been far from happy and pain free. I have lived with a rare skin disorder since birth, have been severely bullied throughout my schoo... View more

Hello, my name is Jane. I'm 47 years old, married (17 years) with a 12 year old son. Life throughout my 47 years has been far from happy and pain free. I have lived with a rare skin disorder since birth, have been severely bullied throughout my school years, been physically abused by my father and have a strained relationship with my sister. I have gone through life with struggle after struggle. In 2014, I had a major emotional breakdown after being let off from my job that I loved and had dedicated 14 years of my life to. Since then, I have struggled with life as I know it. I have never had too many friends however, the handful of friends I do have, all live a far distance away from me so I don't get to see them. Since I married in Oct 2003, my life had improved slightly. The first two years were amazing and happy, then all of a sudden, things came crashing down majorly. My husband has always had issues with his heart however, in 2018 he was diagnosed with having end stage heart failure. The last 2 years have been the worst years EVER for my family! As a result, my son has major behavioural issues because of his fathers illness and has been violent toward me on several occasions. Even the job I currently have (which I love) is at risk because of all the issues I have in my personal life. I'm really scared that history is going to repeat itself and I will lose this job as well. I feel really alone and am struggling to cope with life. I would appreciate if anyone would like to be my friend, because I really need one right now! Thanks

Liz25 Broken relationship with my Mum
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting here. Im having a really hard time at the moment. My mum is no longer talking to me and has asked me to move out and live with my grandparents, she has blocked my number and refuses to have any communication... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting here. Im having a really hard time at the moment. My mum is no longer talking to me and has asked me to move out and live with my grandparents, she has blocked my number and refuses to have any communication with me. In order to make sense I guess I need to explain why. My mum absolutely despises my relationship with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. Prior to our relationship we were both in relationships. He was in a very unhappy marriage that resulted in a divorce and I was in a relationship with someone for 5 years with whom my mum absolutely loved and adored despite the fact he was emotionally and mentally abusive towards me. She would refer to him as "the son she never had". I met met my current boyfriend a while ago through my family as our dads were business partners. We bonded extremely well and we started as friends. We would console each other and eventually him and I formed a romantic relationship. Unfortunately a few months down the track my current partners father passed away. Long story short things got ugly between families, because unfortunately money makes people ugly. From then on my mum made an extra effort to make sure I never saw him. They would track my phone to see where I was going, they would follow my car to see if I was meeting him, I would be verbally abused and called a home wrecker. Very long story short, I ended up moving to my grandparents and because I was gone for a while my mum became desperate to get me back that she decided to tell me that if he makes me happy then I am welcome to bring him over. I brought him over and things were fine for a little while but then my mum started taking digs at him. He could never do anything right, everything he did annoyed her, she would constantly say he's trying to take me away from my family (which he wasnt, if anything I started to pull away because I was tired of the comments). My boyfriend and my mum spoke together one day for hours and they seemed to come to an agreement, my boyfriend told her that he hopes she never starts an argument again. He even told her that if she wants him to walk away from me to let him know now. She said she didnt want him to. Months down the track my mum started to pick things again, my boyfriend found out and confronted her. He was tired of it all. She told me to choose between her and my boyfriend. I dont want to choose. So she has kicked me out. Any help would be great?

eleanoraf18 Can trust come back? (Cyber cheating)
  • replies: 2

So, I moved to Australia from England last January which was a massive thing for me& in Feb I started dating an Australian guy who I'd met on tinder. We straight away clicked & both fell in love quickly. He was always very loving of me, always compli... View more

So, I moved to Australia from England last January which was a massive thing for me& in Feb I started dating an Australian guy who I'd met on tinder. We straight away clicked & both fell in love quickly. He was always very loving of me, always complimenting, telling me I could do so much better & that he couldn't believe I liked him. I always felt that maybe he didn't trust my feelings towards him. Altho they were definitely real. After dating him for a while, we both realised each others insecurities. Hes a very underconfident man with not many friends (due to social anxiety)This caused a few arguments. Usually a lack of communication/not realising the other was feeling sad/taking things personally. Despite this, we got on really well, have very similar interests, humour etc. When we were having good days we were having really good days! He made me feel special &I could tell I did too. We lived together which probably was probably a bit of a bad rush decision. Anyway, a few months on, I realised that if I wanted to stay in Australia, Id need to do 3 months farm work. This decision caused tension in our relationship. Working @ a farm meant that I had to live at a hostel about 1hr away from him which he found very hard. Especially knowing I was living with other guys who I got on really well with. I could tell he was jealous/insecure about it but never really said anything. He'd see photos of me having a good time with them during the week & when I came back on the weekends there would be so much pressure for us to have a great time so we often ended up arguing again. 1 week, it got really bad between us that we almost broke up. & 1 night when I was back at his, I saw on his phone that he had tinder again & sent messages to girls in the last week, whenever he was drunk. Obviously this left me very upset,I ended things straight away. He promised me he never actually met anyone in real life, only had it for the last weeks when things were really rocky between us. His reasoning was cos he felt he needed some extra reassurance from another source as he felt he wasnt getting it from me anymore. He felt a break up was imminent &felt I was having more fun at the hostel. I still love him,I know he loves me. Despite what he did. Hes 100% suffered for it. But do I believe that it was related to his mental health/insecurities/trust issues? He's broken my trust but is it worth trying to forgive him& try again? Can any1 give me any advice on this pls? I feel lost

ReeCar123 How can I support my partner to overcome relationship anxiety?
  • replies: 4

Hi, my partner and I have had a really beautiful time together, a few weeks ago he finalised his separation from his ex-wife (he had difficulties letting go of the perception of false safety but they had been separated for a year and he had called it... View more

Hi, my partner and I have had a really beautiful time together, a few weeks ago he finalised his separation from his ex-wife (he had difficulties letting go of the perception of false safety but they had been separated for a year and he had called it quits). Since the finalisation of the separation, he is suffering from anxiety, mild depression and racing thoughts all the time. We have had to dial our relationship back to the very beginning, i.e. only see each other rarely, have little date nights, are intimate but he is terrified of staying over or travelling with me (although we had already done all of that plenty of times). I have read up a lot and I am trying to be understanding, comforting and positive to show him with every bit of interaction that he can trust me and the relationship. But I wonder, is there any more I could do to support him? He is seeing a psych to deal with childhood trauma which has very much brought forward the relationship anxiety and unhealthy withdrawal patterns he applied in his past relationship. So he is actively seeking to work through it to be able to have a healthy relationship going forward. He is also actively challenging his fears by spending time with me instead of going to his "safe routine" as he did the past few weeks. I think that is great and I give him positive feedback on that. But I wish I could do more to allow him to relax and trust. Also, do you have any other tips on how he could calm his mind down? He has racing thoughts, feels he is overwhelmed, doesn't sleep well etc. He knows of mindfulness but does not always practise it or it doesn't work so well. Are there any great tips he could employ? I know he will get through this in time but I wish I could help him get through it a bit more easily. Any tips would be very welcome! Thank you.

Adenium Best Friend Lost Touch with Reality
  • replies: 3

My best friend is over 1000km away so I cannot check up on her. She is late 40s and lives with her disabled son and elderly mother and is somewhat isolated. For the past week she has progressively lost touch with reality, shutting even her family out... View more

My best friend is over 1000km away so I cannot check up on her. She is late 40s and lives with her disabled son and elderly mother and is somewhat isolated. For the past week she has progressively lost touch with reality, shutting even her family out. She is saying she is hearing voices and must shut down to concentrate on the voices and is receiving messages about her death and the current viral situation. She says she is mesiah and needs to to save the world. I'm at a loss as to what I do, as a support person. I cannot travel as there is border closures, I would in a heartbeat if there was the possibility I could help in any way? I am not sure why I am posting, I have said to her I am here when she is ready to reconnect but it's so sad and stressful to just be a bystander and not know what and if I can do anything. She has told me multiple times (including when she was well) she is not bipolar even though I never ever questioned her. Is there anything I can do?