Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

JuliaJuly Staying or leaving - what is worse?
  • replies: 10

You all must have heard 1000 versions of this story by now. But I'm hoping to get some insights, maybe, to help me along my road wherever it leads. My husband and I have been married for 10 years - we started dating at 23, got married at 25; no kids.... View more

You all must have heard 1000 versions of this story by now. But I'm hoping to get some insights, maybe, to help me along my road wherever it leads. My husband and I have been married for 10 years - we started dating at 23, got married at 25; no kids. Over the past year I have unexpectedly found myself at a fork in my emotional road and I don't know how to look at it to progress from here. He had issues with depression (due to trauma) before we met. But we were so happy our first few years. When he was diagnosed with an at the time seemingly terminal illness, his depression returned. He won the battle for his life, but his depression came back and never fully let up again. He hasn't worked since a year before our wedding. I was always okay with that. I never minded being the financial provider. But in the long run it turns out it isn't 'just' about income. He has no passions for anything. He has no hobbies or interests that keep him engaged with life to any extent. No friends or desire to make any. He has no ambitions - no dreams or goals. It's intensified after his illness. I appear to be the only thing that keeps him engaged in life. Not because I think I'm great - but because he's literally said so. He has had suicidal episodes and has stated what keeps him from doing it is the thought of me being sad and alone if he ends his life. He will not get professional help. He tried it for me twice, both times didn't work out, and now he just refuses. He truly just sits at home all day waiting for me to come home. I love him. I still want to grow old with him. He is more than the sum of his suffering. I love his soul. The trauma he experienced in his life was thrust onto him - as his partner, I have always felt that what happens to him, should happen to me; we are a team. But I am also starting to feel more and more suffocated. Though I am not sure if I would be happier alone - how can I know? What would I regret more, staying or leaving? For a year now I've been going back and forth between growing old with the man I love and simply just not living the life I wanted (travel, adventures, excitement - which he knew I craved in life when we met)... or leaving and dealing with the no doubt grim consequences for us both (I don't WANT to lose my best friend). I have nobody to talk to - I do not want friends and family to get involved. Could you offer me perspective... is my line of thought reasonable? Is it selfish of me to not want to live like this?

Guest_4653 Partner using pornography 
  • replies: 5

Currently hes in forced 2wk air travel quarantine through work again 5th time now, International FIFO worker and the associated Alpha male in his work place make up. I swear he must think I'm stupid - (deaf blind and stupid) Hes a repeat offender, an... View more

Currently hes in forced 2wk air travel quarantine through work again 5th time now, International FIFO worker and the associated Alpha male in his work place make up. I swear he must think I'm stupid - (deaf blind and stupid) Hes a repeat offender, and now the side effects of premium webcam access the repeated purchasing of download credit, the weird bitcoin, erectile dysfunction, married woman looking to flirt, hook up now emails in the junk box. Multiple devises for here and there, phones, computers, ipads, email addresses and apps. To check his devices pointless they are wiped clean - right back to a reboot status on arriving home. From last time it was established normal to look at, no big thing everyone does it - whats my problem. The once active sex drive now minimalism. I have discussed it before and wouldn't again, but I'm so sad, I feel like a ball of screwed up glad wrap, its humiliating, and the comments it's addictive don't help. When he's home, its a flow on effect of the cant put the device down addiction - any device within reach 24/7 It's being watched and self gratification attained while I am asleep (not asleep) right next to him, our daughter was asleep at the bottom of the bed one night. Does he not realize I'm the same person doing the clothes washing finding this! First thing in the morning in the loo, progress to shower - yes busted there there and there too. Middle of the day on the verandah smoking, in the car while waiting for me to grab some groceries. Total consumption. I feel I have offered, supplied, made available very enthusiastically, supported, listened, stroked ego, toned up, I fear this will desensitize the ongoing 'webcam porn' prostitution to 'in person' prostitute. This is totally consuming me till I am hollow. My once healthy self respect, perceived happy body image and intelligent piece of mind now melted. I feel my respect for him diminished. I cant stand him touching our children with those same hands. Where do you go, who do you talk to, is this even a thing people can help me with.

redstar I cheated, I cant live with myself. Ive lost all my friends and I dont know where to turn.
  • replies: 9

None of the following excuses me from what I did. I jumped into a relationship with a partner who loved me a lot. I wasn't 100% wanting a serious relationship as I had just gotten out of an abusive situation and had spent the proceeding months before... View more

None of the following excuses me from what I did. I jumped into a relationship with a partner who loved me a lot. I wasn't 100% wanting a serious relationship as I had just gotten out of an abusive situation and had spent the proceeding months before I met this girl just jumping from one none serious thing to the next. Life being what it is it turned into a relationship and quickly became more serious than I had planned. She moved in to escape her home life and we spent a year living in a bungalow (1 Room with no personal space for either of us) She didn't have a job and I had to drive her everywhere and this made her dependent on me. Which makes me feel worse about all of this. It all came to a head when I panicked and looked outside of the relationship in an effort to not feel trapped like I had been in my last situation. I should never of done it and I should of been more open from the start. I had just developed such a deep fear of confrontation and being alone. I never cheated physically beyond one kiss the rest was digital flirting and so on. Still horrible and low behavior but I'm just kinda clarifying for my own sake I suppose. A very long story cut short by a character limit basically leads to her finding out and dumping me (fair enough) But since then I've been wracked with guilt. All my friends who didn't really even know her just took her side, blocking me and shunning me without so much as a goodbye. All this combined has left me feeling alone and unlovable. Im not sure how much longer I can hang in there. Is there any advice for coping with this guilt? Any advice is well and truly appreciated. I know I did wrong and I vow never to be that person again but is there a way that I can move on from this? Become better? Do I deserve to move on? Does this stain me forever?

FlowerLover Pregnant and Struggling with a Stubborn Toddler
  • replies: 4

Hello. Sometimes I don't like the person I have become since becoming a mum a few years ago. I was always a patient person. Now I lose my patience so quickly with my toddler who just refuses every step of the day - getting undressed, using the potty,... View more

Hello. Sometimes I don't like the person I have become since becoming a mum a few years ago. I was always a patient person. Now I lose my patience so quickly with my toddler who just refuses every step of the day - getting undressed, using the potty, getting dressed, brushing teeth, getting in the car seat, getting out of the car, getting in the bath, washing with soap, washing his hair, getting dressed, having a nappy change, going to sleep.. literally every step of the day is a battle and I am so over it. It's been like this for so many months. He doesn't listen to me ever, I have to say his name multiple times before I get a response, the other day we went for a walk and I was getting him to stop at every driveway but then he went ahead and almost got hit by a car reversing out of their driveway while I was screaming his name and stop, with no reaction from him but the driver of the car heard me and stopped. I'm taking him to the GP this week to have his hearing checked and discuss these things but I feel like I just have a strong willed toddler with selective hearing. I am having my second in a couple of weeks and I don't know how I am going to cope with the struggle that is the new born phase while dealing with my toddler. I feel angry or sad more often than I'd like and sometimes I'm just not the parent I thought I would be or want to be, and just miss my old life of freedom and peacefulness. Any coping tips/ services/ ideas would be greatly appreciated. I just want to be in a healthier mental state so I can be a better mum and not lose my patience so quickly. Thanks in advance.

Jojo1985 Looking after 2 girls.
  • replies: 3

Hi. This is the 1st time I have ever reached out. My daughter who is 2 has a heart condition and she is deaf and I have a 5 month old. I know I am a good mum, but we do speech therapy activities and we live in Melbourne and have been in lock down for... View more

Hi. This is the 1st time I have ever reached out. My daughter who is 2 has a heart condition and she is deaf and I have a 5 month old. I know I am a good mum, but we do speech therapy activities and we live in Melbourne and have been in lock down for so long now and I am over it. I am finding I am getting frustrated easier and I'm scared that 1 day I will snap. I would never hurt my daughter's, but when you have been in lock down for months and are not allowed to see family. On top of everything she had open heart surgery and cochlear surgery done for her ear and my brother inlaw passed away a month ago of a heart attack at 36. I just would like to talk to someone please.

Mr K New relationship while separated, very complicated landscape.
  • replies: 5

Sometimes you just have no control over timing and for me I've fallen for a wonderful woman pre divorce. My relationship with my ex is over and we are currently co-parenting 50/50 our two little girls. Since separating I've met and begun a relationsh... View more

Sometimes you just have no control over timing and for me I've fallen for a wonderful woman pre divorce. My relationship with my ex is over and we are currently co-parenting 50/50 our two little girls. Since separating I've met and begun a relationship with another woman. Although the timing isn't ideal I really feel that we are meant to be together and share many common interests. She is a single mother to one child and is self sufficient, intelligent and very caring. Obviously this year has been a challenging one for more than one reason but my new relationship has been extremely rewarding and I really want this to work out. I don't want to upset my children or my immediate family so to this point my new relationship has been very much a secret from them. This is very different to my new partner as she has been very upfront and honest with her own family. I don't know how to begin the transition, how to tell my family, how to introduce the kids? I'm terrified that my extended family who I'm heavily relying on for childcare and assistance with drop off/ pickups will withdraw that help when they find out. I'm really genuinely trying to do the right thing for us all and just for once including myself (I want to be happy too). I know in an ideal world I should have waited for my divorce to be finalised but you just can't help when and who you fall in love. So to be very clear: I share care of my own beautiful kids 50/50 and they are my world. I share 50/50 costs of our old family home (MY ex still lives there). I pay the child support im asked for every time I'm renting a unit owned by my Mother in Law (At this stage we still have a good relationship) I rely heavily on assistance from my ex wife's Aunt (We have at this stage a good relationship) What should I do now? How do I go about making this right/work so that we can all move forward?

anders Am I overreacting?
  • replies: 2

Hi - Ive been dealing with this on my own the past few months and I just dont know how to deal with it anymore. Here's the background: I have a boyfriend that I have been with for the past 7 years. Our relationship is complicated - he's divorced with... View more

Hi - Ive been dealing with this on my own the past few months and I just dont know how to deal with it anymore. Here's the background: I have a boyfriend that I have been with for the past 7 years. Our relationship is complicated - he's divorced with kids. When we first started going out (I was 28), he was still going through his divorce process. There were moments where he would freak out and break it off, and then times when I would freak out having to try and explain this to my parents. Anyways, years passed - my sister got engaged and we still hadn't progressed (neither of us had met eachothers parents). We broke it off in 2016, I moved to Europe and we got back together, then broke it off again in early 2018. I moved back to Australia, he moved here and we got back together again mid-2018. So I helped him settle here and we spent lots of time together. Then in October 2019, he broke it off with me saying he didn't want to get married anymore or have kids with me. I was shocked and devastated - I kept asking why and he kept saying our relationship failed because of me. This continued on for 4 months (till Feb 2020) - until I found out that the weekend after he broke it off with me, he went out with another girl. And all the while he was gaslighting me that I was the reason our relationship failed even stating that he would rather be alone than with me - and I felt so guilty and went into depression because of it - while those 4 months he was seeing another girl. During those months, I asked him if there was someone else - which he kept saying no. So eventually I find out about this girl and Feb and confronted him - he couldn't even be honest about it saying it started only 2 weeks ago. Anyways, in March he went to see a therapist because he realised he didnt like who he was becoming - he didnt even tell the girl he was married with kids but just led her on. So he came to me asking for forgiveness - and we should try again. So after a few weeks, I said ok. He then said he would be honest and tell me all I wanted to know. But there were some things of what he said that didnt add up - I had stalked the girl and she had put photos up of all the weekends she went away - while he was saying he wasnt with her on those weekends, but gut instincts tell me otherwise. He's still hiding things from me and when I tell him my issues and concerns and doubts - he yells, gets mad and threatens to leave me - like as if I'm the crazy one?

AbeWilliam I want to seperate but my wife doesn’t
  • replies: 4

Without going into too much detail, I have committed to leaving my wife for lots of reasons but ultimately I am unhappy and have been for a long time. i told my wife today that I want to seperate but she won’t accept it. She says I’m destroying our f... View more

Without going into too much detail, I have committed to leaving my wife for lots of reasons but ultimately I am unhappy and have been for a long time. i told my wife today that I want to seperate but she won’t accept it. She says I’m destroying our family(we have 2.5yr old) she says I’m being selfish, she is begging me to stay. I’m trying to leave but I don’t know how. she even went as far as saying she is going to kill her self. I don’t think she will but she is making it hard for me to leave. do I just pack my things and go? What if she won’t let me see my son. sorry for a vague question.

Alexandra108 I can’t help but feel insecure about my boyfriend’s open use and he says he’s sick of having to justify it
  • replies: 1

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I know that he watches porn and he said he would cut down a while ago. But since then he’s had profiles of girls on Facebook up which are provocative or tabs open of porn when I’m arou... View more

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years now and I know that he watches porn and he said he would cut down a while ago. But since then he’s had profiles of girls on Facebook up which are provocative or tabs open of porn when I’m around and I’ve gotten upset. I’ve tried to just condition myself into just thinking of sex in a different way and not viewing myself as special or the only one for him but I still feel really pathetic and ashamed of my body and my value when these situations occur. I’ve explained this to him and have tried to communicate that sex holds a lot of trauma for me from a past relationship where an ex would compare me to these people (Porn) and restrict what I could eat or if I wouldn’t do something tell me he would just drop me and find someone who would so I feel a lot of fear and shame already just being with someone intimately. But when I try to explain that I understand why he does it but it still makes me feel like I’m not enough and scared to be vulnerable he says he’s over having to justify himself and comfort me and that I’m draining and unreasonable and wouldn’t find someone who doesn’t watch porn so I just need to get over it. I’m also just already feeling insecure as he often makes a big deal out of telling me that he could be with anyone and that it is always a possibility. A friend of his recently told me he tells me this on purpose and that he thinks it’s important that I’m always aware that it isn’t for sure and keeps me putting in effort. But I feel like it’s putting me into a state of constant fear of just being dropped when something better comes along rather than being attentive. I just don’t know what to do because I’m really trying to just accept that whomever I am with won’t completely be satisfied with me. But it’s really hard and I just don’t feel hopeful about the future anymore. I use to be really idealistic almost to a fault and now I just don’t feel like I’m ever going to have a relationship where I’m enough for them and it really hurts. I just feel like I’m not allowed to feel how I feel and that me not being able to accept him watching porn is making him not want to be with me and that I need to just get over it. I feel ashamed that it bothers me and that I’m making him stressed but I can’t just shut off my initial feelings of shame in myself when this happens. I don’t know how to fix myself and not ruin my relationship. I wish I could just be okay with it.

Cara_Jan I was being used...
  • replies: 2

My "Best friend" had had a fight with her best friend and decided to hang out with me and my friend for the rest of the year! BUT... -------> She and (Her best friend) Tiana made up! I didn't mind at all. Of anything I was glad. But then They wouldnt... View more

My "Best friend" had had a fight with her best friend and decided to hang out with me and my friend for the rest of the year! BUT... -------> She and (Her best friend) Tiana made up! I didn't mind at all. Of anything I was glad. But then They wouldnt come near me kept ignoring me and-and.. I heard them talking about me! Im sure yous dont care but I have to get this out!!!!!!!!!!1