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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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LifetimeDreamer Feeling of safety after separation?
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, I have a question which confuses me. Is it normal after the finalisation of a separation that you feel a very strong need to have your safe space (e.g. at home)? My partner has recently finalised his marital separation (e.g. house packed... View more

Hi Everyone, I have a question which confuses me. Is it normal after the finalisation of a separation that you feel a very strong need to have your safe space (e.g. at home)? My partner has recently finalised his marital separation (e.g. house packed up etc.) and he had always felt safe in my place and stayed over many times (they were already separated and living separately then but not all finalised). But five weeks ago, when everything was finalised and she left, he kind of ended up suffering a lot emotionally. Not missing her but just the whole loss thing. Since then, he has been anxious about staying over at my place and so he always leaves in the evening when we see each other. He says it is nothing to do with me at all and that he really enjoys his time with me but then, all of a sudden, it is like a voice in his head says "Ok, it's time to go to your safe space at home now". And then he needs to leave shortly after because he becomes restless. Is that normal? I am scared that this is the new norm. We had trips away planned and had to cancel them because he is terrified of travelling with me. He would be fine to visit a friend and stay at his place but he's scared / uncomfortable staying overnight with me. I do not understand this. He is a fearful-avoidant attachment type currently working on childhood issues that probably caused him to fear vulnerability. But he doesn't understand himself why he feels like this although we had already done all these things. He isn't afraid of intimacy at all, he just does not feel comfortable staying overnight. I find this very hard because I don't understand and because I am scared that this will stay. Is it possible that he is just too emotionally overwhelmed and needs a bit more time to process everything? He is often emotionally drained, tired, lacking ability to concentrate, having a million thoughts, feeling like he constantly has chores waiting for him which makes him stressed... So I was just wondering if anyone can make sense of this for me. I am not pushing him at all but I am really scared that this will all stay in this strange new rut. Why does he need his safe space so urgently although he says he trusts me 100% and thanks me for my support all the time? I don't get it... he usually preferred being at my place over his because everything there reminded him of the failed marriage. Now it's like he is seeking it and he says, sometimes he just spends hours there in peace and silence. Is that it?

garp68 advice
  • replies: 1

need advice and help, going through a really hard time with my fiancé, we have 1 child together and 5 step kids, since our child was born I have become more jealous of her realationship we her kids, it has got to the point now where they resent me, w... View more

need advice and help, going through a really hard time with my fiancé, we have 1 child together and 5 step kids, since our child was born I have become more jealous of her realationship we her kids, it has got to the point now where they resent me, we a split up since last week, I am trying everything I can to get back together with her as I love her so much, I know I need to change how I am, please any advice

mishyg Separation - how have others financially afforded a new house
  • replies: 6

We are just in process of separating. Very early days. Still stuck under same roof due to covid. We are both reasonable earners and together we have a nice house. I would like to be able for one of us to move out. I don't know how we can afford to do... View more

We are just in process of separating. Very early days. Still stuck under same roof due to covid. We are both reasonable earners and together we have a nice house. I would like to be able for one of us to move out. I don't know how we can afford to do this though? Anyone with any experience or advice? Simply sell? Or buy out? Where does the party who buy's out get the money?? I feel quite naive. How does anyone who sells have enough deposit for each of you to get back on ladder??

Aussie_bloke Sad time
  • replies: 2

I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for around 15 years. And the last 8 months have been hard with health issues over the years,new job and 2 kids. I have found it very hard to manage life. recently my partner has told me she was seeing s... View more

I have been dealing with anxiety and depression for around 15 years. And the last 8 months have been hard with health issues over the years,new job and 2 kids. I have found it very hard to manage life. recently my partner has told me she was seeing someone else after I has recently proposed. I love her so much and she told me the truth because she relized she made a mistake. Our love for one another is greater then ever and all she wants is to marry me. I just can’t get out of my head sad and negative thoughts of almost losing her and that the guy took something away from me. I have never wanted anything more then to marry my partner. I have forgiven her and just want to move on.

Luna_L_ In denial : Mummy Dearest
  • replies: 4

I think I am being in denial of my personal issues. I’ve dealt with a lot over my life and starting university has being great however I can’t make friends ( being 1 year all alone) , no job ( trying but can’t get one ) and I can’t see a happy future... View more

I think I am being in denial of my personal issues. I’ve dealt with a lot over my life and starting university has being great however I can’t make friends ( being 1 year all alone) , no job ( trying but can’t get one ) and I can’t see a happy future and I’m burnt out ( probably failed a unit). I want to break free and heal however I don’t know if people would listen and help. These issues stem from my childhood and family ( I still live with them ). I realised there was a problem when I was 6/7 and I have to write about my family life at school. The school called CPS on my parents. Nothing was done, only received a warning phone call and then the school acted like I was still ok ( probably because i‘m Chinese ). They didn’t do enough for my well-being. It’s hard to live like this when my mother is literally Joan Crawford and my parents are sort of like Matilda’s parents. I know how asain parents are stereotyped to be strict and harsh ( damaging stereotype) but when you realise that other asain kids don’t have the same issues as you, there is a problem. And then in highschool, yet, nothing was done. Last few years of VCE, I’ve being to counselling at school which sucked and minimised my issues and I was treated like a little child. They didn’t have a talk with my mum the first thing they knew about her antics and my declining mental health. Only when I was at my worse during VCE did they talk to her and they didn’t touch on the important issue. Another asain student was frustrated that physical and emotional abuse from her mother was minimised to “ cultural issues” rather than the real deal. They are trying to normalise and deny abuse. Mental health is already a taboo in the asain community and it’s really difficult to get help as an asain. Eg. My mum would rather spend money on my sisters braces and acne skin care rather than for my mental health. I feel a distrust towards counsellors after what I have experienced at school. Although I’m happier in uni, I struggle to adapt. However I’m conflicted to seen a counsellor or not. I also want to study abroad to find my self and get away however I need to be mentally healthy.

remona_s Abortion stigma
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I’m a 23 year old female born with grade 3 unilateral microtia which means my right ear didn’t form properly in the womb and causes hearing loss due to the lack of external ear canal. I am an introvert who suffers from social anxiety and depr... View more

Hi all, I’m a 23 year old female born with grade 3 unilateral microtia which means my right ear didn’t form properly in the womb and causes hearing loss due to the lack of external ear canal. I am an introvert who suffers from social anxiety and depression. Currently on anti-depressant medication but despite the Coronavirus pandemic am actually in a good place. Last year was tough when I got out of my first relationship and had moved out of home for the first time. It is nice living back with my family now despite my parents going through a separation.

Unknown19 Can someone help me??
  • replies: 6

I feel as though my long term partner of 4 years has been misdiagnosed with BPD. I’m really confused, everything that BPD is described as just doesn’t fit him....he broke things off with me suddenly/out of no where nearly 3 weeks ago (during the brea... View more

I feel as though my long term partner of 4 years has been misdiagnosed with BPD. I’m really confused, everything that BPD is described as just doesn’t fit him....he broke things off with me suddenly/out of no where nearly 3 weeks ago (during the break up he admitted that 2 months ago he was diagnosed with BPD, bipolar and anxiety). I just don’t think it’s right. Has anyone had this experience??

TishaJade I made a big mistake with my boyfriend
  • replies: 6

So I’ve been struggling with relationship paranoia and anxiety and depression for a little over 6 months or so. My partner has been wonderful with supporting me and making me feel better. Unfortunately we’ve had many arguments because of how emotiona... View more

So I’ve been struggling with relationship paranoia and anxiety and depression for a little over 6 months or so. My partner has been wonderful with supporting me and making me feel better. Unfortunately we’ve had many arguments because of how emotional and sensitive and paranoid I am, many resulting in near-breakups. the last couple months I have felt a lot better in myself and our relationship seems to be going well. I know he loves me and I feel better and more relaxed. Im here because early January we went on a night out and we were drinking. We were having so much fun. I left to go to the bathroom and when I came back he had his pants down to “eagle rock” which I learned later is a football tradition. He has a goofy personality and this is the type of stuff he does... I saw red. I was furious. A lot of it is because of my anxiety. I didn’t understand why, and so it scared me. I was angry I told him he was an idiot and immature. We we’re staying in the hotel at the club. He walked off and left me in anger and I followed him back to the room. He was on the couch. In a chain of events it got heated again, he said “why was it so immature and bad?” I had a rush of rage, got up and said “think about it! You were the only one who pulled their pants down nobody else did because they’re not immature and stupid!” I hurt him. I didn’t think anything of it, I just got back in bed. my boyfriend was in shock. He couldn’t believe I did it. He said “when we get back home we’re ending it. I realised what I had done... I didn’t mean to do it, I was drunk and angry. I cried and begged for hours but he was adamant that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He told me to get off him and leave him alone there’s nothing to talk about and that I should learn by this. I was devastated... I exhausted myself from crying and begging. eventually he told me he loved me and that he didn’t want to break up. He just wanted me to change my behaviour. But sometimes he still brings it up when we argue. I feel terrible and like he can’t fully forgive me. I am afraid he will still leave me because of it even though I’ve sincerely apologised and promised I would never act out of anger like that again. I do believe I am a good person... I just made a big mistake...

Rufusb Pressures of parenthood
  • replies: 1

Hi all, Not sure how all the other Dad's and parents are feeling right now but I am increasingly having thoughts of 'failing', letting my kids and wife down, and just feeling generally overwhelmed and anxious. I am so blessed to be part of a loving f... View more

Hi all, Not sure how all the other Dad's and parents are feeling right now but I am increasingly having thoughts of 'failing', letting my kids and wife down, and just feeling generally overwhelmed and anxious. I am so blessed to be part of a loving family but I catastrophise about loss and letting my family down. I know I'm far from alone. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved. Not sure if anyone else wants to share or give this some space. One thing that is worrying me is work life balance and being a 'present' father

Wilbur1954 You can't fight the Universe
  • replies: 13

I'm a really young thinking 65 male. Im outgoing, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, supportive.... the list goes on. People seem to like me at first but no-one really wants to have a friendship. This has happened all my life and while having acquainta... View more

I'm a really young thinking 65 male. Im outgoing, considerate, loyal, trustworthy, supportive.... the list goes on. People seem to like me at first but no-one really wants to have a friendship. This has happened all my life and while having acquaintances is ok there aren't those special someones apart from my wife that i can share things with. But I had an epithany a few years ago that life is governed by a higher power. I call it the Universe but others might refer to it as God, Fate or Luck. The one sure thing in life is that you can't fight the Universe, so I'm destined never have true friends apart from my wife. But while the Universe lets me have my wife as a friend, It has ensured that I can't have a truly fulfilled marriage by making her have a low libido. See, you can't beat the Universe! I wondered how many other people out there feel as I do about the Universe. If you're out there my counsel is to just accept it. You'll surprisingly feel much better. Your expectations drop to zero. When you have no expectations then Life is so much better and easier to accept. From reading a few posts on this site, i reckon my theory solves most of the problems cited.