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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Frontsideslappy Giving my Partner space and finding it hard
  • replies: 3

Hello, So I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 months now. We met online - know a lot of the same people and common interests. We really hit it off, fell in love pretty quickly. Like nothing I’ve felt with anybody else! Something very special about... View more

Hello, So I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 months now. We met online - know a lot of the same people and common interests. We really hit it off, fell in love pretty quickly. Like nothing I’ve felt with anybody else! Something very special about this one. yet about 3 weeks ago there was an accident outside her house. We saw this poor man die after flying off from a motor cycle collision. Pretty distressing. i guess as a way I coping it threw me back a few years. I became someone I’m not usually. Co dependant and clingy - irritable, short fused. In the midst of this we were getting intimate and I freaked out - couldn’t perform and self harmed myself with slapping and punching and screaming into a pillow. this hasn’t happened in about 5 years - needless to say it’s triggered her from her previous interpersonal relationship. I’m ashamed of how she saw that but I’ve come to terms with it. It’s giving me something to work on - a wake up call if you will. yet a month later and she said she need to take a few days of space - to reconnect and that. Now it’s turned into a few weeks. specially with the pandemic going on I need her the most, miss her the most. she has made is clear when she goes through shit she pushes people away. Which is what’s happening . im struggling to deal with the fact I can’t engage with her. many tips on how long I should leave it? I’ve decided to leave her alone and balls in her court. I feel like it’s not going to work out. should I be prepared for the worst? The whole of it is driving me nuts. She’s someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just hope it’s our time

Becca_Maria I love my husband Im not in love with him, what do I do?
  • replies: 11

So we have been together almost 17 years, married 12 and have 4 brilliant kids! I know deep down I settled for him as a string of broken relationships had left me with rejection scars. However, for the most part it worked, i fell in love with him and... View more

So we have been together almost 17 years, married 12 and have 4 brilliant kids! I know deep down I settled for him as a string of broken relationships had left me with rejection scars. However, for the most part it worked, i fell in love with him and we managed to marry. He is a dairy farmer so from the start I have spent a lot of time on my own raising the kids. I wasnt interested in becoming part of the farm for many reasons. Fast forward and life is tougher than ever, we took a trip around Aus to rekindle a relationship, basically he had to get off the farm if we had any chance in saving ourselves. It was the best year of my life. It felt like we were different people. There was not a question of me begging him to spend time with us (farmers have no spare time) we just spent time together all the time, met new people, swam, sat on beaches, went on bushwalks with the kids, cooked together, ate together, lived together. It was amazing. We came home and still own the farm but both went off separately to work casual jobs so we still had the choice to go off and explore when we could. Fast forward we are back stuck deeper in the rut before we left, we still own and pay off the farm so on top of a 9-5 job my husband is at the farm every other waking minute...even Christmas day (which previously I had to suck up) but now we are at our wits ends. Life it toxic at home, but we are on the other side of building our life, we are in a good financial position and just sold some land and a house in order to buy a house in town (where I want to live to be closer to everything we do, school, work, kids, parents etc). But life has become so overwhelming and we constantly fight and become horrible with each other (more so me, because I am so lonely most of the time when he dosent come home I get so upset) Last night I told him how bad my mental health was and that i really was very very low. After a screaming match he just told me the sooner I got out and rented a house on my own the better. We had a brief break last November in which I came back and tried to mend things as I just didnt want a broken marriage. However, here we are again. He is a good man, a hard worker, a fabulous dad but has no concept or desire to be a loving Husband. I just crave an adult in my life and after spending day in day out with the kids I find I am so completely anxious come the end of the day because I know if he is home I basically have to fight for this attention.

Shompa Is this emotional abuse or do I need major help?
  • replies: 2

I have been married 2 yrs now. It is our 2nd anniversary in 5 days and we thought getting good takeaway and dressing up for a dinner date in our balcony will be a good way to celebrate while staying indoors. We sat down to decide on the menu when som... View more

I have been married 2 yrs now. It is our 2nd anniversary in 5 days and we thought getting good takeaway and dressing up for a dinner date in our balcony will be a good way to celebrate while staying indoors. We sat down to decide on the menu when something really riled up my husband and I noticed he is very upset about something. I nudged him to not feeel upset and angry as we were just deciding then and nothing was set in stone. He got really worked up and started yelling and abusing. I couldn't understand what made him react that way. I tried to reason out with him but he started all the more overreacting. That really upset me and I started sobbing. It always happens this way on our special days. He didn't stop. It was like I was holding myself, but I gave up. It got me so worked up I started throwing things around the house. It has always been this way. It ends up with him telling me I need help.

Guest_33 Devestating Break Up
  • replies: 1

I’ve just ended an 18 month relationship today and I’m feeling stupid, afraid and very alone. We met after 2 months of my break up from a 5 year relationship, I know I didn’t allow myself to heal but it just felt right. I was wrong.. 3 months in he w... View more

I’ve just ended an 18 month relationship today and I’m feeling stupid, afraid and very alone. We met after 2 months of my break up from a 5 year relationship, I know I didn’t allow myself to heal but it just felt right. I was wrong.. 3 months in he was talking to his ex girlfriend saying he missed her could get back with her in a second without hesitation, we separated he even spoke to other girls whilst “trying” to win me back, and I caved. I didn’t want to be alone, I believed the promises and lies. Things were good for awhile, I kept the contact and decided that we were better together then without each other, it only lasted a couple months and the same thing happened, talking to the ex. Again I feel for it and put in 200% of myself to make things work.. we ended up moving in together and 7 months of no issues, signed a lease and a month in.. fast forward to now my best friend of 7 years comes over to catch up, we drank and I went to bed first. I went to bed worried something was going to happen, I trust my friend whole heartily and I found out today that he tried to sleep with her, made comments and advances whilst I was in bed. She left and came and told me... I’ve kicked him out of the house and I’ve told my family and him it’s over. Betrayal makes you feel so worthless, it’s so hard to not self blame. I expected this to happen that’s the saddest part, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety from this relationship and I’m in counselling. I’m worried I won’t find the strength to get through this, I’ve been so hurt in my life that I don’t know how I am going to be happy again.

ReeCar123 New relationship with old baggage
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I would love to get some advice if you are happy to share. I have been in a new relationship with a lovely man for a few months. We knew each other for some time and all of a sudden, it "clicked". We are amazing when we spend quality time tog... View more

Hi All, I would love to get some advice if you are happy to share. I have been in a new relationship with a lovely man for a few months. We knew each other for some time and all of a sudden, it "clicked". We are amazing when we spend quality time together and we are both in love with each other. The problem is that he had only just finalised the separation from his wife before we clicked. He is absolutely sure it was the right thing to do and I am also not a rebound because we have spoken about that and future plans. The last month, however, he has realised that although he had lived apart from his ex-wife for a while, he hadn't yet really dealt with his baggage. Now he feels a bit worse for wear and although he knows he will need to move through and out, it's a bit hard on us. We've had to dial back a lot and are kind of taking baby steps. He is not as forthcoming with his emotional professions and needs a lot of space to deal with raw emotions. Just to clarify, he is not playing with me and slowly leaving, he's honestly struggling to deal with his baggage and his new relationship. I think the main reasons as I understand from him are feelings of failure, loss of the concept of marriage, inadequacy and guilt. I am trying to be understanding which he is grateful for. But I find it hard because I know how great we were and how hot and cold it is at the moment whenever he goes through his ups and downs. I have no doubt he still wants a future with me but I am not sure how to cope and what to do in this situation. I asked whether we should not see each other for a while so he can work through this but he looked very sad and said he would still want to see me, he just cannot move forward very quickly right now. Although I am doing my best to cater to his needs, I have my own, too. I miss a little bit of romance and it seems like most of the effort is coming from me. He seems a little self-centred and inconsiderate right now. I don't like that and that isn't the real him. How do we best manage this time until his biggest lot of baggage has lightened a bit? I do not want to break up because everyone has baggage and I know eventually he will shed some of it. I want to wait and work with him, I am just not sure how. Should I just be patient or can I say what I need even if he is incapable of catering to a lot of it? How can we make this work in the interim so that we get out the other end together? Does anyone have good tips and advice? Thank you in advance!

al_stuck Unsure where to go with my relationship?
  • replies: 3

My partner and I have been together since Oct 2016. In my option, it’s a very casual relationship: we still don’t live together and we only see each other every other day. He understands what I want in life: to settle down, start a family and this is... View more

My partner and I have been together since Oct 2016. In my option, it’s a very casual relationship: we still don’t live together and we only see each other every other day. He understands what I want in life: to settle down, start a family and this is something he has understood since very early days. However he doesn’t want to start a family. About a year ago - I sat down with him and said point blank that if he doesn’t want to start a family then what’s the point of being in a long term relationship? I gave him an ultimatum - if by our fifth anniversary, he still feels as though he doesn’t want to settle down and start a family then I need to walk away from this relationship as it isn’t doing in the direction I need it to go (at the end of the day, I feel as though I’m wasting my time). We have had a conversation about this again this morning and he is still feeling the way of he doesn’t want to start a family, he never wants to. It’s been this way since we first started talking about it - I don’t want children and to settle down right this very second however I want to make sure the person I’m spending my time with wants what I want or why am I still here? We still have over a years time before we reach our fifth anniversary however I just feel like I’m wasting time in a relationship where we don’t want the same thing. He did mention it is something he is thinning another regularly so leads me to think that he may not change his mind? Has anyone been in the same situation that can provide some advice or just in general provide some advice? I just don’t know what to do anymore with my relationship?

Kezia_Katherine New here, feeling strange
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I’ve just joined this group and am interested in knowing other people’s thoughts. My partner of 8 years (and father to our son) has just started meds for anxiety and depression. This is after months or possibly years of not really enjoyi... View more

Hi everyone, I’ve just joined this group and am interested in knowing other people’s thoughts. My partner of 8 years (and father to our son) has just started meds for anxiety and depression. This is after months or possibly years of not really enjoying anything, and eventually feelings of extreme lowness. Everything came to a head a few weeks ago. Amongst other things, my security and confidence in our relationship has been shattered. Now that he has been diagnosed and has started medication, I feel some relief, however am feeling very anxious myself. This is ultimately what I’m posting about; I don’t feel like myself. I feel consumed with concern for him and what he’s thinking, and how he sees our relationship. Because I’m anxious I feel I am being unnatural, and boring. I have nothing to talk about, and when I do, I feel like I’m trying too hard. I’m worried he has doubts about us, and that is is exacerbated by me being a shadow of my former self. He has started seeing a psychologist alongside his gp. I am speaking to an individual counsellor and we are seeing a couples’ counsellor. I’m thinking I’ll talk to my gp about possible meds for myself to get me through this time so I can function more normally, and try to have fun with my son. Thoughts? Thanks in advance.

gabi227 Alcoholic Mother
  • replies: 1

I am 21 and live with my parents. I have a great relationship with my dad, but not really with my mum. She is an alcoholic, but she won’t admit it. She drinks an entire bottle of wine every night by herself. When she is drunk she becomes really mean ... View more

I am 21 and live with my parents. I have a great relationship with my dad, but not really with my mum. She is an alcoholic, but she won’t admit it. She drinks an entire bottle of wine every night by herself. When she is drunk she becomes really mean and rude to my dad and I. She’s been like this my entire life but it’s becoming too much. I also struggle with mental illnesses so it’s difficult to cope with her on top of everything else. I have tried to talk to her about her drinking but she just becomes defensive and mean. I know alcoholism runs in her family and she didn’t have a great childhood, but it’s hard to be empathetic to this when I’m actually living and dealing with the complications of this. It’s extra tricky due to me now having to work from home because of the virus as I’m home everyday now. Moving out is not an option for me at the moment either as I don’t earn enough and am a uni student. I also don’t want to move out and leave my dad with her, because she does also become violent towards him and mean and I don’t want to leave him with her. I’m just really struggling at the moment. I have an older sister who has moved out, but she doesn’t like to talk about it. I also can’t go visit friends or anyone due to the virus.

KV77 Step Dad break up IVO
  • replies: 3

Hi all, My name is Kris, and I guess I am here for some advice and maybe to find some hope. I was with my ex partner (DeFacto) and my step son for over 6 years until a week ago. Two weeks ago my partner went to a mutual female friends house for a vis... View more

Hi all, My name is Kris, and I guess I am here for some advice and maybe to find some hope. I was with my ex partner (DeFacto) and my step son for over 6 years until a week ago. Two weeks ago my partner went to a mutual female friends house for a visit, I was fine about it and encouraged her to go. I had not heard from her for 7 hours and sent her an sms asking if she was having a good night. After several more hours she called and said that she did not answer to me and if I persisted she would call the police. She did not come home for days and when she did gave me an ultimatum, if I still looked after herson when she worked I could stay and if not I was to leave. She then went to work and came back very sporadically over the next 5 days. Days later I messaged her and said I was happy to stay and look after my step son whilst she worked only until I could move out or I could move out within 8 weeks (Covid19 world). I heard nothing, and the next thing I know I have Police calling me telling me to pick up an interim intervention order they received from the courts.....wth! Freaking out, I never had this before, I did not understand on which grounds? I picked up the order and was told not to go hone and was homeless. A friend booked a hotel for me which is where I am typing this from now. I read the allegations and was horrified by the content, a threat of physical harm, allegation of letting her dog loose and starving her son :(. Heart broken I crumbled, the conditions are standard but I am not to answer any calls from her and my step son who has been at his dad's the during the whole event, I never got to say goodbye to him :( My step son comes home and rings me constantly leaving messages to call him back and he wants to see me and I can't answer or reply. In one voicemail he states that he asked his mum if it was ok to call me and she said yes, is she trying to bait me?

Sarah86 Parental visitation during isolation
  • replies: 6

Hi, I’m having a bit of an issue at the moment and I don’t know where else to seek validation of my decision. I have 2 kids. One of who suffers with asthma. I have taken time off work and kept them home from school the last week and a half. Normally ... View more

Hi, I’m having a bit of an issue at the moment and I don’t know where else to seek validation of my decision. I have 2 kids. One of who suffers with asthma. I have taken time off work and kept them home from school the last week and a half. Normally they would go to their dads for dinner 2 nights and week and stay overnight 1 night per fortnight. He lives very close by. Doesn’t have a particularly good relationship with them and mostly they don’t want to go. My issue currently is that I’m a bit hesitant to let them go to his place at the moment as he has moved his girlfriend and her 3 school aged kids into his house. Her kids go between their grandparents and their dads a lot. Both my ex and his girlfriend are still working also. I know the rules state that the people you live with don’t count. But that’s 7 people in a 3 bedroom house. I feel it’s putting my kids at risk. I am not letting them play with friends or see anyone at the moment. I have told my ex he is welcome to come here and see them whenever he wants. Am I being unreasonable? I’m not trying to keep them from him, I’m just trying to keep them safe. We aren’t even seeing my parents at the moment who are in their 70s as it’s too risky. I’m uncomfortable sending them into that environment at the moment. there are no court orders.