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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Moongoddess Family catastrophe *Trigger warning: suicide references
  • replies: 2

I already suffer from chronic depression and BPD as well as having a very broken family. Something catastrophic just happened in my family though. My sisters drinking addiction reached such heights that her body shut down, shes been in hospital for m... View more

I already suffer from chronic depression and BPD as well as having a very broken family. Something catastrophic just happened in my family though. My sisters drinking addiction reached such heights that her body shut down, shes been in hospital for more than a month now, in ICU since the start of October I think. With things like complete kidney failure and liver issues, it even got to the point where we were called into hospital to say goodbye they didn't expect her to survive the night. Somehow she improved enough to get dialysis started. And has woken out of her coma. The damage is done though. I have no idea if she can pull through even still. My mum and I are now left with the issue of raising her 4 little children, these poor children already screwed up from domestic abuse issues now face losing there mum as well. Im finding it very hard to cope but I really have no choice anymore Other issues include my father having been so abusive during this period of time and throwing his vendetta against my mum at me. He is doing his best to get the kids taken away all out of his own bitterness. Unfortunately my sister put him as her next of kin as well so that carries more issues for us and for the future. The days I am home away from the kids I mostly just want to sleep and cry. I can't help the resentment I feel for my sister either. Even though I know she's suffering a hell of her own now in a hospital bed and vegetable like body. And to add to it I know she was planning a suicide attempt. My heart breaks when I go see her in hospital. She can barely move, hooked up to endless machines, has a tracheotomy even for help breathing and no voice. She has tried lip word things to me but I can't always understand and I feel bad that I can't. I just don't know whether I can cope and live this life that I now have to. These kids need me, they will never have their mother again. She will always need care and things she can't get living at home if she survives..

Appealing Trapped or clouded
  • replies: 2

I have not known where to turn but found myself here. i’ve been married for nine years and have three beautiful children under seven. My wife and I have been in counselling for over two years now with limited success. Ever since we’ve been together i... View more

I have not known where to turn but found myself here. i’ve been married for nine years and have three beautiful children under seven. My wife and I have been in counselling for over two years now with limited success. Ever since we’ve been together it’s always felt like she’s trying to change me, Not just with annoyances about me but major things and if I don’t conform then I Don’t love her. At first I thought this was just what marriage was he sacrificed for the other for the relationship for the good of the family but as time has gone on I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one doing the sacrifice, the changing. It’s just come out in a counselling sessions that she has never ever fully loved or accepted me. I was utterly gutted. I find myself now wondering what to do. The more I analyse it the more I think I just need to do more I just need to change more but I don’t think that’s the answer. Because I end up feeling like a doormat and emancipated. . I have a amazing relationship with my kids and I cherish them so much. But I just don’t know what to do to fix things I feel trapped helpless. I’ve given my wife and my family my all but it never seems to be enough. Maybe I’m just getting bogged down with the negatives but I just feel stuck. I feel guilty because I have so much to be thankful for but I can’t seem to get a flourishing marriage. Any other dads and father’s been here? I feel like after two years aI feel like after two years of marriage counselling things would and should be better. So disheartening when counselling isn’t working, it’s meant to fix things or least push us in the right direction. Thanks for listening.

pobaw All alone all the time
  • replies: 1

I struggle with friendships and just relationships in general. I never feel that I can trust people and I am constantly paranoid and afraid that they will abandon me, so I'm terrified of making a single mistake or opening up to people. Recently, a pe... View more

I struggle with friendships and just relationships in general. I never feel that I can trust people and I am constantly paranoid and afraid that they will abandon me, so I'm terrified of making a single mistake or opening up to people. Recently, a person who hurt me incredibly deeply for a number of years has come back into my life and infiltrated almost every network of relationships that I had. The problem is that I was told by my psychologist that I need to open up to people to help set boundaries because this person never listens or acknowledges when I'm upset by their actions. But I'm horrifically non confrontational and the idea of this is nauseating to me. I feel all alone, I feel suffocated and trapped but at the same time I feel so far away from everyone I care about. I feel like I need to leave and find new friends, but it feels like I'm running away from my problems. I just wish that I could trust the people around me to put me first, to care about me, to support me and look out for me, but I can't and I don't, I don't think they would stand by me.

Feper Struggling with being a step
  • replies: 7

Hey needed to say something somewhere. I really struggle ,with being a step parent and the constant worry that I can loose all this at the drop of a hat. my back story, I was in a relationship with a sing;e Mum of 3 girls that started around 16 years... View more

Hey needed to say something somewhere. I really struggle ,with being a step parent and the constant worry that I can loose all this at the drop of a hat. my back story, I was in a relationship with a sing;e Mum of 3 girls that started around 16 years ago, we split up around 10 years ago and the youngest girl came and lived with me, she is now 21 and still living with me , but I still have these concerns that I can loose it all by her mum dying don’t see her or her partner saying “he’s not your,real dad” This pain never goes away. Am I irrational?

Pete2020 Gutted by Rejection 🥺
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m 45, been single all my life, had one attempt at a relationship 15 years ago and she simply stopped talking to me, destroyed me for a long time. Here I am now at 45, I’ve lost a lot of weight and am in shape with a great outlook and looking fo... View more

Hi, I’m 45, been single all my life, had one attempt at a relationship 15 years ago and she simply stopped talking to me, destroyed me for a long time. Here I am now at 45, I’ve lost a lot of weight and am in shape with a great outlook and looking for love. I met a nice lady and we had great chemistry and dates. Our last date, she was completely distracted as setting up a business, then pretty much no communication from there. Then I get talking to a nice girl online, going great until I missed one message from her, now I’m ghosted completely. I feel absolutely worthless, like no one will ever love me, I can’t understand because everyone tells me I’m a great guy, my employees seem to like me, and I go out of my way to be nice to everyone, follow the rules and do the right things. I’ve now come from elation to complete nothingness and nothing to look forward to except loneliness and old age alone, not worthy of love from anyone... I have no idea what to do or what’s wrong with me that does this to others. I’m not over the top with women and I treat them with respect. I have enough emotional intelligence and self-reflection to analyse myself and I’m fairly sure I’m doing everything reasonably. What should I do?

Hurt87 Addict Break up
  • replies: 3

Hello all I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years because of his drug addiction. He started smoking many years ago, and smoked every day. For the first few years of our relationship I also smoked with him. When I stopped I realised we didn't... View more

Hello all I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years because of his drug addiction. He started smoking many years ago, and smoked every day. For the first few years of our relationship I also smoked with him. When I stopped I realised we didn't really have any emotional connection. We didnt talk about much. We didnt talk about our feelings.. It seemed like our main connection was smoking together. Our sex life had never been great, we had sex maybe once a year. He told me he wasnt a sexual person.. I tried to get him to be involved in our life together. After I stopped smoking I tried to improve myself, I was exercising, meal planning, I was budgeting my money and I was getting ahead at work. He didn't want to be involved in any of these things with me. He preferred to get high We fought and bickered almost daily. I was very anxious a lot of the time. I felt a huge amount of resentment towards him as I felt like I was carrying the both of us through the relationship After another fight I started about nothing I told him something has to change and I asked him to stop smoking. He told me it was part of his personality and it was part of who he was. Why couldn't I just love him for him? Although I did love him I had to admit that I wasnt happy anymore. We didn't have an emotional connection or a physical connection. He is telling me he had no idea and he feels blindsided by this. He's asking me why I dont want to fight for him. But I'm at the point where I am done. Im feeling a huge amount of guilt as I feel I have abandoned him but also I cant be unhappy forever.. How to get through this awful guilt of breaking up with him to save myself?

Guest_0753 How Do You Get Out There?
  • replies: 23

Can someone tell me what I would be doing wrong when I can't ever get a boyfriend or go out with friends. I am a more introverted person who works and stays at home as my two social places apart from shopping. What and where do you meet these sort of... View more

Can someone tell me what I would be doing wrong when I can't ever get a boyfriend or go out with friends. I am a more introverted person who works and stays at home as my two social places apart from shopping. What and where do you meet these sort of people and why does it seem to come so easily and naturally to other people to get someone special? Is it to do with the fact I don't have those Jlo looks , not obvious enough with flirting What has worked for someone in the past?

Grant999 Commitment issues or Incompatibility
  • replies: 6

I’ve been in a relationship for over 3 years. We’re not living together, but still have enjoyed a good relationship with common interests and a strong connection (I thought). A few months ago, my partner asked for a ring to confirm our love. I approa... View more

I’ve been in a relationship for over 3 years. We’re not living together, but still have enjoyed a good relationship with common interests and a strong connection (I thought). A few months ago, my partner asked for a ring to confirm our love. I approached a designer who made a ring with stone. My partner said she wanted a plain ring, so back to the designer. I gave her new ring last weekend and thought she loved it. Today she returned the ring and said the relationship was over as she didn’t feel the relationship was right for her. I’m very confused and feel that the real issue is commitment. I asked for a month for us both to reflect, she agreed but I think this was just to get the discussion over. I feel devastated, not sure what to do. I want to give her space but am worried about losing her. she also said she wasn’t sure how she felt about me and didn’t believe in love. Not sure what to do.

marli_w In a long term relationship, speaking to my EX
  • replies: 4

I have been in a relationship for 2 years, however before I met my current partner, I was 'seeing' a man on and off for 1 year and 6 months, before I finally put myself first and decided I wasn't happy anymore. 3 months after I ended things I met my ... View more

I have been in a relationship for 2 years, however before I met my current partner, I was 'seeing' a man on and off for 1 year and 6 months, before I finally put myself first and decided I wasn't happy anymore. 3 months after I ended things I met my current partner. While my partner and I are not perfect, have had issues and almost separated many times, I have been very loyal to and content with my current partner for the past 2 years, however the last 3 months it felt like something in me changed, I wasn't happy anymore. My partner has mental illness like myself and can become very hurtful and I would argue abusive during his lows. Through my entire relationship, the guy I had been 'seeing' (sleeping with) for a year and a half kept trying to contact me, I had blocked him on facebook, instagram and snapchat by this point. It was only when I created a new snapchat account (to remove all the people I didn't want in my life) that he contacted me again only this time, it felt like I wanted to talk to him. Before I spoke to him, or added him on snapchat, I spoke to my current partner about it, he was obviously not happy but understood he might just want to talk. I added him and I was inundated with snapchats and messages from him, I didn't respond to any until later. We ended up having a dry conversation, I realised I wasn't going to get closure, so I unfriended him and told my partner I did so. That was until he repeatedly added me back, so I added him back again. This time he was different. So here we are, I'm speaking to him on snapchat, he's been saying inappropriate things and I've been ignoring them, I feel incredibly guilty for A. adding him again, B. Not telling my partner it happened again C. even feeling like I want to speak to him. Wether its for closure or not, it feels wrong. I would like some advice on how to go about this, I am speaking to a psychologist about the situation currently and while it's helping, she can't exactly tell me what to do. I need some guidance, I don't want to hurt either of them but my boyfriend comes first. I have a lot of unresolved feelings towards this guy, How do I go about this? How do I let go? Should I block him on snapchat again or tell him I just want to be friends? I feel so horrible. I feel so guilty. I suffer from anxiety depression and suicidal thoughts, this situation really hasn't helped. Any kindness and guidance would be appreciated. I know I probably don't deserve it. Thankyou.

MAX185 depression and why is it 'all about me?'
  • replies: 6

My wife and i are arguing constantly about how everything is all about the way I describe what happens to 'ME' in our daily activities. She says everything is just about me when in conversation with her. I have epilepsy and the medication takes it's ... View more

My wife and i are arguing constantly about how everything is all about the way I describe what happens to 'ME' in our daily activities. She says everything is just about me when in conversation with her. I have epilepsy and the medication takes it's toll. I have sought help from several men's health groups after a very violent outburst involving a misread situation on my part. I am trying not to let my medication be the 'reason' for this over reaction but in looking for answers to it I have discovered I may be suffering from depression and after reading several articles I have been seeing things written in those that provided realisation that I may have a problem. Two days after the outburst I contemplated suicide because I couldn't see a way back to her. My teenage daughter and two sons have also been affected by my action that night. I was arrested and cannot see them now for legal reasons. I am ashamed of my actions but her and my daughter's understanding of my condition,which has come to light after this crisis,are not being taken seriously enough in my view. I have never asked for any type of help in my life previous to this,so I feel lost and alone. She has criticised me for suggesting depression as part of the situation we find ourselves in as a family at this time.I love her and my children deeply and would do anything to regain their trust and respect.