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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Emm2020 Pregnant with baby no. 2 I don’t know what I want from my husband
  • replies: 3

I’m currently pregnant with baby no. 2 and I am having feelings of hate, resentment and anger towards my husband. He doesn’t deserve it but I just can’t shift these feelings. Today I broke after having a highly overwhelming morning. I think what hurt... View more

I’m currently pregnant with baby no. 2 and I am having feelings of hate, resentment and anger towards my husband. He doesn’t deserve it but I just can’t shift these feelings. Today I broke after having a highly overwhelming morning. I think what hurts the most is he isn’t concerned about my well-being- he is just constantly telling me how I am damaging our two year old by behaving this way and that I need to do something about it because it’s just not right for me to act this way. I just wish he supported me. He asks me to talk to him about it but every time I do, he shuts my feelings down and basically tells me I am wrong for feeling the way I do. I’m not sure what I am after - maybe just to vent. But since all this happened he has demanded I seek help so since it is the weekend this is where I have turned to.

outlander94 confused and lonely
  • replies: 4

hi, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right forum but I need some insight. I've been seeing this guy for 6 months, things started out really good. A couple month in I noticed that he was been extremely secretive with his phone and I manage to get a ... View more

hi, I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right forum but I need some insight. I've been seeing this guy for 6 months, things started out really good. A couple month in I noticed that he was been extremely secretive with his phone and I manage to get a chance to look at his phone (he'd actually given me his passcode). I found out there were numerous girls he was talking to, flirting with and seeing, all while telling me I was the only one he wanted. Things from here have gotten terrible as he's still talking to other girls, he doesn't understand what it means to be 'seeing' someone and honest realise things hurt me like when he ignores me all weekend. I tell him how I feel and he just doesn't understand and we end up in huge fights and I end up apologising and then he continues to ignore me until he's ready to move passed it. I stick around because when we're good, we're really good and no matter how bad the fight gets I ask him whether he still wants me and he always says yes, so I believe him and a week later we're back to fighting. I'm scared to step away because I'm worried I won't find anyone else. All my friends are in serious relationships and I just feel so lonely because my friends don't want to spend time with me and this guy who I'm seeing doesn't understand that actually spending time with someone is a important part of seeing each other. he's happy to spend a night or two together and isn't willing to make time for me or plan to do anything fun with me. He's just so hot and cold and I think I know what he wants but then the next day it's like he's a totally different person. we've just had another fight and he said we can work this all out, I ask if he wants to see me and he just says, 'I'll let you know' and then it takes ages for him to 'approve' me coming over. he thinks that not seeing each other after a fight is the best way to go but I just can't get through another weekend of feeling so incredibly anxious. because I'm constantly overthinking everything he says and does, I know that once he has a drink (like he gets absolutely drunk every weekend) he'll start messaging girls and forget about me. He tells me to spend time with my friends but they don't want to. so I sit at home miserable and lonely feeling like no one cares and I spend most of the time crying and I can't get out of bed or off the couch. I just feel so low that I'm putting myself through this but I don't really have anything else to focus my time on right now.

DrummerBoy I'm not sure if I can Trust my Girlfriend
  • replies: 6

Hi this is my 1st post.I'll give a little background story to lay a platform. My girlfriend is open to having an open relationship in 1 way or another but not with me because she said I'm too insecure, which she has a point but she has definitely con... View more

Hi this is my 1st post.I'll give a little background story to lay a platform. My girlfriend is open to having an open relationship in 1 way or another but not with me because she said I'm too insecure, which she has a point but she has definitely contributed to a lot of it. She is also Bi-Curious. I am struggling with insecurities with her mainly due to how often she looks and follows with her gaze at our workmate which she says she is not Perving but that's another issue. Also when we we are shopping etc she often looks at guys to see if they are checking her out (she has also told me that she does this to see if she "still has it" , (she has low self-esteem but is very confident about her looks and it seems this may be what she does to give herself a boost.). She also thinks that just about every guy finds her Attractive.The issue I'm writing about today is something different.We also work with my 14 year old Cousin who is very shy (he is a "young' 14 who is extremely thin but with a very nice looking face). I told her (she is 37) about a couple of the innocent questions he had asked me about her and her reply was "oh does he have a little crush on me?' which I didn't think too much about as she could have thought it was cute. But what my cousin told me recently has me concerned. My girlfriend has a thing for V8 utes/cars, she said she is Attracted to guys who drive them as it is"an animalistic thing" and a "real male thing" So my cousin just bought a V8 ute and he showed her the pics and she liked it and he told me that she said 'has it got a spare seat' and laughed. I know this could be innocent and a bit of a laugh to her but when I asked her if she said that she said no. I also know that she could have denied it because of all the questioning I have done to her previously, but later in the day i asked her about it again and she said She might have been starting to say (but she wasn't sure if she said it or just thought it) 'you could get a lot of girls with that car, but I would have sounded bad..so I may have said the seat thing to change the topic so it didn't sound so bad. She later said she didn't think she asked him that Question but was trying to think of 'possible ideas that may have happened'. So my question are these. 1. Was the comment just a laugh. 2. Is she trying to get him thinking of her in a Sexual way to boost her ego. 3. Is she a Attracted to underage boys?

JuliaJuly Staying or leaving - what is worse?
  • replies: 10

You all must have heard 1000 versions of this story by now. But I'm hoping to get some insights, maybe, to help me along my road wherever it leads. My husband and I have been married for 10 years - we started dating at 23, got married at 25; no kids.... View more

You all must have heard 1000 versions of this story by now. But I'm hoping to get some insights, maybe, to help me along my road wherever it leads. My husband and I have been married for 10 years - we started dating at 23, got married at 25; no kids. Over the past year I have unexpectedly found myself at a fork in my emotional road and I don't know how to look at it to progress from here. He had issues with depression (due to trauma) before we met. But we were so happy our first few years. When he was diagnosed with an at the time seemingly terminal illness, his depression returned. He won the battle for his life, but his depression came back and never fully let up again. He hasn't worked since a year before our wedding. I was always okay with that. I never minded being the financial provider. But in the long run it turns out it isn't 'just' about income. He has no passions for anything. He has no hobbies or interests that keep him engaged with life to any extent. No friends or desire to make any. He has no ambitions - no dreams or goals. It's intensified after his illness. I appear to be the only thing that keeps him engaged in life. Not because I think I'm great - but because he's literally said so. He has had suicidal episodes and has stated what keeps him from doing it is the thought of me being sad and alone if he ends his life. He will not get professional help. He tried it for me twice, both times didn't work out, and now he just refuses. He truly just sits at home all day waiting for me to come home. I love him. I still want to grow old with him. He is more than the sum of his suffering. I love his soul. The trauma he experienced in his life was thrust onto him - as his partner, I have always felt that what happens to him, should happen to me; we are a team. But I am also starting to feel more and more suffocated. Though I am not sure if I would be happier alone - how can I know? What would I regret more, staying or leaving? For a year now I've been going back and forth between growing old with the man I love and simply just not living the life I wanted (travel, adventures, excitement - which he knew I craved in life when we met)... or leaving and dealing with the no doubt grim consequences for us both (I don't WANT to lose my best friend). I have nobody to talk to - I do not want friends and family to get involved. Could you offer me perspective... is my line of thought reasonable? Is it selfish of me to not want to live like this?

Guest_4653 Partner using pornography 
  • replies: 5

Currently hes in forced 2wk air travel quarantine through work again 5th time now, International FIFO worker and the associated Alpha male in his work place make up. I swear he must think I'm stupid - (deaf blind and stupid) Hes a repeat offender, an... View more

Currently hes in forced 2wk air travel quarantine through work again 5th time now, International FIFO worker and the associated Alpha male in his work place make up. I swear he must think I'm stupid - (deaf blind and stupid) Hes a repeat offender, and now the side effects of premium webcam access the repeated purchasing of download credit, the weird bitcoin, erectile dysfunction, married woman looking to flirt, hook up now emails in the junk box. Multiple devises for here and there, phones, computers, ipads, email addresses and apps. To check his devices pointless they are wiped clean - right back to a reboot status on arriving home. From last time it was established normal to look at, no big thing everyone does it - whats my problem. The once active sex drive now minimalism. I have discussed it before and wouldn't again, but I'm so sad, I feel like a ball of screwed up glad wrap, its humiliating, and the comments it's addictive don't help. When he's home, its a flow on effect of the cant put the device down addiction - any device within reach 24/7 It's being watched and self gratification attained while I am asleep (not asleep) right next to him, our daughter was asleep at the bottom of the bed one night. Does he not realize I'm the same person doing the clothes washing finding this! First thing in the morning in the loo, progress to shower - yes busted there there and there too. Middle of the day on the verandah smoking, in the car while waiting for me to grab some groceries. Total consumption. I feel I have offered, supplied, made available very enthusiastically, supported, listened, stroked ego, toned up, I fear this will desensitize the ongoing 'webcam porn' prostitution to 'in person' prostitute. This is totally consuming me till I am hollow. My once healthy self respect, perceived happy body image and intelligent piece of mind now melted. I feel my respect for him diminished. I cant stand him touching our children with those same hands. Where do you go, who do you talk to, is this even a thing people can help me with.

redstar I cheated, I cant live with myself. Ive lost all my friends and I dont know where to turn.
  • replies: 9

None of the following excuses me from what I did. I jumped into a relationship with a partner who loved me a lot. I wasn't 100% wanting a serious relationship as I had just gotten out of an abusive situation and had spent the proceeding months before... View more

None of the following excuses me from what I did. I jumped into a relationship with a partner who loved me a lot. I wasn't 100% wanting a serious relationship as I had just gotten out of an abusive situation and had spent the proceeding months before I met this girl just jumping from one none serious thing to the next. Life being what it is it turned into a relationship and quickly became more serious than I had planned. She moved in to escape her home life and we spent a year living in a bungalow (1 Room with no personal space for either of us) She didn't have a job and I had to drive her everywhere and this made her dependent on me. Which makes me feel worse about all of this. It all came to a head when I panicked and looked outside of the relationship in an effort to not feel trapped like I had been in my last situation. I should never of done it and I should of been more open from the start. I had just developed such a deep fear of confrontation and being alone. I never cheated physically beyond one kiss the rest was digital flirting and so on. Still horrible and low behavior but I'm just kinda clarifying for my own sake I suppose. A very long story cut short by a character limit basically leads to her finding out and dumping me (fair enough) But since then I've been wracked with guilt. All my friends who didn't really even know her just took her side, blocking me and shunning me without so much as a goodbye. All this combined has left me feeling alone and unlovable. Im not sure how much longer I can hang in there. Is there any advice for coping with this guilt? Any advice is well and truly appreciated. I know I did wrong and I vow never to be that person again but is there a way that I can move on from this? Become better? Do I deserve to move on? Does this stain me forever?

FlowerLover Pregnant and Struggling with a Stubborn Toddler
  • replies: 4

Hello. Sometimes I don't like the person I have become since becoming a mum a few years ago. I was always a patient person. Now I lose my patience so quickly with my toddler who just refuses every step of the day - getting undressed, using the potty,... View more

Hello. Sometimes I don't like the person I have become since becoming a mum a few years ago. I was always a patient person. Now I lose my patience so quickly with my toddler who just refuses every step of the day - getting undressed, using the potty, getting dressed, brushing teeth, getting in the car seat, getting out of the car, getting in the bath, washing with soap, washing his hair, getting dressed, having a nappy change, going to sleep.. literally every step of the day is a battle and I am so over it. It's been like this for so many months. He doesn't listen to me ever, I have to say his name multiple times before I get a response, the other day we went for a walk and I was getting him to stop at every driveway but then he went ahead and almost got hit by a car reversing out of their driveway while I was screaming his name and stop, with no reaction from him but the driver of the car heard me and stopped. I'm taking him to the GP this week to have his hearing checked and discuss these things but I feel like I just have a strong willed toddler with selective hearing. I am having my second in a couple of weeks and I don't know how I am going to cope with the struggle that is the new born phase while dealing with my toddler. I feel angry or sad more often than I'd like and sometimes I'm just not the parent I thought I would be or want to be, and just miss my old life of freedom and peacefulness. Any coping tips/ services/ ideas would be greatly appreciated. I just want to be in a healthier mental state so I can be a better mum and not lose my patience so quickly. Thanks in advance.

Jojo1985 Looking after 2 girls.
  • replies: 3

Hi. This is the 1st time I have ever reached out. My daughter who is 2 has a heart condition and she is deaf and I have a 5 month old. I know I am a good mum, but we do speech therapy activities and we live in Melbourne and have been in lock down for... View more

Hi. This is the 1st time I have ever reached out. My daughter who is 2 has a heart condition and she is deaf and I have a 5 month old. I know I am a good mum, but we do speech therapy activities and we live in Melbourne and have been in lock down for so long now and I am over it. I am finding I am getting frustrated easier and I'm scared that 1 day I will snap. I would never hurt my daughter's, but when you have been in lock down for months and are not allowed to see family. On top of everything she had open heart surgery and cochlear surgery done for her ear and my brother inlaw passed away a month ago of a heart attack at 36. I just would like to talk to someone please.

Mr K New relationship while separated, very complicated landscape.
  • replies: 5

Sometimes you just have no control over timing and for me I've fallen for a wonderful woman pre divorce. My relationship with my ex is over and we are currently co-parenting 50/50 our two little girls. Since separating I've met and begun a relationsh... View more

Sometimes you just have no control over timing and for me I've fallen for a wonderful woman pre divorce. My relationship with my ex is over and we are currently co-parenting 50/50 our two little girls. Since separating I've met and begun a relationship with another woman. Although the timing isn't ideal I really feel that we are meant to be together and share many common interests. She is a single mother to one child and is self sufficient, intelligent and very caring. Obviously this year has been a challenging one for more than one reason but my new relationship has been extremely rewarding and I really want this to work out. I don't want to upset my children or my immediate family so to this point my new relationship has been very much a secret from them. This is very different to my new partner as she has been very upfront and honest with her own family. I don't know how to begin the transition, how to tell my family, how to introduce the kids? I'm terrified that my extended family who I'm heavily relying on for childcare and assistance with drop off/ pickups will withdraw that help when they find out. I'm really genuinely trying to do the right thing for us all and just for once including myself (I want to be happy too). I know in an ideal world I should have waited for my divorce to be finalised but you just can't help when and who you fall in love. So to be very clear: I share care of my own beautiful kids 50/50 and they are my world. I share 50/50 costs of our old family home (MY ex still lives there). I pay the child support im asked for every time I'm renting a unit owned by my Mother in Law (At this stage we still have a good relationship) I rely heavily on assistance from my ex wife's Aunt (We have at this stage a good relationship) What should I do now? How do I go about making this right/work so that we can all move forward?

anders Am I overreacting?
  • replies: 2

Hi - Ive been dealing with this on my own the past few months and I just dont know how to deal with it anymore. Here's the background: I have a boyfriend that I have been with for the past 7 years. Our relationship is complicated - he's divorced with... View more

Hi - Ive been dealing with this on my own the past few months and I just dont know how to deal with it anymore. Here's the background: I have a boyfriend that I have been with for the past 7 years. Our relationship is complicated - he's divorced with kids. When we first started going out (I was 28), he was still going through his divorce process. There were moments where he would freak out and break it off, and then times when I would freak out having to try and explain this to my parents. Anyways, years passed - my sister got engaged and we still hadn't progressed (neither of us had met eachothers parents). We broke it off in 2016, I moved to Europe and we got back together, then broke it off again in early 2018. I moved back to Australia, he moved here and we got back together again mid-2018. So I helped him settle here and we spent lots of time together. Then in October 2019, he broke it off with me saying he didn't want to get married anymore or have kids with me. I was shocked and devastated - I kept asking why and he kept saying our relationship failed because of me. This continued on for 4 months (till Feb 2020) - until I found out that the weekend after he broke it off with me, he went out with another girl. And all the while he was gaslighting me that I was the reason our relationship failed even stating that he would rather be alone than with me - and I felt so guilty and went into depression because of it - while those 4 months he was seeing another girl. During those months, I asked him if there was someone else - which he kept saying no. So eventually I find out about this girl and Feb and confronted him - he couldn't even be honest about it saying it started only 2 weeks ago. Anyways, in March he went to see a therapist because he realised he didnt like who he was becoming - he didnt even tell the girl he was married with kids but just led her on. So he came to me asking for forgiveness - and we should try again. So after a few weeks, I said ok. He then said he would be honest and tell me all I wanted to know. But there were some things of what he said that didnt add up - I had stalked the girl and she had put photos up of all the weekends she went away - while he was saying he wasnt with her on those weekends, but gut instincts tell me otherwise. He's still hiding things from me and when I tell him my issues and concerns and doubts - he yells, gets mad and threatens to leave me - like as if I'm the crazy one?