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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Shyone Marriage breakdown with joint loans
  • replies: 16

When your marriage feels like it is breaking down; how do you free yourself from the finanical straps that are holding you there? Basically I would like to seperate for a while from my husband, who is sleeping separately from me anyway - in a differe... View more

When your marriage feels like it is breaking down; how do you free yourself from the finanical straps that are holding you there? Basically I would like to seperate for a while from my husband, who is sleeping separately from me anyway - in a different thread - and I am not coping very well and would like to rent somewhere but because everything is either in my name or both I feel trapped.

Livvy123 How to work through your relationship following infidelity?
  • replies: 3

My partner and I were together for a year but then broke up as we were both really depressed and became unhappy in our relationship (felt like we didn't meet each other's needs and were actually unhappy about our lives but blamed the relationship). A... View more

My partner and I were together for a year but then broke up as we were both really depressed and became unhappy in our relationship (felt like we didn't meet each other's needs and were actually unhappy about our lives but blamed the relationship). About 3 months ago we decided to get back together but before this, my partner told me that before we start this relationship I need to know that he cheated on me (kissed a girl from work) about 3 months after we first got together (reason: he couldn't communicate his needs to me and it was a mistake but just felt like I didn't appreciate him - which I didn't in hindsight). Following our break up, another girl from his work expressed her feelings to him and they dated for 3 weeks but that ended quickly as it was a rebound and he realised he wasn't ready and didn't want it. I was extremely upset but I decided I wanted to be with him and work through it and I came clean about feeling guilty about sleeping with someone else as he pursued me initially and lying to him about it our whole relationship. I have really horrible anxiety and have always been insecure and as expected it's only gotten worse now. I love my partner and he as actually been wonderful! Anytime I need to talk about it he listens and never tells me to "get over it already" and whatever I need from him, he does (eg. be more honest with me when a girl messages me, lets me check his phone if I really need to). We both feel like our needs are finally being met and we are openly communicating. However, I'm starting to get really upset with myself because I just can't move on! I'm constantly anxious, insecure and crying because I read into it when he's having a bad day at work thinking it's me and automatically think that he wants to leave me. I get anxious anytime a female speaks to him that he might think she's better than me. I have dreams about him cheating on me and have started having doubts about my own ability to remain loyal and constant flashbacks about what happened and picturing it (almost PTSD like symptoms). I'm over feeling like this and just want to work towards becoming less insecure and anxious about my partner and my relationship but I'm so overwhelmed and don't know how! Any advice would be much appreciated on how to move on with my relationship and also advice on maybe ways to help cope with the anxiety and insecurities. Thanks!

RichardW007 Why am I here?
  • replies: 3

What is the reason for my existence? I am now alone just bought 2 two kittens yesterday to keep me company, am loney, sad, regret so many decisions over my life, have two kids from two wives, miserable, now separated, lonely, but I have no money prob... View more

What is the reason for my existence? I am now alone just bought 2 two kittens yesterday to keep me company, am loney, sad, regret so many decisions over my life, have two kids from two wives, miserable, now separated, lonely, but I have no money problems so it is not that. I answered my question about why are we here, it is to reproduce and die so our species can continue at the expense of all other species on the planet. That is easy to work out. But I just don't know why I should bother to continue. I am lonely, I don't want to meet another partner, I want to divorce my wife whom I separated from five years ago and reunit with my overseas gf I meet in 2016.

Outoffaith2020 Promises a baby and then takes it back.
  • replies: 4

I have been with my fiance for 2 years and I love him but he keeps putting the breaks on our relationship. We had a venue ready for our wedding, then he refused to pay the deposit. 2 weeks before our engagement party was my graduation from my degree ... View more

I have been with my fiance for 2 years and I love him but he keeps putting the breaks on our relationship. We had a venue ready for our wedding, then he refused to pay the deposit. 2 weeks before our engagement party was my graduation from my degree I worked hard for 8.5 years. He started a fight with me over a joke my dad said and he completely ruined my day. I spent the whole family dinner in tears and cancelled my wedding dress appointment for the following weekend. Now he knows I always wanted a baby and he asked me to get my immunizations up and start taking pre-natal vitimans. We also started getting books and I have been reading up on what is the best way non how to conceive. Today I asked him how we were going to support our family. I don't have much in savings but I own my own home. He Dosent have any property, earns a decent wage and has 9k savings. He also currently lives with his dad and pays $50 a fortnight in board. His response was I though you'd be paying for the baby. I said to him well I want to work as a team and asked if when he moves in fully (currently he lives here 4 nights out of 7) would he be happy with $100 a fortnight and that would be towards bills and food. He got annoyed and went back to his dad's. Now he is saying he wants to pump the breaks again. I'm quite hurt because all I've ever wanted is a family of my own and I feel like he has ripped it out of my arms. I am at the point where I don't know whether to try and work through it or pack his stuff up and except that I will never have the family I wanted and I will be turning 30 with out being a mother.

PsychedelicFur I’m eccentric yet I don’t have many friends
  • replies: 5

Hello there, within times of quarantine I have suddenly come to the ultimate realisation that people of my age bracket don’t particularly care about me. I’m unique. And when I’m at school I don’t really have many friends or I feel highly uncomfortabl... View more

Hello there, within times of quarantine I have suddenly come to the ultimate realisation that people of my age bracket don’t particularly care about me. I’m unique. And when I’m at school I don’t really have many friends or I feel highly uncomfortable around people of my age bracket because I don’t seem to relate or understand them at all. I am an old soul so this does make it excruciatingly difficult. I have my own style and get constantly told when I go out into the city or the shops that I look amazing, yet why do the students at my school seem to not want to approach me or genuinely embrace or establish a kindred spirit connection? I try with people but they seem to speak to as a substitute for their friend, and when their friend suddenly reappears they no longer converse words with me. what should I simply do? psychedelicfur.

Nm123 Hi am a new member.
  • replies: 3

I am feeling very depressed and sad not feel like interested in anything coz of my verbally abusive husband. I feel cheated coz of his lies.

I am feeling very depressed and sad not feel like interested in anything coz of my verbally abusive husband. I feel cheated coz of his lies.

LosingFaith Renting, moving interstate and teenage daughter.
  • replies: 21

Hi guys, I am in need of some advice. I am 40 yrs old with lots of medical problems. I have a 16 yr old still living at home, 2 cats and 1 dog. I have been in a long distance relationship now for almost 2 years. I currently rent a property which is g... View more

Hi guys, I am in need of some advice. I am 40 yrs old with lots of medical problems. I have a 16 yr old still living at home, 2 cats and 1 dog. I have been in a long distance relationship now for almost 2 years. I currently rent a property which is going on the market and I don’t really want to stay here. I’m not working but I’m currently studying to better myself. My 16 yr old doesn’t like my partner and has major anxiety/anger issues that I am trying to cope with. I want to move interstate to be with my girlfriend, to have a better life etc, but my daughter won’t allow me to. She says if I move interstate she wont come and she’ll take the animals and either live with her dad or older sister. She also refuses to go to school, she doesn’t have any friends, she won’t leave the house unless she really has to etc. She constantly argues with me, tells me to leave my partner and to find someone else. We currently see a psychologist for her issues but she thinks she doesn’t need to. I miss my girlfriend, my daughter won’t cooperate with me, I don’t have a mum to talk to, my nan and Aunty have their own issues and my eldest daughter just doesn’t understand. With everything going on, my mental health has deteriorated. I’m not coping very well at all. Do you think I’m being selfish for wanting to move in with/move closer to my partner?

Guest_9532 Supporting my boyfriend
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been in a relationship with a great guy for the last 8 or so months. Very shortly after we got together, I learned of the many challenges he has been facing in his life and his previous experience of depression. For some context, he is fac... View more

Hi, I have been in a relationship with a great guy for the last 8 or so months. Very shortly after we got together, I learned of the many challenges he has been facing in his life and his previous experience of depression. For some context, he is facing a lot of challenges personally - financially, balancing work and university, living independently with all family in another country, and a lot more. On and off for the last few months, we have had some tough times.. probably more than happy, carefree times. I have tried my best to be supportive, empathetic and patient with this.. and we have worked together on figuring out how I can best support him. I'm a very nurturing person, so I've done lots of little things to make his life easier, and always showing my love. While he is dealing with some of these issues (the biggest one is meant to have an 'end date' - it's a Visa situation). That will be resolved this week, but he realised he is still feeling anxious and overwhelmed. For the last two weeks, specifically, I am finding it very hard to hold on. While I am being as much of a supportive partner as possible, the relationship is really starting to suffer. He has little to no time for quality time together, he is usually distracted or tired when we're together. This often means he doesn't seem happy to see me, doesn’t check in with how I'm feeling/my day, and I have been feeling unappreciated and lonely. I feel am putting in so much effort and getting very little back.. but I need to feel valued and loved too. I have usually been the affectionate one, but this week, I have felt myself pulling away for fear of rejection. I feel really selfish, but I feel like we've sort of missed out on the fun, 'honeymoon' phase of the relationship.. and I don't have years of good memories to keep me going, as the relationship is still somewhat new. My main issue now is - what is the right path? am I entitled and is it reasonable to voice some of the things that are upsetting me, or should I continue to push my own issues to the side and continue to support him in any way he needs? when we've discussed this before, it has sort of been implied that we'll be able to really 'work on' the relationship once his personal challenges are resolved, and he knows (generally) that I have had to put all my expectations of him on the back burner. Any advice would be great... I'm feeling isolated and lost, but really selfish. Thank you.

Sarah_K Help with a Narcissist.     
  • replies: 4

Hello Everyone, I have been married to my husband's family for a decade. Brothers-in-law (BIL) is a complete narcissist and married my old flatmate who was very antisocial but she was ok with me then. I introduced her to BIL, they got together but he... View more

Hello Everyone, I have been married to my husband's family for a decade. Brothers-in-law (BIL) is a complete narcissist and married my old flatmate who was very antisocial but she was ok with me then. I introduced her to BIL, they got together but he was engaged at the time, I told her but they continued. They ended up married, he cheated on her several times, she knew but they remain together. She once told the family that she makes alot of money and that she is better than everyone else (and wonders why the majority dislike her)... She was very hot or cold with me for years until my husband's paycheck rose, then she was mostly cold towards me. So, BIL and I have disagreements intermittently ... but the last one, ended up with her cutting ties with me. I, at that point, decided I wasn't going to chase after her anymore because she does this to people all the time, and people either go crawling back to her or stop communicating with her, I chose to leave it be. We all have children now, and I want our kids to see theirs but she makes it hard. She kept her last pregnancy a secret from her husband's family and only wanted her family to know. She even got BIL to not say a word to anyone, and he didn't. We had no clue... during this time, we had tried inviting her to family outings and she was always sick, if we went over to theirs, she was always in her room and told her husband that she didn't want anyone over. We didn't ask BIL if they were trying for another baby because he had said mean things about her to everyone and that they were constantly fighting. We were only told about the new baby 2 wks after it was born. I felt angry and upset but not because of the secrets and betrayal of BIL, but because it was a MASSIVE slap-in-the-face to everyone who would have been supportive to her (she had severe postnatal depression last pregnancy) and this was one way to isolate her kids from their own blood. Why would she do that? One of the ex-SIL's (studying to be a counselor), said that she noticed her being "competitive" with me, even if I wasn't aware of it. She suggested that she may be a Narcissist or have a higher-functioning autism.. but I'm not sure. I need some help to understand this.. and what is it about me that she has this animosity for? Is it because I'm not chasing after the toxic friendship, is it jealousy, feeling threatened, just what?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

JennyYanna My husband cheated on me for prostitute
  • replies: 2

2 days ago i found out my husband cheated on me, he often goes to brothel for 2 years, can say everyweek. I feel broken when found out this truth. We have been in relationship for 7years and have a 3yo daughter, we just married for 7months. We dont h... View more

2 days ago i found out my husband cheated on me, he often goes to brothel for 2 years, can say everyweek. I feel broken when found out this truth. We have been in relationship for 7years and have a 3yo daughter, we just married for 7months. We dont have any sex or intimacy since i was pregnant, so could say 4yrs. Also, my husband is a veteran, he has PTSD and broken for 5yrs. He is diagnosed with sexual disfunction (according to the Drs), that was a reason i thought he didnt wanna have sex bc of depression and anxiety medication he has been. He was inpatient in Hospital 2 times to address alcohol and gambling problem, plus PTSD....He used to tell me that he has no interest in sex bc of his mental health problem and medication he taken. That was the only reason i trust on him not cheating on me. 1 year ago, i also found out that he went to brothel for prostitutes but he said that he took his friends there, not him. And i beleive on him. I dont know what to do now, i feel so hurt and pain, i wanna leave as its too much pain for me. But thinking abt my daughter, i cant. I cant put on her what my husband has done to me as its not fair. She loves his dad very much, i cant think abt separate her with her dad, but i cant think abt stay to experience my pain everyday seeing him. I just feel stuck, no way to go. Why he cheated on me for prostitutes? Why he told me that he has been sexual disfunction but still going to brothel? So is this my fault? since i found out, i move into another room and live with my daughter, but still in the same house and i told him dont talk to me unless he wants to discuss abt separation and child custody. We havent talked abt what happened, i want to know why he cheated on me but i feel so painful to listen to. what should i do? Move on to a separation or give him a chance bc of my daughter? I know its up to me to decide but im just empty now to decide anything, i dont want my decision hurt my daughter, otherwise i will live a regret life bc of the affects on her. I should live the life for myself or for my daughter? Please give me advise, im totally broken.