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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Hurt87 Addict Break up
  • replies: 3

Hello all I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years because of his drug addiction. He started smoking many years ago, and smoked every day. For the first few years of our relationship I also smoked with him. When I stopped I realised we didn't... View more

Hello all I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years because of his drug addiction. He started smoking many years ago, and smoked every day. For the first few years of our relationship I also smoked with him. When I stopped I realised we didn't really have any emotional connection. We didnt talk about much. We didnt talk about our feelings.. It seemed like our main connection was smoking together. Our sex life had never been great, we had sex maybe once a year. He told me he wasnt a sexual person.. I tried to get him to be involved in our life together. After I stopped smoking I tried to improve myself, I was exercising, meal planning, I was budgeting my money and I was getting ahead at work. He didn't want to be involved in any of these things with me. He preferred to get high We fought and bickered almost daily. I was very anxious a lot of the time. I felt a huge amount of resentment towards him as I felt like I was carrying the both of us through the relationship After another fight I started about nothing I told him something has to change and I asked him to stop smoking. He told me it was part of his personality and it was part of who he was. Why couldn't I just love him for him? Although I did love him I had to admit that I wasnt happy anymore. We didn't have an emotional connection or a physical connection. He is telling me he had no idea and he feels blindsided by this. He's asking me why I dont want to fight for him. But I'm at the point where I am done. Im feeling a huge amount of guilt as I feel I have abandoned him but also I cant be unhappy forever.. How to get through this awful guilt of breaking up with him to save myself?

Guest_0753 How Do You Get Out There?
  • replies: 23

Can someone tell me what I would be doing wrong when I can't ever get a boyfriend or go out with friends. I am a more introverted person who works and stays at home as my two social places apart from shopping. What and where do you meet these sort of... View more

Can someone tell me what I would be doing wrong when I can't ever get a boyfriend or go out with friends. I am a more introverted person who works and stays at home as my two social places apart from shopping. What and where do you meet these sort of people and why does it seem to come so easily and naturally to other people to get someone special? Is it to do with the fact I don't have those Jlo looks , not obvious enough with flirting What has worked for someone in the past?

Grant999 Commitment issues or Incompatibility
  • replies: 6

I’ve been in a relationship for over 3 years. We’re not living together, but still have enjoyed a good relationship with common interests and a strong connection (I thought). A few months ago, my partner asked for a ring to confirm our love. I approa... View more

I’ve been in a relationship for over 3 years. We’re not living together, but still have enjoyed a good relationship with common interests and a strong connection (I thought). A few months ago, my partner asked for a ring to confirm our love. I approached a designer who made a ring with stone. My partner said she wanted a plain ring, so back to the designer. I gave her new ring last weekend and thought she loved it. Today she returned the ring and said the relationship was over as she didn’t feel the relationship was right for her. I’m very confused and feel that the real issue is commitment. I asked for a month for us both to reflect, she agreed but I think this was just to get the discussion over. I feel devastated, not sure what to do. I want to give her space but am worried about losing her. she also said she wasn’t sure how she felt about me and didn’t believe in love. Not sure what to do.

marli_w In a long term relationship, speaking to my EX
  • replies: 4

I have been in a relationship for 2 years, however before I met my current partner, I was 'seeing' a man on and off for 1 year and 6 months, before I finally put myself first and decided I wasn't happy anymore. 3 months after I ended things I met my ... View more

I have been in a relationship for 2 years, however before I met my current partner, I was 'seeing' a man on and off for 1 year and 6 months, before I finally put myself first and decided I wasn't happy anymore. 3 months after I ended things I met my current partner. While my partner and I are not perfect, have had issues and almost separated many times, I have been very loyal to and content with my current partner for the past 2 years, however the last 3 months it felt like something in me changed, I wasn't happy anymore. My partner has mental illness like myself and can become very hurtful and I would argue abusive during his lows. Through my entire relationship, the guy I had been 'seeing' (sleeping with) for a year and a half kept trying to contact me, I had blocked him on facebook, instagram and snapchat by this point. It was only when I created a new snapchat account (to remove all the people I didn't want in my life) that he contacted me again only this time, it felt like I wanted to talk to him. Before I spoke to him, or added him on snapchat, I spoke to my current partner about it, he was obviously not happy but understood he might just want to talk. I added him and I was inundated with snapchats and messages from him, I didn't respond to any until later. We ended up having a dry conversation, I realised I wasn't going to get closure, so I unfriended him and told my partner I did so. That was until he repeatedly added me back, so I added him back again. This time he was different. So here we are, I'm speaking to him on snapchat, he's been saying inappropriate things and I've been ignoring them, I feel incredibly guilty for A. adding him again, B. Not telling my partner it happened again C. even feeling like I want to speak to him. Wether its for closure or not, it feels wrong. I would like some advice on how to go about this, I am speaking to a psychologist about the situation currently and while it's helping, she can't exactly tell me what to do. I need some guidance, I don't want to hurt either of them but my boyfriend comes first. I have a lot of unresolved feelings towards this guy, How do I go about this? How do I let go? Should I block him on snapchat again or tell him I just want to be friends? I feel so horrible. I feel so guilty. I suffer from anxiety depression and suicidal thoughts, this situation really hasn't helped. Any kindness and guidance would be appreciated. I know I probably don't deserve it. Thankyou.

MAX185 depression and why is it 'all about me?'
  • replies: 6

My wife and i are arguing constantly about how everything is all about the way I describe what happens to 'ME' in our daily activities. She says everything is just about me when in conversation with her. I have epilepsy and the medication takes it's ... View more

My wife and i are arguing constantly about how everything is all about the way I describe what happens to 'ME' in our daily activities. She says everything is just about me when in conversation with her. I have epilepsy and the medication takes it's toll. I have sought help from several men's health groups after a very violent outburst involving a misread situation on my part. I am trying not to let my medication be the 'reason' for this over reaction but in looking for answers to it I have discovered I may be suffering from depression and after reading several articles I have been seeing things written in those that provided realisation that I may have a problem. Two days after the outburst I contemplated suicide because I couldn't see a way back to her. My teenage daughter and two sons have also been affected by my action that night. I was arrested and cannot see them now for legal reasons. I am ashamed of my actions but her and my daughter's understanding of my condition,which has come to light after this crisis,are not being taken seriously enough in my view. I have never asked for any type of help in my life previous to this,so I feel lost and alone. She has criticised me for suggesting depression as part of the situation we find ourselves in as a family at this time.I love her and my children deeply and would do anything to regain their trust and respect.

Baby_girl_2010 I am just at the start of divorce
  • replies: 1

Hi all I am just at the start of my divorce and my ex said we would tell our daughter together sit her down and explain everything to her but he backed out and I ended up having to explain to her that her father put in for a divorce she isn't coping ... View more

Hi all I am just at the start of my divorce and my ex said we would tell our daughter together sit her down and explain everything to her but he backed out and I ended up having to explain to her that her father put in for a divorce she isn't coping well any advice would be greatly appreciated i have her in counselling but anything else I would be willing to try and help her through this hard time I try not to show my emotions in front of my friends and family and my daughter as I feel like I am weak if I do this

Wonder593 Step parenting struggles
  • replies: 4

I feel like im in a losing battle every day i wake up a headache is sure there to greet me. I feel guilty with my emotions towards my SD (9yrs old.) I'm resenting her, I dont enjoy her in my home/life, I feel she is a burden and an unwanted weight im... View more

I feel like im in a losing battle every day i wake up a headache is sure there to greet me. I feel guilty with my emotions towards my SD (9yrs old.) I'm resenting her, I dont enjoy her in my home/life, I feel she is a burden and an unwanted weight im carrying around. Iv been in a relationship with her dad now for 3 yrs and we share a son together. I have 2 other children ( 10yr F and 8 yr B) For the past 3 yrs we have had DHHS come an go in our lives due to certain things that have happened with my SD and bio-mum. Everytime i have been the one to pull her in with us to try protect her an give her a good decent life, but my SD always ends up treating me bad, fights, picks on my son (sadly he is now doing the same back), does inappropriate things, disrespectful, careless, shows no empathy and now is protecting her mother as she does no wrong in her eyes. I tell my SD she is always to love her bio-mum but to achknowlege wrong behavior an not to follow. It seems no matter what i do, it never seems to help. I have gotten her support services an physiologist, I have always shown compassion/empathy for the trouble she has gone threw. Iv created structure/stability/respect which she will always rebel against as she has always had free reins at her bio-mum. Her mentality is adults can do as they please so why can't she, or if she pushes me enough ill give up or sometimes she has even said she just likes making me mad. She cannot go back to her bio-mum, even sadder her bio- mum shows now interest in her own daughter. Her father trys to help when ever he can, he is great support an respects everything i have/do for her. My mental state is weakening and iv even contimplated breaking up with my spouse so i dont have the worry/drama or stress anymore. I love my spouse so much but sadly the only thing thats preventing me is our son as i dont want him to miss out on an amazing father. I need help with coaping threw this, I know the worst is still to come, but i don't know if I'm stronger enough to deal with much more.

Featherblue Living internationally and issues with in laws
  • replies: 1

I was hoping to get some perspective on my situation I have suffered from anxiety/ depression for about 6 years. When I moved to Aus from uk, for the first 6 months my husband's cousin, would completely ignore me, she was rude and treated me like I w... View more

I was hoping to get some perspective on my situation I have suffered from anxiety/ depression for about 6 years. When I moved to Aus from uk, for the first 6 months my husband's cousin, would completely ignore me, she was rude and treated me like I was nothing... I shrugged it off a number of times, but as she consistently did it, I was starting to notice her complete contempt for me. It effected my interaction with other people I would start to have panic attacks going to functions & really couldn't face them.I really had to distance myself to build any sort of life here and be with my husband. From then it became a bit of a trigger for me when people ignored me I would go to this dark place of feeling unworthy. Before the birth of my first child my MIL crossed afew boundaries so I reached out to make her aware of my indifference to her views..she ignored me.. months went by,I was just so upset,felt like it was happening all over again,this was meant to be my family and they were treating me like a piece of crap!We bumped into my MIL& her sister at a festival, I was 8 months pregnant. Her sister came straight up to me stared at me, then walked away, it felt like she was trying to intimidate me. The MIL walked up,apologised for ignoring me, but things really have never been the same since. I keep things polite for the sake of the children, however I never enjoy family engagements as I have this huge wall up that I cannot break. I'm having huge trouble forgiving and forgetting and really beating myself up about it. It's my sons 2nd birthday coming up and I suggested to invite the MILs sister which I now know was a huge, huge mistake and will now feel rude to retract the invite. since I invited her I have been having daily panic attacks and cannot think straight. I have tried and tried to reason with myself but something feels so incredibly wrong and my fight/flight mode has gone through the roof. Im torn between being the person that wants to be tough for the sake of the children and push through so they have a connection with their family/then the other side of me that frets and panics for weeks before any event because I cannot cope with being in the same room as them. I understand grandparents are important and I can deal with the MIL, but when they are altogether I feel threatened, unheard, unloved & alone. Do I put myself through that for the sake of my husband and children or do I break away for the sake of my sanity and a peaceful soul?

Wanderlust123 Estranged family relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I have been estranged from my father for several years. We have never had a bad relationship, in fact we had a fantastic relationship when I was a child, however it slowly fizzled out as a teenager and now as an adult we do not talk. I do n... View more

Hi there, I have been estranged from my father for several years. We have never had a bad relationship, in fact we had a fantastic relationship when I was a child, however it slowly fizzled out as a teenager and now as an adult we do not talk. I do not recall an exact moment that lead to us to being estranged, and for years I struggled with how this happened and blamed myself that I didn't try hard enough, but later I came to tell myself it was not my fault because I was a child in all this as a way of coping and went about my life. However, today I gained a new perspective. I decided to open old messages and realised on multiple occasions over the past several years he had reached out to catch up, however I had ignored these messages. This might sound strange, but I do not remember this happening. I had been telling myself that he was not making an effort for all these years but today I realised he was - it has completely shaken me and made me feel awful. I fear I am entering the cycle of blaming myself again for our non-existent relationship. I'm not sure what to do now. At first I wanted to reach out, but upon pondering it more, the thought seems so scary and brings up so many emotions. I worry that I am not ready and will not be able to sustain the energy to build the relationship, as I've tried this in the past and it had fizzled out. At the same time I'm fearing rejection that he may not wish to give the relationship another go. What should I do? I feel like I need to work through some emotions surrounding this, especially as this relationship has been impacted by my parent's divorce and new family units. I have never been to a therapist/counselling and I'm not sure if that is the best solution for me. I have found reading books written by psychologists helpful in the past, and feel reading other people's similar situations may help too. Looking for suggestions on what action to take next, and any recommended reading material. Thanks

Strugglingmum88 New mum reaching out for help,advise,and to talk
  • replies: 2

Hi I don't know if this is the right place to reach out for help but I hope it is I am a 1st time mum I have been with my partner for around 10years we struggled alot with falling pregnant I had several misscarragies. We went through IVF And we were ... View more

Hi I don't know if this is the right place to reach out for help but I hope it is I am a 1st time mum I have been with my partner for around 10years we struggled alot with falling pregnant I had several misscarragies. We went through IVF And we were successful our 1st time. I now have a 4 month old son please don't get me wrong I LOVE My son more then anything in this world.. but I feel alone ! I cry sometimes for no reason. My partner doesn't understand. I don't feel as connected with my son as I think I should be. Please is there any mums that can relate who are happy to talk to me.