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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest7890 I’m the one always initiating sex from my boyfriend
  • replies: 2

So I don’t really know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a bit now and when we first came together it was new and exciting, we would have sex almost every day or every couple of days which I know is unrealistic over time b... View more

So I don’t really know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a bit now and when we first came together it was new and exciting, we would have sex almost every day or every couple of days which I know is unrealistic over time but now, it feels like we only have it every couple of weeks and I’m always the one to initiate it. Its even more disappointing when I feel like i’m the one always trying and when he gets off, I’m still left horny and frustrated because I was unable to climax as well. The main thing I don’t like at the moment though is how much I am always wanting to get him in the mood, it feels as though he expects me to play the role and whenever he feels horny, he just waits for me to want it to initiate it. Aside from being left frustrated and like he doesn’t try for me, I also feel pretty rejected as a girl. He has said once before that hes just used to seeing me around half naked sometimes so he doesn’t quite get as excited as he used to, which really hurts my feelings because the main thing I take from that is that hes bored and doesn’t find me as sexually attractive or interesting as he used to. I feel really ugly, and a bit of a freak since I want sex so bad so often and he doesn’t seem to be interested most the times I try to get him in the mood. I want to talk it out with him but I’m worried it will turn into a fight. One thing I want to talk about is I want him to try more to make me feel good during sex, but its hard for me to imagine asking that without it being weird or turning into a fight, plus I would feel there would be extra pressure on me to climax even if I can’t and hes trying. I also feel like I can’t change how hes feeling and change his sex drive. My boyfriend has always been a really sexual guy so it hurts me to think he isn’t as interested or sexually driven to me anymore. My plan is to withdrawal a little in initiating sex so that maybe he will feel more abliged to try with me when he feels like it, I plan on watching porn to forfill my own desires in the mean time. Although I hope he changes so I don’t feel a need to do that often as I have withdrawn from watching porn ever since our relationshop started as it often makes me feel really lonely and sad afterwards. Has anyone and any girls been through this? Anyone have any advice please?

Dreamer_ Early menopause possibly linked to IVF
  • replies: 4

In December 2019 I married my partner of 10 years. Although we met when we were 3 at playgroup. We didn’t start dating until our early 30’s. When I was 34 after being together for a couple of years we decided to try for a baby. My GP said that I shou... View more

In December 2019 I married my partner of 10 years. Although we met when we were 3 at playgroup. We didn’t start dating until our early 30’s. When I was 34 after being together for a couple of years we decided to try for a baby. My GP said that I should do a test to check my egg count. And the results were low. She referred us to a fertility clinic. We tried ovulation induction at one clinic but found the appointments hard to get to and very pricey. 6 Months later we got referred to another clinic. They charged us for every failed cycle, we did a few with them. I did not find them helpful at all. We tried naturally for a couple of years with no luck so got a referral to yet another clinic and did 6 cycles through them. We eventually got to egg retrieval time but sadly they could only get (1) egg. So they used all the money and hope we had in the world on this one little egg with my partners sperm. Got a phone call at work a couple of days later to say that it didn’t work. The fertility specialist then suggested our next step would be donor egg. The thought of this makes me feel so hopeless and useless that my own body cannot produce/conceive. I feel like an absolute failure. we decided to get married after my husband proposed to me on my 40th Birthday. Last year 2019 was the year of joy! I took time away from trying to fall pregnant and actually enjoyed our life leading up to the wedding. I had two periods in November 2019 which was weird. I was due while we were on our Honeymoon straight after the wedding. But never got it. I decided to get some blood tests done because I was feeling so unwell with hot flushes and exhaustion. My test results came back and my GP told me that I’m now in early menopause, not peri menopause which is common for my age. But actual menopause. Which doesn’t normally occur until ladies are in their late 40’s to 50’s. I am currently feeling broken and empty inside. I can’t really talk to my husband as he doesn’t know what to say or do. My mum and mother in law although they mean well don’t really know how to support me. They both had children. As do most of my friends. My friends try to understand but how can they really? Also I don’t want people’s advice I just want my baby. And I’m not yet ready to give up this fight. I truely believe that all the hormones pumped into my body has caused me to go into early menopause. This is just going by personal experience.

Laura1987 Not sure if I should stay in my marriage
  • replies: 9

My toddler was having a meltdown and I asked my husband to help. He got angry with me and then started kicking the kids toys so I got the kids and left. He sent me text messages and told me he won’t help me, don’t ask him too and he told me he doesn’... View more

My toddler was having a meltdown and I asked my husband to help. He got angry with me and then started kicking the kids toys so I got the kids and left. He sent me text messages and told me he won’t help me, don’t ask him too and he told me he doesn’t want to speak to me and can’t stand to be near me. We have been together 13 years and are due to relocate soon. I’ve no idea what I’m doing now! Should I just leave?

MummaF I'm about to lose everything
  • replies: 13

Im a mum of 2 beautiful girls 8 & 5 - been with my partner for 14 years. I have depression which was diagnosed just over a year ago and on medication for this. My partner has told me it's over due to some recent behaviours I have been displaying and ... View more

Im a mum of 2 beautiful girls 8 & 5 - been with my partner for 14 years. I have depression which was diagnosed just over a year ago and on medication for this. My partner has told me it's over due to some recent behaviours I have been displaying and been struggling with for maybe 2 years. I'm not passed as an alcoholic, I am not dependant on alcohol but I am a terrible binge drinker. My drinking over time had esculated in a sitting to the extreme that I am making horrible decisions. I am drinking alot in one sitting and taking it way to far. A while ago I started to party hard staying out all night etc and he dealt with it for a long time. I have male friends that at times the conversation has been inappropriate and just recently my partner has read some messages on my phone that has lead to this decision. While yes I had written something that was intended as a joke and I tried to explain the context of it but he isn't accepting it and questioning everything on my phone. My behaviours have taken it's toll on our relationship and recently I have resulted to some recreational drug use. I initially have lied to him about this and now he knows. I am on medication and the last year been seeing a psychologist which over time I think I checked out of. I'm losing control and trying to get my way back - already talked to my doctor about changing my medication, re booked my psychologist for an emergency appointment. I have also been looking at seeking a treatment stay somewhere but finding it difficult to find one here in adelaide. I need help and I can't lose my relationship. He says it's too late but i told him I won't give up without a fight. He is such an amazing father and has been incredible to me and it kills me to continue to self distruct when all I want is my family to stay together. I am willing to do anything to save my family. Please help!!

Guest_7403 Ex wife upsetting me - trying to move forward
  • replies: 118

My wife left me 6 weeks ago because my cptsd was out of control and I wasn't making any efforts to get better. I went to a private mental hospital for two weeks in an attempt to start my recovery. Whilst in there she reached out and said maybe she'd ... View more

My wife left me 6 weeks ago because my cptsd was out of control and I wasn't making any efforts to get better. I went to a private mental hospital for two weeks in an attempt to start my recovery. Whilst in there she reached out and said maybe she'd like to try, she went back and forth the entire time and basically disrupted my hospital stay, upsetting me daily. When I got home, she came over from her mums and hugged and kissed me, she did this for three days straight. I messaged her on day 4 and said I felt really good and thought we had a real shot at this, she replied and told me that the romantic kissing meant nothing and she only did it to make me feel better. I was upset and very hurt by her actions, as it meant more to me then nothing. I awoke the next day to a message telling me she loves me but she doesn't want to try, doesn't want to continue and to respect her decision and not contact her. So i haven't as I just want to heal and move on with my life and accept my marriage is over. She works at my work and when I return from my work cover itll be hard to see her. But today I get a knock at the door, and it's the police doing a welfare check on me saying that my wife has called and is concerned for my safety because I haven't messaged her and I haven't responded to my work place. This is a lie, I spoke to management last week about my health and future plans. I recieved a msg from my boss saying he's here to talk if I need anything just before the police arrived. It's upset me, as I have respected her wishes, have done nothing wrong. And now she's discussing my mental state with my bosses and making me out to be unstable which is untrue. I just want this nightmare to end and move forward with my love. This just makes going back harder.

ckris I’ve told my husband that I think I want to separate...now what?
  • replies: 3

So I laid everything bare last night and was completely truthful and honest with myself and my husband. After what seems like years of bickering and fighting, a hostile household and no affection between us, numerous accounts of belittling behaviour ... View more

So I laid everything bare last night and was completely truthful and honest with myself and my husband. After what seems like years of bickering and fighting, a hostile household and no affection between us, numerous accounts of belittling behaviour from my husband, I feel like our marriage might be too little too late for repairing. So I have told my husband that I am considering what our future would be like if we were just co-parents focussing on our kids and not letting our relationship get in the way. We have two kids, 4 and 1 so I’m completely terrified and clueless about navigating the steps ahead. My absolute most important thing is that the kids remain as settled as they can be, know that they have two very loving parents and I want to try my hardest to make sure my husband and I can make a successful plan to parent our kids. Any advice from anyone in this kind of situation would be greatly appreciated.

DavMB I’m not sure what I’m feeling
  • replies: 3

I’ve been married to my wife for 9 years. We’ve gone through many things together. For me she is a good wife, she is certainly not perfect but she is loving and treats me with respect. I know this is wrong but if I could, I would like to be with some... View more

I’ve been married to my wife for 9 years. We’ve gone through many things together. For me she is a good wife, she is certainly not perfect but she is loving and treats me with respect. I know this is wrong but if I could, I would like to be with somebody else. She struggles with depression and anxiety. I have anxiety issues as well and we both go to therapy (separately). She has an anxiety crisis almost every single night, she wants to eat, watch movies, she hates going to bed. For example last night she made a Pina colada for herself (I couldn’t because I had a surgery last week and can’t take alcohol because of the antibiotics) watched a movie on Netflix, and then started watching videos on YouTube. I asked her to turn off the TV (it was midnight) but she said she wanted to watch some videos. Those crisis happen every night. She will want to buy food from Uber eats, or watch a movie and the thing is, I don’t know how to help. I am an early bird so for me going to bed early is important. Maybe I’m tired that even when she’s having therapy, I don’t see a change in that area. Maybe I’m giving myself permission to fantasise with another person because I want to avoid the daily drama. I wonder if other couples go through similar issues. Yesterday, she told me that I am usually distant, cold, indifferent with her. I don’t get close, not even touch her. She’s is right, I feel bad because I’m supposed to love her but I’m not in love anymore. She's a nice person to live with but I feel I’m not the person she needs. I don't want to lose her, but I’m not the husband I used to be. I used to be romantic and here I’m not sure if that is normal because we’ve been married for so long or if it’s because a part of me wants to avoid her as much as possible. Thanks

Sallyanne2 Husband wants to leave
  • replies: 10

Today has been a hard day. Took dog to vet, in car dog whinged all the way there and caused my husband to have anxiety and stress to the point he thought he would die. He has a hearing problem which causes his ears to ache with loud noises and he tho... View more

Today has been a hard day. Took dog to vet, in car dog whinged all the way there and caused my husband to have anxiety and stress to the point he thought he would die. He has a hearing problem which causes his ears to ache with loud noises and he thought the dog might bark while in car. I contacted my dog groomer to see if she knew of anyone that would love a beautiful placid puppy to keep as I can’t keep going through this mess of being blamed for the dogs erratic barking, even though today she didn’t bark. husband is now saying he doesn’t want me to get rid of the dog because it’s him that wants to go. He doesn’t believe our relationship is worth saving after 42 years of being together. I’m kind to him, treat him with respect, cook, clean, wash his clothes, iron his clothes and all the other things a good women would do. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I certainly don’t treat him badly. I have never hit or abused him, bullied him or be graded him. I have supported him and cared for him all our years together. I feel so let down. I feel why should I do all those things that show my love for him when he can’t appreciate them. I feel I have nothing more to give, I give him my all and I feel for what now? Should I just move on and get out before I’m hurt anymore or should I stay and know he’s not happy. It’s doing my head in. I could probably go to my mums. I’m so hurt, I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. He’s says I’ve done nothing wrong, well why would he want to go? IF he loved me he wouldn’t want to go. I thought he loved me, but obviously not. News to me. I’m shocked, hurt and totally don’t know where to go from here. Any advice would be greatly considered as I’m lost and feel alone.

Broken86 Cheating Husband
  • replies: 8

I just found out that my husband has been sleeping with other women for the past 5 years. He finds these women in dodgy massage parlours. He told me recently that he was going to meetings for sex and love addicts. I knew he had an issue with pornogra... View more

I just found out that my husband has been sleeping with other women for the past 5 years. He finds these women in dodgy massage parlours. He told me recently that he was going to meetings for sex and love addicts. I knew he had an issue with pornography but I had no idea that he was acting on it. We have been married for nearly 9 years and were meant to be starting to try for a family next week. I am in complete shock. He was such a beautiful, loving husband and we were so happy together. He is seeing a sex addiction therapist and I met with this same therapist yesterday and he says that my husband is beginning recovery and 'doing well'. But I am in complete shock. I gave ALL of my youth to this man and I can't believe this is happening to me. I don't know if I want to leave him, but how can I stay married to him? I was meant to have a baby with him which is all I have ever wanted and now I am at an age where if it's not with him, then it probably won't happen for me, which is devastating to think about. I haven't eaten in days and I feel numb in one moment and fury the very next. I am completely lost.

Loving_Wife My husband has left... PLEASE HELP
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, This is all so new to me and reading through the forum has been so helpful, but I am searching for some advice. My husband I and I got married 10 months ago, and we have been together for 7 years. Our relationship has been nothing short ... View more

Hi everyone, This is all so new to me and reading through the forum has been so helpful, but I am searching for some advice. My husband I and I got married 10 months ago, and we have been together for 7 years. Our relationship has been nothing short of amazing, we never argue, and have the best time together. He turned 30 in March, and towards the end of April I noticed he had become quiet and withdrawn, he wasn't interested in hobbies anymore, more tired than usual and not as motivated. I sat down and asked him if everything was ok, and he could not open up (I let it go for a few days to see how things progressed and no change). I reached out to his Mum as I was so worried and she spoke with him about depression as he had gone through it as a teenager, yet again he didn't want to acknowledge or look into it. His only answers were that he wanted to spend more time with me, to which I changed my work roster to make it happen so we could have quality time together. Over the following 4 weeks, no real change. He became more quiet and withdrawn, and when returning from a week away he messages me to ask if I think we are working. I was totally shocked and things quickly escalated to him saying it was over within one conversation. I asked him to go to his parents for some space to which he stayed 10 nights before suddenly coming home - and saying he missed me. So I let him relax back in thinking he may have needed time out - he was quite affectionate with cuddles and kisses. 10 days later I wanted to sit down and talk about things, and planning our future he was totally on board, yet when I discussed his health and my concerns he cried and wanted hugs, but wouldn't talk. The following 2 days he wouldn't talk to me, and then day 3 he was incredibly irritable, only to then take off his wedding ring and say we are over because he doesn't think he loves me anymore and the relationship was flat and not going anywhere. Nothing I said was helpful, and he says he would know if he had depression (as the way he feels is nothing like he experienced as a teenager). I am devestated - it's been 2.5 weeks since he left and he has made no attempt to contact me. I've visited him once to talk and still he is so closed off. I have tried everything, family have spoken and he refuses all ideas and help. I do not want to lose my amazing husband and I know this isn't him..... Is there anything else I can do?