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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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anonymoussalamander My sister had a huge health problem and now I don't want to speak to her or think about it at all
  • replies: 2

trigger warnings for mentions of someone trying to take their own life, cancer, surgery, etc. A few years ago my sister had a very bad health problem which could be fixed with surgery, but it caused huge behavioural changes and multiple suicide attem... View more

trigger warnings for mentions of someone trying to take their own life, cancer, surgery, etc. A few years ago my sister had a very bad health problem which could be fixed with surgery, but it caused huge behavioural changes and multiple suicide attempts, and I was her primary carer. I was seventeen at the time and I often thought 'if she needs care on a full-time basis after surgery I would rather be dead' (not in a suicidal way, in a 'i will move to Peru and start a new life and pretend i never knew these people' way). I wasn't the only one who could offer care, but I was the only one she 'trusted', so I would be woken at 3am with phonecalls from the police, or my suicidal sister, or the hospital asking me to come to pick her up. One day we were talking about things and she said she'd once tried to speak to me about her mental health problems and "you just sat there and said you didn't have time right now, so I decided you didn't care", and then she said that "my therapist says you don't seem very supportive". And I think about that almost every day actually, it sort of eats at me. It was a very stressful time. Anyway, she has had the surgery since then and has had some personality changes (it caused some mild brain damage), but is mostly (mostly) back to being independent. She no longer needs me to care for her, though she is often very tired after focusing for too long or doing too many things. And she acts like I'm about to bite her head off whenever she speaks to me, which obviously makes me feel terrible. And now when someone talks about a character from a TV show or whatever who has the same illness my sister had I feel bad & get almost like... annoyed? It hurts. And my sister will sometimes just mention it in casual conversation, "before my [illness]" or "after my [illness]" and it should be her right to talk about things that affect her like that but it makes me feel awful every time. Anything that is a symptom of having had it makes me feel bad, and everything that reminds me she had it makes me feel bad, even her being tired after focusing for a while makes me feel Bad. i *hate* it. and it's really straining my relationship with her and usually I'd just talk to her "using my words" about this, I'm comfortable and confident communicating, but it doesn't feel like I'm "allowed" to feel this way in my family dynamic. i don't know what to do about it, I guess. Apologies for length. I'm mostly venting.

Dazed_Confused1 Meds are ending my marriage
  • replies: 1

Hello all, I am currently devastated, lost, confused and numb. My wife and I have been married a year now and we adore each other. 2020 was a hellish year (for everyone!) and had a big impact on us but also on her. Stress, general feeling of fatigue ... View more

Hello all, I am currently devastated, lost, confused and numb. My wife and I have been married a year now and we adore each other. 2020 was a hellish year (for everyone!) and had a big impact on us but also on her. Stress, general feeling of fatigue and feeling run down, having her UK trip cancelled in April so she missed out on seeing her family and a job change. Then in August she slipped two discs in her lower back. Most of the stress and pressure she has been feeling is due to missing her family but also supporting me as I am currently unemployed and have been for some time due to my own mental health issues. I only learnt last Thursday that I have adult autism with severe ADHD and that is what has been holding me back getting a job. She has suffered from depression most of her life and it's been on and off but she would hide it so well and just push through. I would constantly check in on her but she just found it difficult to open up to me or just brush it off with humour. Or blame work. I tried to do little things every now and then to cheer her up and I looked after the house jobs so it was one less thing off her plate. In November she started seeing a therapist through telehealth and that made me happy that she had someone to talk to. She still seemed stressed but we kept showering each other with love everyday and there were no signs that we were on the path of breaking up. On Dec 20th it all came out one night about how miserable and unhappy she's been and I agreed because it has been an incredibly hard year. We decided to take a break and give each other some space to work on our stuff individually but still see each other. She said she still loved me and wanted to work things out because she wanted us to be together forever. Fast forward to today. She saw a GP for anti depressants and it has completely changed her. I don't know who she is anymore and she has become cold and cruel. She was told to take a certain amount for a week and then it doubled a week later. I thought that was too soon as it doesn't give your body time to adjust to this new substance in your system. The week she was on 1/2 a tablet she was still loving but not eating, not sleeping well & feeling spaced out. 2 weeks later, she ended our marriage in a park in 8 minutes blunty, with zero emotion saying she didn't love me anymore. Everyone is shocked. I am shocked. And I know that it's the meds and not her. Has anyone else experienced this?

Moonlight11 Distance and accusations
  • replies: 1

Hello, Just a bit of a back story, my husband and I are separated on different sides of the world due to covid restrictions, I was able to visit last year, I had to leave and come back home, we got married while I was there with him. My husband is sw... View more

Hello, Just a bit of a back story, my husband and I are separated on different sides of the world due to covid restrictions, I was able to visit last year, I had to leave and come back home, we got married while I was there with him. My husband is sweet, kind, generous and thoughtful... until he drinks, he turns snarky, says sly comments that hurt me and accuses me of cheating on him. I know he has ADD and anxiety but when he’s even had a few drinks in him , he changes into another person and I feel like his emotional punching bag. He always ends up apologising and is ashamed of how he spoke to me but then does it again and again. I’ve tried to explain to him how much this is hurting me and our relationship and I’ve talked to him about getting help, I sense he’s had some deep things go on in the past but I don’t know how much I can take of his accusations, the jealousy and being overbaring. We’re only newly married, I don’t know if he will stop doing this or if it’s just going to get worse. I’m really upset that this keeps happening, I don’t know what to do. I’m so loyal and would never do that to him, it’s just so unfair and it’s pushing me away. We do the distance just fine, we FaceTime and call each other basically any free time we have and work really well as a team, we have the same future goals in life.. I don’t want to just throw away our marriage but I don’t know how to fix this and I’m always worried I’ll emotionally detach and end up walking away.

Girl_interrupted1 Feeling unsupported by my partner and anxious about being left alone
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I’m here to share my feelings about a situation I’m in at the moment with my man. We’ve been together for 8 years. Engaged for going on 5 years. Basically, he’s been talking about going on a road trip for a while now. And he wants to ... View more

Hello everyone, I’m here to share my feelings about a situation I’m in at the moment with my man. We’ve been together for 8 years. Engaged for going on 5 years. Basically, he’s been talking about going on a road trip for a while now. And he wants to take leave from work for a week to go. He wants to go by himself and drive to Adelaide and camp at various places along the way. The thing is he has brought this up now just before I’m due to recommence work after I’ve had almost a year off due to COVID. During Covid my work wasn’t operational and I’ve been at home studying and looking after the house/ cooking/ cleaning etc. I feel like I’ve done a lot to support him over the last 12months. basically I’m feeling really anxious about him going on a trip for a few reasons: firstly, About 1 and a half years ago, I sold my car because he told me too. Ever since we’ve been sharing a car. It’s been fine during Covid because we haven’t been driving much but I need the car to get to work (I work across melbourne at different schools as an educator). So the thought of him taking the car makes me stressed out because I don’t know what I’ll do for a car when he’s gone. secondly, I feel anxious because I don’t know why he wants to go on this trip alone so badly. He says it’s because I don’t like camping much (which is true) but I would do it with him regardless because I love him. Perhaps he needs a break from me?? I feel really insecure about him going. Thirdly, I feel upset because I’m already super anxious about going back to work after a long time and I also have my study to do, so I thought it would be good and only fair that he is around to support me in the first few weeks of work, so I can get used to the change in life again. I feel really stressed and anxious about all this. I wish he would want to plan a holiday with me, rather than going alone. But at the same time, I want him to be able to go on adventures if his heart wants it. Am I being selfish? Am I just too self-absorbed and worried about my own shit. I know he has had a long year at work and he wants a proper holiday but why can’t it be with me. I don’t know what to do girl interrupted

Mickey85 Toxic relationship affects my mental health
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am feeling down for a few weeks now due to my marriage situation. My husband is a very difficult person, he is very controlling and he also makes the most decisions in our home. It has been like that since ever, but what bothers me the most is ... View more

Hi, I am feeling down for a few weeks now due to my marriage situation. My husband is a very difficult person, he is very controlling and he also makes the most decisions in our home. It has been like that since ever, but what bothers me the most is his constant need to complain about things I have not done at home and criticising the things I have done. Basically, he is never happy with what I do. He is calling me lazy, to slow and incapable. I also have two very young kids, and it is very hard to maintain the household. He is frequently ignoring me, for example staring at the tv or the phone when I say something. He basically always blames me if something goes wrong and when I tell him of and star to argue with him, he may become aggressive and start throwing things, although this doesn’t always happen. He claims that I am disinterested in everything in our home, when in fact, I let him decide and do many things because he always likes to get his own way. We are married for 5 years and we are both from overseas. I don’t have any family or close friends, I actually haven’t met a single person who I can trust to talk about private things. So I am keeping it to myself for a very long time, I feel like constant criticism has started to affect my self esteem and I started to feel miserable most of the time. I feel like leaving him, but I don’t know where to go with 2 young kids and no support. I don’t work, I have justcompleted first year of my 3 year-degree. I feel so lost at the moment

honey2435 I'm alone in another state and don't know what to do
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I'm new here, So I moved to live in another state with my partner over a year ago; I currently live with him and his family. We have been fighting about the same problems and even though I know he won't change or listen to what I want. I ... View more

Hi everyone I'm new here, So I moved to live in another state with my partner over a year ago; I currently live with him and his family. We have been fighting about the same problems and even though I know he won't change or listen to what I want. I still stay because I have no where else to go and I still love him and want to be with him. The fight is because he talks to these online streamers and it makes me uncomfortable. He knows I'm insecure because I've been hurt in the past by family and exes. But when I ask him to remove someone and express how I feel e.g. "I feel insecure, paranoid and uncomfortable that you talk to her and follow each other; can you please remove her". He will merely say "No. I'm not doing anything wrong, so don't tell me to do that". I've even gone as far as saying "please do it for me" and he won't. I hate pulling the ultimatum card; but I want to see if he will do anything for me as I have done it for him. He tells me I can trust him, but his actions always make me doubt and I get paranoid about everything he does. I want to leave because I feel like if he won't change then I should leave and get treated like how I should and not lower my standards and let things slide; when it clearly bothers me. But I have nowhere else to go and I am scared of being alone. I tried to leave before but his mum kept begging me to stay while I packed my bags. My partner even deleted his social media accounts and told me to stay; so I did. But now he's got them back and refuses to remove her and I just feel like what was the point of all that if it was just going to happen again. I don't know what to do and I just wish someone was here to help me.

noharmstartingover How to handle being stonewalled
  • replies: 20

I am in a relationship with a female. Her defensive mechanism when she is overwhelmed is to shut down/ stonewall. I am dealing with my own depression and anxiety, and I want more then anything to be there for her. I have never experienced being stone... View more

I am in a relationship with a female. Her defensive mechanism when she is overwhelmed is to shut down/ stonewall. I am dealing with my own depression and anxiety, and I want more then anything to be there for her. I have never experienced being stonewalled or shut out. How do I handle the situation when I am being stonewalled?

Printers Marriage breakdown due to childhood trauma
  • replies: 3

My wife was great when I first met her, fun, outgoing, adventurous she was my best friend. When she fell pregnant it all changed. I knew she had been abused as a child but not to the extent and the damage it did towards her. Her child hood trauma cam... View more

My wife was great when I first met her, fun, outgoing, adventurous she was my best friend. When she fell pregnant it all changed. I knew she had been abused as a child but not to the extent and the damage it did towards her. Her child hood trauma came up from pregnancy and then when our child was born she developed anxiety. It crippled her and as she sought professional help our marriage suffered. We were sleeping in separate beds, living separate lives but co existing for our daughter. At the same time my estranged eldest child from a previous relationship went through child protection and I attended court and tried to connect with my eldest but my ex wouldn't allow it. I drank regularly to numb the pain of it all and lied to my wife about my drinking which she linked to her childhood trauma and our relationship dissipated. She wants to be single and keep working on herself and I hope she finds the inner peace she deserves.

rrachel1985 Feeling resentment to my partner for relocating us, self destructive and wondering if it is okay to leave part time to join a yoga school
  • replies: 4

Hi there, My partner and I moved to AUS from the USA 6 months ago. We were happy in the states, had friends, socialized, i had a great job, we could surf every day and enjoyed each other. Since moving back we have been relocated out of melbourne( whe... View more

Hi there, My partner and I moved to AUS from the USA 6 months ago. We were happy in the states, had friends, socialized, i had a great job, we could surf every day and enjoyed each other. Since moving back we have been relocated out of melbourne( where all our friends and activities are) to a rural town. I am unable to join yoga classes as after 6 months of doing them alone in the living room am craving people. I am so very used to being outdoors and active. I have fallen into a depression that is so destructive. I drink every night, I am unavailable to my partner, I cry all the time, I eat because i am bored and have almost stopped all my hobbies. When we visit Melbourne it is almost like the weight is lifted but the bridge is burnt. I've caused Max so much anxiety, he doesn't want to go out because he's afraid i'll hurt myself. The relationship is going down quick but we both love each other and don't want to give up. together we decided it would be great for me to finally do my yoga teacher training, however it is located in melbourne. The only problem with this is that I feel horrible leaving him by himself in a place I know he also hates. It's a short term contract, we will leave in a year, and I want to know if it is okay for me to go to melbourne and we'll see each other weekends or should i stick it out and wait until we move together? I am afraid I will hurt him even more by leaving even though he assures me that he would rather that than continuing like this. WhT do I do?

crookedtreeline My family doesn't understand that certain common things make me(14) uncomfortable
  • replies: 1

I have no idea why, but i find myself often doing things that are considered weird, and feeling uncomfortable by things that are. Some of these things include the fact that i wash my hands constantly. Sometimes its because i touched something that i ... View more

I have no idea why, but i find myself often doing things that are considered weird, and feeling uncomfortable by things that are. Some of these things include the fact that i wash my hands constantly. Sometimes its because i touched something that i don't like the texture of, or they just don't feel clean. I also dont let anyone touch my bed or the things i keep on it. These items include my ipad, pencil and headphones. I dont even touch these things myself unless i have showered. I dont know why, but i just dont feel comfortable when those things get 'dirty'. My family (father and older sister) dont feel the same, and will sometimes judge me for washing my hands too much. My sister also 'forgets' about the fact that i dont like my stuff being touched often.I remind her all of the time, but she always ends up doing it again eventually. When i start to get really upset (it bothers me ALOT for some reason) she says that it just doesnt make sense. I get that, I know it doesnt, but i just want to respect that i dont like it. Its not like it hurts anyone. I got upset with her a few hours ago because she used my headphones, and afterwards my dad just told me that i wash my hands too much. I it started to seriously effect me around the beginning of last year, but i started to be a bit more clean than my family in grade 4, and it just got worse as time went on. Another thing is my lack of need to socialise. I used to want to have friends, but now i dont. i cant hang out with my only friend (who i have known for over a year) for more than about 3 hours before wanting to leave. My family also does not understand this, although the usually just leave it alone, which i appreciate. The problem is that I might have a school camp soon (I live in a relatively covid-safe country) and my father wants me to go. I have repeatedly stressed how much of a nightmare it would be for me, since i would have to sleep in a tent, be around people ALL day, and I would constantly be dirty (I am also not very active and everyone will be hiking the whole time), but he just gets frustrated with me and tells me that i am going, before ending the short-lived conversation. I really want to be able to get permission to skip it in advance so that im not left shaking and panicking the week before. They keep telling that i will enjoy it, but i am. certain that i will not. Perhaps he does not want to semm like a bad parent to the school? I feel bad for being. bossy with them but it bothers me alot