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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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MummaPetal Husband addicted to porn
  • replies: 19

Hello I'm not sure what to do or how to respond to my husband's porn addiction. For years he has had ED and we haven't had a lot of intimacy in our relationship. His porn addiction has come up as an issue before and he reassures me that he will never... View more

Hello I'm not sure what to do or how to respond to my husband's porn addiction. For years he has had ED and we haven't had a lot of intimacy in our relationship. His porn addiction has come up as an issue before and he reassures me that he will never look at it again. Just recently I was on our computer and noticed it on an open tab. I was really shocked and hurt. I feel betrayed because he lied to me. As much as it hurt, I could understand why he'd look at it to perhaps improve things in the intimacy department but now it seems to have replaced ANY intimacy between us. I feel uncertain about our future and feel numb. Thanks in advance for any thoughts. MP

Sam145 My boyfriend has an only fans account
  • replies: 35

I have just found out that my boyfriend has an only fans account. He has asked and paid a ridiculous amount for 2 videos on certain girls on the site. Both $60 each. He has complimented the girl on how hot she is. I consider this cheating. The reason... View more

I have just found out that my boyfriend has an only fans account. He has asked and paid a ridiculous amount for 2 videos on certain girls on the site. Both $60 each. He has complimented the girl on how hot she is. I consider this cheating. The reason this is more of a problem is because he said his sex drive was low and because of that we would hardly have sex. He has had the account for 2 months. he has also cheated on me and been unfaithful and unoyal in the past. We have been together on and off for 4 years. We have only just come good and it’s been a year and 4 months. I know his sex drive isn’t low because otherwise he wouldn’t be on only fans and wouldn’t be paying For random girls nudes when he can just get that from me for free. my sex drive is quite high so he isn’t deprived of it i don’t know what to do. My head says I deserve better and to leave but my heart wants to try and understand why he felt the need to do it his reasoning was I don’t know and he wanted to feel validated. When I brought it up to him he straight up went to lie about it but I already knew the truth

Britishinaus I’m affecting my partner
  • replies: 4

Morning, I didn’t know where else to put this but I woke up at about 3.30 last night (that’s been happening a bit lately) and of course when I’m awake my thoughts take over. And I ended up crying, and waking my partner up and breaking his sleep, then... View more

Morning, I didn’t know where else to put this but I woke up at about 3.30 last night (that’s been happening a bit lately) and of course when I’m awake my thoughts take over. And I ended up crying, and waking my partner up and breaking his sleep, then I didn’t end up going back to sleep until 5, and I forgot he has an important meeting this morning for work which he wasn’t keen for. But fast forward to this morning, I got up to make breakfast for him as I always do and he barely spoke to me, he said goodbye and kissed me as usual but he looked so tired. I say sorry a lot (probably due to a toxic workplace) and I know if I said sorry for waking him that it would have irritated him so I didn’t. I didn’t mean to wake him and I’m scared I’m really starting to affect him and he doesn’t need that on top of what’s a stressful time at work for him.. ironically he works in community mental health (he’s a nurse) and I’ve found it hard to talk to him... what does that say about me?? I’m so tired this morning and I was meant to be going to the gym and all I want to do is sleep..

aurorastone Unknowingly Triggering The One You Love - Should You Stay?
  • replies: 2

Me and my ex boyfriend were together a year. We worked and lived together pretty much our whole relationship and we were inseparable. Before I met him I was very social and he was the opposite, so when we got together i reeled it back a lot but occas... View more

Me and my ex boyfriend were together a year. We worked and lived together pretty much our whole relationship and we were inseparable. Before I met him I was very social and he was the opposite, so when we got together i reeled it back a lot but occasionally had a night out with my friends - it would always end up in us having arguments when I got home. In the end I was feeling trapped and like our relationship was becoming a bit toxic. We were arguing over the smallest things and we just could never resolve them. I could never understand where he was coming from and he could never understand my reasoning either so we'd just end up so frustrated. I was the one to end it. We've still stayed in contact every day checking up on each other. He confessed before he left (to go back to home country) that I was an emotional trigger for him because of childhood trauma he hadn't dealt with which changed everything for me. It finally made me understand why me having a night out with my friends would always make him so upset with me. I asked him if he'd want to work at things again in the future and he said if I didn't repeat the things from before and accept him for who he is. I want to be with him but I can't figure out if it's the right thing to do. I don't know if I'm in denial and just don't want to believe I was the problem in the relationship before.. I guess no one wants to believe that about themselves. I just wish it was clearer, I don't want to go through those feelings again if it ends badly and risk hurting him more the second time but I don't want to risk losing him if he really is the one.

lizziebunny End of Undefined Relationship
  • replies: 10

The guy I have been seeing for 1 and half year just ended whatever we were 2 days ago because he said he can't cope with the unhappiness we both have and yet he still want to celebrate my birthday with me today. I know I am the person to blame for th... View more

The guy I have been seeing for 1 and half year just ended whatever we were 2 days ago because he said he can't cope with the unhappiness we both have and yet he still want to celebrate my birthday with me today. I know I am the person to blame for this to happen as I have been unhappy he is still in touch closely with his ex and had brought up this issue quite often lately. He has assured me that there's nothing happening between them but yet he doesn't want to have define our relationship partly because she will be hurt. He said he still want to be friend with me because he cares of me, but at this moment I really can't maintain as friends knowing my feeling on him is still so strong. However I did agree for tonight's dinner as this might be the last time I see him. Also, tbh I am still hoping maybe he will change his mind after that, which I truly know it is impossible. I have been thinking if to accept maintain our friendship as I also care of him very much and I hope I can continue support him but I know if we continue in touch it will be very hard for me to move on. I feel very sad that I can't even say we have "break up" as we never have a proper (defined) relationship.

BeforeCare Leaving husband while depressed
  • replies: 4

This year I was bullied at work, I tried to make a stand and stick up formyself, not tolerating that and it backfired for me where I was forced (paid) out of a job that I had spent our life savings moving for. I'm taking antidepressants, antianxiety ... View more

This year I was bullied at work, I tried to make a stand and stick up formyself, not tolerating that and it backfired for me where I was forced (paid) out of a job that I had spent our life savings moving for. I'm taking antidepressants, antianxiety meds and have gained weight.I have finally found myselfand am getting my priorities in order. Things weren't perfect before. My husband is a moody, angry person. He hates his job and wants to change careers but has been unsuccessful. He's got expensive hobbies and was blaming me for being too controlling (ie paying the bills) with our income. He is in most, a good father.I've been part of his family for half my life and breaking our marriage would be devastating. Our move away ultimately failed and he wants to go back. I don't. We would just go back to the same rut we were stuck in. Last night we fought again, it's happening more frequently, I try to just ignore his fight picking. He continues to bring up finances and lay blame for our choices and losses. He has opened another bank account for himself and has stopped paying bills. My wage pays for all the bills but I have had to apply for hardship. I withdrew my super to help us and he withdrew his and has just kept it. I don't care leaving with nothing (financially) he always brings up how he has worked his whole life. I just cant up and leave, I would dread to see our children left in only his guidance. He tells innapropriate jokes and influences them, he is already discrediting me. He calls me lazy. Says I should've fought harder to keep (the toxic job). Our children can feel the tension We've had marriage counselling years ago where everything was swept under the carpet. He refused to have counselling again. He says he was picked on during it and didn't benefit. I agree, he didn't change, I just became tolerant. I feel much happier when he is away. I don't sleep well with him and the thought of obligatory sex makes me cringe. We have had happy times together and I will miss those (often when we are both drunk) I am completely miserable, and waking up every day to him is exhausting. He has said before he will take me to court and tell everyone I am a mentally unstable mother. I feel so trapped. I've considered dying, in an accident so there's no stigma, no fights, no guilt and Id be remebered nicely, i wouldnt be that horrible woman that broke up an "ideal loving family"the only thing keeping me here is the thought of my children only having him

Guest_3256 Constantly walking on eggshells
  • replies: 2

Hi. Need some advise. I've been with my partner for nearly 1.5 year and I think I live with him. Somethings are good, however, there's a lot of disagreements and ongoing issues that don't seem to get resolved from his end. Some behaviours are: • bein... View more

Hi. Need some advise. I've been with my partner for nearly 1.5 year and I think I live with him. Somethings are good, however, there's a lot of disagreements and ongoing issues that don't seem to get resolved from his end. Some behaviours are: • being accused of cheating a lot • being shut down - moodiness and "please don't speak to me" • no emotional support - tells me to grow up and/ or leave • minimal physical connection/activity • no interest in planning things • no interesting or refuses to show that he wants to know me more or meet my friends/family • is always sleeping • isn't motivated to do anything • seems to be down and depressed all the time • can be quite emotionally distant • says really strange things and mumbles • doesn't listen to what I have to say • when I try to address issues (some of the above) he can never answer with a yes or no • he usually deflected any feedback I give him onto me • will check my phone and is very suspicious • when I try to talk about improving on our relationship and discussing what I need from him (as some of my needs are not being met), he will usually put up a wall, become moody and tell me that we are "not working out, we can't keep going on like this, we need to grow as separate people etc etc etc. • so rather than resolving the issue, sometimes, he feels like we need to cut things off because he isn't willing to listen to me. I constantly feel like I'm waling on eggshells as one day he may be over the moon in love with me and the next, wants to get rid of me for someone else who he feels could be more committed. Has anyone been in a similar situation and if so, what ideas can you give me?

JDM1 JDM - Don't know what to do
  • replies: 3

My partner has been diagnosed with PTSD (with borderline tendencies), this was only in January this year & we've been together (currently spilt) for 2.5 years. His episodes started when we moved, we were only together for about 8 months when we decid... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with PTSD (with borderline tendencies), this was only in January this year & we've been together (currently spilt) for 2.5 years. His episodes started when we moved, we were only together for about 8 months when we decided too. He was receiving therapy and is on medication. His episodes did increased & unfortunately, some of these episodes were in front of my family. Since then they have had a very strong opinion of him & didn't want me to be with him. This also affected our relationship badly. I would speak about him to say that he was doing well, but they just didn't care/not supportive. We were to be married last year, i called the wedding off because i knew our relationship was not ready for that, we needed to address his situation first. We tried to work on getting him help, but he keep resorting to drinking & drugs, this was due to my families feelings to him also. He never wanted to speak to them about any of it, i had to "defend him" to them. My family were never supportive of the wedding (at first they were until they saw his mental illness side), & i think that also was a big part for me too, that they didn't care or want to be apart of it. I know they are looking out for me, but them not being supportive really hurt me too. Obviously, the episodes directly affected me and i grew, i guess less attracted to him, which again, affected our relationship. This was just a continuing circle. all i did at the end of our relationship was try to push him to do his therapy work/go to therapy etc. and not drink/do drugs. He called the relationship off a few months ago, because he believed he didn't love me. Currently, he says he still loves me, and wants me to move back in/tell my family that we are still seeing each other, because that makes him insecure that i haven't. I guess i haven't said anything because for the past 3 months, he hasn't helped himself (15 hour drinking sessions & most likely drugs) and i don't feel confident that he wants too, because unfortunately he has done this numerous times before - he tries for a few months, then he goes back to drinking/drugs. He is booked in to see a specialist that works with trauma/PTSD next week How do i address this with my family, that i'm still seeing/helping him? Should i at this point? I'm still confused & not sure what i want out of this relationship or if i want anything at all anymore because i'm scared it will go back to how it was. Thanks

Fada Was my partner unfaithful? Yet I want her back..
  • replies: 9

I brought my partner from another country and has been looking after her like my eyes...giving her everything...emotionally, physically, and financially... a few months after her arrival to Australia and living with me, she started to meet up with di... View more

I brought my partner from another country and has been looking after her like my eyes...giving her everything...emotionally, physically, and financially... a few months after her arrival to Australia and living with me, she started to meet up with different guys from her own country, and she was calling them friends...at first it looked fine for me..though I became suspicious when once she said “let’s get married on the paper though I go and do whatever I like”...and I told her, I’m happy to have a real marriage with you and make you live a life lots of girls dream of...though no fake marriage...and if that’s your approach, think about it and if you don’t like me, you can go back To your country since then, she started to meet more and more guys or say group of guys and girls and couples...though, I’ve been always absent in her social life...and things got awkward when she started to stay at men’s places overnight and telling me that she’s been staying in a seperate room with girls!! And off course sometime we ended up in arguments because of these boys and her social life...though she was doing even worse and worse to the point that I was feeling like a trash ...yet, “I loved her and I still love her” things were getting worse to the point that one night after I asked her where she’s going, she showed me her middle finger and disappeared for 20 hours...later I realised that she went to a hotel and stayed there...though she claims it was a birthday party and that she stayed with females in a separate room,,as usual. that was the point that I asked her to leave my place and rented her an apartment while I was not obliged and told her, now we broke up and you’re free to do whatever you like... and of course because the financial helps cut off, she started to struggle and thus went to the police to open a false domestic violence against me which all the charges dropped after I presented my evidences. I understand she’s suffering and struggling with her life now and even if she goes back to her country she’ll have no money, no job, no home, and nobody that can help her...so she’s vary vulnerable....and it’s killing me...I can’t even sleep now for an hour i wanted her to be back, though I’m not sure whether it’s a good idea or I’ll be abused again... on the other hand, there’s a provisional AVO in place that limits our communication was I unreasonable in the relationship? Should I let her back or I may end up in even a worse situation In future if I do it?

Fiona86 Don't want to lose everything
  • replies: 1

Hi, I've never really posted anything like this before. I haven't spoken to anyone about this (except my husband) so I'm sorry if this isn't quite what these forums are used for but I'm desperate at the moment. My husband was offered a managerial pos... View more

Hi, I've never really posted anything like this before. I haven't spoken to anyone about this (except my husband) so I'm sorry if this isn't quite what these forums are used for but I'm desperate at the moment. My husband was offered a managerial position with his work and part of the job is that we relocate interstate. At first I was really excited and we were meant to move down there in May, but then Covid happened and it has been postponed until we can move. I voiced my concerns to my husband about not wanting to leave our home, not wanting to leave my family as I don't really have any friends and also not wanting to leave the only job I have ever loved. As my husband has been doing the role since November he was previously flying to his head office and they were handling his transition into the role that way, and although it was a little tricky at first, covid seems to have ironed out all the hard parts of working from home and he has been doing the job this entire time from home and there has been no issues. In fact he's even mentioned a few times himself that others have asked if we are just going to stay here as it is possible to be a manager from here. the more I think about moving, the more I don't want to go. But when I tell my husband he tells me it's too late and we have to go. It took us a really long time to buy our first home and I love this house. My sister has recently had another baby and I definitely don't want to leave her or any of my family for that matter because I am very close to them. I also don't want to leave my job, the people I work with are like a 2nd family to me. But despite all that, my husband still insists we have to go and he won't even consider asking if he could do like a fly in fly out thing where he spends 1 week here and 1 week there. I want to stay together, I want to keep my house, my job and I want to see my niece and nephew grow up before they forget who I am. But he doesn't seem to understand that.If he leaves to go live there and I stay, I will lose the house, my dog & him so I'm having a bit of a crisis about this at the moment and everytime i think about it i burst into tears. I need an outsiders opinion because i feel like a horrible person for not supporting his career but I also am feeling a bit forgotten in all this and like my input does matter.