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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Waltette_Mitty First love contact after 20 years and I’m married.
  • replies: 4

My first love was at the end of my teens. It was amazing and I’ve never experienced the same feelings since - even with my husband of 16 years. I think we fell out of love after 3 years and he dumped me. I was an absolute mess. Recently he contacted ... View more

My first love was at the end of my teens. It was amazing and I’ve never experienced the same feelings since - even with my husband of 16 years. I think we fell out of love after 3 years and he dumped me. I was an absolute mess. Recently he contacted me and we’ve texted a few times. Now, I’m an emotional mess again! I will find any excuse to msg him and I am desperate for his attention - overthinking every response he makes. I am crying out of the blue and feeling miserable, no appetite and no enthusiasm for anything. I love my husband but have always felt something missing. Have been on antidepressants for years now and don’t really want to up dosage again. Advice?

Juliet_84 How to tell if this is just part of being human
  • replies: 7

I grew up in a fairly strict household with a very difficult to please mother. I would bend over backwards trying to make her happy and it was just never good enough. I grey up as a typically type A personality (still am), I was obsessed with obtaini... View more

I grew up in a fairly strict household with a very difficult to please mother. I would bend over backwards trying to make her happy and it was just never good enough. I grey up as a typically type A personality (still am), I was obsessed with obtaining perfection, be it at sport, school work, whatever I could channel my focus into, and it worked out well for the most part. I’ve also always had a desire to please people and had a tendency to be a workaholic. But then I’ve always had this small part of my personality, this self destructive streak that I have suppressed for the most part just wants to blow it all up. To drive fast, take drugs, sleep with a stranger I meet in the street, quit my job. In my late teens and early 20s I indulged this streak occasionally and it was intoxicating. A few years ago, I found myself single and indulged in it again. I suppose the question that I have is how do I settle down and live a normal life and be fine with suppressing that for the rest of my life? And what is it? Does everyone have this feeling? Is it just part of being human?

LeeA18 Feeling hurt all over again
  • replies: 3

Hi all It's been a while since I last posted. I have mentally gotten stronger and in a better place than i was. I worked hard on myself. I was in a relationship 2 years ago which, i thought at the time, ended when he took a turn for the worse mentall... View more

Hi all It's been a while since I last posted. I have mentally gotten stronger and in a better place than i was. I worked hard on myself. I was in a relationship 2 years ago which, i thought at the time, ended when he took a turn for the worse mentally. He'd had mental health problems for years and i knew that. On the day we broke up, I saw some texts on his phone to another woman. I kept that to myself for a while, just so I didn't jump to any conclusions. This was a man that I loved dearly, who I would have done anything for and all I wanted was to understand. I ended up asking him as I was going downhill pretty quickly. He dismissed it. That was when he started to block me everywhere you can think possible. I tried contacting him a couple of times and it just lead to more heartache for me. He just lied or ignored me. I was moving on. Life has been great. There has just always been this nagging feeling that he cheated on me, or at the least, was emotionally cheating on me. He moved to another city, closer to her. It's now been 2 years and, yes, he can date whoever he wants but word has gotten to me that they are dating. If it was anybody else, I don't think I would have felt hurt, but because it was the person who he lied, gaslighted and blocked me about, it just seems to hurt all over again. Is this normal? I went through depression when we broke up because of all of his actions towards me. I also can't believe he used his mental health problems as a way to maybe get out of our relationship. It's been 2 years and I can't believe I am going back to those feelings I had back then.

Illean How to talk to partner about porn habits negatively impacting relationship
  • replies: 2

Has anyone dealt with a partners porn addiction? Or with having porn addiction themselves? If so please tell me it's possible to get through it. Starting to lose hope here. My relationship with my boyfriend is 12/10, zero complaints, except he's addi... View more

Has anyone dealt with a partners porn addiction? Or with having porn addiction themselves? If so please tell me it's possible to get through it. Starting to lose hope here. My relationship with my boyfriend is 12/10, zero complaints, except he's addicted to porn and it's effecting our sex life and my self esteem. I've tried bringing it up a couple of times. First time he was very receptive, like he'd never really thought about it before and he just realised that yeah this is a serious problem and he said he'd stop consuming porn altogether. That was harder than he thought, so he said he'd cut back instead. He did for a little while (I think, or he temporarily got better at hiding it and not doing it when I'm in the room nextdoor and see his screen when I walk past) but now he's back at it again, and he gets really defensive and agitated and tries turning it around on me as if I'm the one with the problem when I mention it "Why is it always my problem? Maybe your sex drive is too high" it's average, if not a little low. His was higher than mine when we met 18 months ago. I'm scared to talk about it now. For the past year we're intimate 1-3 x a month, and only if I beg for it. I have zero confidence left so I've stopped initiating and I don't think he's even noticed. I mentioned wanting to see a couple's therapist together, or asked if he'd like to go talk to someone alone, but he's not interested. Says he doesn't want "outside help" and would rather figure it out ourselves, but we can't do that since we don't seem to be able to calmly discuss it without him getting defensive and me getting upset. I don't know how to even talk about it anymore, which is crazy because we have fantastic communication in all other areas and we get along great in general. I guess it's just the addiction aspect making him act different? Idk much about it really. I've never struggled with addiction. How do I go about trying to calmly talk to him about this without making him feel he needs to be defensive? And without sounding like I'm accusing him of anything? I'm obviously going about it the wrong way. I don't want to make him uncomfortable at all. He really wanted to fix these issues until he realised how hard it would be, and I just wanna help him through it. Thanks

JuggleMum9 Is my child suffering anxiety?
  • replies: 5

Hello, When my son was 12 months old his father and I separated. it was a pretty tough time for both parties and the emotional abuse from the father to myself probably went on for about 18 months afterwards. I can not comment on what impact this had ... View more

Hello, When my son was 12 months old his father and I separated. it was a pretty tough time for both parties and the emotional abuse from the father to myself probably went on for about 18 months afterwards. I can not comment on what impact this had on our son from his fathers side, but I have always been very careful to what I say around him in regards to his dad, and that his dad is a positive figure in my mind. Even if I don't always think so. I have known for my sons 9 years that he has not yet gained as much resilience as most children his age. He is very bright, funny and extremely sensitive. Even as a tot/kindy kid his ability to adapt to change (for example after leaving kindy for the day wanting to play longer, or after a play date) he became filled with pure rage and upset. It became very hard to do most things. Chats with his Dad was me getting concerned and Dad saying "'oh he will grow out of it".. to which he has somewhat but now its slightly changed how it presents. His father and I have always had shared care so that is our sons normal. Whilst he has resisted hand over and expressed not wanting to go, lately this has escalated. I had to drop him just for 45 mins to his fathers house (dad not there but his step mum and younger siblings from their marriage were) before school as I started work early and he was hysterical, crying and very visibly uncomfortable. he was twitching his hands and it was really hard to watch. I was trying to stay strong and calm for him myself but this was hard to see. I have tried so many times to get him to open up, let him know I'm a safe place and we can talk about anything.. he only says they are all just mean to him but that is all. I honestly believe his Dad is a good enough Dad and I know that when our son is with him and I see it like at sports games, he seems very happy with his Dad. Is this all stemming back from change as a younger boy or is this potentially something deeper? I have been to parent workshops, sent my son to resilience workshops and Im open to trying anything. My partner has told me I need to stop moddycoddling him and be firmer but I strongly disagree and think that will only make my son shut down with me. I do not think by giving my son love and cuddles when he is upset is EVER a bad thing. My son adores him and wants to hang out with him often as well. my son says he wants to live with me full time but we have a parenting plan in place with his dad for 50/50. its just so hard

Dusty_dee I am having relationship issues because I compulsively lie
  • replies: 2

I have been in this relationship for almost a year now and I am still lying about silly stuff. I grew up with strict parents and had to lie about a lot of stuff in order to be allowed to go see friends and stuff like that. I was in a toxic relationsh... View more

I have been in this relationship for almost a year now and I am still lying about silly stuff. I grew up with strict parents and had to lie about a lot of stuff in order to be allowed to go see friends and stuff like that. I was in a toxic relationship before this one and I had to lie frequently to spare his feelings. I just want to know if anyone has been through this and how they stopped.

HoneyMilk My Dad is depressed, what should i do?
  • replies: 2

where do i start? This is my first forum. I have no idea what to say all the words in my head spin around crazily. Right now this very second i can hear my parents crying. That's a sound no daughter should ever hear. And yet here i am. I've always th... View more

where do i start? This is my first forum. I have no idea what to say all the words in my head spin around crazily. Right now this very second i can hear my parents crying. That's a sound no daughter should ever hear. And yet here i am. I've always thought of my life similar to the Simpsons. My family is almost completely similar to them. I think i'm a mix of Maggie and Lisa. But unlike the Simpsons my family doesn't have a happy ending. My dad lost his job a little bit over a month now. Ever since my life has gone upside down. I take life for granted sometimes, i unintentionally always see the bad in things. I don't know why. I am the oldest of two siblings which makes me act like an adult even though im only 15. Im scrambling through things to do. My dad means everything to me. He has been through thick through thin and hes always by side. I dont know how to put into words how much he actually means to me. About 30 minutes ago i overheard my parents talking and well i guess you can guess my dad said that hes depressed. depression is an foreign concept to me. What do i say? How can i act normal around him when i know this is happening? My dad deserves the world and all he receives is depression. I dont think i could ever say the word out loud. I just need to know what to do, what to say and how i should act. Im 15 years old and yet im expected to act like an adult. I have no idea what im going to do. help.

Kelizabeth ?Toxic mother in law ended my relationship and I can’t cope
  • replies: 5

I’d been in a relationship with my partner for two years when just after our anniversary I accidentally left a pair of underwear at her house. Her response to that was to send me a message calling me a whore, narcissist and manipulative. I was broken... View more

I’d been in a relationship with my partner for two years when just after our anniversary I accidentally left a pair of underwear at her house. Her response to that was to send me a message calling me a whore, narcissist and manipulative. I was broken I didn’t know how to cope, my last relationship before this one was verbally abusive and the flashbacks this caused has just put me into a deep depression. In my upset I contacted my partner’s sister in law to ask if I was weird or if she treated everyone like this, at the end of the conversation she asked me to delete the messages because she was afraid her husband would find out what was said. I did and it’s a huge regret. My partner found out and after saying he loved me broke up with me the same day by text saying he couldn’t trust me anymore. I’m so lost and blaming myself. I’m caught between feeling so angry because part of me knows this wasn’t all my fault and questions if it’s all abusive and just feeling so broken and blaming myself. I haven’t eaten in 6 days I’m not sleeping and I just don’t know what to do.

be_me_be_you No one wants to speak their mind in my family
  • replies: 2

Hi all, This is a relatively minor issue in the greater scheme of things, but I'd love to know if anyone has experienced something similar. We are currently three adult children and one parent living together. A frequent cause of conflict in my house... View more

Hi all, This is a relatively minor issue in the greater scheme of things, but I'd love to know if anyone has experienced something similar. We are currently three adult children and one parent living together. A frequent cause of conflict in my house is that none of us seems to be able to answer each other's questions without going through mental gymnastics trying to catch any hidden interpretations of the question. It could be as simple as "what do you think we should have for dinner?", "did you want this or can I have it?", or "which car will we drive to the shop?". Instead of just giving an honest answer the person being asked umms and ahhs over it. I know personally, the mental checklist starts going off "Why are they asking? Have they mentioned something they want for dinner recently? Am I supposed to remember? Are we supposed to be on a diet at the moment? Do they want me to support them by suggesting something healthy? Are they asking me if I want this because they want to take it? Why does it matter which car we take? Does one of them need fuel on the way?"... Two tactics then tend to come into play. Either you give an "I don't mind, what do you want?" answer, or sometimes you might try some clarifying questions. The problem is, the person asking the question then often gets annoyed. I mean, let's face it, by carefully skirting around your answer you're indirectly accusing them of having an ulterior motive, aren't you? We're all smart enough to see that's what is going on. You're admitting you don't trust them enough to take your honest answer. Therein lies the complication though. Because the obvious solution is just "well, don't do that". But the other person won't always take your answer the way you want it, will they? Maybe they were hoping you'd say "screw it, let's have pizza!", so when you blurt out "we'd better have that stir fry we planned for tonight" now they ARE annoyed! Are there any little communication tricks we're missing here, or are we doomed to go around and around with this forever?! Thanks for any advice.

Confused_and_hurt1 Husband cheated on me but I want to make it work
  • replies: 5

I recently found out my husband kissed another woman but has been carrying on a phone relationship with her for many months. When I confronted he admitted to a single kiss. He went on my social media and blocked people so I couldn't contact them. He ... View more

I recently found out my husband kissed another woman but has been carrying on a phone relationship with her for many months. When I confronted he admitted to a single kiss. He went on my social media and blocked people so I couldn't contact them. He deleted all messages off his phone. He said he wanted to try and fix the relationship. I have found out he was still in contact with for 8 days after this. He has now ceased all contact as far as I know. I have also called her up and abused her and let her partner know (I know that seems mean but I wanted her to hurt as much as I am) I feel devastated, unloved and stupid because all want is for him to stay with me. He says he wants to stay and that he loves. I think I may be depressed as well I am not eating or sleeping properly and I am crying at the drop of a hat. What have other people done.