Relationship and family issues

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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

bill12345 I feel like i suddenly don’t love my GF anymore
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Hi, I’m a 17 year old and i’ve been with my girlfriend for around 9 months now. Throughout those months i’ve loved her so much, loved seeing her, spending time with her and she made me feel so special. Now a couple of days ago i almost feel like i do... View more

Hi, I’m a 17 year old and i’ve been with my girlfriend for around 9 months now. Throughout those months i’ve loved her so much, loved seeing her, spending time with her and she made me feel so special. Now a couple of days ago i almost feel like i don’t love her anymore suddenly, like i don’t want to listen to her, i feel kind of numb around her and i just want to love her the way i used too. I don’t want to break up, i don’t understand what’s happening, i’ve struggled with anxiety and mild OCD for the last 4 years, could it be an effect of this, i feel so horrible that i have these feelings but i’m so worried i don’t love her anymore and that i’ll hurt her

Lily123rose When you are lead on while their partner is pregnant
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A friend (or who I thought was a good friend) started messaging me about 8 months ago. It started off innocent checking how I was but then they got flirty and nothing felt wrong. I didn’t know they had feelings for me or that they had ever thought ab... View more

A friend (or who I thought was a good friend) started messaging me about 8 months ago. It started off innocent checking how I was but then they got flirty and nothing felt wrong. I didn’t know they had feelings for me or that they had ever thought about me in that way. I have a partner and so do they. We started talking a lot. Most days. More than we had over our 3 years of friendship. It started to Include commenting on how I look etc. but also conversations that were like chatting between two good friends. I started to begin to think it was an emotional relationship. I didn’t know his partner and they hadn’t been dating for an overly long time. Fast forward to last week, still talking and some personal details about my past came up in conversation including about ex partners and how we have both learnt from past relationships. He had called me pretty a number of times and that he regrets us not dating when we were both single. Only yesterday he said what a great friend I was. And today I found out his partner had a baby. I feel like an idiot. And hurt because if someone was such a great friend, wouldn’t you tell them that their partner is pregnant. Now I feel like I was just used to fill the gap during the pregnancy. I’m feeling lost and hurt. I think I have lost the friend I thought I had.

Katherine_R Left husband after years of sexless relationship - no children - feeling regret about the marriage
  • replies: 7

I was married for 12 years. In the initial stages of the relationship the sex was reasonable albeit a bit infrequent, but we eventually got married thinking we’d have a family. I was doing quite well at work; my husband wasn’t - we’re both profession... View more

I was married for 12 years. In the initial stages of the relationship the sex was reasonable albeit a bit infrequent, but we eventually got married thinking we’d have a family. I was doing quite well at work; my husband wasn’t - we’re both professionals and looking back, he wasn’t particularly hard working. The week we returned from our honeymoon he was sacked. For the next decade, he was in non permanent roles. I felt pressure to work extremely hard as I was worried he wouldn’t be in employment at some point. After our marriage (age 35), the sex virtually stopped. In hindsight I think my husband was depressed about his work situation. In my late 30s I started to get concerned about having a family. I explained to my husband I wanted a child and when I asked him about it, the response was, again, “with you I do”. The problem was, he was completely uninterested in sex. When I broached it with him, in the context of having kids, he shut down. He did go to the doctor to try to address his libido issues at one stage but lost interest not long afterwards. I distracted myself with work - my husband didn’t mistreat me and I couldn’t see myself starting again with another partner at that age, and so put up with the situation. Within a couple of years we started having arguments about kids and he went from “with you I want to”, to “we can’t afford to” to “well, we’re not going to have children now”. By this time I was 42. I coped by spending time with friends and throwing myself into work. But the grief and resentment eventually boiled over. I had an affair with the man I’d been with shortly before meeting my husband (the other man hadn’t wanted a relationship with me at that point). I told my husband straight away and left him within a few weeks. At that point he said we could have a baby but after years of his ambivalence I felt numb. My new partner and I tried to conceive for three years. An overseas IVF attempt didn’t work and Covid has prevented me from going back to try again (I can’t do IVF in Australia because of my age). I’ve posted this as I’m feeling I’ve wasted a massive chunk of my life on a relationship that was going nowhere and with irretrievable consequences. My grief and resentment are holding me back and I need to find a good counsellor who can help me work through everything. Any recommendations would be appreciated.

Justmeags83 So lost
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Hi all, I’m new here. not sure where to start really, but life is pretty average. I feel like it’s a constant battle and has been for around 6 years. We (husband and I) had so much going on. Loss of a business, had to sell our first home, dog got sic... View more

Hi all, I’m new here. not sure where to start really, but life is pretty average. I feel like it’s a constant battle and has been for around 6 years. We (husband and I) had so much going on. Loss of a business, had to sell our first home, dog got sick, had surgery $10,000 worth. Sold my car to pay for it, (then got a old little Mazda) husbands mental health went down hill. All in this time I was pregnant and then had our second child. Fast forward to now and we have another business which is fortunately working better but slow, financially we are still battling (it’s a constant issue it seems, with 2 kids there is always something to buy!) we don’t live lavishly also, we are still renting, found out last year through Covid our son has ADHD & anxiety and that’s been a hard issue in itself to come to terms with then also find the correct meds etc. life just seems constantly HARD. I’m starting to wonder if I’m depressed?! I don’t find much joy in things, parenting is a battle, don’t really love my job and it doesn’t pay much $30 casual rates, but happy to have one for now as I know others have it harder. Not really connected with hubby (and if you asked me about our bedroom antics well that’s like once a month these days, I just don’t seem to want it) , not much family support at all so hubby and I just battle along. Haven’t been on any family holiday in 6 years. Sorry for the vent and not really sure where to start anymore to change my life. Trying to be happy and put on a happy face seems hard work. I feel if it wasn’t for my family, I’d daydream about taking the next exit door outta here but then I feel guilty as I should be great full for what I have. Thanks for reading. M.

J_H Partner distancing herself from me - and no one else
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Hi everyone, First time poster.. My partner has just been told she has depression. Is it normal for a partner to distance themselves from partners only? Im noticing no efforts in organising time, events or activities together, however she still puts ... View more

Hi everyone, First time poster.. My partner has just been told she has depression. Is it normal for a partner to distance themselves from partners only? Im noticing no efforts in organising time, events or activities together, however she still puts in a lot of effort with friends to do so. Im even noticing a lot of changes in communication between us too. Should I be taking this personally? Is it me? Now I am starting to question and doubt myself. I try talking to her and she is very confused and now feels as though she needs a break from me? Although nothing has happened between us to onset this depression. Im feeling very confused and now very anxious that things will just end. Any advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. Especially final outcomes. Thanks in advance.

Advicerequest Marriage after betrayal and conception stress
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Has anyone successfully recovered after a betrayal? My husband was sexting with a colleague, apparently it was only the one time, which they both confirmed when asking immediately when I found out, I checked with her first before she could discuss an... View more

Has anyone successfully recovered after a betrayal? My husband was sexting with a colleague, apparently it was only the one time, which they both confirmed when asking immediately when I found out, I checked with her first before she could discuss anything with him. This was two months ago and every now and then I get overwhelmingly insecure and his response just feels like he doesn't care, I feel pethetic and should just get over it. But I just want to ask him to show me his phone. We had a couple of councelling sessions and they said we're good, we are a strong couple and he's not a repeat offender. But I just have one of those days today where I can't sleep, I can't get it out of my head and feel overwhelmed. At the time when I asked what happened to trigger it, he said I called him fat. I have absolutely no recollection of ever saying that about him, and it's just not something I think. I asked if it could have been misinterpreted but he said no, you called me fat. I have so much guilt and agnst about this. People say it's not you but in this case it is, it was me, it is my fault that my husband cheated on me, I caused it. I'm really struggling to get over the regret. I completely stopped drinking just in case I said it whilst drunk. He said he would stop drinking as it happened when he was drunk. But he hasn't. I feel like I'm putting in the effort and he isn't. He has focused on one thing which is saying I love you. I'm going to sound picky but it's usually just a mutter under his breathe, but it'll have to do. Secondly we've been trying to fall pregnant for almost 2 years. Again I feel I'm making the sacrifices and he isn't commiting. I get that guys tend to focus on only one thing and think that's enough. I suppose I just needed to let that off my chest, but wondering if there is success after cheating. I know normal is out the window but I just want the pain and worry to stop.

EmeraldEmphasis more love for drugs then me
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I have been in a relationship for around 4/5 years now. My partner has always been a heavy drug smoker throughout that time, however it never effected our relationship as we weren't living together. i have asked him to cut down - to only smoking on w... View more

I have been in a relationship for around 4/5 years now. My partner has always been a heavy drug smoker throughout that time, however it never effected our relationship as we weren't living together. i have asked him to cut down - to only smoking on weekends etc however its truly an addiction and he gets aggressive, tense and honestly awful to be around if he doesn't smoke for even a day. like most young people, he doesn't believe the drug is addictive however the way it makes you feel, the chemicals released and the tobacco its mixed with is addictive. he has said he will never quit and i think in all honesty its time for me to end the realtionship. He would rather spend his money on it then go out on a date with me, pay bills (which i pay all of), i've had to lend him money, he literally doesn't want to do anything with me...like wont even engage in a conversation unless stoned. Here are some other things (these happen both stoned and sober) - he wont eat unless I make it/offer it (and if i don't he will have a starvation strike) -if i do buy food to make he is too lazy to make it (simple as making a wrap) - i buy the groceries, as i am the one cooking and in all honesty he wouldn't spend his money on food even if there was none in the house -if i asked to go out there is always an eye roll or a 'uuurgh why' -he doesn't like living the house unless its to pick up drugs or see his friends to smoke it -wont offer to make me a coffee, food, watch something however if i don't he'll get up and ask why i didn't offer him -will come in at night asking to cuddle after he has spent the whole day not engaging with me -wont be affectionate or even think about having sex with me (See's it as effort) -i do all the washing/cleaning/organising and he does absolutely nothing to contribute (doesn't work) it sounds like i am being a negative person, but in all honesty i can't see the positives in the realtionships anymore. he wont come and hang out with me because he says 'sitting with you watching something is boring' and i have said 'well how do you think i feel, i don't wont to be sitting here watching tv'.

Annie0_0 Anxious - confused about my feelings.
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Female, it will be our 6th year wedding anniversary this year. I suffer from anxiety and take meds for it. Im not happy I feel like something isnt right. I'm getting more confident at doing normal things, dropping my son off to school, hanging out wi... View more

Female, it will be our 6th year wedding anniversary this year. I suffer from anxiety and take meds for it. Im not happy I feel like something isnt right. I'm getting more confident at doing normal things, dropping my son off to school, hanging out with friends. I get anxiety driving but i feel like ive been getting better with that too. on the other hand Im having mixed feelings about my husband. It started when we had friends come visit us during the new years. and i was crushing super hard for one of them. it went away when I gave him a hug on the day he left but it left me feeling very confused. those feelings did subside though. I had sex with my husband thinking about a female friend sexually. afterwards i was in tears in the shower with my husband saying im gay. it made me feel happy saying it out loud, but i was still unsure about the statement, as at games night i felt an attraction for one of the guys there as well. after outburst my husband hung out with my friends gf . I was jealous. its been so many years since he did anything like that with me. we have 2 kids (5 & 2) so understand why not but its still hard to swallow. ever since then it felt like something clicked inside. I dont want to be in this relationship. i feel repulsed by sex and I have a hard time reciprocating intimacy. its going to get to a point where i'll have to say something. im sick now with a cold. I've had it for about 5 days now. Ive tried piece by piece over the years to bring up issues with him. i told him I was jealous. were going to spend valentines day together I feel it necessary to try. when im alone and have no one to talk to and thoughts of ive had enough, i want to move out and make my own life are at their strongest. but then he'll come through the door after work and give me a hug and then i feel guilty and sad about having these thoughts and then for 2 seconds when he's telling me about his day I feel like everything could be fine. talking here and writing it all out helps too. if anything else, thank you.

BocajP Partner Unwilling to Move
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I am toward the completion of my undergraduate degree, and looking to commence a Juris Doctor in another city. I am currently based in Brisbane with my partner, who I have been with for one year. We are engaged. I have spoken to my partner and asked ... View more

I am toward the completion of my undergraduate degree, and looking to commence a Juris Doctor in another city. I am currently based in Brisbane with my partner, who I have been with for one year. We are engaged. I have spoken to my partner and asked them how they would feel about moving to be with me whilst I study. Every conversation on the subject results in him stating he is not going to move, despite the fact he only works a part time job and doesn’t have any goals to study or further his career. I have suggested he stays in Brisbane until he finds a job in the other city and then moves down at a later stage. I have also suggested long distance as an option, to no avail. Whilst I have 5 months to think about the decision as to whether I should stay and complete the Juris Doctor in Queensland or move, I am constantly feeling worried and anxious about the cessation of my relationship. I want to remain with my partner but am faced with a moral dilemma. I have always wanted to attend this specific university and I feel if I don’t go, I will regret my decision and lay blame on my partner. Should I stay in QLD and attempt to save the relationship, or follow my aspirations to study at this university?

nellie158 Questioning relationship over a pet.....
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Just to give a bit of background: my partner and I have been in a relationship for about 6 years, but have only been living together for 12 months. When we first moved in to our house, I brought along my dog who I spent a great deal of time training.... View more

Just to give a bit of background: my partner and I have been in a relationship for about 6 years, but have only been living together for 12 months. When we first moved in to our house, I brought along my dog who I spent a great deal of time training. In the middle of last year we decided to get another dog. My girl lived with my parent’s dog when I was back at home and enjoys the company of other dogs, so we thought a companion would be good for her. My partner was adamant he wanted a male dog, so we got an 8 week old male pup. We took him to puppy preschool and tried to socialise him as much as possible, but from about 7 months he has been reactive towards people and other dogs he is not familiar with. I have been going through a reactive dog training program with him and working on desensitising and counterconditioning him. On top of this I work full time, do the majority of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and pet care. My partner works full time, mows the lawns and maybe vacuums and cooks once a week. I have really been struggling with my workload and have asked him multiple times to help me, whether it is helping with house duties or the dogs. He always says “yes I’ll put more effort in” then nothing changes. This is starting to get very hard on me because it means I don’t seem to find much time to relax myself (not great for my anxiety), while he goes off and plays sport or goes out 3-4 nights of the week. Is it horrible I am reconsidering whether this man is a good life partner over how he handles a commitment to a pet?