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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mum44 I’m new here
  • replies: 2

Hi I’m a mum of 2. I have a teenage daughter who is not currently attending school for mental health reasons but she is starting up again next year. I have had mental health issues going on 4 years now and they are getting worse. I opened up to my jo... View more

Hi I’m a mum of 2. I have a teenage daughter who is not currently attending school for mental health reasons but she is starting up again next year. I have had mental health issues going on 4 years now and they are getting worse. I opened up to my job about it and no longer have a job. I’ve asked dr’s for help to no avail. I was talking to a psychologist but felt it wasn’t helping. I’m at my wits end now and I’m due to start a new job soon. I’m really worried as I feel so unpredictable day by day. I’m either angry, crying, calm or really happy(getting rare). I now don’t want to see dr’s because I’ve had many bad experiences talking to some of those. And iso is not helping

Oceantreasure Three generational household
  • replies: 2

I am a 58 year old woman very reluctantly living with my daughter and her two children. She had been living with the children’s father and split and also with another partner later who has anger and violent tendencies. My daughter had split from the ... View more

I am a 58 year old woman very reluctantly living with my daughter and her two children. She had been living with the children’s father and split and also with another partner later who has anger and violent tendencies. My daughter had split from the latter who is in jail. She still talks to him and loves him despite his abuse. I let her and the children come and live with me for her safety. I stated though that he is not welcome at my home. Before he went to jail he broke into my home by taking tiles off the roof and getting into the roof space. I find it very hard to live with young children and feel Very angry and resentful that I have to have all this trouble. I just want to have my own life now and be in peace. My daughter is aware of this and tries to respect my needs and tries to contribute but I just don’t want to live with them. I’ve become introverted and burnt out and numb. I hate the mess, disorder, waste and noise. I’ve been there done that. My daughter is a student nurse about to graduate so it’s hard at this time financially. When she graduates and is working she will get their own place. Any tips from people that live as a 3 generational family and staying sane please.

al_stuck “You Treat The Relationship as a Chore.”
  • replies: 1

We have been in the a relationship for nearly four years. Recently we got into a fight - with him ending the conversation with “you treat this relationship as a chore.” Now, I work full time, I own my own house (he doesn’t live with me) - I am busy t... View more

We have been in the a relationship for nearly four years. Recently we got into a fight - with him ending the conversation with “you treat this relationship as a chore.” Now, I work full time, I own my own house (he doesn’t live with me) - I am busy trying to build my life to be the best it can be. It’s his choice not to live with me so we only see each other a few times a week, which is how he wants it to be. We talk during the week only if I initiate the conversations, he tries his hardest not to come to my house and suggests that I go to his however due to me owning the house I have to maintain and clean it so I push back on that. We didn’t speak for a week - I suggested that we try and talk about why he said what he said however he didn’t think there was anything else to say. I told him that what he said hurt me however he didn’t even acknowledge this. We have a lot of differences however I’m scared that if I lose him - that I will completing isolate myself as I don’t really have many other friends (not close that I speak to everyday). I’m struggling with what to do - I don’t want to continue to try and fix something if the only reason I am staying is so I’m not isolated. I just need maybe some advice on what to do from an outside prospective.

ReeCar123 Partner's Ex, how to move forward?
  • replies: 1

Dear All, I have been in a long-winded on/off relationship with a person that has had attachment challenges stemming from his childhood and his very toxic marriage with an aggressive alcoholic wife. He separated from her 20 months ago but it was a re... View more

Dear All, I have been in a long-winded on/off relationship with a person that has had attachment challenges stemming from his childhood and his very toxic marriage with an aggressive alcoholic wife. He separated from her 20 months ago but it was a really drawn out process until he finally kind of let go. He had a breakthrough a few months ago when he finally could get rid of a lot of guilt. He is finally ready to move forward and commit more to me and us but still needs to go through the financial separation of property etc. with his ex. She has regularly manipulated him, guilt-tripped him and become very irate or distraught. Every time she reaches out, she becomes emotional and my partner feels drawn back down into sadness again. Not because he misses her but sadness because his childhood attachment is triggered. He is fully aware of it and ok at getting himself out of the slump again. I am also trying to be a positive counterweight and to be understanding. When we are together, it is wonderful but over the 20 months of the constant on and off with him, I have developed quite a high degree of anxiety. I am working through that with a psychologist. But the difficulty I experience at the moment is that my partner sent his suggestions for a financial separation and consent order to her a few weeks ago. Initially, she became emotional, then angry and said she would arrange a meeting with her lawyers. Now, for the last two weeks, she has constantly postponed the meeting with the lawyers. When he asks, she becomes irate and claims he is pressuring her. I suggested he start meetings with his lawyers and then they can talk to hers but he wants her to have the first pick and move. I feel he is still letting her run his life and she may forever postpone and manipulate. I want him to do his own thing because it is his matter but I am feeling very powerless and my anxiety is high as long as she is around. Every time she reaches out to him, he may end up down in the dumps. I don’t know how to deal with this. We are trying to build a future for ourselves but I feel there is a constant potential for everything to fall apart again in case this draws out forever. In the past, she had so much power over him that he often felt not ready, hence why we broke it off a few times. I don’t want this to happen again but how do I cope with this situation until he can finally make the next move and hopefully soon get to a level of no contact after the consent order is done?

Kchris06 Separated man hoping to reconcile
  • replies: 8

Hi Married 22 years She’s 44 I’m 51. Two teenage sons. She ended the relationship last month as she didn’t love me anymore and loved another married man. They’d been in a sexual relationship. She has Clearly said she doesn’t want to reconcile. I move... View more

Hi Married 22 years She’s 44 I’m 51. Two teenage sons. She ended the relationship last month as she didn’t love me anymore and loved another married man. They’d been in a sexual relationship. She has Clearly said she doesn’t want to reconcile. I moved out to a nearby suburb where I’m quite happy. But I’m miss her and want to reconcile. I Initially suggested coming Back for late night cuddles but she rejected that. I respect her rights but I want to create the best impression I can to change her stance on her+me =NO! Recently I was around there and she’d said she’d told other guy to go away but She didn’t want to elaborate and I don’t if they’ve Fixed it up but I could tell she was hurting. A few days later I helped out with picking up the kids and I was there and she wasn’t and I left her flowers. She texted me thanking me and then said, it was a lovely surprise. Since then I have put her on a ‘dont contact’ so I haven’t texted her at all. She’s initiated the last texts but it’s neutral stuff about bills and her weekend plans but at least it’s something. If I keep leaving flowers it will lose its impact. Does anyone have any ideas about how I should behave or respond to get her Positive attention back, Regarding starting Over? Many thanks

Over_thinker Broken heart 💔
  • replies: 3

I discovered my husband open a tinder account a month ago. He says he did it as a friend at work told him how funny some of the bios and comments were. (Hubby favourite show is first dates) When I first discover the tinder account and approached him,... View more

I discovered my husband open a tinder account a month ago. He says he did it as a friend at work told him how funny some of the bios and comments were. (Hubby favourite show is first dates) When I first discover the tinder account and approached him, he said he only had it for a day and that he only looked at it for 5mins. But I knew that wasn’t true. He did eventually admit that he had it for longer but he still insists that he wasn’t on there to find anyone or communicate it was just to look at peoples funny bios. How do I move from this and do I believe what he is telling me? so confused

SoyLatte Feeling lost and lonely
  • replies: 3

Hi All, this is my first time posting and I guess I just need to let some things out. So to start off I am married with two young kids. My marriage has been on the downward spiral for many years now and we just keep trying. I know I haven't been the ... View more

Hi All, this is my first time posting and I guess I just need to let some things out. So to start off I am married with two young kids. My marriage has been on the downward spiral for many years now and we just keep trying. I know I haven't been the best wife and I also learnt that my husband had been cheating on me (sending nudes and messaging other women) back in January 2020. I also have a very close male friend and the friendship has always been more than just platonic. We both know we like each other and things have been physical. I have been wanting to leave my husband but I cant seem to work up the courage to tell him as I know it will hurt him and other people around us (being Asian there is a lot of pressure from parents etc). So recently my close friend has told me that he cant keep seeing me as I am still not a free woman and that it has started to affect him by making him a bit resentful. What he wants is a proper relationship with me. He's told me that he will wait for me until the end of this year for me to be available. This has left me feeling very alone and lost. My friend was someone I would message everyday and talk to about all I am feeling. I feel like I have lost my biggest support and this has motivated me to finally be honest and leave my husband. The issue I am having is that there is a lot of guilt. I haven't told my husband yet and I really don't know how to as I have never broken up or left someone. Also my other close friends haven't been there for me and I guess I'm just seeking someone to talk to and to help give me strength. Any advice or a chat would be helpful. I know I've done wrong and I'm definitely no angel. I just want to be happy and to live my life freely.

Joey28 Runaway 14yr teenager.
  • replies: 1

My 14yr daughter has been running away from for the last month, but now she is refusing to come home. Yes there is some conflict in the household. But hard to resolve is she keeps running away. We are working with the school and resources that we hav... View more

My 14yr daughter has been running away from for the last month, but now she is refusing to come home. Yes there is some conflict in the household. But hard to resolve is she keeps running away. We are working with the school and resources that we have in place but my daughter is refusing to accept the help. She still trying her hardest to be with boyfriend who by the sound of it trying to groom her and offer the world but they are both young. I'm giving her the time she needs to allow her to see this through. She is with a family friend at the this point but I do know in the long term this is not the best place for her. I don't want to give up on my daughter I love her very much but I just don't know what else to do as this taking a toll on my own health.

JoC18 Husband's career
  • replies: 7

Hi all, My husband is a chef and his career is the major issue in our relationship. He does not have time with me, he is not paid well. I have suffered as no family support, as well as financial pressure. Now I really hate his career. I know it is no... View more

Hi all, My husband is a chef and his career is the major issue in our relationship. He does not have time with me, he is not paid well. I have suffered as no family support, as well as financial pressure. Now I really hate his career. I know it is not fair to him as he does well in his job and he has the passion with his career. I have couple conversations with him but cannot sort out the issue. Now I do not even want to see his sister who suggested him to become a chef from the first place. I feel like she is the person destroying my life. I know it is unfair and horrible thinking. But I cannot stop it.

MentalHealthismypriority Help! Caught in a crossroads with mentally ill partner
  • replies: 14

Hi all, ive spent a lot of time working on my mental health in my life and been through a lot in the process but feel as though I am in a good place - finally. I’m going to be starting some study soon and have re built relationships with family. unfo... View more

Hi all, ive spent a lot of time working on my mental health in my life and been through a lot in the process but feel as though I am in a good place - finally. I’m going to be starting some study soon and have re built relationships with family. unfortunatley - my partner who I have been with off and on for 4 years is really mentally unwell. This is taking a toll on my mental and physical well being. I have seen this happen with him time and time again and he seems to not learn from his past patterns. He looses his job and then gets extremely self distructive and self harms threatens suicide if I leave him, manic episodes, hallucinations etc he has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and has been able to manage his mental health quite well for the past year without medication. I feel like I am on a roller coaster with him. I am scared all the time. We are engaged to be married and it’s like the reason why he lives is because of me and nothing else. It’s a lot of pressure. He refuses to get help even though I have begged him because he believes they won’t say anything he doesn’t already know. To make matters worse it’s his 30th birthday in a couple of weeks and I don’t know what to do. I can’t go on like this for the rest of my life. He has been there for me many times when I’ve needed him and I too for him but this keeps happening and he isn’t learning. I don’t know whether to end it or stick with it. Any advice would be appreciated!