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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lookingforadvice3 Divorced, pregnant to new partner and think I’m depressed
  • replies: 5

I’ve never used forums before. I am a woman in her 30s. I’ve been divorced for about 3 and a bit years. I’ve recently become pregnant (unplanned) to my new partner who doesn’t reside in the same town as me. I have one child from my marriage. He has t... View more

I’ve never used forums before. I am a woman in her 30s. I’ve been divorced for about 3 and a bit years. I’ve recently become pregnant (unplanned) to my new partner who doesn’t reside in the same town as me. I have one child from my marriage. He has two. In the past I’ve been a “stressor” and perhaps anxious, often in response to reasonable events. At the moment I think maybe I have antenatal depression. But I don’t know if it’s just because of this awful and challenging situation that’s been created. I work hard, I have a good job, I get along well with my ex for my sons sake. I have no family where I live. I am crying almost constantly. I keep needing to remove myself from situations because I’m upset. I am avoiding friends. Avoiding activities. At the moment I’m lying in bed after bawling/hyperventilating after dropping my son off. I’m largely non-functional. Maybe it’s just relative to the stress that has been created with this big change? I haven’t even told friends about it despite being 16 weeks, probably because that will make it all real. I’m worrying about everything constantly. I took my son on a mini camping vacation this week and seeing full “regular” families is just too confronting all of a sudden. After years of not really mourning that. Please help or if anyone has been in this situation let me know how it went for you. Thank you

Mostly_optimistic My husband of 10 years just came out as Transgender and we have 2 young autistic kids
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, This is my first type of post on any forum so please bare with me. I’ve tried looking everywhere and anywhere for answers but our situation seems to be very unique. Last year my husband of 10 years told me he was transgender and wanted t... View more

Hi Everyone, This is my first type of post on any forum so please bare with me. I’ve tried looking everywhere and anywhere for answers but our situation seems to be very unique. Last year my husband of 10 years told me he was transgender and wanted to transition to being a woman. Initially this didn’t bother me too much and I tried my hardest to be supportive. My biggest concern is we have 2 young autistic children who are very literal thinkers and I know won’t comprehend the change or understand why Daddy no longer looks like Daddy ect. I can feel our marriage breaking apart which makes me sad, I think my biggest personal issue is I don’t identify as gay and staying with him after transition would really confuse my own gender identity. The other thing that hurts is he knew something was up before we got married and had kids so I feel slightly duped and tricked. It’s been a year since I’ve known and I’m still in a tail spin. Any advice?

TillieB My boyfriend broke up with me due to depression
  • replies: 6

My boyfriend & I had been living together as housemates since Feb 2019. We soon started dating and we fell faster in love due to living together and fast tracking the relationship. I've moved out due to finishing studies so I was now living 2 hours a... View more

My boyfriend & I had been living together as housemates since Feb 2019. We soon started dating and we fell faster in love due to living together and fast tracking the relationship. I've moved out due to finishing studies so I was now living 2 hours away from him since December which was a huge & hard change for us. He still has one year of study left and it is a really full on course but I was full prepared to visit him every week to two weeks and accept that there may be extremely busy periods for him where it is not possible. I have been having some physical health problems which has affected our intimacy & thus flared up my symptoms of anxiety & depression over the last three months, without realising it I was leaning on him for a lot of my support to get through my health problems. There was a lot going on for me and I didn't have the energy to divulge it to others, so I relied on him. Literally overnight, he realises that he’s suicidal & depressed. He was probably suppressing these thoughts to support me. I urged him to get help which he has gone and done now. However, he asked me for space. It had been 3 weeks since I saw him and I had only spoken to him a few times in that time frame. I was restless and anxious and not coping with the space. I asked if we could meet so we could make a plan going forward with what our new relationship would look like whilst he gets help. I probably also need some help to deal with my own mental illnesses too, but he has really declined. Because of how low he saw himself, he thought during our relationship that I thought he needed to be improved and that I didn't think he was good enough. Which is not true. I think that we could be stronger together and we could help each other get help and be there while we build ourselves back up, but he believes he needs to sort his depression out on his own and find a way to love himself and build himself again. We held each others hands, crying, as we both said "I love you" to each other, and then we broke up. I am struggling with what to do now. I am not coping. We obviously both love each other, so I can't help but hold onto the hope that when he is doing better we can be together again. Do I check up on him every now and then to see how he is going? Do I completely delete him from my life for 5 months or so and then see? He had been my rock and I feel so heartbroken and lost and I just want to be with the man I love and who loves me. But I guess, it is complicated.

rani_94 Was ghosted by a friend a few years ago and I'm still not over it - how do I move on?
  • replies: 6

Ben (not his real name) is an old friend of mine from school. We used to be quite close. I had a crush on him in school, which didn’t really lead to anywhere until we both graduated. After we graduated school, he moved to a different state and I went... View more

Ben (not his real name) is an old friend of mine from school. We used to be quite close. I had a crush on him in school, which didn’t really lead to anywhere until we both graduated. After we graduated school, he moved to a different state and I went to university. We would catch up whenever he was in town and things were always very flirty between us. The last time we met up we ended up hooking up at the end of the night...which ended up being pretty awkward in all honesty. And that was the last I saw or heard anything from Ben. While I haven’t made an effort to reach out to him, I have held resentment towards him because he didn’t check to see that I was okay after we hooked up (I wasn’t). I felt that this was extremely disrespectful towards me, especially given that we were meant to be friends and as a result, Ben not checking up on me made me feel used and humiliated. A few months passed after our last date and since he didn’t reach out, I decided to delete him off social media. He definitely noticed, because I quickly realised that he unfollowed me on Instagram. It’s been almost 5 years since I have seen or heard anything from Ben. I am also now in a loving relationship with someone else. But yet, especially over this last year, Ben has crossed my mind more and more frequently. I am torn between being resentful towards him and missing the friendship we used to have. These thoughts are becoming a lot more intrusive and I keep finding myself searching for him on social media. I'm even considering reaching out to him, but I am unsure what to say after all this time or if this is even a good idea. I feel like I can't go on like this - I don't know why I keep ruminating on someone from the past when I have a great boyfriend right in front of me. How do I move on?

Ebc94 Slept with a co-worker I had feelings for and now I have to see them every day at work
  • replies: 4

I have had a crush on my co-worker for nearly a year and despite some innocent flirting, it never went anywhere... until last weekend he asked me out on a date. He is known for being a bit of a player and I knew that going in but I was so caught up i... View more

I have had a crush on my co-worker for nearly a year and despite some innocent flirting, it never went anywhere... until last weekend he asked me out on a date. He is known for being a bit of a player and I knew that going in but I was so caught up in the fact that he liked me that I chose to ignore all the signs and agreed to go out with him. You see, I am pretty lonely and was a 26yr old virgin(not by choice) so while I really wanted more, I was so desperate to lose my virginity that I convinced myself I would be ok even if he wasn’t interested in anything other than sex. Anyway, we went out and had a really good time and he told me how he was looking for a relationship and how much he liked me and told me all this personal stuff and I ended up sleeping with him. However, pretty soon after it became clear that he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything further. Despite knowing this was a possible option I still feel really hurt and used by him and while I don’t regret it, I have a lot of complex emotions, especially since I have never been intimate like this before. It hurts to have to see him every day at work and while he is being professional about it, I am really struggling because I know I have brought this on myself. I just feel humiliated and stupid. How do I get over him?

Busymum Advice on my 12 year old girl who is being bullied....
  • replies: 6

I don't know if this is even the right place on the forum to be posting this but I really need some advice. My 12 year old girl is probably at the mental capacity of 10.5 both socially and academically. She has a mixed diagnosis of anxiety, speech de... View more

I don't know if this is even the right place on the forum to be posting this but I really need some advice. My 12 year old girl is probably at the mental capacity of 10.5 both socially and academically. She has a mixed diagnosis of anxiety, speech delay (understanding and processing) and probably a few other things going on. She appears normal and people don't really pick up on it. I'd describe her as socially awkward she talks too much and out of context. She can't really read social cues either so when kids are kind of indicating they want her to be quiet she doesn't get it. I would say that most kids her age find her "annoying". She has never said one nasty or mean thing to anyone and probably tires too hard (buying presents etc for people) so they like her. She loves dancing and acting and is in a competition group for dancing. The girls are awful and she comes out crying asking "why don't they want me". I am trying to so hard to teach her resilience rather than pull her out of the activity all together but its so hard and I'm finding it difficult to balance between "teaching resilience and looking after her mental health". The group of 5 girls literally walked away from her when she sat down with them saying "lets go" then left her by herself. I suffer anxiety, I was also bullied and I don't want her feeling this way - its awful Advice would be appreciated. I've told her that she doesn't have to continue in the competition class, but the thing is to be asked to be a part of this small group in this dance school was such a happy achievement for her.....

LonelyWife80 Relationship Failing - desperate for advice
  • replies: 5

Hi, My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and in the past 5 years we have had more ups and downs than you can imagine. From emotional affairs, lying about alcohol and money, debt collectors turning up on the door step - you name it,... View more

Hi, My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and in the past 5 years we have had more ups and downs than you can imagine. From emotional affairs, lying about alcohol and money, debt collectors turning up on the door step - you name it, he’s done it. About 6 months ago I found out he had kissed another woman - to me, that is cheating, he says it’s just a kiss. He was cold and distant for a few months before and I should have known something was going on. He didn’t come clean, I found messages from this married woman / they met on a “chat site”. On our wedding anniversary too - classy! I have been working on forgiveness because he said he wanted to make it work. I admit, I’ve been paranoid about his whereabouts and constantly ask where he is and who he is with, but it’s because I’m hanging on by a thread when he isn’t home. On the weekend we had a disagreement and he has told me he doesn’t love me at all, has no feelings for me and he was leaving me because he doesn’t want to try - he just wants an easy relationship and there is no attraction at all. I am beyond devastated. I love this man more than anything and I don’t know what I’ve done. He can’t communicate with me, he has anger issues, is an alcoholic and no friends to help him through. He says he hates coming home because of me. I am not perfect and I don’t profess to be, and I want to go back to how we used to be. We spoke last night and I stooped so low as to beg him to try and fix this, but I’m so scared he only agreed to shut me up and because he has nowhere to go. I don’t want him to be unhappy, I love him more than I should given everything that has happened. How do I make him want to love me again? Anyone had experience and know what I can do? I don’t want to admit it, but am I kidding myself that this is just another speed bump in the road that we can get over? After being together since we were 17, he is all I know and I feel like my insides are being torn apart by the second at the thought of losing him. He won’t do counseling - he thinks it’s a waste of money, and his family are no help. I want him to have a wonderful life so any advice on how to help him with his issues and to help me make him fall in love with me again would be helpful! thanks, from a ‘desperate fulltime working house wife’

Murmur Am I too ill to own a cat?
  • replies: 8

Hi all, new and very first post so bear with me. I adopted a sweet cat last October. I love him, but again, I've been crying all morning over him. Since the adoption I've been constantly anxious about him, I haven't had a decent night sleep since, an... View more

Hi all, new and very first post so bear with me. I adopted a sweet cat last October. I love him, but again, I've been crying all morning over him. Since the adoption I've been constantly anxious about him, I haven't had a decent night sleep since, and I often need to get out of the flat to be away from him because I feel suffocated by him. I live alone and thought his company would help. It does sometimes but... I have multiple health issues, including long term anxiety and depression, on top of a complex genetic disorder which causes chronic fatigue and pain, among other things. I just don't know if I can keep this up, my health is suffering but I feel so guilty for wanting to give up on the little guy. I swore I wouldn't be that person. I'm also on a disability pension and constantly worry I won't be able to help him if he needs veterinary attention. I also feel my mental health might be affecting him. I'm sorry for such a long first post, just a mess right now.

Redhuta Relationship Counselling ? Seeking advice and maybe sharing your experience?
  • replies: 19

Without having to recap my whole story my husband suffers depression/anxiety and its been an up and down 15 years. I love my husband however its not been an easy life at times. We did have a six month separation about one year ago and although we are... View more

Without having to recap my whole story my husband suffers depression/anxiety and its been an up and down 15 years. I love my husband however its not been an easy life at times. We did have a six month separation about one year ago and although we are now back together our problems keep arising about lack of intimacy/emotion towards me. Our daughters both suffer with anxiety and all three including my husband see their own psychiatrists. Its evident to bother dr’s treating our daughters that the lack of emotion towards me and the separation have impacted my daughters and may contribute somewhat to their anxiety. I have known this and I also have expressed this to my husband however it did take a professional to make he take finally realise its not me “nagging”. My husband likes to blame me and I understand that could be the depression but much to my surprise he has asked we get marriage counselling? I suspect his psychiatrist may have suggested this and I also add he is in the process of changing meds as the ones he has been on for the last 10 years are not what he should have been on according to this dr.This is a major move forward as over the years its always been me asking for help or to try and fix our problems. The children and life always taking priority over our relationships,so I am more that willing to give this a go and hopefully be able to communicate more effectively with my husband now that a professional is involved. We are looking at Relationships Australia? I do have my psychologist who I have been seeing on and off over the last 4 years to help me with the issues dealing with my husband and the effects its had on me, but also my two daughters and their anxiety. My husband does not want to go to him. Any advice would be greatly appericated.

Abstraction Ongoing platonic relationship within four days of ending the affair
  • replies: 2

Until four weeks ago I had an ideal marriage. We were deeply in love, fully open and honest with each other. She totally agrees with this assessment in counselling since the affair. She still loves me. My wife fell into an affair with a colleague at ... View more

Until four weeks ago I had an ideal marriage. We were deeply in love, fully open and honest with each other. She totally agrees with this assessment in counselling since the affair. She still loves me. My wife fell into an affair with a colleague at work - 'connection' => flirtation => and despite my warnings, stepping over the line. It has involved constant secret messaging in the mornings and into the night, probably all day at work, along with secret meeting up when she was out on 'errands', including kissing. She says they haven't slept together. She went from competely honest to lies and sneaking around. When I discovered it, bit by bit, she gave false assurances at each step, but she refused to stop even though I barely slept most nights and had been unable to work for 3 weeks. She insisted she still loved me. Eventually the other guy's wife fell pregnant so he ended it monday week ago. In trying to reconcile she made no effort on her side because she 'couldn't process it right now' so I agreed to go away last thursday for two weeks to give her space. On Friday, the very next day, he messaged her again. She told me this Saturday morning and said it was unwelcome and she wished he was out of his life. Yet she met up with him some hours later, an example of the kind of misleading she had done all along and how much power it has over her. I only discovered this on Sunday with a direct question from 130km away. I have her space to help us focus on our marriage and she is back to messaging and meeting up with him. She claims it is just a platonic friendship now (4 days after it was an affair), that they won't cross the line, and refuses to stop. She says if I love her I should be glad she has a wonderful connection with another person. When I asked if she had met up with him again she said she had on Sunday but that my fixating on him is not going to help (our marriage). She has constantly warned me that giving an ultimatum would make her want to go the other way. She is in counselling, does love me and doesn't want our marriage to end. She agreed to talk to the counsellor about this issue tonight. What do you think? Is she right that I'm overreacting by objecting to her refusal to stop the contact with this guy outside of work? I do know what I think, I think I know what most people think but I'm so alone in this. I just want to hear other views from any perspective including disagreement with me.