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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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SJC123 I had an affair
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I’m new here... but about my story. I had affair a few years ago and lost my marriage. Went for 3 months and came clean to him to try and save things. But it became apparent quite early that he didn’t care and just wiped me. No amount of figh... View more

Hi all, I’m new here... but about my story. I had affair a few years ago and lost my marriage. Went for 3 months and came clean to him to try and save things. But it became apparent quite early that he didn’t care and just wiped me. No amount of fighting would have worked. He told everyone lies about me including the kids, was called names. You say it he did it. I know what I did was wrong. But I can’t forgive myself, the shame guilt. Having this hang over me I feel it defines me as a person and I will never be able to move forward. not really sure what I am asking. Just need to be able to live with the guilt

elsegundo2020 I'm in a serious rut right now and I really need some help. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!
  • replies: 3

Hey there everyone, I've been somewhat hesitant to post online asking about this kind of advice. I've been in a pretty bad 'rut' for a few months now. It all started to snowball when my grandfather, who I lived with (as well as my grandmother) passed... View more

Hey there everyone, I've been somewhat hesitant to post online asking about this kind of advice. I've been in a pretty bad 'rut' for a few months now. It all started to snowball when my grandfather, who I lived with (as well as my grandmother) passed away in March. To give a little bit of context, in 2017 I moved out from my parents and had decided to live with my grandparents. Between that time and now, I had secured down a job that I've been at and managed to save 20K. I have started to loose passion for the job that I am in, which is a pre-school teacher. I've been in this industry for five years now, and even when I had moved away from home I had applied for that job based off that fact that it's a job that I know and can tolerate quite easily. Well, this has been changing. I've noticed I'm loosing patience, passion, and overall drive to continue working in this field. However with this COVID situation, I have been too worried to leave this job. I worry that if I continue to tolerate it, I will continue to work in a job I don't care for and slowly drag down my mental health even farther. Last month, I also lost my other Grandmother to cancer as well. It has been hard facing the reality of death, and see how it has affected my parents. They too were not doing well mentally even before their passing. My mother had attempted suicide not long after my Grandfather passed, and she has quite an insidious drinking problem which has become worse as a way for her to cope. Whilst all this continues on, I live with my other grandmother. It is very lonely living away from friends and close family - for the only people I talk with are co-workers and my grandmother. It's been the same systematic daily routine for almost two years now, and with Pop gone - I worry about leaving her to move back down home with my parents again. Over the fathers day weekend, I came back down to visit. I've somewhat spiralled a little with some drug use, and have not returned back to my Grandmothers.. I have told work I am unwell. In reality, I don't want to return and I want for a change in my life right now. I miss my family. I just want to settle a little here for a while, and look for another career or study I could go after. I have some money saved, and I had not wanted to spend it - but would it be really a horrible thing to use some of it to get back on my feet again? I appreciate taking the time to read this, so thank you - and any feedback or advice is massively helpful.

Von is lost Insecure anxious attachment and moving on from a relationship
  • replies: 12

A guy I know from high school and I went on a few dates 2 years ago, and it didn’t work out because he started seeing someone else which was really hard for me. Recently he reached out again, and we messaged daily for about 3 months. I was wary initi... View more

A guy I know from high school and I went on a few dates 2 years ago, and it didn’t work out because he started seeing someone else which was really hard for me. Recently he reached out again, and we messaged daily for about 3 months. I was wary initially but he seemed really interested. He lives 4 hours away from me so we’ve only been able to meet up 2 times. He was going to come up to visit me last week, but he ended up not being able to because of where I’m living had a few unexplained coronavirus cases which would affect his ability to go to work. This is obviously fine, but the last thing I messaged was asking ‘do you want to stay in touch or do you think it might be too hard for us?’. He replied saying he wanted to stay in touch, but it makes him uncomfortable when I ask questions like that. I apologised and now I haven’t heard from him for a whole week. My anxiety has been playing up really badly, and my insecure attachment issues are really coming out. I feel that he’s already disappeared and that its not going to work out again. I also feel stupid for giving him another chance and abandoned. Does anyone have any advice on how to feel better? And should I accept that it’s not going to work out and just start moving on? Thank you

SarahB03 Need advice on accessing support
  • replies: 7

Hi, I am feeling overwhelmed and unsure about where to access some support. I have recently learnt that my teenage daughter has been self-harming and researching ways to die by suicide. My problem is that it is causing a huge amount of stress in my m... View more

Hi, I am feeling overwhelmed and unsure about where to access some support. I have recently learnt that my teenage daughter has been self-harming and researching ways to die by suicide. My problem is that it is causing a huge amount of stress in my marriage as my husband thinks she is lazy and making it up because she doesn't want to go to school. He is not open to discussion on mental health issues so I have always managed this on my own (she is currently seeing a counsellor and is making some positive progress). We have a lot of other underlying problems but for me this feels like a deal-breaker. We have been fighting a lot lately and I really want to end my marriage but am terrified of traumatising my daughter further because she already feels like this is all her fault. He is also very controlling and I need to find the right person who will be able to see through that. Thanks!

Ahjlees Am I just a notch?
  • replies: 3

Hi, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and I’ve struggled on and off with his past. Not because he has one but partly because of what it is and partly because I don’t have one. He has had multiple ex girlfriends, a lot in my opinion, co... View more

Hi, My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and I’ve struggled on and off with his past. Not because he has one but partly because of what it is and partly because I don’t have one. He has had multiple ex girlfriends, a lot in my opinion, considering his last was very long term and he’s just turned 30. I’ve also just found out that he’s had one night stands. I don’t want to be upset by this, I accept that he has a past and I love him but it just sometimes hits me really hard that he’s been with so many other women and the only man I’ve ever known is him. I absolutely hate feeling this way and know it’s not fair on either of us. I need help. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

JJ89 Divorce guilt
  • replies: 4

I’m currently married and have been for 2 years. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. This is his second marriage. He is 42, I am 31. He has a adult son. We have always had a rocky relationship. We have huge fights that blow up and he has been phys... View more

I’m currently married and have been for 2 years. I’ve been with my partner for 5 years. This is his second marriage. He is 42, I am 31. He has a adult son. We have always had a rocky relationship. We have huge fights that blow up and he has been physical in the past but I stayed because I loved him. The last year or so I’ve been feeling disconnected from him. I don’t have the energy to fight so don’t talk to him much. I’ve stopped giving him as much attention as he was use to. Which caused more issues. I think each time we spoke horribly to each other it chipped away At my heart and has slowest broken me. I have recently made a connection with a co worker.. he has made me see cleared what I’ve been Putting up with is not ok or normal. I want to leave my husband but when we talk about it he guilts me into staying. I feel like it’s all my fault and that I’ll break him. He has recently found out I’ve been talking to this co worker and has gone all psycho and has tried to contact my coworkers ex, her sisters, his mum to bad mouth that he’s been a shoulder for me to lean on. This makes me so mad.. he gets angry at me then 5 seconds later when I say about us not Being good for each other. He cries, says im his soulmate and he’s changed.. but think there’s been too much damage I cant move forward with him. But then feel guilty I’ve hurt him so bad and maybe I didn’t try hard enough.. I’m so lost. My friends don’t know what’s going on and my family live in different states. I feel so alone and lost.

Fern1 Mother in law
  • replies: 7

My mother in law has made my life hell for the last 3 1/2 years. My father in law passed away leaving my MIL alone in another country. I thought I was doing the right thing by inviting her to come and live with us as the rest of her family didn’t off... View more

My mother in law has made my life hell for the last 3 1/2 years. My father in law passed away leaving my MIL alone in another country. I thought I was doing the right thing by inviting her to come and live with us as the rest of her family didn’t offer. It’s proven to be the biggest mistake of my life. It only took 4 weeks until the first major row which escalated to her trying to jump out of my car while I was driving with my two children screaming in terror in the back seat. She has caused multiple major arguments which have included her throwing things about my house. 99% of the arguments were when my parter was not home. Everything came to a head around 6 months ago when she caused another tow and I told her to F off out of shear anger and desperation. She took this as meaning I was asking her to leave and I didn’t tell her it wasn’t. She left the house and has been staying at my brother in laws but since then she has continued her poison. She has been posting passive aggressive posts on social media clearly directed at me and I have been silent throughout in the hope that her mask will slip and others will see her true colours. She has now started demanding money from us. She lived with us completely rent and bill free for 3 years ( she did buy some groceries) during that time she made 2 large purchases for the family staying at the time it was the least she could do because she lived with us for nothing. She is now demanding we pay this back. If I could could afford it I would but my partners hours have just been cut at work but she mentions it every time she speaks to him. I am under so much pressure I feel like I could explode. We did everything for and with her in the time she lived with us including paying for and taking her on all our family holidays but she was never happy. I’m at my wits end any advice would be appreciated.

BrownPaperBag Overwhelmed and isolated
  • replies: 2

Single mum of 3 with a history of complex PTSD. Struggling to cope with life at the moment. My youngest child is a massive handful. My other 2 children have their own mental health issues that are pushed aside due to my inability to get on top of my ... View more

Single mum of 3 with a history of complex PTSD. Struggling to cope with life at the moment. My youngest child is a massive handful. My other 2 children have their own mental health issues that are pushed aside due to my inability to get on top of my own issues. I am socially and financially isolated. I feel the mental health system is a massive let down. My problems stem from childhood and were unfortunately not addressed until after I had children. I feel that I am not capable of being the parent I need to be while I am dealing so poorly myself. I have minimal help from the children's father. My relationship with my family is very toxic and I do not believe that I have any real support and have been hugely misunderstood. Not even sure what I expect to achieve in writing this. I am tired of going around in circles.

littleindigo insecurity in relationships
  • replies: 9

hi, im a 23yo Female in a year long relationship. i have experienced anxiety and depression all through my adolescence and although i have learnt to manage my emotions better; i fear that being in a relationship has caused a huge spike in unhealthy b... View more

hi, im a 23yo Female in a year long relationship. i have experienced anxiety and depression all through my adolescence and although i have learnt to manage my emotions better; i fear that being in a relationship has caused a huge spike in unhealthy behaviours and patterns which i am finding difficult to navigate. the first 6 months of our relationship was relatively calm for me. i think because it took me such a long time to let my guard down i was always keeping him at arms length. i hadn't allowed myself to be vulnerable. i had convinced myself that if things were to end, i wasn't as invested and maybe it wouldn't hurt as much. as time has gone on, I've realised how much i do love him and want this to work, but my anxiety has reached a point where its causing significant doubts about us. i was in a horrible relationship 5 years ago, which caused me some ptsd, and those same behaviours that i was exhibiting then has started to surface again. i am lacking trust in my partner. i have caught him out lying about a few things, and also "withholding" information. as much as i try to let it go and move past it, i cant. he has never given me the passcode to his phone, and honestly, i don't want it 'to snoop." i think that knowing it would give me some peace of mind about his trustworthiness. its the fact that he doesn't open snapchats around me. or text people in front of me. if he leaves the room he always takes his phone with him etc. his phone is always face down. i have mentioned this numerous times that it makes me uncomfortable and he always apologises and says he's just a private person. which may be true. but i cant shake those niggly little fears. eating away at me. this relationship is bringing out the most disgusting, jealous parts of me that i cant stand. i am always obsessing about who he's talking to, when he was last active on fb, or instagram. every time i hear his phone buzz, it physically makes me sick and i instantly get full of so much anxiety and wonder who it could be messaging him. its so compulsive, and i cant stop feeling so insecure. its to the point where its so bad, its all i think about. it makes me upset for no reason, but i cant let it go. i don't know how to sustain a relationship whilst feeling like this and i also worry that those behaviours of his arent going to change either. i don't want to live in this space of fear and jealousy and anxiety. any thoughts would be much appreciated. little indigo x

Pineappplecruise Broken up by boyfriend
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend randomly ended things last night. This is the second time he has ended things for no logically reasons. He told me that he just doesn’t feel the same anymore. how does one tell you they love you and never leaving you and the en t day end... View more

My boyfriend randomly ended things last night. This is the second time he has ended things for no logically reasons. He told me that he just doesn’t feel the same anymore. how does one tell you they love you and never leaving you and the en t day end things. we also live together and still continues to talk to me. I keep having panic attacks and crying. I live 3 hours from my friends and family and feeling so alone and I don’t know how to cope.