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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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HRW1998 Boyfriend watching the same girl in porn videos
  • replies: 3

My partner has been watching these overweight girls on TikTok that are naked or in sexy clothing in the past and I saw them when I went through his phone and confronted him, he said he didn’t know why he was doing it.we have had some issues with him ... View more

My partner has been watching these overweight girls on TikTok that are naked or in sexy clothing in the past and I saw them when I went through his phone and confronted him, he said he didn’t know why he was doing it.we have had some issues with him lying to me about talking to other girls as friends and he has stopped but I struggle to trust him because he lies to me even about small things. I don’t care if he has female friends but I have issues when he lies about it. I recently went through his phone and he is watching the same girl, overweight and naked in her videos dancing and doing other things. I personally am not overweight but am not super skinny. It has given me a lot of anxiety about what he actually finds attractive and why he watches these videos. He watched them on days when we have spent the whole day together and I don’t understand why he is doing it. It makes me really insecure and I know I shouldn’t go through his phone but I am looking for advice on trust and any reasons as to why he does this.

GabbiC Marriage of 23 years completely broken down
  • replies: 1

Hello online forum:My story: I am a woman late fifties whose marriage of 23 years has completely broken down. We have adult children so there is no children to worry about (although of course I still worry about them) I am struggling with how to move... View more

Hello online forum:My story: I am a woman late fifties whose marriage of 23 years has completely broken down. We have adult children so there is no children to worry about (although of course I still worry about them) I am struggling with how to move on and what to do. Basically my husband has been shut down for years, this has been physically, sexually and emotionally and I have been effectively living on my own for most of this time pretending that things are ok. Fast forward and we are now 'separated under the one roof'. Communication has become toxic and high conflict. There is now blame and resentment which is destroying my soul. I also know that it takes 2 for a relationship to work.. but fundamentally there is no love. I know what I need to do, I.E. sell the family home etc... But am only on a small salary and worked so hard all my life to pay the mortgage etc... how will I be able to get into the property market.. but of course, living like this is unbearable. I feel like will I ever find love and joy in my life, I have so much love to give and want to receive love and am crying when I write this.Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense.. My emotional health is taking a toll.TY for listening.

purrfect Struggling 5 months post breakup
  • replies: 2

Hi all. My bf broke up with me 5 months ago and I’m still struggling to recover. Most mornings I wake up and think about him and everything that went wrong. I also think what am I doing here, what’s the point, and feel very fearful about the future w... View more

Hi all. My bf broke up with me 5 months ago and I’m still struggling to recover. Most mornings I wake up and think about him and everything that went wrong. I also think what am I doing here, what’s the point, and feel very fearful about the future without him. I don’t understand the fear as I know I’m not in physical danger and that I should feel more calm now that I don’t need to worry whether or not he wants to be with me anymore (as he’s obviously made that decision clear to me). I’ve tried keeping up exercising and making friends but my energy has dropped and I feel like I can’t be bothered anymore.

Fka Loss of relationship, job, moved out of ex’s house, loss of animal
  • replies: 3

So a few months ago I ended things with my abusive ex and I moved out and went back to my parents, he kept my dog and I lost my job due to my mental health causing me to not put in as much effort. I’ve been at a loss since then, my ex was a horrible ... View more

So a few months ago I ended things with my abusive ex and I moved out and went back to my parents, he kept my dog and I lost my job due to my mental health causing me to not put in as much effort. I’ve been at a loss since then, my ex was a horrible and cruel person and our relationship was turbulent everyday ended in tears however the first year and a half was perfect and I believed him to be the one. We were going to get married etc. I understand he was not right for me which is why I ended it however it hurt so much to have put so much effort and love into someone my whole heart and to end up with nothing. I’ve lost all interest in my hobbies, I can’t find joy or fun in anything I sit in my room all day everyday I have an incredibly high amount of anxiety, I never really had any friends or much family support so it’s really just me in this, I’ve had issues finding a job as I’m disabled and been rejected from everywhere. I’m at a complete loss and if it doesn’t change I don’t know what will happen. Each day feels harder than the next

blues23 Feeling I guess / unwelcome
  • replies: 2

Long story short. I had a catch up with my dad & rest of my family ( sister & her children) my dad said hello said he was sore i asked if he gone to the dr he then swore at me and said what a stupid fn idea that was I immediately moved away from him ... View more

Long story short. I had a catch up with my dad & rest of my family ( sister & her children) my dad said hello said he was sore i asked if he gone to the dr he then swore at me and said what a stupid fn idea that was I immediately moved away from him and sat at the other side of the table and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the time he was there ( this is about 2 hours as I didn’t want to encourage his behaviour ( this happened a few weeks back to where I mentioned 1 thing and he swore at me again and I froze him out( i did same thing today ) my dad is fairly old nearly 80 but I honestly feel he wants nothing to do with me he doesn’t ask about my life never calls ( only when he wants something off / out of me only then he’s nice ,communicative . I’ve kinda lost the ability to put up with his behaviour anymore) I feel sad as I want my child to have a grandparent ( my mother is not really involved with my child as she was very abusive to us kids growing up / yet my dad forces me to go see her with my daughter at least 3 times a year which if we don’t I get treated badly by my dad and sworn at some more .im very much thinking of cutting contact to only birthdays & Christmas my dad doesn’t speak to my sister like he does to me and goes to her house ( he refuses to go to my house like ever has come once in as many years ( we both live within 10 min of each other so it’s not the distance factor ) my sister’s children have noticed the difference in communication between what my sister gets and the way our dad treats me and the refusal to visit at my house and this has gone on for years and years my sister says it’s just him being old I think it’s a little more than that , am I being unreasonable if I stop this relationship? I love my dad as does my child and I feel bad if I do stop it due to my child missing out on a grandparent. And I also feel bad as if I don’t see him anymore I may regret it as time goes on

mannat398503 Family issues
  • replies: 1

im mannat and still living with my parents. long story short, my parents are extremely abusive and controlling. they try to meddle with several of my life decisions which can be as simple as going out with my friends to something like uni choices and... View more

im mannat and still living with my parents. long story short, my parents are extremely abusive and controlling. they try to meddle with several of my life decisions which can be as simple as going out with my friends to something like uni choices and what major i should go for. when i dont give in, they guilt trip me and make me feel like its my fault which disturbs me mentally a lot. ive been having multiple issues(health, studies etc.) because of this. its as if i gotta make sure they are okay so that nothing happens to me. like at times, when i do take a stand for myself, it results in them not giving me food or letting me go out of my room for a long time. they often tell me how i'm a failure and how i can't do anything in the outside world. they don't allow me to go out with my friends AT ALL or even alone to some cafe. they have allowed me no independence at all even in simple choices as to what flavor of cake id want or smth like that. they also often tell me how i owe them and if i try to not care about them and literally ignore them, it results in them crying or being sad and giving me 'life lessons' saying how they are doing this for me. it's been so confusing because i literally have no idea what to do or if im the one in the wrong. it makes me overthink a lot nowadays, especially for around a week or so. i cant even sleep properly at night because of this. i am planning to move away soon and get into a uni of my choice, but as of now i just need advice on how to detach myself from my parents, how to live with them(considering how they keep threatening to take away my internet, phone, laptop, food, water, literally anything i need), how to manage myself mentally, how to still be able to earn money and have a living, and how to stand up to them.

heartstringz parenting suspected ADHD child
  • replies: 1

How can I cope better with parenting my suspected ADHD 6 year old? Waiting lists for help are ridiculous. 12 months wait for a paediatrician. Appointment is booked for late July 2024 (been waiting since early 2023).... We can't wait any longer. Our f... View more

How can I cope better with parenting my suspected ADHD 6 year old? Waiting lists for help are ridiculous. 12 months wait for a paediatrician. Appointment is booked for late July 2024 (been waiting since early 2023).... We can't wait any longer. Our family is falling apart. I can't cope with his behaviour NOW. I need help NOW. Not in another 6 months after already waiting a year. Many professionals don't seem interested & just blame it on my parenting. School thinks he needs to be assessed too though, so clearly I'm not just a bad parent....🤦‍ Costs are ridiculous & I'm running out of money. My older child also has ADHD, but it took 8 years to get him diagnosed as the waiting lists were ridiculous & many of the professionals didn't care. I'm struggling with parenting him too. We can't afford therapy for both kids at the same time unfortunately, so one doesn't get help. Thanks to the disgusting costs.... Neither child is eligible for NDIS..... Honestly I'm about to have a breakdown. I can't cope anymore.

KTOWN Kids and Alcoholic Husbdand
  • replies: 14

I have been with my husband for 22 years. We now have a 7 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. 4 months ago I asked my husband to move to the spare bedroom. He has however continually tries to get back to the main bedroom which I have said no to unti... View more

I have been with my husband for 22 years. We now have a 7 year old boy and an 8 year old girl. 4 months ago I asked my husband to move to the spare bedroom. He has however continually tries to get back to the main bedroom which I have said no to until he is sober. Everyday is different. One day he promises to get sober after a certain date (normally after say an event is on, friends leaving town, birthday etc). Never happens. I recently told the kids that their Dad is an alcoholic and a sick man and I don't love him anymore. I told them that as long as he stays in the spare bedroom we will stay a family unit. My son doesn't understand why I don't love his Dad and is worried his Dad will leave us because he knows I don't like him and my husband has been verbal about his requirements in the house. He still holds down a VERY good job however I am fearful he will lose it. He will get caught drink driving a company car or something will happen. He is verbally abusive when confronted. Purchased a vibrator for me and when I refused to use it or have sex with him (been months) he told me he was going to use it on another woman who will like it, threatened to cut me off from the bank account, told me he has "needs", among an array of other things. Passed out in the bathtub a few weeks ago and flooded the house. I had to wake him and make him clean up all the water. It was down the hallway and into the dining room. The list is extensive and I hide as much as I can from the kids. All my husbands friends think I am too hard on him. Half of them are alcoholics as well. The situation is intense. I have been in hospital twice with anxiety. My husband now tells my I am telling the kids he is a 'bad person". He is in complete denial. Any tips especially regards the kids?

mrsb123 I asked my husband to move out
  • replies: 3

I have been with husband for 20yrs, we have 2 kids. I havent wanted to be intimate with him for a long time. He is a heavy drinker, drinks daily but is not aggressive or abusive, but it impacts on me as it means he can’t take the kids to sport, get d... View more

I have been with husband for 20yrs, we have 2 kids. I havent wanted to be intimate with him for a long time. He is a heavy drinker, drinks daily but is not aggressive or abusive, but it impacts on me as it means he can’t take the kids to sport, get dinner and he just sits on couch playing Xbox I have told him for years about my concerns with drinking, how much time he spends on Xbox etc. I do all the activities with kids, he doesn’t come as he sees it as time for himself to play Xbox. The kids have noticed it and So do my friends. I do nearly everything around the house & work FT. I have to ask him to help & when I finally flip out about things that have been building for months he acts as if I'm nagging him. I do a lot of things that I know a lot of my friends don’t do. I fill his car with oil bc he doesn’t & then it dies on me when I drive it, I take garbage to the tip, I pick up the dog poop & clean the bird cage, these are just small examples but it sets the tone. I was recently diagnosed with cancer (I’m 40) & went through chemo & radiation. Tbh I was very surprised at how helpful he was during chemo. But as soon as it finished, he also stopped helping out. I am still not in remission. I still do all of those things I mentioned, incl back to work FT & raising kids. He hasn’t done anything around the house for a long time. We got home from vacation on NYE & I asked nicely if he could find this week to get containers from attic so I can put Xmas decos away. He said he would, it’s been a week. I asked again today. This time he was being such a smart arse asking why I couldn’t get in the roof & get them. I’ve been working all week, he’s been on annual leave (he has 5 weeks leave over the Xmas period) and not taken kids out once. He knows my body aches from chemo still and he still expects me to climb into the roof & get down boxes. I don’t think it was a lot for me to ask. I told him a few days ago that I need him to stop drinking as I found out that a little while ago he & a mate & our kids went out & on the way home his other friend wanted a lift home, so my hub asked his friend (who was driving) to put my 10yo boy in the boot of the car so his other friend could get a lift. I am still fuming. Today I lost it after he told me to get boxes from roof, and I’ve told him I’m done with the marriage. This has been building for many years. I’ve been scared because of financial reasons but I just can’t do it anymore. He is so selfish, insensitive & I’ve never felt like me and the kids are his priority. He’s never made me feel like he’ll protect me. I know it’s the right decision but I’m scared.

Fernfam My husbands OCD is getting unbearable
  • replies: 7

My husband and I have been married for 17 years . We love each other a lot . I have known him to have OCD and wanting things to be in order and put it down to house pride. It's over the last few years ever since we have our own home this has become u... View more

My husband and I have been married for 17 years . We love each other a lot . I have known him to have OCD and wanting things to be in order and put it down to house pride. It's over the last few years ever since we have our own home this has become unbearable . We have a 9 year old and he is paranoid about his walls, car and we rarely allowed to have guest over. He spends hours washing the dishes . If anyone comes by he will wash , vaccum and even cleans the walls. We aren't allowed to drive the car to the beach, we will check the car for any scratches when I drive it. It's so unbearable that even my daughter is freaking out about how crazy he gets if things touch the wall or aren't a certain way. He has become worse over the years. I love entertaining and have a big family who always have us over and there are so many invites I haven't been able to reciprocate to. I have said he needs help but he keeps saying he is getting better. We moved from sydney to port to work on these issues he has also to get away from so much distraction and family we had so he can work on himself and actually live close to the beach so he can get used to the sand . This is not something that has happened . We have been here 6 months but I don't see change . It's really hard to live in this controlling space. Help