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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Worried_parent Need advice Please
  • replies: 4

Don't know how to tackle this without sounding like an ogre of a mother. Early last year my then 19 yo daughter apbruptly left home due to to our arguing. Daughter moved in with her friend and her mother for around 10 months. (This mother and daughte... View more

Don't know how to tackle this without sounding like an ogre of a mother. Early last year my then 19 yo daughter apbruptly left home due to to our arguing. Daughter moved in with her friend and her mother for around 10 months. (This mother and daughter duo are known for their drug taking and supply) During the time she was away we had limited contact until she was asked to leave the house where she was staying. I supported her move back home and bought her a car so she could keep going to Uni, work, socialise - basically maintain her independence....and this is where my real problems start. The conditions I placed on her moving back home are: A) NO drugs or drug paraphenalia in the house OR in the car and B) No driving the vehicle whilst under influence of drugs unless ok'd by doctor. Well BIG fail on both parts and not just once but NUMEROUS times. Even to the extent where our German Shepherd found the drug that was stashed in her room! (mind you she will still deny that it's hers) So here I am asking for help. What do i do? She will go out every night at around 9pm and not get home some nights till 4:30am and i worry for her! My work life is suffering because I'm always stressed and tired. Also it affects my 17 yo daughter currently doing VCE. Infact 17 yo stays in her room because she doesn't want to interact with her sister (20yo) So now I need for her to make a choice - dugs or the car. I've pointed out the repercussions and legalities of being in an incident on the road whilst on drugs and she tells me to stop nagging and she knows all of this. So now how do i get her to prove she is not driving while inpaired - a drug test? Previously I've taken her at her word but not any more. Or maybe just sell the car? She is also on prescribed medication for mental issues and I feel the illegal drugs (and what other non prescribed stuff she's taking) is doing her more harm. Is asking her to take a home drug test if she want to drive the car pushing it? I'm just really worried for her. Thanks

User_345385 Sibling Estrangement
  • replies: 2

My dearest friend has raised 3 sons on her own since her husbands death 15 years ago. They have always been a very close family. Last Christmas middle son had an major outburst (drug and alcohol affected) accusing infidelity of one brother and told h... View more

My dearest friend has raised 3 sons on her own since her husbands death 15 years ago. They have always been a very close family. Last Christmas middle son had an major outburst (drug and alcohol affected) accusing infidelity of one brother and told his sister in law that nobody in the family liked her... He has since turned his life around and is drug and alcohol free almost 6 months. His brothers will not have anything to do with him and my friend is heartbroken and at a loose as to how to 'fix' this situation. They have a major family event in the next month and middle son is not invited. Do you have any suggestions/advice that I could give her? Thank you for your time

Worried xgen Am i having a midlife crisis?
  • replies: 1

Hey, ive recently turned 40 and have lately been reflecting over the past alot and also what the future may hold. I work alot especially over the past 10years as we've raised kids (now in their teens) and feel as though i havent done alot with my lif... View more

Hey, ive recently turned 40 and have lately been reflecting over the past alot and also what the future may hold. I work alot especially over the past 10years as we've raised kids (now in their teens) and feel as though i havent done alot with my life. I feel like im having a bit of a midlife crisis. I have a real desire to travel overseas and would have to say its my number 1 thing on my bucket list. I never did the travel O/S thing when i was younger as i married and had kids in my early 20s. At the moment i feel life is passing me by and worry the time may never come to live out my dreams. In the last few years my wife has a chronic illness which has taken its toll on her energy levels so we dont do a lot on weekends anymore as she prefers to stay home and relax. Im a bit of a home body too but do enjoy to go out at times but usually if i do suggest something she will only go along if i persist. The illness she has causes alot of pain and I then i feel guilty because she is only coming along to please me when i want her to want to do things together too. I understand that her illness is the cause for this and it just frustrates me as i want her to be well and be like we were when we were younger. Turning 40 i reflect a bit on my younger days and i fantasize quite alot about wishing I'd done things differently. Travelled more, played the field more before getting married, partied etc. I have a great wife and marriage and kids and really i should be thankful for what i have. But lately i just have feelings i want more excitement from life than the current mundane monday to friday 9-5 existence and boring weekends at home. I have a house that needs major renovations and i dont have the motivation or finances to get into them lately. Id rather be lying around dreaming of running away from it all and selfishly living a life where its just me and my wants and needs. Ive also lately have fantasized with the thought of having an affair. I do feel guilty about this and haven't acted on it, but i dream about the excitement and to be sexually desired to have fun and get a bit on enjoyment in life and an escape from normality. I just put all these feelings down to being 40 and in a reflective time in life. Id love to hear from anyone who has had similar thoughts or experiences or advice for me on how to get thru this.

bubbles85 Dating again
  • replies: 33

How do you know when your ready to date again? I'm struggling as I know I still really love my ex but I don't think we will be getting back together (even though contact seems to have started again... long story). I want to move on and part of me thi... View more

How do you know when your ready to date again? I'm struggling as I know I still really love my ex but I don't think we will be getting back together (even though contact seems to have started again... long story). I want to move on and part of me thinks trying to date may help. But I also know how I still feel about my ex so I just don't know what to do, I don't want to just use someone to work out my own feelings. And now days it's all done online which scares me, it was why I had been single for so long before my last relationship. How have others gone with this?

Mlkl My anxiety pushed my husband away
  • replies: 4

I’ve suffered anxiety for years, though with medication it’s easier to manage. this year my medication become unavailable. I can’t seem to get on top of anything that works like my regular one did. I was in my second marriage- 2 kids each. Similar ag... View more

I’ve suffered anxiety for years, though with medication it’s easier to manage. this year my medication become unavailable. I can’t seem to get on top of anything that works like my regular one did. I was in my second marriage- 2 kids each. Similar ages-now between 13-15. The start of our relationship was rocky with his kids, there was so much manipulation and jealousy from their mother through his kids. I didn’t handle well and spoke bad of their mum in front of them. After work of keeping this in check and years later things settled and we all had the best family unit!! My husband had a dream career he always wanted and while we both worked full time, I supported him to be able to do ALL of this. I loved being there by his side helping and sharing the journey. I stood up to pretty much care full time for everyone and take on running the whole house and choirs. I got to the point though, that I was panicked ALL the time about getting everything done and giving him all he needed. This turned into me yelling ALL the time and taking it out on him. I was drowning and all that was noticed was the way I was treating him. I have my kids 90% of the time and they help out and care.. we had his 50% and although the kids had amazing bonds, his drove me crazy in the end. They were lazy and so self consumed in only what they wanted and needed I took this out on him also. The respect they had for him was poor.. he knew this, but just wanted his kids to love him. This went on for the most of this year. So in the end, amongst my yelling and going off, saying I’d get help and telling him I needed help, but just couldn’t pluck the courage when I needed to, he had enough. He left. I felt so abandoned and hated him so much for leaving, (we had discussions about it being rough and sticking it out and it all getting better). We both swore we were sole mates, each other’s best friends, we had an amazing chemistry! Neither of us had experienced such love!! 2 months on and he says he’s made the right decision to leave, his kids don’t want him unhappy anymore... and I’m now grieving his loss and want it all back. I was doing awesome the first few weeks, life stopped, and I could breath. I just can’t move on. I’m seeing a counsellor, and it helps a bit. But I’m still grieving. After mixed messages from him. I have asked for no contact to heal. He can’t seem to leave me though. He wants contact wants to see the kids, they love catching up, but it’s too hard me.

jxav95 Relationship troubles
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, So I have a partner and have been with her for 6 years, but lately things haven't been really rocky. We've been arguing a lot and and it's really taking a toll on me. I try so hard to make sure she's happy and have everything she needs b... View more

Hi everyone, So I have a partner and have been with her for 6 years, but lately things haven't been really rocky. We've been arguing a lot and and it's really taking a toll on me. I try so hard to make sure she's happy and have everything she needs but when we argue she says that she's the only one trying in this relationship. I do love her dearly but I'm at the point where I don't know what to do anymore. A piece of me breaks away more and more each time we right and I'm just not sure how much I have left in me.

Mrs1979 Enabling triggered behaviours and how to leave
  • replies: 6

Hi, Married for 20 years. We have two kids, 11 and 7. My husband has always had depression and anxiety, but it’s now worse. He’s not on meds due to side effects (apart from medication for adhd) but exercises daily and sees a psychiatrist weekly. He i... View more

Hi, Married for 20 years. We have two kids, 11 and 7. My husband has always had depression and anxiety, but it’s now worse. He’s not on meds due to side effects (apart from medication for adhd) but exercises daily and sees a psychiatrist weekly. He is unable to move past a period where I didn’t provide support he needed. I’ve acknowledged I would do things differently now. But I did the best I could. My mum had just died, we had two small kids, he was away 12 hrs/day studying and I was working 4 days a week. He developed issues with my dad. I thought they’d pass, but in not doing anything he feels I chose my dad over him. Now if I mention dad, it triggers my husband. He calls dad a monster; he’s not. I rarely see dad because it makes things easier at home. Last time I said I want to see dad, my husband said fine it’s over. My husband is insecure. He asked me to ‘help’ by showing love. He needs ALL text exchanges to include ‘love you’ even if I said it 10 mins ago. I’ve tried to meet these needs; if I forget, I’m met with anger. I’ve dropped the kids at school, a block away, texted they’re ok (since Covid he has anxiety re them) but forgotten to say love you. When I get home, my husband is striding down the street angrily. At night, If I go past him without a kiss and ‘I love you’, I’m met with sighs and anger. This is dysfunctional behaviour, right? Even if he has been triggered? I think I should leave him, but am not strong enough. I’ve seen a psychologist who was awesome in validating my feelings but I don’t feel like she gave me more than moral support. I’m unable to take that final step. I don’t want to do that to the kids (he generally is a good father, esp. to our daughter). I don’t want the financial implications. I’ve always been the breadwinner. He’s worked casually at times but since completing his degree he doesn’t get much paid work (he’s in the arts). All we have is because of me; I’ve also done almost all the chores and child rearing. But moreover I don’t know how to hurt someone I care about. He thinks about suicide frequently. He says he should leave, but on the few occasions I agreed he’s gotten so angry. And I tell him I love him and don’t want him to leave. It’s not a healthy relationship. I keep triggering him despite trying to please him. He feels like he doesn’t belong and unable to trust me because I apparently chose my dad. should I be more understanding of his childhood trauma? How do you hurt someone vulnerable, whom you love?

ShannonN Dealing with trust with partner after affair/s
  • replies: 3

Hi I try and keep this short as i can. I recent caught my partner again talking to a guy on social media with specific outcome of arranging a catchup., this is 3rd time in our 27 years life together. So we have decided to take a break. We had more ch... View more

Hi I try and keep this short as i can. I recent caught my partner again talking to a guy on social media with specific outcome of arranging a catchup., this is 3rd time in our 27 years life together. So we have decided to take a break. We had more chats about why this happening all the time then we had ever As after the 1st time, we really never deal with it and got back so quickly it was crazy, i must admit i put myself into work and other communities activities, and put her second over many years, and just spiralled from there leading into happening 2 more times, due to lack of respect and intimacy on my side, due to my stubborn ways Thing is , after realising that putting her second and not giving the love she needed, of course she look for it in other places, i was just to dumb to realise it We decided to only now to take a break,however try and re-connect and work on the things that been missing for so many years, so dont end such a long time together My issues now, is how to deal with trust in her and take her word for it, thats she still not talking to other guys on social media while we a going to try reconnect in our break. I just need tips in coping with not thinking the worse scenario all the time, and try and believe what she says without being in face about it all the time, as i know that will make things worse. should i just plan one day at time, or just even give up and move on, knowing it may happen even if she gets the love she needs from me.

Mamalife Addiction
  • replies: 3

I recently posted that I was concerned my husbandS depression is getting worse. He’s been saying for a while he doesn’t think he loves me but what was concerning me was the total lack of interest he was taking in the kids. It is now likely (but un pr... View more

I recently posted that I was concerned my husbandS depression is getting worse. He’s been saying for a while he doesn’t think he loves me but what was concerning me was the total lack of interest he was taking in the kids. It is now likely (but un proven) that he is using drugs. He has admitted to using in the past as an antidepressant but maintains he’s been clean for 5ish months. Looking back on his recent behaviour though I think he’s probably be using again for at least the last two. I asked him to leave last weekend and he did although he doesn’t admit to anything and then on Sunday he flipped his lid and text me horrible abuse saying he was never coming home. I know this isn’t him at all. We are all suffering big time especially our children. But I just don’t know where to from here if he doesn’t think he has a problem and certainly doesn’t admit he’s using at all. Onviously I’d like it to all work out and he gets help and we all live happily ever after but even if that doesn’t happen - if he’s a drug user I don’t want him with my kids unsupervised but until I can prove it how can I stop him?

Losingmyself Partner of an emergency worker
  • replies: 2

My partner works for Vic pol. I don’t. I am a very sensitive person and am finding it increasingly difficult to hold space for my partner as much as I want to be a source of support. The nature of my partners work can be very heavy and I see it takin... View more

My partner works for Vic pol. I don’t. I am a very sensitive person and am finding it increasingly difficult to hold space for my partner as much as I want to be a source of support. The nature of my partners work can be very heavy and I see it taking a toll on her and also now on me. If it continues likely on our relationship. I have shared my feelings and she is sorry that it’s impacting me and wants to take measures for it not to. I know it’s important for me to share my feelings but I don’t want her to feel alone also. Is there any one with personal experience being in relationship with an emergency worker and how do you navigate the heaviness?