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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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lantern22 My husband still wishes me Happy Anniversary after divorce 2018
  • replies: 8

I loved my husband immensely. Married for 20 years. He was my best friend. We went through a lot together, long - term infertility, losing our baby, health issues(me), losing his brother from balcony fall, losing his father(after nursing home fire) m... View more

I loved my husband immensely. Married for 20 years. He was my best friend. We went through a lot together, long - term infertility, losing our baby, health issues(me), losing his brother from balcony fall, losing his father(after nursing home fire) me taking care of mother with dementia, his siblings going to jail for serious crimes. He abandoned me, after my mother died. It came from no-where, and, looking back, it was clearly planned. He told me to go and get the washing from clothesline, while we were enjoying a lovely cup of coffee and Easter Chocolate cake. When I came back inside the house, he was gone! No note, nothing!All within five minutes. Long story - short, he was planning a trip overseas to meet a woman, he didn't really know; a woman who didn't speak a word of English. His life just spiralled out of control and he made it clear that he hated all of our life together. I was so shocked - all this coming from a man who would text me everyday to say how much he loved me and how he needed me in his life. I had supported him through some of the most painful times of his life - esp, death of brother and father. Ever since he has left me, he still sends me emails on our Wedding Anniversary and wishes me "US" a "happy Anniversary' i had heard he had married(I have never asked him, nor do I engage in conversation via email with him). I am always apprehensive, incase he fabricates some story about me to the police. I don't trust his behaviour. The other week would have been our 23rd Anniversary and I received an email wishing 'us' a happy anniversary with an apology about him leaving me and not doing things possibly the right way. I replied, telling him I had worked through forgiveness years ago and we did face a lot of grief together. In the email, he went on to tell me that he is dieting and lost significant amount of weight(he wasn't overweight) and how he doesn't eat for 20 hours and exercises in the dark in a park at 6.00am. I am sure he isn't mentally well. I am getting on with my life;, I guess I still do care about him in some way, but can't understand why he wants to keep this connection when he made it clear that he hated his whole life with me. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Firefly112 Lost intimacy in a relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi all, As the title goes, my relationship no longer has any intimacy. As a bit of a background, we're a straight couple in our early 30s, and have been together for coming up to two years. We took a while to get off the ground (my partner wasn't sur... View more

Hi all, As the title goes, my relationship no longer has any intimacy. As a bit of a background, we're a straight couple in our early 30s, and have been together for coming up to two years. We took a while to get off the ground (my partner wasn't sure about being in a serious relationship early on), but we have been in a committed, serious relationship for at least a year and a bit now. The pandemic (and subsequent lockdowns) meant we spent more time together, and late last year, we moved in together. We used to have a great sexual relationship, that he would actively be enthusiastic about, and was very attracted to me, and showed it. Since about November, it had become infrequent - going from having sex a few times a week, to once every week, then once every few weeks (and pretty much always initiated by me). This is because he was not wanting to (his reasoning being he was "tired from work", or "just exhausted and not feeling it"). Even then I felt dejected, and started putting on weight. I'm not very overweight, but the lack of intimacy, and subsequent weight gain, has skewed my self-esteem and self-worth. The last time we had any form of intimacy was in early April, and I'm finding myself more and more depressed, and hating my body more (I know it's a vicous cycle, but I feel so unattractive). My partner knows my thoughts on this, and how it makes me feel. I've tried talking with him about this numerous times, but it ends up going nowhere. Normally, we get along really well, and never argue or yell (though like everyone, we can disagree on things), but with this... we barely talk. I stopped trying to initiate sex, because it hurt being constantly rejected. I told him I'd wait til he was ready. It's now in a pattern where we see each other after work, hug, kiss, go do our own thing, maybe watch some TV together, then just go to bed. And it breaks me. I feel so unattractive and 'unsexy' to him. I know he loves me (and I love him), and I'm not saying there is zero affection in our relationship, but the drastic change in our sex life has broken me, and I feel like bringing it up again and again is useless. Can anyone relate, and have any helpful suggestions?

MissJ94 Managing Relationships
  • replies: 2

How does everyone cope with having no friends or partner? The only people who are really in my life are my 10 year old son and my mum. I do have a guy im dating but even that hasnt been so great. Its always one of us too busy that prevents us going o... View more

How does everyone cope with having no friends or partner? The only people who are really in my life are my 10 year old son and my mum. I do have a guy im dating but even that hasnt been so great. Its always one of us too busy that prevents us going out or seeing each other. I get along with people fairly well like at work or uni, i think, but forming those close friendships, i really struggle with it. I dont get to socialise with the other mums at my sons school because he needs to go to after school care all days so i can work/study. Plus 99% of those mums are older mums, like 30-50 years old. I had my son as a teenager so theres a huge gap. I would take up dancing again, ive always loved to dance! I just cant afford it right now. So any tips would be great!

Tommo_Hawk Recovery from emotional affairs
  • replies: 7

I'm seriously stuck. 2 years ago my wife started what I feel was an emotional affair with a close friend of hers. I found out, confronted her, we discussed it. I was told it was just "dumb shit" a mistake..., 3 months later found out it was still goi... View more

I'm seriously stuck. 2 years ago my wife started what I feel was an emotional affair with a close friend of hers. I found out, confronted her, we discussed it. I was told it was just "dumb shit" a mistake..., 3 months later found out it was still going - sexting, pictures, talking very negatively about me as a father and husband. Again i confronted my wife, i said i understand friends, couldn't care less if they are male female , from mars or are purple with 7 heads, what the issue was was a line had been crossed, i had been give reassurances that it was nothing and over when it wasn't. I ended up in therapy trying to see what I was told, couldn't do it as the evidence and experience was in direct conflict with what she was telling me, whilst this was happening i discovered more direct and explicit sexual chat. Excuses where "I'm not responding". I don't buy it as this stuff doesn't come out of nowhere. People don't start message with " to continue to tease" if nothing is going on. We are now in couple counselling, she still shares most of what we talk about with this "friend". I struggle to accept what she tells me, i feel very suspicious or vigilant and I don't want to be. I'm lost, we have daughter, i still love my wife but I can't shake a felling that she thinks this is just my problem to resolve. In short, the dark clouds are building, I'm shit out of steam. Lost, need help/advice.

Ane Partner uses drugs, I feel stuck and responsible
  • replies: 6

Hi, My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years. We broke up after 4, had 2 years apart and got back together again. When we dated before he didn't use anything. He now has an addiction which he struggles with and I am trying very hard to ... View more

Hi, My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years. We broke up after 4, had 2 years apart and got back together again. When we dated before he didn't use anything. He now has an addiction which he struggles with and I am trying very hard to support him. We have been back together for a year and half. In that time he has used and at times sold between friends to make money as he couldn't get a job. We ended up moving last year as things were out of control, he almost went to jail and our relationship couldn't handle it anymore. I have told him I cannot continue like this however in the end drugs seem to win each time. I feel like I cant leave him as he gets very negative and suicidal and he has very limited support outside of me. I am paying bills and rent and he helps when he has been clean long enough to work for a few weeks, but he always seems to have a back slide and uses again. He has told me that he has been using and selling again, that he has been hiding it and lying to me since he knows I hate it. He says he no longer want to hide it and wants to be upfront. He sees this as a quick way to make money with little effort, but in the past it has gone horribly wrong and has impacted my mental and emotional health severely. I don't know what to do anymore, helping him doesn't work. Supporting him only enables his behaviour, suggesting help doesn't go down well with him and when I have tried to leave in the past he has threated to kill himself. He is very manipulative and always turns his problems into mine, blaming me for when things don't work out for him (due to poor planning or being high and not able to make good decisions). We live together and I work full time. I have told him so many times I am not going to live my life with drugs around me, he knows this yet he still tells me that he wants me to know that he is using and selling again? I tried to explain to him that an addict cannot be around those things and that he should cut it out of his life or he will never be sober. He doesn't seem to think it will make a difference as there are drugs everywhere and all his mates rope him into deals and good times. How can I get through to him? I love him with all my heart, but my mental health cannot survive this. I have never been this anxious or depressed in my life and I honestly wish we never got back together but I am stuck and I cant seem to gather enough strength to walk away.

Starrysky1 New mum completely alone
  • replies: 1

So I gave birth last year during the peak Melbourne lockdown. We planned my bubs before covid even existed and at about 8 weeks we got put into lockdown. Throughout the whole thing I didn’t hear from any of my family or friends. And once having my ba... View more

So I gave birth last year during the peak Melbourne lockdown. We planned my bubs before covid even existed and at about 8 weeks we got put into lockdown. Throughout the whole thing I didn’t hear from any of my family or friends. And once having my baby I have practically become invisible. I was discharged 36 hours after birth, on my own account due to the fact nurses had told me they forgot about me, I was very sick and was left quite a few times waiting for pain and nausea meds for hours. on getting home no one messaged, no one dropped food around, no one sent gifts or flowers, no one came to meet her through the window. I have asked my mum a few times now, (not her first grandchild and she has the other mutiple times a week) if she can have my bubs for a bit or for help so I can cook or do some washing or sleep. I’ve been laughed at, told straight out they don’t want to look after a difficult baby, and completely ignored. About 5 months ago I reached out to my closest friend before birth and told her I am struggling and I haven’t heard back since. To this date none of my family or friends have even come to visit at our house, I haven’t seen a single one of my friends in over 6 months. I message them, and try to reconnect but either just get ignored for months or plan something that they then cancel, every, single, time. So many people who planned visits or to be a part pf our lives, dissapeared or became uncontactable. I’m really struggling that I have had to do this alone and I keep thinking that maybe if I didn’t have a baby, people would at least still be pretending to like me. I find myself going to the supermarket and getting adult interaction from cashier people because that’s the only time I get any. We have tried doing group baby things, but 9 out of 10 times we were ignored in group activity’s and quite often people would just walk in the opposite direction to us. Even had a women stand up and walk away from me within 10 seconds of sitting near her to join in an activity Dunno how much longer I can keep being strong for my girl, when I feel like I should just actually disappear

Kornblume My World in pieces *Trigger warning: suicide attempt*
  • replies: 14

Hi, I been having a really hard time lately. Me and my husband are struggling a lot. All started a few months ago when he started drinking more excessively. He has always been drinking but most times quite well under control. Iust noticed that he was... View more

Hi, I been having a really hard time lately. Me and my husband are struggling a lot. All started a few months ago when he started drinking more excessively. He has always been drinking but most times quite well under control. Iust noticed that he was getting less interested in activities and already started drinking in the morning on our days off. I was getting more depressed and unhappy with the situation. I told him it could not go on like this and that we would have to change something. He wanted to move out straight away an told me he also didn't want to live like that anymore, he said he felt to much pressure of doing work on our big property and paying off the mortgage. I was very disappointed and did not think he would give up our relationship so easy. I am also very sad to sell the house as it was always my goal to live in a place like this. Just before Christmas we put the house on the market and I found a small place in town where I can manage to live on my own. We had three weeks of holidays and my husband was drinking more and more. When it was time to go back to work he called in sick most of the time and stayed home. A week ago on a evening shift I got a phone call from a neighbour that the ambulance had picked my husband up and that he was trying to take his own life. I was in complete shock, and it was very traumatic to see him in the state he was at the emergency. I was very relieved that he did not succeed with his attempt but also had a very hard time believing that he did this in the first place. He has agreed to go to the MHU voluntary and he is feeling very ashamed and sorry for what he did. For me it just feels like an absolute nightmare, trying to juggle organising everything, packing up house, visits at the MHU meetings and still Keep working and also informing family about what had happened. He is back home now the last two days and he promised me he stays sober untill the move is over and that he wants to help me. He also said that he would like to make a rehab later. I just feel very uncomfortable, after being really happy the first few days that he is still alive, now I am also very angry that he left me with the whole mess. I am also trying really hard not to upset or trigger him because I am so scared that he will go straight back to drinking or has another attempt to kill himself. Sorry it has become a bit long and my written English is not that good. I just had to get this off my chest somehow.

MelRi There must be something wrong with me!
  • replies: 4

I was dating a guy, and we broke up. I tried to get back together for many months but he just wanted a sexual relationship. This was literally what we did, we didn’t even catch up for coffee / movies or nothing, zero! I tried ... I carried it on with... View more

I was dating a guy, and we broke up. I tried to get back together for many months but he just wanted a sexual relationship. This was literally what we did, we didn’t even catch up for coffee / movies or nothing, zero! I tried ... I carried it on with this until we decided to get back together, but then he slept with someone. I was ready to move on, we talked and after a month or so decided to see each other. He said he just wanted to interact with me normally. I stood my grounds saying I didn’t want to go back to having sex only. Then we ended up meeting, we kissed, etc... then I asked him if he had sex with other people without a condom, he said yes. He didn’t have a condom so I didn’t want to continue. I felt sad, and unsafe. He got very frustrated because I didn’t want to have left, said I needed to take responsibility for this and left, very angry. was it wrong of me ? Should I say I understand his frustration ? I really don’t but I m always feeling unworthy around him

Jessm82 Husband left and didnt tell me
  • replies: 3

I am absolutely gutted, we were out friday night my husband walked into the kitchen and told me in front of others he fell in love with another woman. then saturday we talked and he came home drunk at 330am. he has mental health issues and i thought ... View more

I am absolutely gutted, we were out friday night my husband walked into the kitchen and told me in front of others he fell in love with another woman. then saturday we talked and he came home drunk at 330am. he has mental health issues and i thought we were getting somewhere yesterday but about 6pm his entire persona changed and shut down so i assume the other woman had been in contact. I left the house this morning and came back to coat hangers on the floor in our wardrobe i then msg him to ask if he left and he said yes, for a few days to figure out what he wants i feel like my insides have been ripped out I have no idea where to go from here This man has been my life for 20years I am trying to hold it together for our kids because i have no idea what to tell them but honestly dont know if i can anymore

perhaps_complicated Concerned that my MIL's presence is affecting my mental health. PS we live under the same roof
  • replies: 2

4-5 yrs ago when my husband n I were looking at houses, I suggested we live separate for few years, till his parents retire and then we can move back with them so we can look after them. That proposition did not land well with the MIL and there was e... View more

4-5 yrs ago when my husband n I were looking at houses, I suggested we live separate for few years, till his parents retire and then we can move back with them so we can look after them. That proposition did not land well with the MIL and there was emotional blackmail involved. So we ended up getting a house that could fit all of us in, 2 of us, 2 of them and have room for babies. Ever since that incidence, every few months (4-8) I get in a really dark place. I hate my living situation and arrangement, which makes me so angry and frustrated and I go right into my cave and don't talk to anyone but I can't do anything about it unless I leave my husband. Now, my MIL does not get involved in our lives at all. To the point where she n I don't even say Hi or exchange any words. Same for FIL. We don't even ask each other how we doing if we are sick... I feel like I'm living in a shared house with house mates I don't get along with. But this is permanent and no way out. Mornings when she is at home, hearing her talk to my hubby or play with my child just triggers me negatively. I just can't stand her. This is not what I imagined when I agreed to live with them when we got married. I imagined a caring figure in the house but this is far from that. And the bit where she outright refused to hear our proposition of moving out and now my husband feels I am not the corporative one.. Not to forget I hate that I'm bringing up my kid in this environment where I can't remember the last time I was happy. how and/or what do I tell myself that I can be happy again...