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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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agnus My husband's pornography addiction is destroying me
  • replies: 38

I have never posted online before, but I have no one to talk to about this and it is tearing me apart inside. My husband has had an internet pornography addiction for 17 years, each time I have confronted him with this he has promised to never do it ... View more

I have never posted online before, but I have no one to talk to about this and it is tearing me apart inside. My husband has had an internet pornography addiction for 17 years, each time I have confronted him with this he has promised to never do it again, only to do it again. He has been to numerous counsellors over the years each time telling me hes fixed and no longer addicted. yet here I am again, this time i found by accident a usb full of photoshopped images of myself and my sister, he has placed our faces into degrading and violent pornography and saved them onto usb's . I dont know where to turn I feel so betrayed.

Just_me_now_2004 Coming out after 23 years of marriage
  • replies: 2

My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have decided to separate because I am finally ready to face what I am. We have 3 teenagers and I have told them as well as my family. Am struggling with bing drinking and mild depression and anxiety... View more

My husband and I have been married for 23 years and have decided to separate because I am finally ready to face what I am. We have 3 teenagers and I have told them as well as my family. Am struggling with bing drinking and mild depression and anxiety. I am looking to talk to other mothers that have been in this situation to talk to

Hayabusa Sexless marriage.
  • replies: 4

Hello everybody. I am at a loss. I love my wife so much and I am not going to leave her. But the situation I find myself in is hurting me. In a nutshell the last time we were intimate was in November 2018. I am not the perfect husband. About a year a... View more

Hello everybody. I am at a loss. I love my wife so much and I am not going to leave her. But the situation I find myself in is hurting me. In a nutshell the last time we were intimate was in November 2018. I am not the perfect husband. About a year ago I was chatting with a woman friend of ours on messenger. There was no suggestions in the discussions of going to the next level, and I could not do that because there are no winners if I did. I didnt hide the conversations but I wasn't forward with my wife about them either. When it all came to a head my wife said that I had cheated on her and that I was looking for sex elsewhere. This was not the case, and I did not delete the discussions on messenger, hoping honesty would help me. I accept responsibility for my actions. When the above occurred we had not been intimate in the bedroom for a year. I believe the second year I have brought on myself and I don't know where this will end. Now I am having feelings of worthlessness. I just feel crap all of the time. There is some intimacy but I cannot remember when my wife told me she loves me without me saying it first. I know she doesn't hate me, I just feel that I have become a "life partner" in the relationship. I now get angry at a whim, and do not tolerate fools gladly. In the last few months I have been working on being less angry, but the bear is still in there. I don't know what to do. Maybe writing it all down is an important first step. I feel like I have screwed everything up. It makes me feel very sad. Thank you for reading my post.

July Secret family just revealed/discovered.
  • replies: 5

Hi , I have just found out my son in law ,who has been with my daughter for 4 years ! and was married last february ...has 4 kids he never told her or us about . I am so angry and upset that he can keep this a secret, what kind of man does this . He ... View more

Hi , I have just found out my son in law ,who has been with my daughter for 4 years ! and was married last february ...has 4 kids he never told her or us about . I am so angry and upset that he can keep this a secret, what kind of man does this . He did not disclose this information either my daughter found out by accident as she opened a letter from child support that was sent to their house . The children are now 14,17,19 and 21, three boys and one girl .When he was confronted he quickly went into defence mode , blaming the mother ( it is one mother with all 4 kids)saying she was a she "trapped me " with these kids. He said to me that "all " of his kids are accidents, I am disgusted and cannot forgive the deception and abandonment of these innocent kids. He has not even met the two younger kids, but thinks its ok because he has paid child support . He has admitted to having DNA tests and they are all his biological children. My daughter has two girls aged 6 and 8 now and I always had a gut feeling about him that something was not right , so did my other daughter and other people that have met him also have voiced concerns. My daughter was very angry at first but now has backed down and is now on his side , he is very manipulative and plays on her sympathies. He also said he never would have told my daughter if she had not opened that letter ?? what kind of man acts like this , I have completely lost any respect for him and don't trust him at all ...what else is he hiding? My daughter has not told anyone except 2 close friends , because I think she's worried about what people will say about him and her choice to stay, to me her marriage is based on a lie, he provides her with a lifestyle she loves and gives her anything she wants to appease her ( and his guilt no doubt ) , My issue is I feel so much anger about this situation and do not know how to resolve it, he cant even look at me now because he knows how I am as a mother and I would never put anyone above my kids. To add insult to injury we found out 3 of his children have intellectual disabilities, which makes me feel disgust as my own grandson who is 4 has severe autism and is non verbal. He is a pathetic excuse for a human being , but if I say anything my daughter will stand by him? I just need some advice on how to move forward thanks

Imogen2 Break up
  • replies: 16

It has been six months since my ex ended our 1 year relationship and I can’t seem to let him go. He has blocked me from calling him. It’s a nightmare he is in my thoughts the moment I wake up.

It has been six months since my ex ended our 1 year relationship and I can’t seem to let him go. He has blocked me from calling him. It’s a nightmare he is in my thoughts the moment I wake up.

reationshipstruggles Living with a partner with depression/anxiety/OCD
  • replies: 3

I don’t normally do this kind of thing but lately i’ve been struggling more than ever. My partner has quite severe depression which I would say comes as a result of severe anxiety/OCD, due to a certain family situation. It’s unfortunately a situation... View more

I don’t normally do this kind of thing but lately i’ve been struggling more than ever. My partner has quite severe depression which I would say comes as a result of severe anxiety/OCD, due to a certain family situation. It’s unfortunately a situation that won’t get better until it gets much much worse and my girlfriend knows this and sees absolutely no happiness in life. She’s constantly down, unmotivated and negative towards just about everything we ever talk about. I’ve asked her what I can do to help and supported her as much as I possibly can through just listening to her, talking about things and discussing potentially seeing a therapist but i’m afraid she’s just hit rock bottom and has no intention to try to be happy, whenever we speak about it she says ‘what’s the point of being happy when nothings going to change’. I feel completely and utterly useless in helping her and feel as though I sometimes put her problems onto my shoulders and even sometimes try to do too much to try and fix things in her life which often causes fights and arguments between us. I know I shouldn’t try and fix her problems but if i’m not doing anything I feel more useless than I ever have in my life. Everytime I see her it seems as though she sinks further and further into a depressed state and there’s just no sign of her getting better. With a history of depression myself I don’t know how much longer I can stay in this relationship and be able to handle the stress and pressure I put on myself to help her. It’s like I take on her emotions which puts me down and stops me from doing things that I really need to do like university assignments, getting to work on time and just being motivated to do things for myself. Recently I’ve felt as if i’m losing feelings for her, whether that’s just how it is or her problems are just taking a toll on me. I couldnt possibly break things off because i’m the only person she has. She has minimal friends and never goes out to hang out with anyone which I find puts so much pressure on me to always be around her. I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone’s been in a similar situation and has any advice for me because i’m really struggling and I don’t want to make the wrong decision about my relationship because of this. Thanks

BenD Relationships - romantic and family
  • replies: 3

Hi guys Checking in for a vent. Had a very tough family session with my siblings and mum last Thursday (re: my parents divorce last year) and had to take Friday off work. My boss is a bit of a dinosaur so I'm sort of stressed about him grilling me to... View more

Hi guys Checking in for a vent. Had a very tough family session with my siblings and mum last Thursday (re: my parents divorce last year) and had to take Friday off work. My boss is a bit of a dinosaur so I'm sort of stressed about him grilling me tomorrow about calling in sick on a Friday but really what can I do. Me being healthy will probably save him money in the long term anyway. On top of that I broke up with my girlfriend of 9 months on Friday. We were just always arguing and she wanted commitment that I couldn't give her. Still sucks though. So basically I'm feeling pretty crap about facing emotions to do with the divorce, pretty sad about breaking up with my girlfriend and somewhat anxious about the work situation.

Simply39 Lonely and unmotivated
  • replies: 1

Hi all, I'm not 100% sure if I have anxiety, depression, both or even a combination of things (personality-wise) at this point. But wanted to say hi. Diagnosed with depression 4 years ago after some bullying in my previous job, couldn't work out if i... View more

Hi all, I'm not 100% sure if I have anxiety, depression, both or even a combination of things (personality-wise) at this point. But wanted to say hi. Diagnosed with depression 4 years ago after some bullying in my previous job, couldn't work out if it really was. I never experienced hopelessness etc. Meds helped stabilise the moods, but I lack motivation, dedication, now, even confidence. I came on here because my partner doesn't understand my feelings. I have intense feelings of loneliness a lot, even when he's around and particularly at home (family in NZ, dad unwell, friends who don't really talk to you since you left the country!). He says "go find some friends", - is it that easy? He goes online to play games with his friends, I sit around like a dork. He laughs with them, jokes, while I interact with the kids (he does too, very good dad), read, draw and write. I'm taking art classes online and while that's fun it's not laughing out loud make you feel good friend fun, its for peace of mind... I feel envy, maybe even jealousy because he's engaging with them and not me... (silly isn't it?) I used to have such a good bunch of friends back home in NZ, loved art, music, walking the dog, and I was very social. Now though, I'm coming up 40 next week and I can't even remember the last time we (partner and I) were invited anywhere together. I haven't been to someone's house for weeks, months even. Not even for a BBQ, new years, birthday celebrations... We try to go on dates, but we just sit asking questions about the kids...? I can't keep up with some of the stuff he talks about and when I talk about something he says "not interested", or "where did you hear that?"... He goes out with his work buddies, stay home with the kids. He comes home late hours and then he's no use to me or the kids the next day. LOL* (self-inflicted of course). I put my first piece of art into an exhibition a few months ago and asked him to come with me, he hated every second of it - couldn't wait to leave. Never said he was proud, or great work...any of that. he reckons I shouldn't need it. I felt disheartened. I wanted him to say something.maybe the issue is we aren't compatible? The other issue is I can't stand much noise, someone talking while the TV is on and there is music in the background...(for example) Lights.. clicking pens, running water, taps dripping? I'd love to hear how others have coped with this type of situation. Thanks,

SybilleP Feeling suffocated
  • replies: 1

Hi. I have a friend whom I’ve only known 2 years. I met her at a time when my marriage was going through a rough time, I was in the process of burn out and my husband and son both had big health diagnoses. She was amazing and so supportive (our famil... View more

Hi. I have a friend whom I’ve only known 2 years. I met her at a time when my marriage was going through a rough time, I was in the process of burn out and my husband and son both had big health diagnoses. She was amazing and so supportive (our family live abroad) so we have no one here. However, I’m now feeling suffocated. She texts me every day 20+ times, is put out if I do something without her and I can’t even visit another part of the state without her wanting to come too. It feels like I’m in another marriage. She knows everything about what I do each day and I’m feeling suffocated. I have done my best to support her when she’s needed an ear, but it feels like she’s always looking for things to care-take with me. How do I establish some new boundaries when it feels there are none? I would hate for her to feel that I’ve taken from her.... I’m so grateful for all she’s done to support me and my family but I need space. Please help..... there’s a lot on codependent relationships but. It much on when you’re the enabler wanting to redefine the relationship.

Tracella Advice required please Anger and in-laws
  • replies: 2

My partner often will get angry at and then when an argument ensures will involve his parents. The most recent one resulted in his parents sending me sms calling me a liar, “I make his son sick”, “grow up” etc... so fast forward I have blocked them a... View more

My partner often will get angry at and then when an argument ensures will involve his parents. The most recent one resulted in his parents sending me sms calling me a liar, “I make his son sick”, “grow up” etc... so fast forward I have blocked them and intend to have zero communication with them as I am trying to look after me mental health. My partner is furious about this. Today his daughter (26) placed a DVO on him (no grounds) after he told her to butt out of an argument where he placed all my belongings on the verandah after an argument. He is blaming me and his parents are blaming me, they were on loud speaker and his mother said oh this could be all her doing (referring to me) and I said what (a little too loudly) and she went off at my partner and said “tell her to shut up this doesn’t involve her okay you shut up miss” my partner said no mum she has nothing to do with it she is sensitive that’s all. I feel like I have no support at all. He is still blaming me and still angry at me and has got all his clothes out of our closet like he is moving out but he won’t. How do I make him see me as the good guy, see me as the partner who went with him to the police station, see me who has now also lost any friendship I had in his daughter. He is hurting yes but so am I.