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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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batticus I think my relationship is nearly over
  • replies: 22

Hi everyone, I'm having a nightmare of a time. My girlfriend and I have been together 5 1/2 years. We've had good times and also many really awful times. My aim in life was to make her happy. I did everything I could. We both live in separate houses;... View more

Hi everyone, I'm having a nightmare of a time. My girlfriend and I have been together 5 1/2 years. We've had good times and also many really awful times. My aim in life was to make her happy. I did everything I could. We both live in separate houses; we only really see eachother on weekends. She doesn't want to come to my house (it's a nice new home, I think it's a pleasant calm space to be in). Rather I have to go to her house. To progress the relationship (she wants to be engaged) I want us to spend much more time together. Having one house isn't possible right now, but we can make the best of our current situation by staying with eachother during the week. She doesn't seem to want to do that. Having constructive conversations about important topics is hard. She is very defensive and responds with a lot of aggression if something I say is perceived as a criticism. Early in the relationship she has been verbally abusive on more than one occasion. I have spent a lot of time going to counselling to try and understand why I feel so confused, and also to figure out what is going on with my girlfriend. My counsellor believes she has traits of covert narcissism. What has brought the things to this point is that she wants to get engaged and is frustrated this hasn't happened yet. What is holding me back is that I know she wants to move interstate at some point. I don't. I have a home here, family , work ,friends. This is where I belong. I feel like moving interstate will be very isolating and disastrous for my mental health. Yesterday she was giving me silent treatment. I then realised every photo of me in the house was gone. She wasn't happy at all. She doesn't believe I love her. Isn't happy that she isn't engaged. I explained my preference to not move interstate. One thing we agreed on in the last 5 1/2 years is neither of us wanted children. Suddenly this has changed. I find it very hard to believe because her main response to seeing babies etc. is one of disgust. I don't want to think the worst of her, as I love her dearly, but I am suspicious this may be some kind of bluff. It just doesn't add up to me. I have learned to understand that I've been gaslighted a lot over the years, and wonder if this could be some kind of desperate attempt to make me feel even worse. We are going to talk again tomorrow and hopefully after that I'll have some closure either way things end up going. Thanks for listening Batticus

DC_comics Want to stop being lonely
  • replies: 3

I had chance to leave family home almost 20 years ago but with sympathy regarding situation with mother I didn't. Now am in a rut where each day is a chore and though want friendship making a connection has always been difficult. Seeking social suppo... View more

I had chance to leave family home almost 20 years ago but with sympathy regarding situation with mother I didn't. Now am in a rut where each day is a chore and though want friendship making a connection has always been difficult. Seeking social support for over 30 year Olds. This forum is a start, can anyone advise on further options?

EmmaSwan Is there any hope that things will improve?
  • replies: 4

I’m sitting here in the dark and I feel like I have this invisible, all encompassing weight pressing down on my shoulders. So much so that I’m barely able to raise my head. All my life it’s just been me. My parents were abusive and from the moment I ... View more

I’m sitting here in the dark and I feel like I have this invisible, all encompassing weight pressing down on my shoulders. So much so that I’m barely able to raise my head. All my life it’s just been me. My parents were abusive and from the moment I understood them they told me over and over again that I had ruined their lives. Up until two years ago I had my Nana who is the only person that ever loved or liked me. I married a man who ended up being almost exactly like my parents. I left him after he attacked our oldest but still little girl (she was 4). Now I raise my three little girls by myself. I’m so tired. And just beyond sad. I feel like I’ve doomed them to a life without family or support. Yes of course they have me however I only have me and honestly it’s getting harder and harder to keep going. I cry silently all of the time trying to hide all of my pain from my children. Knowing that I don’t have any help or support. Even just to have a hot tea while the baby is awake is a fantasy. It’s a burden that is becoming too much to bear. And if I can’t, how on earth will my little ones manage. How do people manage. I’m so tired of being the strong one but honestly there is no other choice. I never want to be in a relationship again. I won’t let anyone hurt me or my children ever again. Without family or close friends I just don’t see how I will manage and yet the thought of letting anyone close - I just can’t. Has anyone else lived through something like this and managed to make a positive life for their children, maybe even themselves or am I kidding myself? Is there any way out of this? Is there any hope that things get better? Or have I cursed my children to be as alone and devoid of hope as I am?

tashi my cup is empty
  • replies: 5

im 28 yeara old , engaged with two yong children. 3 years ago my father died and i dont quite understand the greif , it doesn’t feel normal. i replay the weeks/days leading up to his death over and over in my head and it hurts all the time. on the ot... View more

im 28 yeara old , engaged with two yong children. 3 years ago my father died and i dont quite understand the greif , it doesn’t feel normal. i replay the weeks/days leading up to his death over and over in my head and it hurts all the time. on the other hand my partner is a chronic pain sufferer. this has become increasingly difficult on me and my family, including my poor fiancé. he has told me if its too much that he understands if i need to leave . but i don’t believe this is the answer to my problems. im exhausted. i dont know how to make things better, i cant fix any of this . i need to br a mum first and foremost and the rest ive got no idea

Anon_G I committed adultery
  • replies: 4

Before you judge, please hear me out. I have been with my husband for 7 years and in an almost sexless relationship. He has trouble opening up his body to me and I have tried many things to help us become comfortable. Emotionally, he is introverted a... View more

Before you judge, please hear me out. I have been with my husband for 7 years and in an almost sexless relationship. He has trouble opening up his body to me and I have tried many things to help us become comfortable. Emotionally, he is introverted and I like to spend time outside doing things. We are very compatible when it comes to other important aspects like household chores, finances, asset building- we are both driven, successful in our own ways but emotionally I feel a big hole in my heart where I want my partner to hold me, love me and tell me am valued but he doesn't understand why verbal validation is so important. I am not sure if am a narcissist because I actively seeked sex outside my marriage which was deeply unfullfing and I felt terrible afterwards. I feel so guilty for my action but I have been so open with him about my issues that I feel divorce is the best course of action but something deep down just wants him to change. I feel so stuck and helpless.

A_Nobody How to be a Father, when I did not have one?
  • replies: 4

Recently found out of I am going to be a father. I didn't have a dad, well I did but he left when I was young (primary school) that has left a void I cant talk about and bury it deep down. I grew up with just mum who showed me everything and taught m... View more

Recently found out of I am going to be a father. I didn't have a dad, well I did but he left when I was young (primary school) that has left a void I cant talk about and bury it deep down. I grew up with just mum who showed me everything and taught me everything while supporting me being in and out of work. I met a girl who is amazing and kind and loving who knows I have "issues" but is always there to support me. She is first generation aussie of greek background who loves me for me and I am forever grateful to have someone so humble and kind in my world. Recently she told me she was pregnant and I am scared and unsure and what should I do? I cant be a father, I had no father, how can I ever be a father??? I mean its amazing she is pregnant but I am very scared of being a father. I know nothing of being a father. I have no one to ask or talk too about being a father, I feel very alone and scared. I dont want a child to grow up with that I had, feeling alone what I had. I Don't know what to do. I am not scared of not having a house or not being able to support the child but what I am most scared of is being a father and a good role model I did not have. I am scared. Should I run or stay? I dont want to run but its so hard. I feel ashamed and like I am not a man. How can I ever provide for someone so small and helpless. What skills can I ever share that will be worthwhile? I am just a nobody with no skills who can offer nothing. I feel alone and closed off. I dont know what to do. What should I do? Where should I go? Who can help me?

Nosyla Husband wants to separate and has told my friend he has feelings for her - Says has positive feelings but wants to cut marital ties before hates me
  • replies: 3

I am needing some ideas. Both my husband and I have PTSD from our work life. He was diagnosed with ASD last year. We have good and bad times like all relationships. He withdraws, avoids and I try and solve problems find solutions and make things work... View more

I am needing some ideas. Both my husband and I have PTSD from our work life. He was diagnosed with ASD last year. We have good and bad times like all relationships. He withdraws, avoids and I try and solve problems find solutions and make things work. He doesn't like taking advice or having help from others, preferring to just ignore things or take advice that suits his purpose. We also have 3 children - 4, 9, 12 with ASD. We helped a friend and her kids leave a relationship earlier this year. After she found he own place they kept in touch without my knowledge. It developed and they were catching up. He decided he wanted to separate, told her he had feelings for her, got rejected by her as she told him she was my friend and it need to remain professional, he came home and told me he loved me. Later told me the above about being rejected and that's why hugged me. Even though he expressed feelings they still keep talking and seeing each other without my knowledge. Still want to separate but wouldn't leave the house or property as wanted to have all the benefits of family life without me, yet I was still living here which has been ongoing for weeks. He refuses to live by himself, take time out for himself to stay in caravan and has moved in with a 22 year old friend. He gets irritated and frustrated with this friend easily and quickly and when initially spoke of living with friend to have time was against it. He has mentioned not wanting to stay with them as currently in a very small 2 bedroom house. I know that he is struggling and needs help. I can't help him anymore and need to look after my own mental health and that of the kids. Why is it that I am struggling so much and so up and down. I know that only he can decide to get help and make his own life better. I feel like I have let him down as I struggled with chronic pain for a few months which was the negative cycle and that's all he can focus on. Even admitting that everything had been going really good, but that as we have good then bad is is trying to make it go bad to justify his decision. I want to help but need to focus on me. How do I get over this so it doesn't have my stomach in knots, and like being stabbed in the heart.

Sarah86 How to let go of resentment?
  • replies: 8

Hi, I’m struggling with holding on to resentment and the thoughts of why life is so unfair. 4 years ago I found out that my now ex husband was cheating. We had 2 young children at the time 4 and 6 years old. We met overseas, lived in another country ... View more

Hi, I’m struggling with holding on to resentment and the thoughts of why life is so unfair. 4 years ago I found out that my now ex husband was cheating. We had 2 young children at the time 4 and 6 years old. We met overseas, lived in another country together and eventually moved back to Australia so that I could be near my family. Anyway after building a life together, kids, buying a house etc I found out that he had been having an affair and that it was not the first time. He was giving his number out at work. All while coming home to his family. I’m sure there were signs I missed, but I was focused on raising our beautiful children. When I found out about his infidelity I was obviously shattered. I couldn’t understand why he would do that to me. I took care of him, loved him and put everything into my family. He never said he was unhappy. To this day he tells me he wasn’t unhappy. He has since moved on. They are now having a baby together. I am still single, have our children 99% of the time. I work full time and weekends are taken up by kids sport. Don’t get me wrong I adore my children and I am so thankful that I have them. My relationship with them has improved since I left their father. They have improved dramatically.they are completely different children. They are happy, content and thriving which makes it all worth it for me. I give them 100% of me to make up for their seemly absent father. He is very much a Disney dad and throws money at them but doesn’t give much of his time. I still hold on to so much resentment. I can’t wrap my head around how he can behave so horribly but he is the one that gets to move on and be happy and have another child and live in a big house. I on the other hand have been single for many years, live in a small 2 bedroom apartment where I sleep on the lounge to allow my kids to have their own rooms. All I do is go to work and come home. I want to be happy again. I want to fall in love again and share my life with someone. I don’t miss my ex, I would never consider taking him back. So it’s not that he has moved on that is the issue. I hate feeling that life is so unfair. How can you be a good person and do the right thing by people but still not be rewarded by happiness. I really want to get rid of this resentment so that I can have a happy future. It’s hard when my kids are getting excited about a new sibling when all that brings me is further heartache. When do I get my happily ever after??

So_heartbroken Marital advice
  • replies: 6

I recently discovered my husband was having an affair and was planning to divorce me behind my back. He had rented a house and ordered furniture for it. I confronted him on ot and initially he lied and then eventually owned it. He had been saying he ... View more

I recently discovered my husband was having an affair and was planning to divorce me behind my back. He had rented a house and ordered furniture for it. I confronted him on ot and initially he lied and then eventually owned it. He had been saying he was stressed out and needed a break. We have been married for 18 years and together for 22. We have 3 kids 9,11,12. He took off for the night saying he was staying at a friends and I drove past and he wasn’t there. That’s when I went through his emails. He had changed our bank account passwords and all his personal passwords. I just managed to have an old device. He now says he didn’t know what he wants. He hasn’t been happy for the last 3 years and he hasn’t decided if he was actually leaving. He said he stopped all communication with the woman. A week later he was acting weird and I found he’d book a weekend away with her and bought her very expensive gifts. I kicked him out. I desperately want my husband back because I love him so much. I know it’s stupid to want to forgive him but I do. My problem is he keeps saying I don’t deserve him. He has been awful to me and I deserve better and he can never come home. I did write to his new girlfriend and tell her that we were a happy family until a few weeks ago. She consequently dumped him because he hadn’t told her the full truth. I’m not 100% sure I believe him but I have no way of knowing. I have said I’d be willing to forgive him but we would need to do a lot of counselling. He keeps saying he loves me but not in love with me anymore. I keep asking him to see a counsellor to at least try but he is giving me nothing. He shows up randomly to feed the kids breakfast or say hi. He doesn’t have furniture for the house for the kids to stay with him yet. I don’t know what to do. He says he’s broken and drowning and a middle aged cliche all alone in a house. He keeps saying he can’t come home. And I say he can. Do I give up on him? What do I do? I’m so heartbroken. I haven’t eaten or slept for 4 weeks. I’m just so lost and confused. I thought he’d want to fight for me or at least beg to come home but nothing. Help!

Drunk_mess Do I leave
  • replies: 2

I have been with my husband for 18 years and I have never felt madly in love with him. He is an alcoholic and can be aggressive towards the kids and I. Lately I have been absolutely consumed with the thought of leaving him. It’s driving me mental, I ... View more

I have been with my husband for 18 years and I have never felt madly in love with him. He is an alcoholic and can be aggressive towards the kids and I. Lately I have been absolutely consumed with the thought of leaving him. It’s driving me mental, I can’t sleep unless I drink and I know that not good. I don’t want sex with him and we haven’t shared the same bed in over 3 years. I think I know it’s over I am just so scared my kids will hate me and I will never find anyone else and become a lonely depressed alcoholic. We are about to build another home to gather and this will just throw our lives in absolute chaos but I just don’t think I can do this anymore. My mind feels like a total mess.