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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jk12 Physically and mentally drained! Do I leave?
  • replies: 4

6 year relationship, 4 kids (3 step kids) Hes lazy he doesn’t do anything & when I do ask for help it turns into an argument because he takes it the wrong way, I then try and reassure that I’m just asking a simple question, there’s times where I get ... View more

6 year relationship, 4 kids (3 step kids) Hes lazy he doesn’t do anything & when I do ask for help it turns into an argument because he takes it the wrong way, I then try and reassure that I’m just asking a simple question, there’s times where I get called every name under then sun and then it all gets turned around on to me. I’m physically and mentally drained and I don’t think I can do it anymore. Im always worried about his feelings and how he would feel and how it would affect him and his life if I was to leave rather then worrying about myself and my mental health. It’s all just hit me because I had 3 people ask me if I was okay and if I was happy, I automatically said yes and then I had time to actually think about it and then it went downhill from there because I realised that I wasn’t happy.. I do love him there’s no doubt about that but I just don’t think I can do it anymore. There’s more bad days then what there are good. As soon as I ask for help wether it be around the house or with the kids he always responds with so don’t do anything for me or the kids and he’ll get someone else to help him with the kids while he goes to work ( I work aswell mon-fri). I feel like I’ve failed as a parent when he says that and then don’t really see a point on being around them or living with them. I’ve shut down, I’ve done nothing but cry for the last 4 days. I’m bottling everything up because I cannot communicate without getting abused & im constantly feeling like I’ve failed with everything. I just don’t know what to do anymore !?!

This44guy Dealing with rejection and separation
  • replies: 3

Seperating with my lady of 24yrs, married for 10. We called it off Boxing Day night. Still in the same house and have an amazing 8yr old boy. She wants something different in life to us and doesnt have any drive to work on possibly fixing our life. I... View more

Seperating with my lady of 24yrs, married for 10. We called it off Boxing Day night. Still in the same house and have an amazing 8yr old boy. She wants something different in life to us and doesnt have any drive to work on possibly fixing our life. I'm really struggling, i've never experienced rejection like this before and it's destroying me. Matt

Marsia Just saying hi
  • replies: 11

Hi to all, I am new to this community & want each of you to know how grateful I am for the open sharing & honest communication I read here. As I am new, I hope it is okay to share my story. To be brief, this is it - my hubby who drinks heavily shared... View more

Hi to all, I am new to this community & want each of you to know how grateful I am for the open sharing & honest communication I read here. As I am new, I hope it is okay to share my story. To be brief, this is it - my hubby who drinks heavily shared 2 days ago that he tried to commit suicide about a year ago. The evening it happened, he had argued with me & my daughter and then he left the house late in the night. We didn’t know where he was for about 12 hrs and he yelled & abused us before he left that night. I was distraught not knowing his whereabouts that night & was frightened by the abuse & extreme emotions he displayed before he left. He came back the following day & was remorseful & said he regretted his actions. But he told us that he had spent the night in a nearby hotel. We believed him. The other day, due to a new stressor ( and when he was also drunk) he revealed to me that he had taken himself to the local hospital after he started to regret what he had done. While telling me, he was extremely emotional, erratic, distraught, abusive & drunk & told me that it was my fault that this had happened to him. There is more to tell but I am too upset to explain it all. The strangest thing is that he also got up the next day & went to work & now he acts as if all is okay. In fact, he said he feels fine now. I replied to him, that all was not fine but he has continued to go to work, talk to my kids (teenagers) & act as if nothing bad has happened. I am reaching out for someone who can help me - I have contacted a local alcohol & drug support service & they were lovely - I will contact them again soon. But there are many hours in the day, and I really would love to talk to one of you guys - that is, if someone is in a place where they think they can help. Thank you & blessings to all. Hugs to all xx

Princess_Layla Husband emotionally and physically withdrawn
  • replies: 1

Hi all, Hoping to get some advice. I have been with my husband for 13 years and married for the last 4 years. The issue is he no longer feels like having sex with me. It's been so long. We have discussed having children and they have always been on t... View more

Hi all, Hoping to get some advice. I have been with my husband for 13 years and married for the last 4 years. The issue is he no longer feels like having sex with me. It's been so long. We have discussed having children and they have always been on the cards but we can't have children if we don't have sex. He thinks maybe we can do IVF instead so we have kids without having sex? I just can't believe this. Not sure if an IVF clinic would even let two people who could possibly conceive naturally do IVF? Has anyone had this experience? He has told me this year has been hell for him work wise. With covid, his work let a few people off and then his boss quit which led him to a promotion. He was under the pump and at one stage working 12 to 14 hour days for about 2 months. Things are a bit better work wise for him now as they have hire people. He has been doing 9 hour days which is still a lot. Aside from work he does take a lot on. He likes to manage our finances (I'm hopeless at this stuff) and arrange re-financing of loans and what not. We had our rental place up on flatmates, but this year has been hell with trying to find tenants so lots of enquiries, showing people the place, which takes up our time. At the beginning of the year we had the place rented out but the flat mates didn't get along and we became the mediators. Now we have a real estate agent looking after it to take the pressure of us. The thing is my husband says that I'm not very emotionally supportive and don't help that much with these things. I need some advice on how to be a more emotionally supportive wife. I asked him but he always says he doesn't want to talk about it. I feel if I can improve on myself and become a better wife, then things will improve between us. I try and hug him, kiss him but he tells me I'm smothering him. He does a lot for me, but maybe I don't do enough for him. For example last weekend I got a flat tyre. I don't know how to change a wheel so I called him and he caught an Uber and changed it to the spare one. Then yesterday he went to a tyre place and organised for the tyre to be repaired. He is on annual leave now but I'm not as I wasn't allowed to have Christmas off, so I just didn't have time to do it. Also I do work two jobs, an office job Mon to Fri and a retail job on Saturday. I do need to quit the Saturday job to free up more time. Any advice on how to be a better wife Thanks all and Happy New Year!!

KKPop Marriage Crisis - Mental Breakdown
  • replies: 2

I have been with my husband for 25 years. He cheated on me 4 years ago with a random man while he was drunk and I left him. We have since reconciled after his determined efforts to make it up to me, and we have been quite ok since. A few weeks ago I ... View more

I have been with my husband for 25 years. He cheated on me 4 years ago with a random man while he was drunk and I left him. We have since reconciled after his determined efforts to make it up to me, and we have been quite ok since. A few weeks ago I discovered he had a 3 day affair with a woman at work. This was the biggest shock of my life and I have been a nervous wreck ever since. My eyes/face won't stop twitching, I feel pins and needles everywhere, I can barely eat, I feel suspicious and paranoid and have had bouts of extreme grief where I am crying and cannot even stand for hours on end. He says he has ended it and feels very guilty, but he might move out next month to give himself 'time' to sort his head out, and so we can work though our issues. He is willing to go to couples therapy, but we cannot get in to see a psychologist until April, where else can we seek urgent help to save our marriage? I have to go back to work in 1 week, but know I cannot cope if I am a wreck like this. I thought I was stronger than this, but just cannot get the physical symptoms under control, all the twitching and shaking, nor do I know what to do about my husband. I feel in despair and don't know where to turn. We also have 3 children.

QuartzJade My partner isn't himself (detached)
  • replies: 2

He is very withdrawn and numb. He isn't acting like himself more like an emotionless ghost. He doesn't believe in therapy or medication. I'm just afraid to "push him" to work on his mental health. I am worried because he so detached currently that i ... View more

He is very withdrawn and numb. He isn't acting like himself more like an emotionless ghost. He doesn't believe in therapy or medication. I'm just afraid to "push him" to work on his mental health. I am worried because he so detached currently that i think he would break up with me if I push (detached and wouldn't care), or breakup with me because he isn't happy. I don't want to give up but what should I do?

Zaee I keep talking about my ex
  • replies: 5

6 months ago I split from my ex. The relationship lasted 4 years. Engaged for a year. I stopped loving her pretty much after I proposed. It felt off and not right and was unhealthy. Lots happened and i was in a bad state mentally and physically. I fi... View more

6 months ago I split from my ex. The relationship lasted 4 years. Engaged for a year. I stopped loving her pretty much after I proposed. It felt off and not right and was unhealthy. Lots happened and i was in a bad state mentally and physically. I finally snapped one day and ended things. Not only for me but for her. We were emotionally hurting each other and we were not compatiable. I got myself on the right path had tonnes going for me. Feeling way better in life. Then randomly I met someone. I wasnt looking but our chemistry was there. Everything was perfect, we started dating and have been together for about a month. But i keep talking about my ex. I dont purposely bring her up and I realised its too much and its weird. I also realised Im suffering from some issues where randomly something will trigger in my mind as a red flag and ill freak out. Even if i know the opposite. Like my girlfriend is pretty open with me and subconciously i find myself looking at her phone while im with her. While shes msging people whether it be friends, family, her Personal trainer etc. I dont even mean to do it. She noticed and said it feels weird and she would like some privacy. Which i have no issue giving and didnt realise I did that to her. And we are only talking about this now because last night i freaked out cause her wanting some privacy made me have a weird red flag moment as if she was trying to hide something. But i know she isnt. She just wants normal convos with friends without feeling like theres a set of eyes watching. And i realised subconciously i think the trust issues i had with my ex seeped in. And I dont want to be like that. I do trust her and have no issue with her having her own convos with people and idk why i was doing it. Like 90% of the time i wasnt even reading the msgs when i looked at her phone i just subconciously was staring at it etc. I pushed a boundary as i know she likes her own private personal space and i didnt mean to. And she isnt sure if we are ready for a relationship cause she feels like she has done something wrong for wanting her own private time to talk to people, she feels like i have to see everything. Though i reasurred her she isnt in the wrong for that and that I dont want to see everything, nor am I worried or stressed to. What do I do.. whats wrong with me?

Bootsie19 Husband left me after he went off his meds
  • replies: 3

My husband was diagnosed with bipolar 7 years ago. A couple of months ago he felt like he was wrongly diagnosed and went off his meds. He started feeling better. On Christmas Eve he left me saying his mind was telling him to. He has gone to live with... View more

My husband was diagnosed with bipolar 7 years ago. A couple of months ago he felt like he was wrongly diagnosed and went off his meds. He started feeling better. On Christmas Eve he left me saying his mind was telling him to. He has gone to live with his family and says that I caused his pain and anxiety for the past 7 years and if it wasn’t for me he’d have never been diagnosed as bipolar. We are also 8 weeks pregnant. His family believe he isn’t sick. I don’t know what to do.

Struggling247 Advice needed, how to move on from a partner with BPD
  • replies: 5

I broke up with my girlfriend who has BPD a few months ago, after she told me she no longer found me attractive. A few days later whilst continuing to keep me around, telling me I’d always be her best friend, I found out she slept with a guy she work... View more

I broke up with my girlfriend who has BPD a few months ago, after she told me she no longer found me attractive. A few days later whilst continuing to keep me around, telling me I’d always be her best friend, I found out she slept with a guy she worked with. When I found out I was initially furious, and heart broken, but after ignoring her for 2 weeks she begged me to see her again and now, at her request I continue to see her everyday. I hate myself for being at her whim, but I can’t seem to shake her. It’s like an addiction. Being with her has ruined relationships I had with friends and family & I’m constantly walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation. I don’t know what to do. She now tells me she finds me attractive again & is begging me to come back to her. When I tell her that I can no longer trust her and that I only want to be her friend she breaks-down. I’ve had to take her to hospital as she has threatened suicide; almost every other day she goes into a deep depression. I can see how manipulative she is, how she lies to me and plays me, but I can’t rid myself of her. I know in my heart that I am good to her, but she constantly tells me what a horrible person I am. I need to find the strength to resist her, to find my self-worth and to move on, but I feel as though I’m trapped. I want to be with her, I want to look after her, I want to love her, but I know she’s not good for me. Friends tell me to block her but it’s just not that easy, we live in the same street, I cant just avoid her. Any advice from anyone who’s been in a similar situation and moved on, would be appreciated.

Danny1234 How to deal with Inlaws rejecting my children.
  • replies: 3

My inlaws live 5 minutes away and never ask to see my children. They see my partners, brothers kids every week. Always offering to baby sit and help them. We get no help at all, we haven’t had a date night in over 2 years. It makes me want to never s... View more

My inlaws live 5 minutes away and never ask to see my children. They see my partners, brothers kids every week. Always offering to baby sit and help them. We get no help at all, we haven’t had a date night in over 2 years. It makes me want to never speak to them again. My partner makes me do birthdays and Christmas. I can tell we are only invited due to being related. It has affected me so much this week, I have gone into a depressive episode. Feeling like there is something wrong with me and my kids. They always say how much they look like me, as it is such a negative to do so. I just want to quit his family and my partner won’t let me. I was in youth homes so long story short, my family don’t care about me much either. How do I cope. It’s affecting me so much for some reason.