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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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..K Always my fault
  • replies: 8

Evening unfortunately I always keep my issues bottled up when I talk to my husband about anything that’s on my mind he ALWAYS blames it on me. It makes me feel completely worthless and like everything is my fault or turns it around and makes me feel ... View more

Evening unfortunately I always keep my issues bottled up when I talk to my husband about anything that’s on my mind he ALWAYS blames it on me. It makes me feel completely worthless and like everything is my fault or turns it around and makes me feel like he’s the one not good enough. then I get to over thinking everything and feel extremely insecure. I have absolutely no friends so I cannot turn to anyone. I just need some help i Want to be the best mother I can be for my kids. I want to be happy. I don’t want to be made to feel like every argument is my fault.

lilykitten How do I move on?
  • replies: 6

I separated from my husband over 3 years ago. It started out amicable until lawyers got involved (property not kids) at which point he totally cut me off emotionally from his life. I did the right thing and gave him full access to the kids. Ideally I... View more

I separated from my husband over 3 years ago. It started out amicable until lawyers got involved (property not kids) at which point he totally cut me off emotionally from his life. I did the right thing and gave him full access to the kids. Ideally I wanted a 50:50 custody arrangement but he struggled to find his feet and couch-surfed for ages even after the property payout. He now has a girlfriend and a house somewhere in the next town. He has kept up visits to the kids once a week in my home and watched videos with them but has no custody by choice. We all sat down about 6months ago after the kids didn't want their Dad to visit anymore as he felt like a stranger because he only asked them questions about what they had been up to but would never tell them any details of his life. He listened a little bit but acted very threatened. He returned my key and agreed to knock and let the kids invite him into the home on their meeting day (which gave the kids more control) and he has since then, showed them a picture of his girlfriend and told them he has a new house. He still never takes them out anywhere although he has taken the eldest on driving lessons. I am usually at work when he visits but not during lockdown. Which leads back to my problem. I have a lovely boyfriend and a busy life but for some reason I spend about 2 hours everyday wondering about my ex, what he is thinking, why he did what he did, what does he do all day that prevents him from being a better father, why cant he have a conversation with me, what should I have done differently, why am I mad at him, how do I help the situation, how can someone you lived and shared everything with for 17 years, just cut you off emotionally, how do I heal the rift? I guess I would like us to be friends and discuss supporting the kids together. Last weekend was his Birthday and Fathers Day and he was too busy to see them (it wasn't his designated Thursday afternoon) and I could tell the kids were disappointed. I know he will never at this stage financially help the kids and I'm wondering if all this is about money and if I gave him back the $800 he has paid in Child support since 2018 he might realise I don't want his money and it is safe to share his life (he claims $0 income). What do you think? How do I stop thinking about him and move on?

Suckerforpunishment Feeling helpless alcoholic partner and worried about my own mental health
  • replies: 16

Hi I’ve been with my current partner for around 6 years, he’s always been a heavy drinker but in the last 12 months or so it has become worse. He drinks around 10-12 cans of beer each night. I have tried to talk to him about the problem and the impac... View more

Hi I’ve been with my current partner for around 6 years, he’s always been a heavy drinker but in the last 12 months or so it has become worse. He drinks around 10-12 cans of beer each night. I have tried to talk to him about the problem and the impact it is having on our relationship and the example it is setting for my two young children. I’ve also recently started working as a nurse and seeing the impact alcohol has on the patients I take care of is devastating. He is not violent when drinking but can be aggressive - as in he will stand over me or edge closer to my face and point his finger at me while loudly speaking … I feel his drinking is affecting me a lot more each day I feel helpless and lost and angry most of the time. It has gotten to the point that I cringe when I hear the cans open. I don’t know what to do anymore I just feel like crying and am hating my life

Earth Girl People changing their minds about meeting me
  • replies: 4

I'm a very shy girl and have trouble making friends. A few years ago, I joined this site where I could make friends from the city I live, but most of them changed their minds about wanting to meet me. I heard good things about girl 1 so I thought I'd... View more

I'm a very shy girl and have trouble making friends. A few years ago, I joined this site where I could make friends from the city I live, but most of them changed their minds about wanting to meet me. I heard good things about girl 1 so I thought I'd ask her if she would like to meet up to see if we click and she said she would love to. On the day, she asked if we could meet the day afterwards because she had another friend who wanted to meet me who was a little girl and I said "That sounds really cool, but I already have plans that day. She sounds cute haha. Does she know me?" (Of course she didn't know me because she wanted to meet me, but that didn't cross my mind at the time) and girl 1 told me a bit about her and then said that she woke up with a head ache and asked if we could meet some other time. I met up with a different girl a while after this, girl 2, and we got along well. She was really cool and even someone I'd want to be close friends with and she might have as well because she said that even if I didn't choose her to be buddies, she'd still be happy to go to a gallery with me. The next day she asked if I would like to be buddies and I said that I would love to and she was like that's great. I also said that I'd be able to go to the gallery with her and asked her where it was and she told me but just a little while before I was going to leave, she told me she wasn't feeling well and if we could catch up next week. Girl 3 messaged me asking if I wanted to meet up and I told her that I remembered her from school and said I would like to, but on the day she told me her car wasn't working. There have been a few people that have been happy to hang out with me, but we didn't click super well (I still thought they were nice though). There were more people than these three people who changed their mind about wanting to see me though. It's not that I think people should have to hang out with me, it just makes me kind of worried that people change their minds because I feel like I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. Do you think they just thought we wouldn't click super well, or should I be worried?

JusJRo What more can I do for my ex-partner ?
  • replies: 4

Hi all - after 16 years together, the last 3-4 we were both pretty unhappy, I decided enough was enough and it would be better if we were apart rather than fighting and displaying an unhealthy relationship to our son. Partner has suffered from undiag... View more

Hi all - after 16 years together, the last 3-4 we were both pretty unhappy, I decided enough was enough and it would be better if we were apart rather than fighting and displaying an unhealthy relationship to our son. Partner has suffered from undiagnosed depression for many years and I have tried and tried to get him to seek help but he 'doesn't believe' in psychologists, doesn't want to reveal things about himself 'to a stranger' etc. After I left I think he finally realised that he had to do something to improve his outlook and did go on some meds (the GP referred him to a psych as well) but he no longer takes the meds and refuses to continue with the psych. Every so often I get these texts from him saying he would rather be dead, life is pointless, his life is filled with nothing but disappointment and regret and he thinks our son shouldn't see him due to him not being a good influence (on our son)... these texts are always followed by a guilt inducing 'oh sorry, i forgot you don't care anymore etc etc' comment. This is patently untrue and I have told him many times that I will always care for him and I've spent years trying to make things better for him. I cannot make things better for him and it was this realisation that set me to leave. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a still have a responsibility to him due to our son but I'm at a total loss as to how to respond. I want to live a happy life and I have spent years trying to get him to understand he has some mental health issues but to no avail. I don't think he realises how much it stresses me out - hearing him say he'd rather be dead! It's horrible. Does anyone have any suggestions? I don't know what to do anymore. Thank you xx

Tay-T Struggling and feel alone
  • replies: 2

Hi! 3 years ago I came out of a long term 7 year domestically violent relationship. 6 months after I met someone new with 2 kids to 2 different mums. He is 34 I am 28. He seemed to be perfect but I was always in the middle of the exs who one constant... View more

Hi! 3 years ago I came out of a long term 7 year domestically violent relationship. 6 months after I met someone new with 2 kids to 2 different mums. He is 34 I am 28. He seemed to be perfect but I was always in the middle of the exs who one constantly threatened me to the point I had to leave my beach apartment and move and the other is closer to his family then I am even 3 years after they split she goes to all of the family events etc. that initially put a lot of stress in the relationship. After only a few months into the relationship his 1 yr old son started calling me mum. As time went on I fell pregnant twice in 1 year and we had to terminate as our life was too full on with his 1yo full time and 5yo part time. Since then my hormones have been all over the place but he started screaming at me swerving the car while driving intentionally trying to scare me in fits of rage. (He is a reformed drug addict) but he is very extrovert and talks to anyone/compulsive lies about silly things eg makes up stories that didn’t happen. Since that started he would become distant if I didn’t sleep with him 1-2 times a day he began starting fights over nothing eg. Abuse me for not wrapping the watermelon properly in the fridge. For so long I feel like I endured mental torment I began thinking maybe I am a narcissist Because he would always seem to find a way to make me to blame for absolutely everything. We get no time together as a couple it’s just instant step mum & dad. All of a sudden he has left me saying he is seeing other people 1 day after everything was fine. I know it seems trivial but I left my whole life that I rebuilt after so long in a violent relationship. I gave up my apartment because of the death threats from his ex I gave up my job to raise his son I’ve put on so much weight from all of the stress and now I’m just left alone to pick up all the peices again I feel like everything is my fault and how could this happen twice I am so scared of how to rebuild every again alone with nothing I just don’t know if I have the energy to do it all again I am terrified and heartbroken and feel so alone. I have lost all faith in ever being happy again.

Nunu How to find someone to connect?
  • replies: 9

Hi ok, so it’s hard to express but will try too. I married my first love 20 years ago. After 12 years or so he cheated and we lived separately but still married & loved. He moved to home country and I am here with my son. We always chatted, video cal... View more

Hi ok, so it’s hard to express but will try too. I married my first love 20 years ago. After 12 years or so he cheated and we lived separately but still married & loved. He moved to home country and I am here with my son. We always chatted, video calls, he tried coming back but got stuck due to visa issues. start of this year my husband passed away in an accident. It was devastating but also bcoz we live away from each other am able to cope. i feel like having a friend/partner for emotionally & intimately. But the problem is I never ever dated. Never had sex with anyone except my husband. I sometimes freak out that I will end up alone. Am not confident approaching someone to date. I feel like I can’t have sex until I love a person. I know am not ready . super confused about my feelings and how to address them?

lilykitten Just need to scream at the unfairness of it all
  • replies: 8

For 16 years I single handedly financially supported my husband and two kids. It wasn't my choice. My husband wanted to run his own business and I had a good job as a teacher and I always thought my turn would come and he would reciprocate. When the ... View more

For 16 years I single handedly financially supported my husband and two kids. It wasn't my choice. My husband wanted to run his own business and I had a good job as a teacher and I always thought my turn would come and he would reciprocate. When the kids were babies and toddlers he did care for them on some school days but complained all the time. He never did any household task like cooking or cleaning. I suggested he complete some further study, I paid for family daycare twice a week to give him a break. He did make a few thousand dollars but insisted on putting it back into the business. When the kids hit school I suggested he make a business plan and if he couldn't draw a wage in a few years he should look for work. This was taken by him as an insult and that I didn't believe in him. He brought this up every time I pleaded with him to help me with the household tasks, the kids, the bills or the mortgage. We had marriage counselling a few times over the years. I would listen carefully to his complaints about how I didn't support his ideas enough how he was depressed because of me but as soon as I brought up the lack of support I was receiving from him, he withdrew from therapy. He also had a tactic, when I had become rundown or at the end of my tether to coincidentally become sicker than me with breathing issues or tooth aches and I had to look after him more. A year ago he felt he couldn't live with me anymore. He moved into the garage, then 6 months later started couch surfing at friends houses. I just want to move on with my life. I have our 2 kids (one is ASD) living with me in the house I paid for. He has full access to the kids whenever he likes. I am still working. In March he withdrew from mediation of our financial settlement. I wanted to pay him out but he wanted the money all in cash and i couldn't afford to borrow that much money against the house. Now he is taking me to court and wants over half the house and my superannuation AND spousal support on the basis I financially and psychologically abused him to the extent he can not support himself. He is 53. It just seems so unfair. I have been the responsible one paying off the mortgage and putting money into my super for the future and he can legally strip me of all the security I have worked for. I am just a high school teacher with a little house in the country, not a millionaire. The legal bills themselves will bankrupt both of us. How can I stop this from gnawing at me 24/7.

N0vaaa Blocked my stepsister
  • replies: 6

Hi, ok so uhm, I just had a not so pleasant conversation with my stepsister. first let me just say that after moving away from my step mum because of reasons, my step sisters have not spoken with me at all, which left me upset. It has been a few year... View more

Hi, ok so uhm, I just had a not so pleasant conversation with my stepsister. first let me just say that after moving away from my step mum because of reasons, my step sisters have not spoken with me at all, which left me upset. It has been a few years until I finally got a message from one of my stepsisters, yes it was very awkward and at first everything was fine, I wanted to forget everything that had happened. the next day she asked me for money because my dad told her too. (she had been asking him for money for a while now, she didn’t even have a full on conversation, all she wanted was money for her own enjoyment) obviously I didn’t give it to her because it was like we were strangers and I wanted to gain her trust again, after I said no she stopped talking to me for a few months. this made me lose the tiny bit of trust I had in her. a few days ago I overheard a phone call between her and my father, she wanted to come up to visit and I didn’t like the idea but I never said anything. Today she messaged me again and it was very awkward because I didn’t know what to say, once I told her I didn’t know what to say, I could see she was growing an attitude, I didn’t want to talk to her anymore and she got rude, calling my dads gf a wh**e …etc. obviously I got mad and told her not to say that, after insulting me/my family a little more, I blocked her. but I wanna know if that was the right thing to do? N0vaaa.

confirmed08 I think I'm slowly losing my girlfriend
  • replies: 8

I'm once again on here writing about my relationship. we recently hit one year together, but on the day she wasn't really that interested in talking (with it being during lockdown we couldn't celebrate it how we would have liked, as many have found I... View more

I'm once again on here writing about my relationship. we recently hit one year together, but on the day she wasn't really that interested in talking (with it being during lockdown we couldn't celebrate it how we would have liked, as many have found I'm sure). ever since then really communication between us has slowed dramatically. we haven't called in weeks with only a few messages back and fourth each day now. I brought it up with her that I've felt as if she's been ignoring me and pushing me away, how I felt I wasn't a part of her life and vice versa. she then told me she felt as if she was falling into a depressive state, she was demotivated with work and that was the reasoning behind the silence. this hurt, after over a year together she felt as if she couldn't tell me what was happening in her life and in her head anymore. since then I've tried to be as patient as possible, offering her as much encouragement as possible, with little to no recognition or response (not that I'm doing it just for the recognition it would just be nice to know she's there and she's taken it in). I'm trying my hardest going thru year 12 in lockdown and trying to make her feel better, but I just can't keep this up when she's constantly pushing me away and lying to me. I figured she just didn't have the energy to talk or socialise with me anymore, which I was fine with. but throughout this week she has caught up with a couple of her friends (adhering to covid restrictions of course) , one of which I was not even aware of being a friend. I don't know long I can keep trying to help her when she doesn't acknowledge me, my life, and continues to push me away. i've not been perfect, but I don't know what i've done wrong. i'm falling apart.