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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Meeksu Long-Distance during Covid- It's getting rough!
  • replies: 2

Howdy, I'll try to be brief! I met a lovely man in Feb 2020 right before the pandemic was announced. He was in Australia on holiday from the UK. We hit it off instantly. We spent time together while he was here, and he went home when his holiday was ... View more

Howdy, I'll try to be brief! I met a lovely man in Feb 2020 right before the pandemic was announced. He was in Australia on holiday from the UK. We hit it off instantly. We spent time together while he was here, and he went home when his holiday was up. We planned to meet up in the UK in June 2020, but of course that was made impossible. We have tried to keep in contact through everything that has been happening, but it's very difficult. He secured a job in my city, and we've been waiting for months for the green light for him to get on a plane. It has been hell being on my own for a year (I don't live near family or friends) and with things the way they are in the UK right now, I feel helpless and distressed. My partner's close friend passed away today from covid, and I just want to be there for him...there is only a limited amount of things I can do from across the ocean. Is anyone else doing long distance at the moment? And does anyone know who I can call for information regarding travel or updates on when he might be able to get into the country/ speed that up? I study counselling, have been in therapy for 10 years to remedy my BPD symptoms, and sometimes I still feel like I've run out of options to cope! I'm very much an 'action' person, so when I feel there is nothing I can do about a situation I tend to become more distressed than usual. Considering the state of the world right now, I think it's rather normal to feel distressed in general. Feel free to share stories, ideas, information about travel, etc. Take care, all.

Molly23 40, Divorce, No Kids, Single AGAIN
  • replies: 6

Hi, I’m new to this forum. At the moment, feeling anxious about to turn 41 this week. I’ve hated Christmas, NY, birthday, etc. for as long as I remember. Putting my best smile in front of family and friends and yet feeling so alone inside. I haven’t ... View more

Hi, I’m new to this forum. At the moment, feeling anxious about to turn 41 this week. I’ve hated Christmas, NY, birthday, etc. for as long as I remember. Putting my best smile in front of family and friends and yet feeling so alone inside. I haven’t been lucky in love but last year, I met someone who made me feel complete. I thought my search was over but after almost a year dating, he saw no future with me. Here I am again single, just like Bridget Jones. I hope one day, I can finally be happy too and don’t have to put on a happy face for everyone and cry when noone is around. I need to find my purpose in life...but it’s so hard when happiness kept being taken away from me. How do you pick yourself up and keep going forward? What’s your secret? I’d love to hear what you have to say.

Yellowflower01 Partners lying about porn
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I recently have started dating a new partner and everything has been going really well. It is becoming more serious since deciding to move in together and combining our families (children from previous relationships). We are both very sexua... View more

Hi there, I recently have started dating a new partner and everything has been going really well. It is becoming more serious since deciding to move in together and combining our families (children from previous relationships). We are both very sexual people and in my previous marriage was not able to be myself and explore my sexual interests, so it has been great for me to do that with my new partner. We have been talking about our fantasies and planning to live most of them out, together as a couple. I have always trusted my partner because he takes so much pride in telling me he never lies and that he hates liars, but recently I have found that he has been lying about watching porn. I am so confused because we have such an open and honest relationship about our sexual desires and needs. The porn he is watching is much the same as the sexual experiences we have been having lately so it is not fulfilling another fantasy that he cannot get or is not getting with me. I wonder why he is needing to lie about it. Does this mean that he is capable of lying about other things? I don’t want my trust for him to go and I have given him many opportunities to tell me the truth. I have never ever given him the idea that it would be a drama if he told me he watched porn. I worry that in the end I won’t be enough for him and that I won’t be able to meet all of his sexual needs. Then will he want to replace me? The only hard rule I have is that he doesn’t have any sexual acts or meetings with another women without me there and consenting to it happening and he has the same hard rule for me as well.

florencefortyeight Break-up advice just does not apply to me.. there is no getting over it.
  • replies: 6

I saw an article from someone who recently ended a twelve-year relationship. The article was called My Breakup was Controlling my Life.. Until I Took These Steps. Seems like a pretty comprehensive guide, right? Unfortunately, though, the article goes... View more

I saw an article from someone who recently ended a twelve-year relationship. The article was called My Breakup was Controlling my Life.. Until I Took These Steps. Seems like a pretty comprehensive guide, right? Unfortunately, though, the article goes into the advice that you always hear. My situation is particularly unique and extreme, so all the stuff that people offer to make me feel better about the situation just makes me feel worse. I'll just take you through the three of the main points of the article. Do love yourself. This makes me so angry. It is very difficult to love yourself when you have no impact on the world around you. I was bullied for nine years as a child, and I didn't have any friends in the years afterwards. I have only had one friend in my life, who I met in 2018, but we lost touch. Partially because I was too much for her. "Self-worth needs to come from ourselves. We can't look to the outside." In my opinion, there is absolutely no meaning in that. Obviously I have things that I like about myself. But what's the point in loving myself when no-one's benefiting from that?!??!?! Without anyone else, there's no proof that I'm not just deluding myself. Do build a support network. "You need to be around people that give you perspective, that give you balance, and allow you to process your emotions in a safe and comfortable way." As I mentioned, if that's the case, then I am screwed. Don't avoid the negative emotions or feelings. "It's normal to experience [feelings of anger, betrayal, jealousy] for a while, but when you experience them for a lengthy period of time, and they get in the way of your daily life, that's when you say you need help to work through this." Is two years a long time? I don't know if there's any point in "working through this." I am safe, but I feel like I am just waiting for the day I break. I give up. ... You know the craziest thing? We were never together. She knew how I felt, but she hurt me. She abandoned me.. and I don't even have a relationship to look back on. I have never been on a date before. I know there is a LOT, a lot of stigma around that, saying that it makes you come across as desperate. This thread just completely lost its structure.

Selim Is it worth waiting for someone who you’re sure about?
  • replies: 3

So I’m dealing with a lot of things which make me quite unhappy including my desire to transition to live as a female and having a crush on someone who I haven talked to in years. Starting off is my crush who I’m not so sure about if she even likes m... View more

So I’m dealing with a lot of things which make me quite unhappy including my desire to transition to live as a female and having a crush on someone who I haven talked to in years. Starting off is my crush who I’m not so sure about if she even likes me and we haven’t talked in years. She is on one of my social media accounts but I tried to add her on Facebook as well but no response. I wanted to initiate a conversation on Facebook with her but even last time about four years ago when I sent her a message she didn’t even respond. I am scared that if I message her on my other social media account that she won’t event respond. the Other problem is my gender identity. Even if she wants to talk to me I am not sure if she wants to be together with me because I want to be a woman. like I’m not sure if her sexuality and am guessing she likes only guys. I haven’t even transitioned yet and this makes me quite unhappy as well due to being unable to afford to pay for the associated costs with preserving my fertility. Now if she wants be with me but I want to transition before that even eventuates, I am going to be unhappy as well because I can’t have kids wir her. should I just try to talk to her and see what happens? I guess I’m just scared about being hurt again because I had other problems with a different girl about 6 years ago which hurt me quite a lot already and both girls are from the same uni that I used to go to as well.

EmmaHopeful Long story - I need perspective domestic abuse?
  • replies: 5

This is my first post and I really need help understanding how I can resolve my situation. Thanks in advance. I have 4 children from my 1st marriage which ended when my youngest was 3 by the time my youngest was 5 I'd married an old friend who I'd re... View more

This is my first post and I really need help understanding how I can resolve my situation. Thanks in advance. I have 4 children from my 1st marriage which ended when my youngest was 3 by the time my youngest was 5 I'd married an old friend who I'd reconnected with. The kids adored him and he was kind and patient, a few months after we got married he lost his temper with one of the kids and was bemused as to why we were all so upset, I parented with mutual respect and the kids had never been spoken to like that (shouting, demanding, authoritarian - as per his own upbringing) - that was my first inkling that parenting with him might be difficult. Over the years he'd loose his temper periodically, I'd intervene and address how what he said could be damaging and that he needed to manage his anger better, he'd always apologise, the kids would accept it and we would all move on. Move forward five years and life was tough (work, financial etc.) and my husbands temper grew worse, our emerging teen daughters would argue constantly and one day he really lost his temper, he held my thirteen year old against a wall with his arm under her chin and punched the wall right next to her head. I said that if anything like that happened again we would leave and that he had to get help for his anger. He did and he has never done anything physical like that again but the temper outbursts, unreasonable expectations as to their behaviour ('do as I say not what I do') and general 'grumpiness' (which really was just a blameless way of saying hostility) led to the kids walking on egg shells and being wary of him. I increasingly grew more passive (my psychologist says learned helplessness) and although I intervened when things got particularly nasty, nothing ever changed and with two more children, a mortgage and a business in common I felt unable to do anything other than mitigate, excuse and counter his behaviour. My 3 eldest have left home, the two oldest boys love my husband as their own Dad but my eldest daughter has disowned us due to my husbands behaviour and my lack of protection. The youngest of the 4 is home still but mentally has a lot of problems which have culminated in a suicide attempt and ongoing self harm (there are other factors too - bullying from peers, her bio father left without a trace, gender dysphoria) for which she is getting the help she needs. Please read first comment with the rest of this, thanks

Orchard Difficulty with self worth and control.
  • replies: 6

My partner has previously cheated on me while on a break- which was heartbreaking in itself. Now, months on the thoughts and the ramifications are within my mind, like an annoying fly that just buzzed around constantly, how do you move past the hurt,... View more

My partner has previously cheated on me while on a break- which was heartbreaking in itself. Now, months on the thoughts and the ramifications are within my mind, like an annoying fly that just buzzed around constantly, how do you move past the hurt, the betrayal and believe that he is telling the truth now, we will go through a really good patch then something will set me off. I hate feeling like this, I despise the thoughts, the loneliness and most of the time I am alone so they're just rolling around freely. I know it's not in my head but I just feel worthless and nothing I say makes any difference because it is not being validated not being heard. Who on here has some insightful techniques that will help process this information and move on.

Kaur_K Feeling lonely
  • replies: 3

After many years in an unhappy marriage we have separated again, probably the fifth time and as usual feeling depressed and sad....

After many years in an unhappy marriage we have separated again, probably the fifth time and as usual feeling depressed and sad....

Clear82 I know I’m not alone with this but I feel it....
  • replies: 3

I knew I was checking to see when my bf or friends were last online on WhatsApp. I would then wonder who they are talking to and/or why they weren’t replying to my message. My bf bought it to my attention and said are you stalking when I’m online cau... View more

I knew I was checking to see when my bf or friends were last online on WhatsApp. I would then wonder who they are talking to and/or why they weren’t replying to my message. My bf bought it to my attention and said are you stalking when I’m online cause I don’t really use WhatsApp but just started this obsession of checking it. So I’d be online more or last seen. I’ve deleted the app now which i know is best. It’s just brought on a flood of tears and emotions. I know it’s a trust and jealously issue. But also I have a fear of being alone. It’s loads of things. Just wanted to share and not feel so alone.

pgsc I know others have it worse, but...
  • replies: 8

Things were relatively ok until Dec 2019. Lovely (Thai) wife, married 16 years at that point, absoloutly NO fights in that time (yes, I AM proud of that). Then things went rapidly south. Dementia hit her like a tonne of bricks. By the end of March, s... View more

Things were relatively ok until Dec 2019. Lovely (Thai) wife, married 16 years at that point, absoloutly NO fights in that time (yes, I AM proud of that). Then things went rapidly south. Dementia hit her like a tonne of bricks. By the end of March, she could not be left alone. Early May, she went into hospital where she stayed for 12 weeks. From there to a nursing home, as I could not work and look after her at the same time. The day she was moved, she physically assaulted me in the hospital. She was down to about 36kg & I am over 100kg. It took 4 days for the bruises to not be as noticeable. The tranquilisers she was given then should have worked in 30 minutes on me. It took over 90 minutes on her. She was one angry lass. The nursing home is 'ok'. Few interesting ideas like trying to charge $120+/month for internet to someone who can't use it. Charging over double street price for medication... things I would not succumb to. I have seen her once since the end of July. That is not my choice. Part of it is due to the constant COVID lockdowns (Thanks, President Xi!) part because she does not believe she is married. Some days I am OK. Some days it takes nothing at all to set me off. A lot of days I am a crying mess. Like now. I believe I have alienated a lot of people due to this. I'm reluctant to say much more than "I'm OK" to anyone now. I think my only friend is made of glass & can be replaced easily. I'm ready to put a DNAR (Do Not Attempt Recusitation) on her med file now. She is alive, but has no life. It is not what I want - I want her home, safe, healthy & well, but that is not going to happen - it is what is best for her. As she got worse, she wanted to go home. Her family wants her home. A certain (very) large Asian country has made sure that is not possible. I don't want her to go home, but I do understand she needs the family/village support that I cannot possibly give. So I yeild. At the first practial opportunity, she will go home. The fights with Centrelink (who wanted her to look for work), My Aged Care (who do nothing for her that I can see), NDIS (who have been a little bit helpful), the bank (who froze her account as paying her nursing home bills is a fraudulent activity) & the local police (who sent someone with negligible training & his head rammed firmly where the sun doesn't shine (although according to his station: it does) has left m in a worse state. Employer has been good, but that won't last forever... running out of options.