Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Lolue Dealing with my self punishing thoughts
  • replies: 5

Hi, Im hoping to gain some outside perspective on my thoughts as i feel like im going to go into a pattern of self punishing myself. In 2020 i was on and off with a guy as friends with benegits and i had really strong feelings for him unfortunately w... View more

Hi, Im hoping to gain some outside perspective on my thoughts as i feel like im going to go into a pattern of self punishing myself. In 2020 i was on and off with a guy as friends with benegits and i had really strong feelings for him unfortunately we werent able to make it work due to different lifestyles he ended things. we decided to stay friends. a couple of weeks later we caught up with a mutual friend for drinks. I drank too much and misread the situation when he placed his jacket around my shoulders. I was a little bit flirty, he drove me to the station and when we said goodbye he gave me a fist bump. I message him that i was a little bit upset that he gave me a fist bump. I thought we were close enough that we would hug goodbye. He responded that i crossed his boundaries as he was there catching up with friends. i mmediately apologised and agreed that i haf crossed his boundaries. He cancelled a trip we had planned together. I ended up going on the trip alone, i wanted to do something on my own to work on my independence and in part as a punishment for what happened. We ended up hanging out in a social group but only online and i even went to visit him when he was in hospital. fast forward a year and i asked if he wanted to catch up and hang out if he was comfortable. He then said yes and could we invite our social group. Unfortunately the social group didnt want to catch up cause of covid, so i asked again if he was comfortable hanging out just the two of us. He used the covid excuse as a reason he didnt want to catch up. I then decided to be direct and i asked if he was uncomfortable so that i could understand where his current boundaries were. He replied that due to the past incident he didnt feel comfortable hanging out with me one on one and that he needs more time. I completely understand where he is coming from and i will respect his boundary. What im struggling with is my thoughts i have depression and low self esteem and my mind is telling me that im still being punished and that i deserved to be punished. does anyone have any tips or techniques on what to do when your mind is telling you, you need to be punished?

lordrainyday8888 Married and have a crush on some from work - Please help me
  • replies: 107

I am a happily married guy with a beautiful and supporting wife - However, off lately met this girl at work and gone head over heels about her - I cannot stop thinking about and miss her every second in my life. when I see this girl at I am super ene... View more

I am a happily married guy with a beautiful and supporting wife - However, off lately met this girl at work and gone head over heels about her - I cannot stop thinking about and miss her every second in my life. when I see this girl at I am super energetic and very happy when I am with her and the movement I am back home - I unable to concentrate on anything and trying everything to stop thinking about her - But unable to do so the girl from work does not even know I love her so much and she is a good friend of mine and unable to express my feelings for her. Please help me - I don't know what to do - it's just driving me insane. I am pretty much-consuming alcohol every day in copious mounts just to sleep - I am totally frustrated with this situation and even thought of telling this person i have feelings for her but way too afraid to let her know. Can someone please advised me what i need to - thanks for your'e support

Guest4204 Am I expecting too much from my parents?
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I feel like other people on the forum have far greater problems, so I wasn't going to post anything, but I just feel so lonely and lost, thank you for listening. I am in my mid 20s, I grew up here, my family were from Taiwan. I am current... View more

Hi everyone I feel like other people on the forum have far greater problems, so I wasn't going to post anything, but I just feel so lonely and lost, thank you for listening. I am in my mid 20s, I grew up here, my family were from Taiwan. I am currently studying and living with my grandparents (dad's side) &brother. Although my grandparents love &care for me very much &I feel very grateful to have them, it is often difficult because of the cultural &generational differences. They have a very low threshold for feeling like I have an 'attitude' and I have to be so mindful of the exact tone I speak in and how I say things. They can speak some English (good enough to go grocery shopping) but can't do any 'life admin' tasks and so my brother and I check their letters, text messages &do other household admin tasks for them. I will be moving out after I finish studying next year, I worry that they won't get the help they need and that they will feel left behind. My parents are not around to support us. I know they are both kind people, I understand that they are individuals too and not just 'my dad' and 'my mum' and I want them to be happy. But it feels like they're able to live their lives while my brother and I are 'stuck' here with our grandparents. My dad used to live with us but he moved out a few years ago with his new partner, they now live on the other side of Sydney &own a small business together. My dad is a kind man &I know he tries but in reality he offers very little/ no support. I've asked for him to come &visit more often, and he tries, but it still doesn't happen. My mum lives in Thailand. Our relationship has always been strained. I've been trying (for a few years) to be closer to her but whenever I try to call her for a chat it seems like she's always busy and in a hurry to leave the conversation, our calls mostly last for a few minutes. I resent her sometimes because feel like she favouritises my brother since we were young, short-tempered and she's left us here as well. I know she is a kind woman deep down but I still feel so angry at her sometimes. In summary, I feel so conflicted and so lonely. I know my parents are kind &well-intended but they are just not here for us, even though I feel like I've communicated that we needed them. Their parents cared even less for them, so in a way they are loving/caring for us to the best of their knowledge... I hate to feel this way but I sometimes still resent them for not 'meeting my expectations'.

nib Disappointed.
  • replies: 8

My mother and father are the only family I have left, and they are so unsupportive of the fact that I choose to be in an age-gap relationship, which is likely to happen. What disgusts me about my mother in particular, is that she supports two people ... View more

My mother and father are the only family I have left, and they are so unsupportive of the fact that I choose to be in an age-gap relationship, which is likely to happen. What disgusts me about my mother in particular, is that she supports two people of the same sex to get married, yet she wont support two heterosexual people who are in love with each other, to get into a relationship. That's not to say I don't support gay marriage, because I do. My mother discovered today that I have a picture of the man I desire on my phone and she automatically assumed that I have not been "getting over" him. I used to stalk him, but I don't anymore, and my mother has automatically assumed that I am stalking him again, when I actually haven't done that in a year. She genuinely believes that I am not getting better, and that is most certainly true, and the reason being is because I AM STILL LIVING IN THIS HOUSE WITH THESE TWO IDIOTS WHO SIMPLY WILL NOT GROW UP AND LISTEN TO OTHER PEOPLE'S PERSPECTIVES. There's more that I could write.

Ckb Devastated and don’t know I can go on
  • replies: 12

2 weeks ago my husband of 37 years and 2 adult boys announced to me he didn’t know if he loved me and told me he had fantasies about a friend of his. She was a client and I had been warned many times by others that she was after him. I found intimate... View more

2 weeks ago my husband of 37 years and 2 adult boys announced to me he didn’t know if he loved me and told me he had fantasies about a friend of his. She was a client and I had been warned many times by others that she was after him. I found intimate messages between them. He packed up and left to stay with friends. he only contacted me today with implying I’m talking bad about him and accusing him of an affair. Also that I’m telling our children toxic things about him, which isn’t true. he asked me to let him Go. I am totally devastated and can’t function. I didn’t reply.. I haven’t eaten for 2 weeks, can’t sleep.. I’m talking to my GP who is monitoring my health. I also have a health issue where I need to have tests done to confirm if I have blood cancer or not, which petrifies me. our boys still live in our property and I feel I can’t stay here as it’s too painful. Our business was from our property and I can’t and don’t want to go back to work. So I have no income. I feel completely blindsided, shocked and in total disbelief. I have no idea what to do, he hates me and I don’t understand why. we have always had a healthy and loving relationship, and he struggles with mental health and can get paranoid. And I’ve always helped him navigate that. He is safe where he is, and I don’t want to add any pressure or questions to him, but I have been told other people are telling him untruths about me. how do I go forward ? Who am I without him? how do my boys find their relationship with him again? ive had some help with a professional, but it hasn’t helped.. I don’t know what to do..

confirmed08 Girlfriend gone, where to next?
  • replies: 10

well last time I posted I was afraid of losing my then girlfriend. I only went and lost her. I've been pretty distraught, not being able to concentrate, missing her, crying a lot, and I just can't see myself ever getting out of this hole I'm in. I tr... View more

well last time I posted I was afraid of losing my then girlfriend. I only went and lost her. I've been pretty distraught, not being able to concentrate, missing her, crying a lot, and I just can't see myself ever getting out of this hole I'm in. I tried so hard to help her, to make her happy, and I ruined it all. Of course she assured me I didn't but I just can't convince myself, I can't let go. She's the best I was ever gonna have. I've been seeing a psychologist for about a month now but it feels as if it's going nowhere, not helped by the lack of motivation to help and recover myself. Without her what's even the point of recovering? We had our first call in about two months, first interaction online in 3 weeks, and I just couldn't tell her, I don't know, should I tell her how much this has affected me? That call was probably my chance but we're so distant know I didn't really know what to say. Is telling her just mean and selfish? I'm so lost.

ElectricBlue Struggling with husband over parenting
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone, I've been struggling a lot in my marriage lately as my husband & I have different parenting styles with our 2.5 year old. He is much more of a disciplinarian (doesn't put up with much) where as I am a little more easy going. I still disc... View more

Hi everyone, I've been struggling a lot in my marriage lately as my husband & I have different parenting styles with our 2.5 year old. He is much more of a disciplinarian (doesn't put up with much) where as I am a little more easy going. I still discipline, however not as quickly or forcefully as I should (according to my husband). My son is going through what I believe is a phase at the moment where he only really wants me to play with him/help him do things & this has left my husband feeling very rejected. I have told him that it's just a phase but he gets extremely angry, yells at our son & blames me for not disciplining him enough. I think that my husband is also very upset about the whole situation because his 3 other children (to his ex-wife) have nothing to do with him anymore & I believe he thinks that this is somehow happening again, even though our son is only 2.5 & not a teenager like his others are. I don't know how to handle the situation. I'm not sleeping, I'm over-eating & I find myself with a very short fuse & don't want to take it out on my son. Any suggestions or ideas to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

ChurroCookies Is it too much to ask for an apology?
  • replies: 5

*Some Backstory* My mum and Dad have been divorced for around 15 year now, my Dad has remarried, my Mum has not. Anyway, my Dad lives 6 hours away from my mum and I've lived with my mum my whole life, just visiting Dad. And then we stopped seeing my ... View more

*Some Backstory* My mum and Dad have been divorced for around 15 year now, my Dad has remarried, my Mum has not. Anyway, my Dad lives 6 hours away from my mum and I've lived with my mum my whole life, just visiting Dad. And then we stopped seeing my Dad for 6 years and we just re-kindled things about 2 years ago now. Anyway, cause of COVID I can do my studies externally so I decided to spend like 2 months with my Dad. Once I told my mum this however, she lost it and was incredible angry and horrible to me. It has now been 3 months of me being at my Dads with my mum barely talking to me and whenever we do talk I'm the one who initiates it otherwise we won't speak for weeks (Which is what happened in the first 2 months) and every time we talk it ends in a fight via texting. I haven't called my mum in 3 months its only been via text this whole time. And I'm really struggling with it. My heart hurts and I can't stop crying and feeling depressed all the time. But no matter what I do my mum always brings it back to herself. The not talking to me for basically 2 months started with her ending the conversation/argument saying that I'm the cause of all her problems which is obviously not true and is actually the opposite. There have been so many times that I've helped my mum out so much so that it was affecting my mental health and then when it finally came to me actually asking her for a little help she refused. I wish I could just have a constructive conversation with her and sort all of this out but she refuses and always takes things too personally when I'm trying to work through some things then it ends up escalating into an argument. Anyway, am I asking too much for an apology or should I just try to mend things so we can go back to normal, but I feel like this whole ordeal has left me with an emotional scar in our mother-daughter relationship Stuff like this has kind of happened before, for example when I was coming back from a trip with my friends she refused to pick me up (I couldn't drive at the time] So, I was forced to stay at my friends house for 2 nights which was really embarrassing until I had to call and then she acted like nothing was wrong and that I was upset for no reason. I was so confused. Anyway, thoughts? What do you think I should do in this situation? Should I continue to try and talk things out with my mum? Thank you for listening, it helps writing it out like this

missclaire Recovering from narcissitic abuse (DV)
  • replies: 4

Dear lovely people hope you are all well. i was wondering if anyone has any kind words or advice for moving on from deep narcissistic physical and psychological abuse. I am working on myself and co-dependancy issues, self love, but also missing conne... View more

Dear lovely people hope you are all well. i was wondering if anyone has any kind words or advice for moving on from deep narcissistic physical and psychological abuse. I am working on myself and co-dependancy issues, self love, but also missing connection which is also why i am here. Much love to you all, Claire

wirea Separation - ending an engagement - feeling lost and no purpose.
  • replies: 3

Not long ago, i decided to end a 10 year relationship and engagement. Something just didn't feeling right. On paper, everything was perfect and a connection was there but my gut was telling me no. Once i had it in my head, it wouldn't disappear. Our ... View more

Not long ago, i decided to end a 10 year relationship and engagement. Something just didn't feeling right. On paper, everything was perfect and a connection was there but my gut was telling me no. Once i had it in my head, it wouldn't disappear. Our values and future plans didn't aline. I want to travel, grow as a person, be spontaneous and he wanted to settle, buy a house, start a family and happily truck in the slow lane. He loved me. Adored me and would try his best to make me 'happy'. I loved him for most part of the relationship, but something inside me just 'switched' off. Like a fire slowly burned out. I sit here, after 8 months ending the relationship, alone in my apartment and still have that emptiness inside. It's feel like i sacrificed a 'good' relationship, for what? To feel even worse than what i felt before. I feel frustrated. I don't know what my purpose is, what i want from life, how to celebrate the small wins and little joys in the days. I feel like i would do anything to time travel back to how my life was but i know i would end up miserable. Its like im on this journey of finding something that maybe just doesn't exist. The search to feel that 'content' and comfortable feeling. I do all the textbook suggestions; yoga, self help books, sunrise watching, gentle exercise, converse with friends, start a new hobby etc but nothing ignites in me or shows a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm in a car but not driving the steering wheel, just existing. I'm afraid of time and know how precious it is. I remind myself each day that life is what you make of it, but im exhausted trying. Would be great to hear if anyone can relate to this and feels the same way.