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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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dl23 Marriage breakup + kids
  • replies: 927

Hi So my wife and I met in high school and have been together for 24 years, married for 14 years. Over the past 8 years or so (after second child, now was born, we have had some ups and downs. I would just sometimes have a go at her about random stuf... View more

Hi So my wife and I met in high school and have been together for 24 years, married for 14 years. Over the past 8 years or so (after second child, now was born, we have had some ups and downs. I would just sometimes have a go at her about random stuff; money, clothes or food. Then she would try and talk to me and I was too pigheaded and wouldn't really listen. Now the time has come where she has had enough and wants to sell our new and amazing house, separate into smaller houses/units and rent. We share the custody of our two kids. I am really scared about telling the kids and don't think I can be there for that process. They will be devastated. I have been trying to say sorry to my wife via emails, text, chatting, video montages and poems but she tells me to stop and that she doesn't love me anymore. She said as I keep hassling her about getting back together, she doesn't even like me and the thought of talking to me or seeing me makes her physically ill. She also said that because I am making her angry, the shared custody will be so much harder. I have been trying to show her over the past few weeks the new me. I have been calm, positive (as best I can in this situation) and more composed. I would sometimes shout at the kids for being silly but now I use a calm voice always (even when they test my patience). I haven't been sleeping much and not eating hardly at all for 5 days (lost 4.5kg), due to being nauseous and anxious. We have just communicated over email and she doesn't even want me to talk to her anymore or make dinner or hot drinks. I responded with I would like to keep doing it. I told her I still love her and apologise a lot for making her angry, when that is not my intention. I am really scared of not being with her anymore and not living her. I love her so much, even when she verbally attacks me and says she doesn't love me anymore. I can't rely on my parents as they are away and my wife and my parents never really got along. They kind of caused a lot of the tension and some of the reasons we fought. How am I going to get through this?

Sarges Marriage over
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have just recently decided it's not working anymore we have 2boys 9 and 10 we are trying to work out the best way to do this we got our house valued and have agreed to half the property and our savings but now my husband has had a ch... View more

My husband and I have just recently decided it's not working anymore we have 2boys 9 and 10 we are trying to work out the best way to do this we got our house valued and have agreed to half the property and our savings but now my husband has had a change of heart for finicial reasons only and keeps telling me I will live in poverty and he doesn't want that for the children but living in a loveless relationship is killing me any advice

anonymoussalamander My sister had a huge health problem and now I don't want to speak to her or think about it at all
  • replies: 2

trigger warnings for mentions of someone trying to take their own life, cancer, surgery, etc. A few years ago my sister had a very bad health problem which could be fixed with surgery, but it caused huge behavioural changes and multiple suicide attem... View more

trigger warnings for mentions of someone trying to take their own life, cancer, surgery, etc. A few years ago my sister had a very bad health problem which could be fixed with surgery, but it caused huge behavioural changes and multiple suicide attempts, and I was her primary carer. I was seventeen at the time and I often thought 'if she needs care on a full-time basis after surgery I would rather be dead' (not in a suicidal way, in a 'i will move to Peru and start a new life and pretend i never knew these people' way). I wasn't the only one who could offer care, but I was the only one she 'trusted', so I would be woken at 3am with phonecalls from the police, or my suicidal sister, or the hospital asking me to come to pick her up. One day we were talking about things and she said she'd once tried to speak to me about her mental health problems and "you just sat there and said you didn't have time right now, so I decided you didn't care", and then she said that "my therapist says you don't seem very supportive". And I think about that almost every day actually, it sort of eats at me. It was a very stressful time. Anyway, she has had the surgery since then and has had some personality changes (it caused some mild brain damage), but is mostly (mostly) back to being independent. She no longer needs me to care for her, though she is often very tired after focusing for too long or doing too many things. And she acts like I'm about to bite her head off whenever she speaks to me, which obviously makes me feel terrible. And now when someone talks about a character from a TV show or whatever who has the same illness my sister had I feel bad & get almost like... annoyed? It hurts. And my sister will sometimes just mention it in casual conversation, "before my [illness]" or "after my [illness]" and it should be her right to talk about things that affect her like that but it makes me feel awful every time. Anything that is a symptom of having had it makes me feel bad, and everything that reminds me she had it makes me feel bad, even her being tired after focusing for a while makes me feel Bad. i *hate* it. and it's really straining my relationship with her and usually I'd just talk to her "using my words" about this, I'm comfortable and confident communicating, but it doesn't feel like I'm "allowed" to feel this way in my family dynamic. i don't know what to do about it, I guess. Apologies for length. I'm mostly venting.

Dazed_Confused1 Meds are ending my marriage
  • replies: 1

Hello all, I am currently devastated, lost, confused and numb. My wife and I have been married a year now and we adore each other. 2020 was a hellish year (for everyone!) and had a big impact on us but also on her. Stress, general feeling of fatigue ... View more

Hello all, I am currently devastated, lost, confused and numb. My wife and I have been married a year now and we adore each other. 2020 was a hellish year (for everyone!) and had a big impact on us but also on her. Stress, general feeling of fatigue and feeling run down, having her UK trip cancelled in April so she missed out on seeing her family and a job change. Then in August she slipped two discs in her lower back. Most of the stress and pressure she has been feeling is due to missing her family but also supporting me as I am currently unemployed and have been for some time due to my own mental health issues. I only learnt last Thursday that I have adult autism with severe ADHD and that is what has been holding me back getting a job. She has suffered from depression most of her life and it's been on and off but she would hide it so well and just push through. I would constantly check in on her but she just found it difficult to open up to me or just brush it off with humour. Or blame work. I tried to do little things every now and then to cheer her up and I looked after the house jobs so it was one less thing off her plate. In November she started seeing a therapist through telehealth and that made me happy that she had someone to talk to. She still seemed stressed but we kept showering each other with love everyday and there were no signs that we were on the path of breaking up. On Dec 20th it all came out one night about how miserable and unhappy she's been and I agreed because it has been an incredibly hard year. We decided to take a break and give each other some space to work on our stuff individually but still see each other. She said she still loved me and wanted to work things out because she wanted us to be together forever. Fast forward to today. She saw a GP for anti depressants and it has completely changed her. I don't know who she is anymore and she has become cold and cruel. She was told to take a certain amount for a week and then it doubled a week later. I thought that was too soon as it doesn't give your body time to adjust to this new substance in your system. The week she was on 1/2 a tablet she was still loving but not eating, not sleeping well & feeling spaced out. 2 weeks later, she ended our marriage in a park in 8 minutes blunty, with zero emotion saying she didn't love me anymore. Everyone is shocked. I am shocked. And I know that it's the meds and not her. Has anyone else experienced this?

Moonlight11 Distance and accusations
  • replies: 1

Hello, Just a bit of a back story, my husband and I are separated on different sides of the world due to covid restrictions, I was able to visit last year, I had to leave and come back home, we got married while I was there with him. My husband is sw... View more

Hello, Just a bit of a back story, my husband and I are separated on different sides of the world due to covid restrictions, I was able to visit last year, I had to leave and come back home, we got married while I was there with him. My husband is sweet, kind, generous and thoughtful... until he drinks, he turns snarky, says sly comments that hurt me and accuses me of cheating on him. I know he has ADD and anxiety but when he’s even had a few drinks in him , he changes into another person and I feel like his emotional punching bag. He always ends up apologising and is ashamed of how he spoke to me but then does it again and again. I’ve tried to explain to him how much this is hurting me and our relationship and I’ve talked to him about getting help, I sense he’s had some deep things go on in the past but I don’t know how much I can take of his accusations, the jealousy and being overbaring. We’re only newly married, I don’t know if he will stop doing this or if it’s just going to get worse. I’m really upset that this keeps happening, I don’t know what to do. I’m so loyal and would never do that to him, it’s just so unfair and it’s pushing me away. We do the distance just fine, we FaceTime and call each other basically any free time we have and work really well as a team, we have the same future goals in life.. I don’t want to just throw away our marriage but I don’t know how to fix this and I’m always worried I’ll emotionally detach and end up walking away.

Girl_interrupted1 Feeling unsupported by my partner and anxious about being left alone
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone, I’m here to share my feelings about a situation I’m in at the moment with my man. We’ve been together for 8 years. Engaged for going on 5 years. Basically, he’s been talking about going on a road trip for a while now. And he wants to ... View more

Hello everyone, I’m here to share my feelings about a situation I’m in at the moment with my man. We’ve been together for 8 years. Engaged for going on 5 years. Basically, he’s been talking about going on a road trip for a while now. And he wants to take leave from work for a week to go. He wants to go by himself and drive to Adelaide and camp at various places along the way. The thing is he has brought this up now just before I’m due to recommence work after I’ve had almost a year off due to COVID. During Covid my work wasn’t operational and I’ve been at home studying and looking after the house/ cooking/ cleaning etc. I feel like I’ve done a lot to support him over the last 12months. basically I’m feeling really anxious about him going on a trip for a few reasons: firstly, About 1 and a half years ago, I sold my car because he told me too. Ever since we’ve been sharing a car. It’s been fine during Covid because we haven’t been driving much but I need the car to get to work (I work across melbourne at different schools as an educator). So the thought of him taking the car makes me stressed out because I don’t know what I’ll do for a car when he’s gone. secondly, I feel anxious because I don’t know why he wants to go on this trip alone so badly. He says it’s because I don’t like camping much (which is true) but I would do it with him regardless because I love him. Perhaps he needs a break from me?? I feel really insecure about him going. Thirdly, I feel upset because I’m already super anxious about going back to work after a long time and I also have my study to do, so I thought it would be good and only fair that he is around to support me in the first few weeks of work, so I can get used to the change in life again. I feel really stressed and anxious about all this. I wish he would want to plan a holiday with me, rather than going alone. But at the same time, I want him to be able to go on adventures if his heart wants it. Am I being selfish? Am I just too self-absorbed and worried about my own shit. I know he has had a long year at work and he wants a proper holiday but why can’t it be with me. I don’t know what to do girl interrupted

Mickey85 Toxic relationship affects my mental health
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am feeling down for a few weeks now due to my marriage situation. My husband is a very difficult person, he is very controlling and he also makes the most decisions in our home. It has been like that since ever, but what bothers me the most is ... View more

Hi, I am feeling down for a few weeks now due to my marriage situation. My husband is a very difficult person, he is very controlling and he also makes the most decisions in our home. It has been like that since ever, but what bothers me the most is his constant need to complain about things I have not done at home and criticising the things I have done. Basically, he is never happy with what I do. He is calling me lazy, to slow and incapable. I also have two very young kids, and it is very hard to maintain the household. He is frequently ignoring me, for example staring at the tv or the phone when I say something. He basically always blames me if something goes wrong and when I tell him of and star to argue with him, he may become aggressive and start throwing things, although this doesn’t always happen. He claims that I am disinterested in everything in our home, when in fact, I let him decide and do many things because he always likes to get his own way. We are married for 5 years and we are both from overseas. I don’t have any family or close friends, I actually haven’t met a single person who I can trust to talk about private things. So I am keeping it to myself for a very long time, I feel like constant criticism has started to affect my self esteem and I started to feel miserable most of the time. I feel like leaving him, but I don’t know where to go with 2 young kids and no support. I don’t work, I have justcompleted first year of my 3 year-degree. I feel so lost at the moment

honey2435 I'm alone in another state and don't know what to do
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I'm new here, So I moved to live in another state with my partner over a year ago; I currently live with him and his family. We have been fighting about the same problems and even though I know he won't change or listen to what I want. I ... View more

Hi everyone I'm new here, So I moved to live in another state with my partner over a year ago; I currently live with him and his family. We have been fighting about the same problems and even though I know he won't change or listen to what I want. I still stay because I have no where else to go and I still love him and want to be with him. The fight is because he talks to these online streamers and it makes me uncomfortable. He knows I'm insecure because I've been hurt in the past by family and exes. But when I ask him to remove someone and express how I feel e.g. "I feel insecure, paranoid and uncomfortable that you talk to her and follow each other; can you please remove her". He will merely say "No. I'm not doing anything wrong, so don't tell me to do that". I've even gone as far as saying "please do it for me" and he won't. I hate pulling the ultimatum card; but I want to see if he will do anything for me as I have done it for him. He tells me I can trust him, but his actions always make me doubt and I get paranoid about everything he does. I want to leave because I feel like if he won't change then I should leave and get treated like how I should and not lower my standards and let things slide; when it clearly bothers me. But I have nowhere else to go and I am scared of being alone. I tried to leave before but his mum kept begging me to stay while I packed my bags. My partner even deleted his social media accounts and told me to stay; so I did. But now he's got them back and refuses to remove her and I just feel like what was the point of all that if it was just going to happen again. I don't know what to do and I just wish someone was here to help me.

noharmstartingover How to handle being stonewalled
  • replies: 20

I am in a relationship with a female. Her defensive mechanism when she is overwhelmed is to shut down/ stonewall. I am dealing with my own depression and anxiety, and I want more then anything to be there for her. I have never experienced being stone... View more

I am in a relationship with a female. Her defensive mechanism when she is overwhelmed is to shut down/ stonewall. I am dealing with my own depression and anxiety, and I want more then anything to be there for her. I have never experienced being stonewalled or shut out. How do I handle the situation when I am being stonewalled?

Printers Marriage breakdown due to childhood trauma
  • replies: 3

My wife was great when I first met her, fun, outgoing, adventurous she was my best friend. When she fell pregnant it all changed. I knew she had been abused as a child but not to the extent and the damage it did towards her. Her child hood trauma cam... View more

My wife was great when I first met her, fun, outgoing, adventurous she was my best friend. When she fell pregnant it all changed. I knew she had been abused as a child but not to the extent and the damage it did towards her. Her child hood trauma came up from pregnancy and then when our child was born she developed anxiety. It crippled her and as she sought professional help our marriage suffered. We were sleeping in separate beds, living separate lives but co existing for our daughter. At the same time my estranged eldest child from a previous relationship went through child protection and I attended court and tried to connect with my eldest but my ex wouldn't allow it. I drank regularly to numb the pain of it all and lied to my wife about my drinking which she linked to her childhood trauma and our relationship dissipated. She wants to be single and keep working on herself and I hope she finds the inner peace she deserves.