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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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K100 Coping after adult son commits serious crime
  • replies: 9

I am new to this forum and I hope there is someone out there who has any suggestions to help me. My adult son has committed serious crimes of a sexual nature and we live in a country town which has been my home for virtually my whole life. My husband... View more

I am new to this forum and I hope there is someone out there who has any suggestions to help me. My adult son has committed serious crimes of a sexual nature and we live in a country town which has been my home for virtually my whole life. My husband and I are absolutely shattered at what he has done. We are retired. He has a wife and three beautiful children who we adore. There is community anger and it is often toward us as his parents even though he has been gone from home over 16 years and we had absolutely no knowledge of what he was doing. His wife and children will have no income or place to live when he goes to prison as she is not an Australian citizen. I am worried sick about them as well as being ostracised and judged by the community. I am not coping with the stress of everything and it has broken our family totally.

Meto76 Lost
  • replies: 2

Hi, Recently my husband of 20years told me he wanted out. I didn’t see this coming, not one bit. I mean hindsight is such a cruel thing, I see now he had left the marriage a couple of months before. I think there is someone else, although in my heart... View more

Hi, Recently my husband of 20years told me he wanted out. I didn’t see this coming, not one bit. I mean hindsight is such a cruel thing, I see now he had left the marriage a couple of months before. I think there is someone else, although in my heart of hearts I don’t think he did more than Snapchat or text them prior to leaving. But since he has left I have looked back and there were red flags. He denies this is the case, but I struggle with the fact the if it not why so many lies? He comes to my house almost everyday since separating, usually to get more things. At first every time he came he was angry and usually at me. Then the last time he asked me why I was “off”, I think he realised later I knew he was lying to me about where he had been. I don’t feel like I want him back, I don’t think it would work now, but I am struggling with the up and down emotions, being constantly nice (for kids) and mainly the lies. He says he hasn’t loved me for a couple of years, but I look back at all the messages and other things and I just can’t see that, reading these it seems a couple of months at the very least. But he has basically told me I am to blame, I think in my heart of hearts I know that there is another person involved, and he is now not the person I was married to. Aldo he seems to want to keep the separation a secret or at least quiet. I don’t understand this either, if you want out why do that? I am so lost and feeling like I will never recover from this. Sometimes I am angry, strong, and other times just completely defeated.

notsureeeeeee I’m confused..
  • replies: 2

I’m new to this whole thing but I thought I’d share my side, I’m too scared to talk to my parents about this because I feel they will not understand. i Recently got in a relationship with a guy I have been talking to and it’s been around 1 month now,... View more

I’m new to this whole thing but I thought I’d share my side, I’m too scared to talk to my parents about this because I feel they will not understand. i Recently got in a relationship with a guy I have been talking to and it’s been around 1 month now, but I’m not sure if I’m losing feelings or what is happening because I don’t seem to want to go out as much or talk as much. He always speaks to me in a couple of worded messages because he doesn’t have many skills in talking to people yet. It really gets to me because I like to have actual conversations and not just him saying someone like “that sucks” or “yes” all the time. I feel like I have no one to speak to.. help! Please

User986532 Breaking generations of men don’t cry stigma
  • replies: 5

Hello , 12 years together and 4 beautiful children my partner finally broke down. I’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer and am undergoing treatment. He has had to juggle home life, work and family and the pressures have finally broken him. Not a m... View more

Hello , 12 years together and 4 beautiful children my partner finally broke down. I’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer and am undergoing treatment. He has had to juggle home life, work and family and the pressures have finally broken him. Not a man for talking about feelings and emotions, he spiralled out on the weekend while I was out with friends and started sending a hurling of abuse via text. I put on my best poker face with the girls and made up an excuse to leave because I told him I’m coming home, we are sorting this out. It all felt to have come out of no where as I had just been with him a few hours prior. With all the children at sleepovers we had planned a take away and tv binge but when I got home he was gone, the panic set in and I checked his location he was at a local reservation. When I pulled up I blocked his car and got into it with him, he had a 4 pack of vodkas and was on can 1 and didn’t say a word or look at me. All I could think was something really bad must have happened as in all our years we have never been disloyal or honest to one another, we exchanged some conversations as I held his hand , he wouldn’t look at me as I sat in the passenger seat. As I told him somethings not right and we need to fix it tears started, i jumped across the middle console and wrapped my arms around him, he completely broke down sobbing and telling me all his fears and angers of how much he hates himself and what he truly feels calling himself a horrible person, partner and father. I held him and we cried together,‘this was all such a powerful and life changing moment. In all our years he had never let it all out like in this moment, but now my next fears seeped in - suicide. Over the next few hours we spoke, walked and I told him say it all without thinking even if it’s hurtful to me - he told me he knew what he was texting me would hurt me and that I was with friends and he didn’t care. These are not the words I would’ve ever expected to hear, he would deliberately hurt me - but i know there’s something so much more deeper and this may just be top level conversation so I told him I forgive him. Since then I have asked him to see the doctor and get some help for his mental well being. He’s not ready and I’m not going to push him but I want to help him because this whole experience has proven to me he needs more in us, does anyone have advice on supporting a male partner who has just discovered it’s ok to feel and share emotions unconditionally?

Hereforsupport confused mother
  • replies: 12

Hi all, New poster here. Short story so to the point. I have a 2 year old son, I'm pregnant with number 2. My husband drinks weekly and its become apart of his routine. He will start early on a Friday afternoon and drink minimum 12 in one sitting. Th... View more

Hi all, New poster here. Short story so to the point. I have a 2 year old son, I'm pregnant with number 2. My husband drinks weekly and its become apart of his routine. He will start early on a Friday afternoon and drink minimum 12 in one sitting. This is every week without fail. He will buy a slab and finish it in that weekend. He is loyal and works. I believe he is also on the spectrum. For example tonight, we had a nice night out and we got home 9PM. He is straight on the beer, his excuse was "its a long weekend". There's always an excuse as to why he drinks. I'm becoming bitter, anti social, boring, unhappy and alone. I can't help it but it's how I am feeling. There is no intimacy since we found out about the baby and that is okay, but there is no kissing or touching. We don't do family day trips or family activities, getting my husband out of the house is a mission. Tonight was a family birthday dinner and he complained the whole day about it being "late" (6PM), he also said he was not going, he went and had a lovely time. We don't often have serious adult conversations as he gets bored fast and sits on his phone or laptop, we had a conversation tonight and it was amazing, I felt like things were good and how they were years ago, that I had my husband back. We get home and straight to the alcohol. I cried in the shower and went to bed alone again, alcohol is ruining my life, the person I married is becoming a monster and he can't see it because what he wants he must have/get. He doesn't care who he hurts along the way and I'm getting bored of it. It's not how I pictured my life and I'm starting to have the regret and I can't do anything about it, I can't move on my own as I have no job & kids, I'm stuck. I guess I am just needing to get it off my chest and some advice?

MissJ94 Single forever
  • replies: 1

Hi All, I've recently dived back into the dating world after taking a fair bit of time off to focus on myself. I had really high unrealistic expectations and i knew that at the time, it wasn't getting me anywhere. Now I've been talking to this one gu... View more

Hi All, I've recently dived back into the dating world after taking a fair bit of time off to focus on myself. I had really high unrealistic expectations and i knew that at the time, it wasn't getting me anywhere. Now I've been talking to this one guy, all day everyday, we always seem to have something to talk about. I'd love to meet up with him at some point but so afraid to ask him to plan something. I'm so afraid that he will see me in real life and not like what he sees. I'm so afraid of rejection it makes me sick to the stomach thinking about it. I've had body image issues for as long as I can remember. Since I was about 11 I've been overweight/obese. This year I'm going to have weight loss surgery to help me lose the weight because its been impossible(I have health conditions making it hard to lose weight with diet and exercise). I feel if I meet him before I have the surgery(october) he won't like me as much as if I had already had the surgery and was a little slimmer. Have no idea what to do about this because if feel if I dont meet him soon then he will eventually move on to someone who would actually plan to meet up... Help!

Lost27 Scared I dont love him anymore but love being with him
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I had a very big fight and he hurt me and now i feel weird. Is it normal to feel off after a big fight. I still want to be with him he makes me laugh, feel safe, and excepts me for me and love being with him but at the same time i st... View more

My boyfriend and I had a very big fight and he hurt me and now i feel weird. Is it normal to feel off after a big fight. I still want to be with him he makes me laugh, feel safe, and excepts me for me and love being with him but at the same time i still feel off. Like my feeling and somthing feels different. I'm hoping i just need adjusting back to normal. I'm scared I dont want to be with him anymore because i love being with him. But when i think of the future or marriage now it scares me. Where it didnt before.

Bondsie89 Depression, anxiety & a toxic break up
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, Much like alot of us here , I'm a bit lost and not sure where to turn to at this point. I've known for years i've had depression, generalised anxiety, and alot of OCD tendencies lately that I've attributed to stress. I'm going through a ... View more

Hi Everyone, Much like alot of us here , I'm a bit lost and not sure where to turn to at this point. I've known for years i've had depression, generalised anxiety, and alot of OCD tendencies lately that I've attributed to stress. I'm going through a really heinous break up, which is exacerbating all of the above. My ex was verbally abusive, mentally degrading, gaslighting and controlling. After 2 years of ups and downs, and one particularly unforgiveable fight where she smashed several house items, punched the walls, and put her fist through a photo of us - then told me it was because i made her mad, I decided to get my stuff and stay with my sister. The ex sent nearly 300 messages being abusive, telling me to leave, everyone hates me, im miserable, im not depressed i just thrive on pity ect I was too scared to lodge a police report because i wanted to handle it civilly , and we had just purchased a dog together and i knew she would hold it over my head and lever let me see my pup again. She wouldnt let me take the dog. And now, because i refused to go to couples counselling with her because I have had enough, shes threatened to come and take my dog who is in my name, tried to embarrass me publicly by messaging friends and family telling them what she thinks about me, and has spent the last 4 hours sending further abusive and nasty messages. I dont respond to which she gets nastier and nastier. Im at the end of my rope. I'm sick of living in fear and worrying and feeling anxiety and sick when the phone rings or buzzes. I feel like im being over dramatic but i can't handle it anymore. Does anyone have any expertise to offer or tell me where I should have posted this? Thank you

Hiraeth24 Narcissism? love-bombing? feeling completely lost after years of failed relationships, trauma.
  • replies: 2

I am a lesbian & have had multiple unsuccessful relationships over the past few years After a traumatic 2.5 year relationship, 8 month late I met a girl who was 23 - I was 30, I usually date older. I was hesitant at first, she came across very mature... View more

I am a lesbian & have had multiple unsuccessful relationships over the past few years After a traumatic 2.5 year relationship, 8 month late I met a girl who was 23 - I was 30, I usually date older. I was hesitant at first, she came across very mature, we got on like a house on fire. 2 weeks later she asked me to be her gf, I was still not sure & told her this she responded "how do you know if you don't take the risk?” I have always been that person who would, so I agreed, but told her if I freaked out etc. to try be patient. We lasted 1.5 years, There were things that I didn't love that I just accepted, but I loved her, in mid/late 2020 my mum found out her SO of 10 years had been in an emotional affair, tried to attempt suicide, after this I shut down, I couldn’t be intimate with her,& whilst she tried to support me I knew this was a big issue for her. Before Xmas I came home after nightshift, she told me she no longer was in love with me & didn’t see a future with me, she up & left. I haven’t seen her since and was left to pack up all her things in my place. I was shell shocked. Naively about a month later I got on dating apps I was just seeking to be desired. I met a 38 year old who I connected with straight away. She said all the right things “She was too old for games and new exactly what she wanted, she had been there all before” we had an insane connection, she was really full on and very dominant and kept telling me to “keep up” but it was nice to be desired, within weeks she told me she was in love with me, saw a future with me, said if it wasn’t me it wasn’t anyone else, the 1st month was amazing, though I felt as soon as I developed some feelings she flipped. Would pick on me every discussion we had, felt like she didn’t like I had a voice, I had to practically beg for attention, & then it came out she said “I’ve completely back flipped 180, I don’t know why” I tried to piece every together, we continued to sleep together, but she wasn’t the same. There was red flags, I was just oblivious to them in my vulnerability. Last week, she blocks, deletes & erases me completely says I’m “too much” & that “people change” that she “never wants to hear from me again” whilst usually I can bounce back, I cannot shake this. I trusted her, I shared intimate details with her. I feel completely exposed. There are obviously more details to this which I’m happy to share further, just limited to words.

sebastiankyle LDR and a workplace crush
  • replies: 2

I have been in a long-term relationship for 5 years and things were going ok but there were many underlying issues. I didn't feel loved or appreciated, I felt like I was giving more than what I was receiving and there were significant intimacy issues... View more

I have been in a long-term relationship for 5 years and things were going ok but there were many underlying issues. I didn't feel loved or appreciated, I felt like I was giving more than what I was receiving and there were significant intimacy issues. I always wanted to bring it up but there was always something that was more important. My partner was always close to a breakdown. University, finances, burnout, work, family. I have always been the one supporting him so how could I add on to his stress tear down the only support that was keeping him together. Then COVID came around, my partner's father was dying and he had to leave the country. Cracks began to show and we grew more distant, my love language is physical touch and acts of service so an LDR was really pushing it. A year later I started work in a rural town and met a senior colleague at a dinner party. He was smart, funny, charming. I instantly had a crush. We became really good friends and hung out with the same group of colleagues. We even had similar names so people would occasionally mix us up from time to time because of the masks. We both loved movies so we used to watch movies together and banter over drinks. One night we had one too many drinks and passed out on the floor. I woke up holding him from behind and I pulled away, he woke up and we locked eyes. We gazed at each other for a long time before we both leaned in and kissed. Then suddenly we both stopped and confessed we were seeing someone. Turns out we were both in similar situations. Both in long-term relationships that were now an LDR and were not going very well. We decided to look past all that. For the next few months, we spent a lot of time together. He made me coffee in the mornings, I wrote letters every week and left them under his door at 1am so he'd find it in the morning. I had never been happier. When the time came for me to leave, I wrote him a long goodbye letter. In the end, I couldn't bear to leave and requested a contract extension under the pretense that I needed the money. He told me he had read the letter and he had feelings for me too. A couple of weeks later he left for Melbourne and wrote me a letter telling me how he felt. But his partner saw his letter and in 48 hours he dropped me. I understand that this was inevitable and I know we were in the wrong. But it doesn't hurt any less. It has been almost 2 months now, but I feel so lost, aimless, and broken. Everything hurts and I don't know what to do. Help