Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Lily123rose Feeling Lost - when someone can’t take no for an answer and let you move forward.
  • replies: 2

In 2019 I became friends with someone l and we became close very quickly. They wanted to be in a relationship with me, I wanted to be friends. They kept pushing the boundaries of friends. Constantly turning up to my house unannounced and contacting m... View more

In 2019 I became friends with someone l and we became close very quickly. They wanted to be in a relationship with me, I wanted to be friends. They kept pushing the boundaries of friends. Constantly turning up to my house unannounced and contacting me all the time. I told them that I wasn’t comfortable with this (t started to feel obsessive). The last time they turned up in 2019 I told them to leave and that I couldn’t be friends with them. I blocked their number and then on any social media. Sporadically they approach me, I ignore and I asking to please leave me alone. I have been followed to my car and listened to what they had to say recently. I have told them that they need to seek help and talk to someone that is not me. I was left shaking. I went home last week and looked into my options. I haven’t let others know but recently someone saw and told me that we needed to sort it out.... I am lost and confused as how can I sort it out? As someone who has requested space from someone else - whether it’s a female or male shouldn’t the other person move on respecting their wishes. It has been 2 years.. they haven’t threatened to physically hurt me but they emotionally continue to try and talk to me and watch me..I worry about them being obsessed with me.. and then thinking about me constantly. At this point I don’t know what to do anymore. Seeing as back in 2019 I recommend that he needed help and I cannot provide him with the help he needs and that as he couldn’t respect me than I will not talk to him or have anything to do with him until I was ready. No one probably had a clue how difficult he has made my life and I can’t handle this behaviour anymore. I am worried to be looked down on by others in the town I live. The person who witnessed the other day already made me feel like it’s a “he said she said” “deal with it” issue. I don’t know what to do but enough is enough. I can’t live and enjoy my life and I have no idea what to do.

CathyC Should I confront narcissistic parents?
  • replies: 1

A year ago I left my covert narcissistic husband. We have young kids. In the course of studying NPD, I came to understand (as many do) that my mother surely suffers from the same. I grew up with ZERO physical affection from my parents, have never hea... View more

A year ago I left my covert narcissistic husband. We have young kids. In the course of studying NPD, I came to understand (as many do) that my mother surely suffers from the same. I grew up with ZERO physical affection from my parents, have never heard them say they love me and without doubt my childhood was one of emotional neglect. I am on the fence as to whether my father has NPD or was just very selfish; I spent very little time with him growing up. Their reaction to me leaving my husband has been predictably disappointing. For example, my mother has lamented that she finds herself “stuck in the middle” and even wants to invite my ex to family gatherings (despite sufficient indication of the abuse I’d suffered). Confronting the fact that I have never received love from my parents has been truly debilitating. I’d previously always excused their behaviour by thinking that they love me, but just have a funny way of showing it. Now I've found out (they didn’t tell me and I don’t know if they know I know) that they have given both my siblings each a large deposit to buy property. It’s been quite some time and the same offer has not been made to me. Admittedly, I have my own money for a deposit, but this is due to the sacrifices I’ve made and the career I pursued over the years while my siblings enjoyed their lives without a thought for the future. It’s certainly not the first time my parents have helped them out. They’ve never helped me out. I’m now a single mum with almost full-time care of my kids and unemployed – that money would have taken a lot of stress away. Friends of mine think I should say something. But I don’t know – right now I’m feeling like I don’t want them in my life at all, although my kids would miss out on knowing their extended family. Also, I don’t see what I would gain from speaking to them, as I always end up being the one in the wrong (cue my mother’s eye rolls, called overreacting, oversensitive, etc). On the other hand, I’m not sure if I can continue to ‘fake it’ and carry on as though nothing has happened. It’s not really about them giving me money, it’s the unfairness at a time when I’m particularly vulnerable that hurts. I’d appreciate hearing any viewpoints, as right now I’m finding it very hard to function and I need to be there for my kids.

be_yourself I'm so angry at my husband all the time and feeling unhappy *TRIGGER WARNING*
  • replies: 7

I'm so annoyed with my husband when he uses his mobile phone or computer and do Facebook/ Instagram/ anything related to the social media. My point of view, he's so addicted to it. He just has to have his mobile phone next to him and can't stop touch... View more

I'm so annoyed with my husband when he uses his mobile phone or computer and do Facebook/ Instagram/ anything related to the social media. My point of view, he's so addicted to it. He just has to have his mobile phone next to him and can't stop touching it. We have three year old daughter and she usually has to call her dad more than 5 times to make him notice her. Another thing is he has very sweet tooth. He eats sweets all the time when he's home. I asked him not to eat in front of our daughter. But he just do it anyway. He eats chocolate, donut, chips, candy..... He's worse than two year old kids. He also eats very messy and he can't see it. Chocolate, and chips are always on the floor. And the last (for today), he says house work is women's job. He doesn't vacuum, mop, wash dishes, cook meals.... Not at all. He's messier than our three year old daughter. Oh one more thing, he doesn't know how to save money. He buys anything to our daughter. It's just so ridiculous to me. I've been telling him that small savings matter. Last 15 years, kept telling him to save money. Not happening even after having our baby. He's been always using credit card and now he tells me he has credit card debt that he struggle to paying back. We don't have a car. Still renting house... So I'm very angry at him.

Morning_sunshine Feeling devastated
  • replies: 8

I finally met a man I feel I can be completely myself around, who is caring, loving and thoughtful. He mentioned to me after five months of being together that he wanted a pre nuptial agreement before we moved in together. I was very hurt and felt in... View more

I finally met a man I feel I can be completely myself around, who is caring, loving and thoughtful. He mentioned to me after five months of being together that he wanted a pre nuptial agreement before we moved in together. I was very hurt and felt insulted by this request. He has a lot of debt from his last relationship and wanted to protect himself. I worked on this idea for five months and finally came around. When I saw the document, it was very one sided and this was confirmed by the lawyer I saw. My lawyer proposed some changes and my partner has recently indicated he will not budge. I have told my partner I am open to further negotiations; however, now it looks like he is shutting down on the relationship. I feel so confused and hurt and I can’t quite understand how he is not willing to negotiate any further. I feel like I’ve done so much work to get to this place of accepting a prenuptial and now that I have accepted and requested something that is a little more fair to me, he appears to have given up on us. He says I am the best girlfriend he has ever had and we bring each other so much happiness. I am really struggling to understand how we got to where we are. Am wondering if maybe I wasn’t understanding enough of his position? Am feeling so anxious and in shock as to where we are right now...

GrandEntrance Trusting partner again
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I caught my partner having sexual conversations with another woman online while I was 6 months pregnant with his baby. He fell to pieces when I confronted him, saying he was sorry & that he thought of it as a type of porn - he didn’t think of the oth... View more

I caught my partner having sexual conversations with another woman online while I was 6 months pregnant with his baby. He fell to pieces when I confronted him, saying he was sorry & that he thought of it as a type of porn - he didn’t think of the other person as real. I honestly wasn’t sure how to handle it at the time & have tried to move past it, but now I have constant anxiety that he’s doing it still & just better at hiding it (he works in IT so is far more educated about net usage than I am). I check his phone & computer history, which I know is wrong. But when I do find that he’s been watching porn, it makes me feel even more anxious that I’m not enough for him. I can’t stop worrying about it. He knows I still get anxious about it but we just don’t seem to make any progress...we’ve previously discussed counselling but haven’t since. I just don’t know how to trust him again, because I really want to

MartinW Recent diagnosis of Bi Polar
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Hi everyone I was recently diagnosed with Bi Polar. I feel so very low at the moment. I cannot work. I could not drag myself out of bed this morning. My wife is at the end of her tether with me. We have 2 beautiful boys together and a nice home and I... View more

Hi everyone I was recently diagnosed with Bi Polar. I feel so very low at the moment. I cannot work. I could not drag myself out of bed this morning. My wife is at the end of her tether with me. We have 2 beautiful boys together and a nice home and I should be happy I feel hopeless and don’t want to be a burden to my wife any more I have a referral to a mental health clinic but there is a 3-4 week waiting period. I cannot work let alone function as a family man at the moment. I would really appreciate any advice Thanks Martin

Louise13 The guilt of living apart from family
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Hi all, I’m needing some encouragement at the moment... from anyone who can help or who may be experiencing a similar situation to myself. I grew up in WA, all of my family and friends live there, but I moved to NSW with my partner in 2019 (his famil... View more

Hi all, I’m needing some encouragement at the moment... from anyone who can help or who may be experiencing a similar situation to myself. I grew up in WA, all of my family and friends live there, but I moved to NSW with my partner in 2019 (his family are in NSW). Because of COVID I’ve only just been able to come back to WA and visit my family after nearly 1.5 years. This has been incredibly hard for me, as I’m very close with my parents/sibling, and I feel heartbroken to see my nephews growing up so quickly and I feel like I am missing out on so much.. I’m feeling incredibly anxious about going back to NSW after my holiday in WA ends in 2 weeks. I feel guilty for leaving my family again, I’m scared that something will happen to them and I worry that I will regret having ever moved away. I’m particularly stressed about covid’s border closures with my grandparents being old, and am worried that if something were to happen to them that I may not be able to get home again. On top of this im finding it so hard to manage my time in WA. I feel there are so many people I should be catching up with, including my best friend. But I feel all I want to do is be with my parents, my brother and my nephews. I don’t want to disappoint others but I feel so anxious about spending time out with friends at the expense of precious time with my family who I have missed so so much.. I feel even more guilty complaining of this as I know so many other people have it worse off than me, like people with family overseas. But this is my experience and what I’m feeling. I feel so anxious, worried and sad about leaving again before I’ve even allowed myself time to enjoy being here... it’s making me question why I moved in the first place. But I am studying and hoping to get a new career, but it does make you question whether all of this “bettering yourself” is really worth it if you have to do it away from the people you love most..

Tonyl relationship advice needed Pre menopausal wife married couple in 40s
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Hi all i am chasing some genuine advice from people who have been in a similar situation. there is not a lot of reading and advice out there about Pre Menopause and how partners can cope with the side effects of this- my partner is in the early stage... View more

Hi all i am chasing some genuine advice from people who have been in a similar situation. there is not a lot of reading and advice out there about Pre Menopause and how partners can cope with the side effects of this- my partner is in the early stages we have both noticed the changes. massive mood swings, irritability, the infrequent periods- complete loss of sex drive etc- all the tell tail signs. As a husband i am trying to be supportive and loving as much as i can. However the aggression and snapping becomes too much sometimes, and i am generally struggling. i read a lot about how the divorce rates are the highest in this bracket. i can really understand the pressures , however i really dont want to end up another statistic. any advice would be helpful - id also love to hear your story's

doctorwho parents separating
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so I heard not long ago that my parents are separating, I was initially really upset about it and I am still a bit sad about it. the thing I don't understand though is that they have already both moved on so quickly, by that I mean trying to pursue s... View more

so I heard not long ago that my parents are separating, I was initially really upset about it and I am still a bit sad about it. the thing I don't understand though is that they have already both moved on so quickly, by that I mean trying to pursue something with other people. is this weird? I sort of found it weird? they are not even divorced yet. what do you think? would love to hear your thoughts below

FridayNext Does she love me anymore
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Hi everyone, This is a little weird for me as I've never done this before and it is a tad overwhelming but I feel I've got nowhere else to turn and I just need help.... I'm in a happy and loving marriage and have been for the past 10 years. Well that... View more

Hi everyone, This is a little weird for me as I've never done this before and it is a tad overwhelming but I feel I've got nowhere else to turn and I just need help.... I'm in a happy and loving marriage and have been for the past 10 years. Well that is until about 1 year ago when things just started to exist. Passing one another in the corridor and making room for the other but the affection and intimacy has gone. It's almost like being roommates. There's no animosity or dislike it's just like my wife and I share a room. I've tried taking about it but I'm usually met with the "tired" reasoning and put off conversations. Now I find cannot talk about it anymore. I'm told that it's just a phase and that there are others with bigger problems and that this should put things into perspective. I just exist and this is starting to eat away at me. I find myself thinking that it must be my fault, that I'm unlovable or even likeable. That I haven't tried enough. I haven't many friends. In fact I could honestly say there is only one. She has been a great support to me but now I'm very conscious that she needs to get on with her life and I don't want to bother her with my problems. I feel I'm becoming a burden to those around me. I'm becoming withdrawn. I'm either angry or sad or frustrated all the time. I've got no more supports and I'm starting to crumble. Colleagues at work are noticing, despite putting on a face of normality everyday. I'm tired. I don't sleep. I just need help. I'm losing hope. I'm just losing and can't see a way out