Relationship and family issues

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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

awfulpers0n No One Knows How I Really Treat My Partner
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This evening I called my partner of 14 years names when I found she had a plan to potentially commit suicide yesterday. No normal person would get angry at their partner being suicidal and call them names when they are feeling at their lowest. I shou... View more

This evening I called my partner of 14 years names when I found she had a plan to potentially commit suicide yesterday. No normal person would get angry at their partner being suicidal and call them names when they are feeling at their lowest. I should have been caring and understanding. I am an awful narcissist who took her from one bad family situation and brought her into another one. I have never looked after her properly in our time together and everything I have done to help her has been begged for by her. We had a fight yesterday because I stopped doing something that I promised her I would do everyday to make myself better. I lied and did not tell her about this. I then acted like a victim and made her feel trapped and suicidal as she has no one else but me. I am writing this because I don't have anyone around me that knows what I am really like. The thought of messaging or telling a friend or work colleague fills me with so much shame and anxiety. I don't know how to fix this or myself, I know I want to be with my partner and that they deserve someone so much better than me. The thought of losing them should have been motivation for me to change years ago. I really am an awful person that doesn't deserve to have someone as caring and loving as my partner has been. I need serious help to fix myself.

Sallyanne2 Things aren’t looking good
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Last year my husband let me know he wasn’t happy in this relationship and possibly wanted out. We’ll just over 12 mths on it doesn’t seem to be any better. He has financially abused me all of our married life which makes me feel worthless, unapprecia... View more

Last year my husband let me know he wasn’t happy in this relationship and possibly wanted out. We’ll just over 12 mths on it doesn’t seem to be any better. He has financially abused me all of our married life which makes me feel worthless, unappreciated, undeserving and not equal in this relationship. I haven’t worked since having kids, they are grown and left home now. He has been the sole supporter and he has always controlled the money. Long story short I have to account for everything I want or spend. I’m in a position to now buy my mothers small place which is big enough for me but I’m unsure if the social security payment would be enough for me to live on and pay the bills. We would have to sell our house but I have have money left from my mum after she passed so that’s how I can afford to buy it from my siblings. I wouldn’t have any cash left but was wondering if I could live on social security payment till I was retirement age. I’m 59 now. Is it enough to get me through. Just needing some advice.

Flower1990 Feeling lost - can't seem to move on from this hurtful and painful relationship
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Hi, I just need to get this out so I can try to put this relationship behind me + move on. Today, I have been feeling really lost + upset. Background history: This was the first guy I was in a relationship with since my divorce (ended due to infideli... View more

Hi, I just need to get this out so I can try to put this relationship behind me + move on. Today, I have been feeling really lost + upset. Background history: This was the first guy I was in a relationship with since my divorce (ended due to infidelity). At the start, everything was amazing + I fell in love with him pretty fast even though I was hesitant given what had happened in my previous relationship. I was with this new guy for about a year roughly when he cheated on me (apparently just kissed another girl) during an arranged meet up. He ended things with me as we were not in a good place at the time then ended up in a relationship with the girl he cheated with. At the time, we had been up + down a lot and I wasn't happy with how the relationship was going either. He presented with some narcissistic tendencies + made me feel sad a lot. He wanted to be back with me after a few weeks but I was hesitant ofcourse, so he went back and forth between us. When she fell pregnant (not planned) , he was devastated because he said he wanted that with me, and it has been an up and down rollercoaster ever since. I still wanted to be with him but was so heartbroken that she was pregnant. I went back + forth between urging him to be with her to make it work + then still wanting him to be with me. It was all just a big mess/lots of lies.He claims to have always wanted to be with me and still does now but he just messed it all up. I tried to be with him again but felt I could never just forget about the past + move forward to be with him in the way I would want to be with someone. There would always be trust issues. We stopped talking a few days ago so we can move on.I just have all of these feelings of guilt, shame, jealousy, sadness, loneliness, go from hating him to missing him, to feeling bad for the other woman. He said that he isn't going to be involved with the child or her at all but he has said those things before + has done the opposite. I feel like going back to her will always be an option now because they have this child. Even writing this all down seems crazy.I still can't believe it all happened.I am just having a bad day + feel sad with everything that's happened.I wish I made different choices + wish that I can just put it all behind me + feel indifferent. This has been going on over the last year + a half or so since we initially broke up.The child is now about 7 months old.He also has another child who is 8 years old to another woman previously.

Abbie121 Loneliness and not connecting
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Hi everyone I find myself both isolating myself from people and at the same time desperately wanting to see people - a strange and sad contradiction. I live alone and don’t have many close connections. When I see certain family members I feel we’re n... View more

Hi everyone I find myself both isolating myself from people and at the same time desperately wanting to see people - a strange and sad contradiction. I live alone and don’t have many close connections. When I see certain family members I feel we’re not on the same wavelength anymore and don’t have the same level of enjoyment I used to with them. I think I bore them and they think I’m weird. Same with some friends who don’t contact me anymore. I try to engage in self care activities and nice things but I’m sick of doing everything alone, especially at this time of year when everyone is together and doing fun things. Hoping I can pull myself out of this hole soon.

Annaliana I think my BF is mentally ill or abusive
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So I'm female and in my mids 20s. My BF was in his late 20s and I was 19 when we met, we've been together since then. We met through a social group. I have an abusive family so we moved in together within a few months so I could get away from them. A... View more

So I'm female and in my mids 20s. My BF was in his late 20s and I was 19 when we met, we've been together since then. We met through a social group. I have an abusive family so we moved in together within a few months so I could get away from them. As time when I started noticing disturbing behaviour very slowly develop from him. He was chronically late tp everything, friends parties, weddings, funerals, our own dates, coming home from work pretty much everuthing. If we were together I'd have to try and bother him to be on time, but we'd always be late and it was embarassing. His moods started to become crazy, he loved me one minute, hated me another and had a baseline level of irritation all the time. Eventually he started taking it out on me a bit, yelling at me for the smallest things and treating me kind of badly. He started to get very indecisive and not know what he wanted anymore. If we went out, he'd complain that he wanted to be at home relaxing. If we were at home relaxing, he'd complain he wanted to be out. Movies and TV that he loved before, he suddenly hated and the opposite, but wouldn't admit that it had happened and would convince me he always loved/hated it. He started telling me he was empty inside and he didn't know if he wanted to be with me anymore, but that would change the next day. After a few years he developed anger issues, even tried to join a fight one time and started punching walls, doors and throwing things. He started to have delusions about how everyone hated him, found him ugly and that people purposely avoided touching him when giving him change and that they made faces of disgust. All his friends only were friends with him out of pity. He started to become very aggressive and do dangerous things, like sleeping outside, leaving the house without telling anyone without his wallet, keys or phone and driving super recklessly. Sometimes he wouldn't come home and I'd have to ask people where he was. He seemed constantly depressed and miserable. We fought all the time for hours over these things. I put my foot down and said he needed therapy and that I'm moving out. He agreed to go and I moved out to save my own mental health. He went for a bit, but it became less and now he's not going. He had a pretty bad childhood, with an extremely overbearing mentally ill mother and alcoholic father. I think he's severely mentally ill. I am still moves out and don't know ehat to do, he denies that there is anything wrong. Help!

Jozel Cheating husband what to do?
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I just discovered my husband is having an affair with another woman. He is seeing her about 3 times a week, probably for the past 3 months. He uses overtime work excuses each time. It hurts as he is not only cheating on me but also our two teenager c... View more

I just discovered my husband is having an affair with another woman. He is seeing her about 3 times a week, probably for the past 3 months. He uses overtime work excuses each time. It hurts as he is not only cheating on me but also our two teenager children. Due to pandemic, us three often just stay at home during school holiday while he is out having affair. I felt like telling him condom doesn't protect him from Covid!! Things were not rosy before this discovery anyway. Now I can't trust anything he says. I haven't confronted him yet, not sure I will or how. is there a counselling service for me to work through things first? can someone give some recommendations?

PsychedelicFur Still Grieving Over The Abuse
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Hello there, I left my very psychologically abusive ex partner a little over ten months ago. I have days, like today where I’m still grieving and feeling extremely emotionally drained. Why do these things still affect so badly? Those words, even afte... View more

Hello there, I left my very psychologically abusive ex partner a little over ten months ago. I have days, like today where I’m still grieving and feeling extremely emotionally drained. Why do these things still affect so badly? Those words, even after ten months still cut me very deeply. My partner would comment on my appearance by saying I need to lose weight and then rate my looks out of ten. And say “oh well, your looks don’t really matter.” He even triangulated me and compared me to other girls. Saying ; “If it were between you and her.. I would pick her any day over you!” He would also say things like : “It’s you that’s the problem. I can deal with my emotions. Maybe you need to realise that you are a horrible person and you need to learn that the hard way. By losing someone close to you in your life. I can’t deal with your anxiety anymore.” “You are far too sensitive.” “If you weren’t so anxious then I would never have said that to you. You make me react that way with your behaviour.” And... “You are pathetic. You are so immature, GROW UP! I’m not going to parent you. I’m getting to a point where I don’t want to speak anymore. If you can’t deal with the stress of this relationship then good-luck getting any type of job in your dream pathway.” I’m still traumatised from those experiences. Even though I am out of the relationship ... I still very much feel a sense of brokenness, confusion and devastation. This was my first ever proper relationship. I remember him shouting at me in the botanical gardens in the city after we had an argument near the art gallery. I remember how my heart was palpitating. And I also remember how I was shaking, crying and hyperventilating uncontrollably as he stood there yelling at me - “YOU ARE SO IMMATURE! GROW UP!” PF.

Indie2222 Jealousy
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Hi, my relationship of 5 years ended about 5 months ago. Due to circumstances we have agreed to remain friends and live together in seperate rooms. I still love my ex dearly and want the best for him. We just weren’t compatible in a lot of ways and b... View more

Hi, my relationship of 5 years ended about 5 months ago. Due to circumstances we have agreed to remain friends and live together in seperate rooms. I still love my ex dearly and want the best for him. We just weren’t compatible in a lot of ways and both agreed we are better as friends. I have started seeing someone new as has my ex. I have been experiencing irrational jealousy that this new person has replaced me and going through the grief of our relationship all over again. I can’t stop my spiralling thoughts and have said some things I deeply regret. I truly want my ex to find happiness, however how do I stop my feelings of jealousy? During our relationship there were never jealousy issues from either end which is why I’m struggling to understand it now. Thanks for reading.

jollydolly Any advice on dealing with black and white thinkers?
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Hi all, I hope everyone is ok (even though you're here with me on this forum!) I'm keen for some strategies for dealing with (maybe combating?) a very rigid, black and white thinker. Fear of putting my daughter into poverty and shame over my financia... View more

Hi all, I hope everyone is ok (even though you're here with me on this forum!) I'm keen for some strategies for dealing with (maybe combating?) a very rigid, black and white thinker. Fear of putting my daughter into poverty and shame over my financial situation is keeping me in a 2BR apartment with my estranged partner for now. For him, everything is my fault and he is very black and white. How does one deal with these people best? Do I just use cold reason, hide emotion; I can't completely ice him out because I won't have that level of toxicity for our vulnerable five-year-old, and he rejects empathy; like literally says "I don't want empathy". If you have any hot tips, please share!

PsychedelicFur Contemplating if I should join online dating
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Hello there, it's PsychedelicFur here. I have been single for eleven months. I still want to find myself. However, I am seriously thinking about joining an online dating app/website. Only because I want to gain more confidence and knowledge around go... View more

Hello there, it's PsychedelicFur here. I have been single for eleven months. I still want to find myself. However, I am seriously thinking about joining an online dating app/website. Only because I want to gain more confidence and knowledge around going on dates and speaking to the opposite (or same gender) in a romantic sense. I feel like it would bring me out of my shell. Although, I have heard so many horror stories about online dating too. And I have high functioning autism and I am trying to find dating apps that cater for people who are on the spectrum. Does anyone have any tips? Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, PF.