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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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white knight Family obligations- tolerating toxicity
  • replies: 9

All families differ. With some families and particularly when we are teens or young adults, we tend to view family as a obligation, a mandatory requirement, to get along, the persevere with them or "my world will fall apart" or "I'll hurt them" or "I... View more

All families differ. With some families and particularly when we are teens or young adults, we tend to view family as a obligation, a mandatory requirement, to get along, the persevere with them or "my world will fall apart" or "I'll hurt them" or "I'll be alone". For others that dont have this level of anxiety about family incompatibility, we can treat those abrasive family members in other ways am be content- anywhere form ceasing all contact to keeping them at arms length. The real problem escalates when the relationship becomes toxic. What is "toxic"- very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. Toxicity can be temporary which is ok to take time to find remedy. Remedy can be possible as people/situation change. Over time people develop, have kids, gain maturity, have regrets and so on so there is merit in considering if the situation is workable down the track. With toxic people (to you) when it goes on for decades and has no measurable reduction in behaviour, if that relationship is still affecting your happiness then it could be beneficial in some decision making. Such decisions have various levels of action. For some it can be best to drift away without letting that person know and this has many advantages - you can still attend major family gatherings like xmas, kids birthdays etc and avoid the person. Major family developments mean you can still talk. This might seem the mature thing to do and some people claim that but for sensitive people or those that dwell on past poor experiences, it isnt always possible. Severing all contact can be the ultimate escape for some of us victims. I did it with my mother and a few friends that I found to be intolerable. Forgiveness is a great quality but self preservation is logical and can make life more calm and less controversial. What do you think about tolerating toxic family members? What action have you taken and are you happy with how it turned out? TonyWK

Homesteady Foster Struggles
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have been foster carers for 2 years, we are young (under 30) and are still yet to have kids of our own, we've had great results with our previous long term care situation (17 yo boy) and all of our respite kids love it here, everyone ha... View more

My wife and I have been foster carers for 2 years, we are young (under 30) and are still yet to have kids of our own, we've had great results with our previous long term care situation (17 yo boy) and all of our respite kids love it here, everyone has come back after their initial stay, and we've maintained a relationship with young man that left our care. My wife and I agreed that we wouldn't do long term care again for awhile after the young man left as we needed time to grieve after losing a twin pregnancy 5 months ago. Then the agency contacted us they were desperate to place 2 children as one of them had broken down 2 placements previously and they needed a place immediately, although we were reluctant we were made to feel guilty about their situation and so about two months ago a 1yo (girl) and a 5yo (boy) came into our care just as the holiday season started and day-care services were shutdown due to covid, the boys behaviours weren't adequately disclosed and we were with both children 24/7 for nearly 5 weeks (primarily me), the agency provided no respite or assistance and we'd been struggling to cope with his behaviours, he was very violent towards his sister (Previous carers had lots of space to keep them separated and other older children to distract him), mostly incontinent (And a poo painter), bites, spits, wanders out of the house in the morning at 5am, trashes the living room before people get up in the morning ect. His behaviours (Violence mostly) and our small home where the children could not be separated and his needs requiring 24/7 attention causing his sisters attention needs to go unmet (Wife is at work during the day) lead to the services deciding that he needed to be homed away from his sister as to not impart his trauma on her, we were told that the 1yo would remain in our care due to the attachment she had formed. Yesterday we informed that shortly after the 5yo has been rehomed they will also be rehoming the 1yo to a family that has 2 more of her siblings and 3 of their own kids, we were told that sibling relationships supersede everything else even though the services psychologist has stated breaking down another attachment would be detrimental to the child. Apart from own frustration and anger towards the situation my wife is inconsolable, this has compounded her grief over our previous loss to the point that I am concerned for her wellbeing.

Tokyo The Daily Stress
  • replies: 6

My partner works i wake up with him every morning get his stuff ready for the day, some mornings he just raises his voice and speaks to me with abuse and all im trying to do is help him. He will accuse me for doing something that i never did. He will... View more

My partner works i wake up with him every morning get his stuff ready for the day, some mornings he just raises his voice and speaks to me with abuse and all im trying to do is help him. He will accuse me for doing something that i never did. He will assume. He is never wrong he is always right. He will say his ODC but im the only one that cleans, he will come home from work and chuck his stuff on the floor and then yells at me for tyding it up. I have to pay all bills, while he just buys unessesary rubbish and $100 food shopping and i cant go food shopping for the week because he thinks we will survive with $100 worth of groceries. So ill say he controls my money aswell. I always listen when his speaking but not when his speaking to me with tone also abuse. But when i speak he just brushes it off or doesnt listen at. I dont feel confortable conversating with him so ill keep my words minimal, Sometimes i wouldnt know how to respond to what he has said to me so ill just try my best to. He gets very fustrated easy and ill just turn into an arguement. I feel like i dont even have a place in this relationship anymore.

Jay89 I can’t forgive myself for things I have done in the past
  • replies: 4

Hello to anyone who reads this, I hope everyone is okay. Back in 2016 I left my future wife for someone else who I’m no longer with. Since then my life has been somewhat a demolition in my own mind. We had everything we could want in a relationship w... View more

Hello to anyone who reads this, I hope everyone is okay. Back in 2016 I left my future wife for someone else who I’m no longer with. Since then my life has been somewhat a demolition in my own mind. We had everything we could want in a relationship we shared some amazing memories overseas and here in Aus. She was originally from England and we did 1 year long distance which I really enjoyed being able to Skype with her everyday and learn what love was about without physical interaction. My whole family loved her as she had a warm homely feeling about her. She was a very unique person. It’s now 6 years since we broke up and I’m still feeling terrible and I haven’t been able to love someone as much as I did her. Every time I meet someone new now that could potentially be a partner I stop myself because I don’t feel I deserve anyone because of what happened in the past. I feel disgusting as a human being and feel now that nothing means anything to me. I’ve always had issues growing up with low self esteem and anxiety and now it just keeps getting worse. Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation or could help me?

Scared_and_Confused Anxiety and Depression in Relationship - Love or Not?
  • replies: 94

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 9 months. The first few weeks of getting together I can only describe as bliss, and I was the happiest I had felt in a long time. I would get excited to see him. I couldn't stop smiling and everything t... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 9 months. The first few weeks of getting together I can only describe as bliss, and I was the happiest I had felt in a long time. I would get excited to see him. I couldn't stop smiling and everything that comes with being in a new relationship you really like and begin to really love.After the first two weeks of officially getting together though, something happened. I was at work one day and in the morning I thought that I was really falling in love with him and it made me very happy to think. However later that day when things were quiet I started to question: "Is this really what love is?" "Is this love or lust?" "Is it wrong to think like this?" Then I couldn't get these questions off my mind. I resorted to Google at the time and read horrible things like 'If you're questioning love then you're not in love.' and I started to freak out. I started to talk to my Mum and she's been helping me through it all but nothing she says really sinks in, and I still have these thoughts and question why I am having these thoughts. For the first month I woke up early mornings and unable to sleep. I was somehow able to get through this in time.My boyfriend knew something was up and he has been my rock and trying his best to support me through this too. However up until recently he said he cannot cope anymore because nothing is sinking in. I'm now really struggling with my thoughts. I'm waking up in the morning feeling sick again like I did a long time ago and it immediately makes me think about the relationship. My palms are always sweaty and my head is always feeling fuzzy. I have thoughts racing through my head every single day and I am always tired. I am on medication.I'm upset and I can't relax and I cannot just accept that everything in my mind is anxiety. I keep trying but unable to switch off. I have been told by my councilor that I have sever anxiety (with ODC tendencies), and by my psych that I have Depression and going through something called anhedonia. My thoughts recently that I have to break up with him have been in my head and it's making me panic and cry all the time. My chest hurts, I cant breathe and sometimes feel like throwing up. I cant concentrate at work and have no motivation to do anything I used to enjoy doing.

AW-1972 I feel distant from my friends.
  • replies: 3

This is my first time posting on here. I feel distant from friends and family, all of my friends don't talk to me and the ones that do just hang up after 15 minutes. I feel sad about it all. I try to keep in touch with my best friend, but High School... View more

This is my first time posting on here. I feel distant from friends and family, all of my friends don't talk to me and the ones that do just hang up after 15 minutes. I feel sad about it all. I try to keep in touch with my best friend, but High School has made him no longer talk to me as much. I am not sure how to explain my feelings atm.

iceamarello Anxious cause of Silent Treatment??
  • replies: 12

My boyfriend of 6 months and I had our first fight during Christmas which involves Covid tolerances. He then disappeared, ignored my texts for 6 days until I ask him to break the silence and he told me that he was in a difficult position between choo... View more

My boyfriend of 6 months and I had our first fight during Christmas which involves Covid tolerances. He then disappeared, ignored my texts for 6 days until I ask him to break the silence and he told me that he was in a difficult position between choosing to spend Christmas with me vs. protecting his family from getting any unwanted exposures. I apologised. He went a bit distant after, he doesn't text me as often, he delayed his responses for over a day and he doesn't seem affectionate and ignores all questions about how he feels which made me anxious. I feel like we still need to go through what happened and I just wanted to settle unsettling things with him/resolve the issue or at least hear me out. I sent a message to ask to see him face to face (we live an hour away) and to chat under covid safe rules. He ignored me again. I am getting really anxious for not getting answers. Is this normal for me? I am at lost as to how I can reach him. Is this a Silent Treatment? or is this just "leave me alone, I need more space on my feelings" type of scenario? What can I do to settle myself down? Ive spoken to my closest friends and family but I can't seem to get my mind off it. Any advices?

Dad_who_doesnt_know_what_ Father, Grandfather needs needs advice quick!
  • replies: 8

Ive been scouring the internet for any advice I can get. I'm the father of a 22 year old who suffers anxiety and depression and is possibly ADHD. She is the mother of two kids, 4 and 2 and lives with her partner and has done for just over four years ... View more

Ive been scouring the internet for any advice I can get. I'm the father of a 22 year old who suffers anxiety and depression and is possibly ADHD. She is the mother of two kids, 4 and 2 and lives with her partner and has done for just over four years in a tiny 2 bed unit. She told me today that she's at the end, Suicide is her answer. I listened to her and she is a very mixed up kid. I offered to help her with a psych and pay for everything, or she can do it all and ill pay the bill, anything so she gets help sooner rather than later. How do I get her to start looking after her mental health? I wrote an absolute novel to describe the whole situation but it wouldn't allow me to post. Basically my daughter has done and is doing everything she can to make life more difficult for herself, she's always smoking weed, today I saw my grandkids in a pair of undies and singlet and nappy between them with everything else unwashed with dirty nappies thrown in the dirty clothes pile, the house looked like a slum. The kids never leave the house due to my daughters anxiety and social phobias. it makes me want to cry! I don't say anything out of basic fear that she'll stop speaking to me and then I'll never know how my grandkids are doing. I offer to help with anything and everything, I give her cash as her partners out of work and broke, they have his 12 year old sister living with them due to more disturbing concerns. what do I do?

Sean_M2 First time posting here - Struggling with Relationship/Loss/Life Changes.
  • replies: 6

Hi Everyone, This is my first time posting on here, I am 34 years old, I have had depression/anxiety for just over 3 years now. It came on after a break up with my previous girlfriend, we had been together for almost 9 years. I found myself in a horr... View more

Hi Everyone, This is my first time posting on here, I am 34 years old, I have had depression/anxiety for just over 3 years now. It came on after a break up with my previous girlfriend, we had been together for almost 9 years. I found myself in a horrendous cycle of anxiety & depression when she wanted to move back home to Spain. I loved her more than anything, but was caught up in a cycle of thinking about the future. I agreed to move to Spain with her, but she wanted to stay in Australia longer. I was on the merry-go-round of anxiety and depression, I would break up with her because the anxiety was too much, then I would get back together with her because i missed her so much. This went on for 8 months and it drove me into the biggest big hole of depression. Eventually i couldn't take it anymore and i went to Europe to escape the torture I was going through. While in the UK I met somebody else, we started spending time together, i laughed and felt joy for the first time in so long. We travelled together continuing the relationship, however my mind was still very unsettled at this stage, I wanted to pursue the relationship, however I still had mixed feelings about everything. We ended up getting separated when Australia closed its boarders. The Government wouldn't allow her to come and wouldn't allow me to leave. just as her visa was about to get approved, they would push it out longer, and longer again with no indication of when she would be allowed in. This was extremely an stressful situation, we were reunited 14 months later. She is now 5 months pregnant with the baby due at the beginning of June. Unfortunately I am still facing major depressive episodes, many times i don't feel anything, I have no positive feelings about the future, suicidal thoughts running around my head. I have tried anti depressants, which don't really seem to do anything. She doesn't have any family or friends here, I try to support her the best I can, but a lot of the time I just cry non stop as the depression is so heavy. i know it is starting to effect her and all the stress can't be good for the baby. I resigned from my job last week after spending 9 years with the same company. I just couldn't go on any longer. Right now I am just focusing on myself doing meditation and exercise everyday, however I feel hopeless most of the time, I just want to get my happiness back so I can be a good partner and father to my child. Advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Sean

idkwot2do My wife left me, my kids are hurting and I’m Lost
  • replies: 5

Yesterday my wife said she was taking the kids ‘out for a bit’. An hour and a half later I get a text saying ‘there’s a letter for you in the study’. The letter said she was leaving me and she will have told the kids by the time I read it. my immedia... View more

Yesterday my wife said she was taking the kids ‘out for a bit’. An hour and a half later I get a text saying ‘there’s a letter for you in the study’. The letter said she was leaving me and she will have told the kids by the time I read it. my immediate reaction was to call and to know where my children were, I could hear them crying in the background and it sounded outside so I started driving around hoping to find them. Eventually she called me saying she was dropping the kids back. She dropped them at the end of the street and they ran crying back to the house. my Son is 9yo and trying to bottle it in my daughter is 14 and just feels abandoned. I can’t even begin to process my pain when my children are hurting so much. My daughter begs me to fix it and make mum come back she doesn’t understand my wife has no interest in fixing things. Does anyone have any experience in how to help children through this. We haven’t slept we just pace around randomly bursting into tears but unable to help each other