Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mrslaura311 Wife of a very depressed man
  • replies: 12

Hi everyone, This will be long but I do really need some support and advice. My husband came home from doing 6 weeks away at work and told me he doesn’t love me. I was due to have our 4th planned baby the next week. I was completely shocked! I knew h... View more

Hi everyone, This will be long but I do really need some support and advice. My husband came home from doing 6 weeks away at work and told me he doesn’t love me. I was due to have our 4th planned baby the next week. I was completely shocked! I knew he had been unhappy for about 6 months but he had been working months at a time with only a few days break. And I didn’t think it was me personally, just the lifestyle. To me this was so he could have time off when baby arrived with no money stress. I am a busy stay at home mum and didn’t really think about how this was affecting him or me. He told me he has been working so much to stay away from the home cause it’s unhappy. Is he saying that because he’s had to hide this depression and work has been the only place he can do that? He can’t tell me why he doesn’t love me, nothing significant has happened. He has now seen a psychiatrist and been diagnosed with severe depression. I do not believe he doesn’t love me he just doesn’t know how to feel right now. We are now living as separated but it feels like he wants to be in our home. We are still doing things together and he came to the birth of our baby. I don’t know how to handle it, I still love and care about him but every time I talk to him I feel like he thinks I’m trying to force our relationship. How do I handle him at this very sensitive time. He has also agreed to see a marriage/ relationship councillor or is this something his physiatrist will bring into his sessions? I don’t really know what I’m asking, just hoping someone has suggestions on how to speak to him or what I can do to help. Thanks for reading

MissJ94 Hard Decisions
  • replies: 6

My son and i currently live about a 10minute drive away from my mum. Ive been wanting to move a little closer to my mum not only because it helps when my son is at my mums while i work but also because i want to be within walking distance to his scho... View more

My son and i currently live about a 10minute drive away from my mum. Ive been wanting to move a little closer to my mum not only because it helps when my son is at my mums while i work but also because i want to be within walking distance to his school, also for convenience. So now i have the opportunity to move into my sisters place while she and her family move in with my mum so they can save for a house. I refused to move back in with mum because our personalities clash severely when around each other all the time. Were better people when not living together. Moving into my sisters place will mean were within walking distance to my mums and also my sons school so its very tempting. And although my mum has said she will be able to help me out with the rent, which is $50 more per week than what im paying now, im just not sure. All things point to "yes this would be a great option for now i should just go for it". But im just so cautious with absolutely everything, i feel like something bad will happen in no matter what situation and its lead me to absolutely hate making decisions. So i guess im asking for some advice from someone thats not me or my mum. Should i just go for it? I dont really have any friends i can turn to for this sort of thing either so i feel like im stuck with my own thoughts!

Stance All starting to get too much.
  • replies: 3

So I've been having a few issues as of late with my family. Mum, sister and myself had a big argument a few weeks back resulting in my mum leaving a staying at their holiday place. I have sorted things out with my sister and we're back on good terms.... View more

So I've been having a few issues as of late with my family. Mum, sister and myself had a big argument a few weeks back resulting in my mum leaving a staying at their holiday place. I have sorted things out with my sister and we're back on good terms. Mum and sister still arent talking making things awkward for the family. Dad is upset, and keeps asking me to get my mother and sister talking (according to the family, im the only one that can get my mum to come around). This isnt the first time my sister has caused an argument. She has her own issues that she needs to deal with, but apparently after being tested for mental disorders a few years back, its all behavioural. I've been feeling a lot of pressure as ive been trying to speak to my mum but every time I do, she just cries and says she is done. She isnt happy about the fact im talking with my sister again. Dad is just upset and wants the family back together, which I can't seem to help with and its making me feel guilty. I've also got a husband and two boys, 3 and 1 (also 18 weeks pregnant). The boys are quite the handful, but I completely expected it being toddlers. My husband doesnt seem to handle them very well as gets angry / frustrated very easily. Over the weekend, after working 7 days straight, we were at my sisters having dinner. Eldest started to fall asleep so we knew we should get him dressed in his pjs and head home. He threw a tantrum and would get changed, started screaming and kept trying to take his pjs back off. This isnt exactly unusual and i just put it down to the fact that he was way overtired, hadnt napped that day. I was trying to dress him and didnt respond to his tantrum as i was exhausted myself so just got on with getting the job done. Husband came in, started yelling and swearing, tried to hold him down to dress him. I grabbed my son and ran to another room crying. Not the first time husband has lashed out when he is frustrated. We've spoken about it before but he just apologises and says he is trying. He's good for a few weeks then has another outburst, resulting in another argument. I'm not scared that he will ever hurt the kids or myself, just can handle the fights and emotional side of it all. I havent spoke to him since the incident but i hate fighting in front of the kids. I dont know what to do. Im just really sad at everything and want to burst out crying all the time. Also freaking out that all the stress isnt good for the baby. Any advice?

DeepBlueOceans Stuck on the edge of a needle
  • replies: 4

I'll try my best to cover all the key details as effectively as possible. I am a 23 year-old male that recently finished a three week hospital stay w/ ECT to alleviate treatment-resistant depression. Since I have returned home, I have noticed the fol... View more

I'll try my best to cover all the key details as effectively as possible. I am a 23 year-old male that recently finished a three week hospital stay w/ ECT to alleviate treatment-resistant depression. Since I have returned home, I have noticed the following: I have more understanding of what I want to achieve in my life and what I need to do to work towards the goals. I feel more assertive and can more clearly articulate how I'm feeling. I am more easily frustrated and quick to give up on things (usually this results in immediately jumping to self-harm or drastic measures). I pick up on things I don't like about my friends and family. Namely, pushy family members, lack of timely responses from friends when texting, time wasting, etc. I have started making short and long term goals for 2021 and planning what I want to spend my time doing to make a difference. I'm just very concerned because I don't think I'll even make it to the end of ECT course as self-harm no longer bothers me. As it currently stands, I have no regular psychologist and my next appointment with a new psychologist is scheduled for early June. The only thing that makes me happy day-to-day is to talk with people on social media and try to make people laugh. If I'm not texting other people and receiving compliments, interest, or engagement, I feel like lashing out because I see no value in my life. Because I'm so unstable, I'm not allowed to drive or drink any alcohol, and I work from home permanently because going out stresses me. Has anyone else experienced the feeling of being so jaded by life that self-harm just becomes incredibly easy? How do you find value in your life again such that being alone doesn't distract from goals and you learn to accept/love yourself and not derive all happiness from the words of friends/family? Would it be worthwhile to go back to the hospital?

goldilocks I am concerned about someone a care about
  • replies: 9

I think that the person I have been romantically attracted to for four years is too close with his ex-wife. They claim to be friends, but she is always at his house, for whatever reason. They have one child together, and I learned through Facebook th... View more

I think that the person I have been romantically attracted to for four years is too close with his ex-wife. They claim to be friends, but she is always at his house, for whatever reason. They have one child together, and I learned through Facebook that he apparently doesn't bother to see her, yet on the same token she's at his house every fortnight. So I don't know? I am concerned that they are getting back together. I feel bad about myself because I cant't compare to her, although this man has told me that "he has always liked me but has kept it from me." Yet action wise he cares more about his ex than he does about me. I hate myself. I wish things were different.

SkyReaper Verbal and physical, and mental abuse from my own son
  • replies: 1

Hi All I need help!! Mothersday 2019 my son re connected with his drug dependant father, we have had no contact for 11 years. Since that day he has openly told me he hates me for not staying with his dad, he verbally abuses me every chance he gets an... View more

Hi All I need help!! Mothersday 2019 my son re connected with his drug dependant father, we have had no contact for 11 years. Since that day he has openly told me he hates me for not staying with his dad, he verbally abuses me every chance he gets and I am to blame for every little thing. He is also on cocain and weed. We both have depression but lately he is getting more violent and angry. I have not spoke to him since mothersday 2019 because he has made it clear that I am to blame for his life. I am starting to get very scared because my other 2 kids and myself had been ignoring him but this year he has broke into my house and stole my personal belongings, my whole savings (he knew where I hid my money) he has chased his brother around in his car trying to scare him (my 2 younger sons have a disability) so explaining to them why he is doing what he is doing is so hard!! His dad also just got out of jail 2 weeks ago and things have really really flared up bad and I'm so scared that he or his dad will really try to hurt myself of my kids. They have threatened before to burn my house down of a night or run through my house with AK47's His father is also now a member of a gang and I'm just so scared of what's to come . . . So much so at the age of 34 I wrote out my Will yesterday as a last effort to try to make it so my other 2 kids don't 'have to have contact with him. In the past he has wrote off 2 of my cars with not as much as a sorry, being a single mum I have had to struggle to get these things and he just doesn't care, Now I'm on my own again no car, no life no help and a constant fear that he is really going to hurt us.

Selim How to deal with a situation where I’m second guessing someone and can’t move on?
  • replies: 3

Hi there, i have recently told a woman on LinkedIn that I have feelings for her even though I only know her from uni many 6-7 years ago and we have only ever talked a few times. She was a tutor in catch up class where we revised content from a uni co... View more

Hi there, i have recently told a woman on LinkedIn that I have feelings for her even though I only know her from uni many 6-7 years ago and we have only ever talked a few times. She was a tutor in catch up class where we revised content from a uni course. The year after I saw her a few times around the faculty and she always smiled at me which I took as her liking me romantically. At the time I was dealing with some other woman who broke my heart and this was a situation where I haven’t spoken much to her either but sometimes I develop really strong feelings for someone who I don’t know that well. I had the woman who I told I have feelings for on LinkedIn but deleted her and blocked her from my connections because she wasn’t responding. I blocked and unblocked her a few more times and in the meantime made myself look really foolish with what I wrote like I insisted she get an AVO against so I stop contacting her. I have a mental illness and contacting that other woman got me in trouble with police before. I don’t know what to do. I’m so forward thinking when it comes to relationships and don’t want it to ruin my life. On the other hand I’m so lonely that and I have been feeling that way for years that nothing really cheers me up. I’ve got issues everywhere in my life but these mental health professionals are simply not helping and are unreliable! I’m not getting anywhere in my life that it makes me feel so negative about myself. I’m sick being lecturerd about how important psychologists are. They are not in my opinion because they don’t fix any of my predicaments and I only recently experienced my 12th ish psychologist writing something unfavourable about me for a work health report. i don’t know what to do. I feel that my life isn’t worth anything at all.

Lady_Phoenix Struggles with both parents
  • replies: 6

Hi there, it’s taking me a lot to post this so here it goes. In the past six months, my mum has been going to therapy to help with her emotions. As at times she uses alcohol to cope. It’s not everyday, only during the night very rarely it had been ar... View more

Hi there, it’s taking me a lot to post this so here it goes. In the past six months, my mum has been going to therapy to help with her emotions. As at times she uses alcohol to cope. It’s not everyday, only during the night very rarely it had been around 6 months since her last drink until last week. The reason for her drinking is always by actions caused by Dad. He is selfish and only things of himself. He lacks empathy and understanding, particularly in terms of mental health. He also has severe anger issues. My parents have not lived together for sometime, however my dad thinks anytime my mum drinks he can come overs He only makes it worse. In her most recent incident, he came and he just starting yelling and yelling. Which isn’t the first time. My mum was left in a state of personal shock. I’m left feeling hurt for her and more so from my dad, he does not understand how I feel in the slightest. Yet he continues to message me about mum putting me the middle and making me more anxious. I’ve gotten over over the hurt from my mum and supporting her more than anything. My dad is not as simple, as if I say the wrong thing he will have a go at me regardless. I guess I’m at a loss of what I can to look after myself, while looking out for my mum too.

SingleMum123 Newly separated from husband
  • replies: 2

Hello, I've recently separated from my husband of 15 years and we have one child. It was a really difficult decision to make but necessary. He was choosing to spend much of his time alone and wanted a lot of things his own way. I felt like I didn't h... View more

Hello, I've recently separated from my husband of 15 years and we have one child. It was a really difficult decision to make but necessary. He was choosing to spend much of his time alone and wanted a lot of things his own way. I felt like I didn't have a voice in the relationship and felt very alone. I tried many times to get things back to how they were and even tried counselling with him, but it didn't work. He doesn't have any friends or interests outside the marriage or work. To add further pressure to the marriage, his sister bullied me and I never knew where I stood with his mother. She would sometimes be nice to me but other times she would just turn on me and be nasty. This went on for years after our child was born and my husband tried to resolve it, I tried to resolve it and together we would try to resolve it but it kept happening. All the stress made me very ill and I left my husband with our child and moved into a different house. Since I have left, I have had people in my family make me feel guilty for leaving. They see my inlaws as nice people who have been pleasant to them. They don't see how they treated me inside closed doors nor saw how my husband ignored me. He may be depressed but he refused help and I didn't know what else to do. I was doing most of the work and parenting before I left so things don't feel any different living in a different house. I am living alone but no longer feel lonely. When I try to talk to my family, they downplay how things were and make my troubles seem trivial. I don't know if I could go back to my husband. I can't go back to him out of obligation. I care about him but not love him in a way that I would want to in a good marriage. People see me as the "bad guy" for leaving the relationship but don't see how my husband checked out emotionally years ago. We hadn't had any intimacy for years and I felt like his housekeeper. Has anyone been through anything similar? I am seeing a counsellor but my next appointment is next week. Thanks, SingleMum123

Jacksh80 Lost and Confused after caught husband cheating
  • replies: 20

I'm currently so confused about what I need to do and just feel so lost. Caught my husband cheating on the weekend. Initially he denied it, didn't think it was cheating because nothing sexual happened, only a kiss. Eventually he admitted it was cheat... View more

I'm currently so confused about what I need to do and just feel so lost. Caught my husband cheating on the weekend. Initially he denied it, didn't think it was cheating because nothing sexual happened, only a kiss. Eventually he admitted it was cheating. I still think he is lying to me about certain parts of events and I'm not entirely convinced nothing sexual didn't happen. He has struggled with depression (suicidal 2.5 years ago), anger and alcohol abuse for many years after growing up in an abusive household. The alcohol intake has improved, he only drinks some weekends but will drink himself into an oblivion almost. He had arranged to catch up with an 'old friend' and her father two weeks ago while we are on holidays visiting our families and we were staying at his mother's house. Her father didn't go to the pub, and so it was just him and her. Prior to catching up with her he told me many times if I wasn't comfortable with him catching up with her to let him know and he wouldn't, but I trusted him and would not want him to resent me if I did say no, so I said nothing. I was late to pick him up and was left waiting for an hour in the car after being told he'd be out in 5 mins. I don't know how I know but I think I knew. On Saturday just gone he was supposed to catch up with friends - which he did- but he had also arranged to catch up with her after. he didn't get home until 2am and has been sleeping in a spare room due to back issues and our 3 year old who likes to share our bed. At home we do share a bed. I got up to go to the bathroom and I heard him sleep talking and he said "we shouldn't be doing this I'm married", I just knew. I checked his phone the next morning and found the messages, him telling her she was sexy, asking for photo's talking about how he can't stop thinking about her and the things they wanted to do. He is adamant nothing sexual happened beyond kissing as he felt guilty. He has always sworn he wouldn't never cheat and after 15 years together, this is the first time. I love him, I do want to work it out but I just don't know how. Maybe its still too raw, we have spoken and both agreed we would like to work it through, I have told him how hurt etc I was and I speak with my psychologist tomorrow - I suffer from anxiety and have had thoughts of leaving it all behind but not suicidal a few months back after work stresses, but i just don't know what i need to do. Think i really need to get it off my chest, thanks!