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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Mech Overwhelming - financial, disaster house, job, relationship and family
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I am 24 and although my problems aren't massive, there are so many that I can't wrap my head around it all and it's driving me insane. I feel like I've created most of these issues as well. Has anyone been in a similar situation? ... 1. ... View more

Hi everyone, I am 24 and although my problems aren't massive, there are so many that I can't wrap my head around it all and it's driving me insane. I feel like I've created most of these issues as well. Has anyone been in a similar situation? ... 1. My partner and I moved into our brand new house over Christmas 2020. the entire year it took and the last few months have been so stressful and exhausting. So many things went wrong and I spent hours every single day on the phone and in stores to keep things in check... We are now dealing with the possibility of our house having to be knocked down and rebuilt but it is all at a stand still currently and I'm struggling to find anyone who can help and support me through this... both professionally and emotionally. I feel like I pushed my partner to buy and build, and I chose the builder, so I feel like this is all my fault my relationship is so strained and my partners parents who haven't worked for a long time having been living with us only 10 weeks after we finally moved into our house... so they have been with us for a while... his grandmother is a controlling narcissist and has just 'told' us she wants his grandfather's ashes buried in our garden because she is also living from place to place... while all of this is going on. We have our spare room and personal robe full of stuff she dumped on us because she didn't want to carry it around. I have had to tell my father that he can not come to our wedding next year(which i feel i pushed my partner to agree to) as my mother and my family will disown me. We had a difficult childhood and I don't blame them. I'm not sure why I have gotten back in contact with him but that's a different story again.. I feel like I started wedding planning because everything else was crashing down around us and I wanted something exciting to happen. My mother isn't very supportive of the wedding and I think that's why. my work has moved me from a place I really enjoyed, to one I really hate, because I took a week off to deal with lawyers regarding our house and a bad flu.. I have gained 15kg over the last 12 months from stress eating. I am so unhappy with myself and my body because of this I try to eat healthy, I try breathing exercises, I try to self care with hobbies and spending time with my animals but nothing is working. Every time I take anti depression or anxiety pills I have bad adverse effects. I've hit a wall and I don't know how to go around it

Cath58 Estranged from Adult daughters since 2013
  • replies: 3

I have been estranged/cut off from my two daughters since 2013 after an emotional separation and divorce from their father. It was a difficult time for all of us. I thought long and hard before leaving their father and our marriage of 26 years. He wa... View more

I have been estranged/cut off from my two daughters since 2013 after an emotional separation and divorce from their father. It was a difficult time for all of us. I thought long and hard before leaving their father and our marriage of 26 years. He was an alcoholic/gambler with a lady 'friend'. The 'lady friend' was the last straw for me, as at times he did not come home. My daughters, at the time of my leaving, were 22 & 25 and living with their partners. I was an emotional mess and had a breakdown. I made many errors in the early days that I see now with the passing of time. Over the years I have attempted to reconcile through letters, but have been met with a cold wall of silence. My early letters were full of apologies, taking the blame etc.. and asking for them to talk to me and explain why they had cut me off with no forewarning or discussion. These letters I had to send via their grandmother (fathers mother) as I had/have no address for them, no phone numbers as they had/have blocked/changed numbers. Blocked me on all social media. Just wiped me completely. It is now 8 years and still nothing. The last few years I have sent a card for their birthdays with a simply message, nothing emotive. Things like 'let me know if you would like to have a coffee'. No long stories, no self pity, no trying to explain, nothing along those lines. I have heard through one of their cousins, that my daughters are not talking to each. It appears we have all gone separate ways. They have cut themselves off from all of my family as well, just the one cousin has contact with my eldest daughter - but little contact. My eldest married in Oct 2019 and apparently her father did not go and her and her sister had a fight the night before the wedding and she left during the night. Such a mess! I have done a lot of work with my psychologist and a lot of introspection. I have moved on with my life and now have a wonderful partner of 5 years and strong relationship. I concentrate on that these days. My question is, do I just leave them alone even if it means forever, or wait until them reach out to me? I feel I am in a loose/loose situation where if I don't try occasionally, they see it as me not caring, if I do try, then I am not respecting their 'boundaries'. Appreciate any insight others may be able to provide.

Fingerless Lost and angry
  • replies: 3

I had a thing with a girl for a little over 4 months when she decided it was to scary, the idea of a relationship that is, so we split but still hang in the same friend group, we both still have feeling for each other that shine through sometimes but... View more

I had a thing with a girl for a little over 4 months when she decided it was to scary, the idea of a relationship that is, so we split but still hang in the same friend group, we both still have feeling for each other that shine through sometimes but the other day she was flirting hard with another guy right in front of me and this guy was one of my new friends who wasn’t aware of what me and her had previously been, I sat there the whole night just having to watch it and hold back my tears, I had a breakdown as soon as I left that place, I feel betrayed and like I wasn’t good enough

Evvee Partners addiction
  • replies: 3

I don't know if it's over thinking or if I'm over reacting. My partner smokes a fair bit of weed. When we started going out he had stopped and it was for a good couple of months until one of his friends gave him a little bit for helping him. Since th... View more

I don't know if it's over thinking or if I'm over reacting. My partner smokes a fair bit of weed. When we started going out he had stopped and it was for a good couple of months until one of his friends gave him a little bit for helping him. Since then it hasn't stopped. We no longer go out for dinner, or lunch if we do his constantly on his phone or 'itching to get home'. Or he will go out stoned. I've made it clear more then once, I hate going out in public with him when his like that. I get this over whelming thoughts of an I not good enough to do this sober? Are you bored? Should I even bother? I've told him every now and then fine but everyday it's a joke. I get told all the time this is the last time I promise. I need to stop. I just need it cause I've had a hard day. I'm stressed. He won't tell me what his stressed about or if he does it's nothing that I can talk to him about bc he doesn't continue. His a different person. Quiet constantly on his phone. I can't touch him or anything. He doesn't drink as much as I do, but I don't do it every day. It's not something I want to do. I get told when we get home we will go for a walk a drive, we have plans for the weekend and there's always an excuse as to why we can't do it. I've told him more than once if your going to do it can yiu just tell me? The response I get it why do I need to tell you everything. He just brought me a pretty expensive promise ring. I felt over the moon like all my worries have disappeared. I got the whole I promise I will stop we will do this that and everything. But no. It's still going. I don't know what else to do. I feel like if you can't even promise to stop or at least slow down. Why are you promising me a future. He doesn't cheat go out and party which yea that's a great thing. But at the price of coming home everyday to nothing. It's hurting. His sister does it as well who we live with. I don't know how to approach it anymore. If I start I just get stop starting your shit. Or I'm coming crazy.

CBear12345 Relationship breaking down
  • replies: 3

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 9. We are having big issues in our relationship and he wants to separate. I have done things in the past I have lied and my jealousy gets in the way a lot. I handle those situations very badly, I ... View more

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married for 9. We are having big issues in our relationship and he wants to separate. I have done things in the past I have lied and my jealousy gets in the way a lot. I handle those situations very badly, I have apologised for these things but still brings them up every argument we have. He can’t get past it. But everything that is wrong in our relationship is my fault, he thinks I’m manipulative and a narcissist. He wants space so he has asked me to leave our family home but being in a remote town there is v limited options for other accommodation so resorting to having to live in a caravan. I feel so lost, stuck and alone I have no family support or many friends where we are. I’m not able to leave as he won’t let me take the kids away, on the same token I don’t want to take them away from their Dad. We can’t have a proper talk without it blowing up. I want to make this relationship work but he thinks this is not going to work as I keep doing the same stuff over and over. He has said he’s done and it’s over. I don’t know what to do. I am speaking to a counsellor to change the way I handle things that come up but he keeps saying it’s all to late. Any advice would be great.

Ali_s What can I say after I've asked a friend for too much help?
  • replies: 2

Hey, I've been struggling with depression lately and I have this friend who's been helping me through it by talking about my depression with me. but lately my mental health has declining and our relationship has been getting more and more intense and... View more

Hey, I've been struggling with depression lately and I have this friend who's been helping me through it by talking about my depression with me. but lately my mental health has declining and our relationship has been getting more and more intense and one sided with me and him talking about my issues several times a week. A few weeks ago a chat got really heavy and since then he seems like he's distancing himself from me. I know he's dealing with some mental health issues of his own and he wouldn't say it but I think he's pulling away because I've been asking too much of him. I've decided to try and reduce my dependency on him but I don't know what to say. I've talked to him openly about how I feel like a burden to the people aroubd me and I don't want to let him know he's really made me feel that way. I want to apologize and let him know I understand that I've been asking too much and not giving anything back lately but I also want to avoid making him feel guilty for pulling away. Any tips for apologising to someone you've asked too mich of?

confirmed08 afraid of losing relationship
  • replies: 9

my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months, but I still haven’t quite settled I guess is the best way to put it. This is my first relationship, she’s been in multiple previous, and so I’ve been quite critical of myself and continue to. I... View more

my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months, but I still haven’t quite settled I guess is the best way to put it. This is my first relationship, she’s been in multiple previous, and so I’ve been quite critical of myself and continue to. I’m constantly apologising for almost everything, and she seems to becoming more and more frustrated and less inclined to try and sort it as she has attempted to many times. I just pressure myself all the time to be perfect, but I mess things up and hate myself more and more for it. I feel this is beginning to derail our relationship, and the thought of that frightens and saddens me greatly. She tells me to just relax, to slow down, but being in year 12 and balancing a relationship I just can’t slow down, I don’t really get an opportunity to.

MM_Jack My dad is dying
  • replies: 5

And I'm in a different country. I have a toddler, and I'm on a casual contract for work so I have no paid leave. I can't afford to miss weeks of work and weeks of pay. It's upsetting that it feels like it comes down to money.

And I'm in a different country. I have a toddler, and I'm on a casual contract for work so I have no paid leave. I can't afford to miss weeks of work and weeks of pay. It's upsetting that it feels like it comes down to money.

Fleur10 The pain of two estranged children
  • replies: 6

I have 2 estranged daughters. The youngest one was always very closed. Relationship deteriorated in her twenties. Now she is in her forties. She has 3 children 7, 5, 2. I have only seen the children a couple of times a year, although she lives close ... View more

I have 2 estranged daughters. The youngest one was always very closed. Relationship deteriorated in her twenties. Now she is in her forties. She has 3 children 7, 5, 2. I have only seen the children a couple of times a year, although she lives close by. My e X has Aspergers. She seems like him. She seems to project her feelings onto me. My children use me as a scapegoat for everything. Tell me I was a bad mother. They generally put me down. I have sort of given up on her. Contact is too painful. My other daughter was very friendly when she had the first baby and for 8 years was fine. Now she had children from two different partners and another boyfriend. She was stressed and she doesn’t need me any more. She gradually withdrew contact . I still see the children a little. She refuses to discuss anything with me. Although she goes to a psychiatrist every 2weeks. I feel as if she is taking stuff out on me. She seems to say she is too stressed to talk to me. Problem seems to just get worse and worse. I would like to start a support group. I am trying to figure that out.

theotheraether Too late to change?
  • replies: 1

Since the beginning of my relationship with my now wife, we’ve had some major breaks and the pattern has always been the same. Initially I thought it was due to us being incompatible but mental health issues on both sides are the aggravating factor. ... View more

Since the beginning of my relationship with my now wife, we’ve had some major breaks and the pattern has always been the same. Initially I thought it was due to us being incompatible but mental health issues on both sides are the aggravating factor. This is something I’ve tried working on, with limited success as I’ve never clicked with a psychologist I found useful. When I let my wife down or disappoint her, she’ll bring up mistakes I made in the past and ways I’ve let her down before or how I don’t listen to her and do better the next time. This is fair. I try to be a better husband all the time but I struggle with anxiety and sometimes get paralysed and when I panic I usually get things wrong. I think she’s tired of that now. I tried to explain some of my reasons but she is adamant that I never change. I felt so powerless and angry at myself. She’s said she doesn’t love me and doesn’t want a future with me. I try really hard but when she’s having a rough patch with depression and anxiety and I’m have a tough patch with anxiety I just make things worse for her, being unsupportive and argumentative. I just get desperate because I want terribly for her to know I love her, but she insists my behaviour says I don’t. This has been a tough year for a lot of reasons and even though we both have struggles I want us to grow together through them, rather than letting them overcome me and wreck our marriage. I love her so much it aches. I want it to work but what else can I do? I know I need to be better managing my anxiety, but then it’s been difficult so far. Is it too late. Has my pattern of messing up ruined this for good?